heroin addiction

[vicki01]

why why why after almost two years , when the relationship got tough , did he resort back to the use of heroin? and when not using heroin, he thinks uppers are ok? why cant he understand he needs some other positive legal kind of help? why the drug? what could I have done?

[kellyrio]

hi reading all wot ur guys are saying its so hard my sister is a herion add and 4 the last 16 years i been waiting 4 that phone call she has 5 chilldren which ones in care 2 live with there dad and i am fighting 4 the two little ones she has done so many detox and all ways relapes she just dose not under stand wot its doing two us i have had her son which is 2 on and of all his life as she gets clan the down hill i have her baby girl which she is only 8 mouths old i had her 4 seven mouths pls help me find some ansers 2 why u pick heroin over ur children

[kellyrio]

hi reading all wot ur guys are saying its so hard my sister is a herion add and 4 the last 16 years i been waiting 4 that phone call she has 5 chilldren which ones in care 2 live with there dad and i am fighting 4 the two little ones she has done so many detox and all ways relapes she just dose not under stand wot its doing two us i have had her son which is 2 on and of all his life as she gets clan the down hill i have her baby girl which she is only 8 mouths old i had her 4 seven mouths pls help me find some ansers 2 why u pick heroin over ur children

[Member of the Tribe]

  Vicki, alot of addicts relapse, but that doesn't mean he can't change.  At some point either he has to bottom out, or have ultimatums given to him through support and love from you and the people around him.
  Many addicts who still relapse after going into rehab, find the methadone clinic as an alternitive. It allows them to not crave more opiates, and also blocks the effects of opiates.  Many of these folks live much more normal productive lives, but not all.
  I don't know if any of this helps, but he is in need of a hand to pull him out of the abyss, but he has to want it first....really want it.....some folks get so damn low from the heroin that they don't believe they can change....he has to see he can, and that he can find happiness through staying clean.
I hope you both find your way through this terrible darkness, and find true contentment.  Good Luck Vicki

[FLaddict]

Alot of changes have happened here at the site... Could you please repost this as a new question... due to the old date of the post I am afraid it will get over looked.. I want you to be able to get the support you came here for.. They just added the "new response jumps to the top" option on the site... so old posts are coming up and people are getting confused..

Thanks

[Mamsters]

Yesterday morning my son told me he has been doing herion for few months. I knew he was doing something and you think you are prepared but nothing can prepare you for this.....he said he wants to quit....he knows he is worth more then this.....and he is ...all of our sons, daughters, moms, dads, loved ones are....we all are ...as I research this today trying to find a place for us to go the nightmare is slowly unfolding of the days ahead....your strength is amazing to me.....and thank you for being here with your experiences and hardcore truth!

My son says he wants to stop and detox, he called his boss and told him straight out I am an addict and I can't work there anymore because almost everyone there is an addict and I have to get away from them and stop or I will be dead.

I read what everyone is saying about the rehab places and in our town the places they have replace one drug with the other......he said he does not want to this ....we are going to try a detox at home.....I know this not the preferred method and i know it will be hell on earth for him and our family and in the end he may still have to go somewhere else ........the behavior pattern has to change ......he will need long term counsiling... but at the moment this is what he says he will try....what do you think? my prayers are with you all and yours...please pray for my son Zachary......and my daughter who is caught in the middle of this nightmare....i understand that i must be strong and try to recognize the difference between tough love and enabling.....totally lost right now.....and it's just beginning isn't it....

[MandyX]

Thank you for your comment. I do understand what you saying. I really appreciate your time to help me I just wish there was an easier way. I pray for you and hope that your burden will be lifted soon. Mandy

[IrishRose]

Mandy, You can't fix him or save him. This would be like giving up your life for his. Don't be a heroin martyr. You were a smart and lucky girl to get out alive. Stay there. This is a helluva a burden for his family to lay on your shoulders but they are hurting and desparate. Nonetheless, stay away. All you can do is pray for him at this point. If there is an Alanon, Naranon or open NA meeting in your area go and arm yourself with information. Take care. IR.

[MandyX]

Hi, My X boyfriend whom I love dearly still is addited to heroin. I moved away from JHB to CT because of the way he was treating me before he used to drink excessively and emotionally abuse me to the point where I could not take it anymore. So  I moved. He claims that he then started using heroin because he cannot live without me and he wants me back he does not want to stop unless he can be with me again. He keeps on lying about using the drug and steels from his family and who knows where else to support his habbit. His dad made a case against him and had him locked up for the past week waiting trail in the attempt to get him dried out. He cannot go to one of the state rehabs cause he has to be convicted for that and then he has to go to be evaluated and assessed and he does not believe he needs it. He does not want to go there volentatry. His dad now asked me whether I will come there this Friday when he is due to get released and take him with me back here away from the area and maybe try get him into a rehab around here. But now I dont know what to do he is still the person I ran away from because of the problems we had then now it is even worse coz he has this problem on top of it. I stay in a fully furnished rented flat and all the appliances is not mine what if he starts steeling from me I am already in so much debt because of the damage he caused me when I was with him. I am not strong enough emotionally he caused me alot of pain. I still love him and I hate what is happening to him. His family is looking at me as to say that I am his last hope. I dont know what to do. He is very possessive and jealous as well and I work during the day and then I waitress at night I know he will not be happy with this and also he will want to use my car and since he smashed my last car with a car jack to the extend of R9000 damage I dont trust him with my belongings. I feel trapped do I let him come here take the gamble with my own life try and safe his will I even be able to help him I hate to think that I am his last hope and then turn my back. I am just so scared cause he has lied to me so many times and if he doesn't believe he has a problem then How am I going to fix him. help me please

[CASEY]

Please do not rescue him. I have put my son's girlfriend in the same position out of desperation and now I regret it. It only prolonged the disease. Take care of yourself and keep your distance. Other solutions will show themselves. He knows your vulerability and will use it. STAY AWAY! My son is a heroin addict also. I love him more than life itself and I wish someone else will magically rescue him but that is too much to ask. Go to alanon and save yourself. God will take care of him. Gina

[Seedling]

Hey, thanks so much for responding.  Yes I appreciate your help and no, you are not being hardassed.  I would rather "shoot from the hip" and hear the truth from someone else. I do understand what you mean by both sides of the fence.  I am recovered now from using cocaine from the age of 15 to seven years ago, now 38.  I had 2 abusinve relationships and then chose to be a single parent for the last ten and I am so grateful for being clean.  I used about 4 times a year for the 5 years before I came totally clean.  I am very much wanting to be supportive and helpful to my boyfriend, as he is a good man and someday hopefully he will come to admit he has a habit.  I know about the avoiding of family members and hiding a drug habit and I myself did not resort to the lying, cheating or stealing to get what I wanted.  Thanks for the reminder of getting on with my life and not wait for happiness as that is what I have always done in the past, and looked at each day as a new beginning.  I now go to 12 step for co-dependancy!!  I get **** from my boyfriend for rescuing or giving too much time to others.  I believe it helps and I love to give help and understanding to others.  It is rather hard when it is a family member...........thanks a bunch.  I am going to check out the alanon and Naranon.  So far he has pourchased one bottle of 200 tabs instead of 2.  That may be a sign he is trying and I've checked his hiding spots and none there.  But then again.....he may have new ones.  It is not my mission to find them, just to help him when he is ready to come to me.  In the meantime I will stay on track with myself, not being selfish, but it is what I must do.  Thanks, Irishrose

[sadness]

I agree with your advice about cutting off the son until he actually gets help. I am currently trying to clean myself up, and i know that as long as i had money, and support, i had no intentions of quitting. It's only when you hit rock bottom that you can start to pull yourself back up.  It's the hardest thing i've ever done, and i am struggling. But my family doesn't know, i would never burden them with that little bit of information, because i know that it would upset them terribly, and they won't be able to help me, i have to help myself. That's why i feel really bad for the mother of the drug addict son. I know how my mom would feel if she knew my situation, that's why i would never tell her, even if i hadn't a penny and was sick and in pain, i wouldn't tell her. But until he's better, and decides he wants a better life for himself, it's better to distance yourself so your not getting hurt (although i'm sure he'd still be on your mind)by seeing a loved one ruin their life.  All you can do is be there when they do recover, and support them and be proud that they quit.

[Seedling]

Hi, this is the first time I have really needed help to understand how my boyfriend has kicked the herion habit about 2 years ago........but takes 200 tylenol #1 with codeine every 1 1/2 weeks??  I have spoken to him many times and I myself being clean from uppers and cocaine for 12 years now, I know it is not good to badger him.  I have let him know that I am sincerely here for him to talk to.  We have an excellent relationship besides me not having any trust about his codeine use.  This is a barrier between us and the topic just gets him bothered and angry.  He keeps telling me that codeine does nothing for him.  I say that if he takes that many about 15 per day or more, than he must get high somehow.  I've even asked him if it is the physical part of just putting it in his mouth and swallowing.  He is really in denial and hides a bottle with 100 in it to go to work.  The other bottle is in the bathroom at my reach.  He constantly fills some up in the bathroom bottle from his bottle for work and makes it look as though not many are being used.  Then if I check the one he takes to work it is usually another brand, and he denies that he bought another one.  In fact I save the small bags from the pharmacy for little things, and I found a bill in it with the purchase of a 200 cap bottle for #1's.  He was quite angry (thank god not drunk) and he asked why I would be in his work bag.  I honestly told him I needed the bag to use and the bill was inside.  
I myself played the game of every excuse in the book just to hide my habit.  I am very much in love with this man and I am more worried about what affects it will have on his insides.  He experiences nose bleeds and money seems to disappear quickly and he always has an "excuse".  He keeps telling me codeine can not be an addiction.  Today I spoke with a friend that has been clean for 7 years and has just started taking tylenol #1 to get high.  I am helping her and she is starting a programme at the hospital.  I mentioned it to him and he was pretty silent.  She has only taken 6 at a time to get high, in one day.  He has an enourmous amount in his body compared to her.  She said this can hurt his liver, is that true?  We both attend a 12 step program that has kept me clean and with him he thinks as long as he doesn't use herion he is clean.  Please HELP ME UNDERSTAND AND WHAT CAN I DO FOR HIM.   He is in perfect health except he says he takes #1's for a back pain.  It seems and is true he uses more on the weekends and this is when it is not so nice to be around him as his personality changes and he verbally abuses me that he would never do not drinking.  He drank when i first met him and he was fine.  It is the #1"s and he will not talk to me about it,  thanks for any help that is available

[IrishRose]

Hi seedling,
     Well sometimes I guess advice is what we ask for when we know the answer but wish we didn't. It certainly sounds as if your man has a problem with tylenol and with being honest with himself and you about this. Yes it can be toxic to your liver, the acetaminophin, he could indeed be harming himself physically as well. An excellent relationship usually doesn't have a lot of buts and if onlys in it. You are involved in a 12 step program as well? Then you might find some help for yourself there, since it sounds like he is unwilling or unable to do anything for himself at this point except protect his affliction. Alanon and Naranon are two programs for friends and families of addicts that you may find some help and support at. You can't change him but you can find some support and help for yourself for  the effects it has on your life. I am quite familiar with what is happening to you as I have been on both sides of that fence, the addict myself and in love with an addict. I have at various points in my life allowed other peoples addictions to make me entirely miserable and spent a great deal of time waiting to be happy if only they would quit, etc etc. It does tear your heart out to see someone you love hurt themselves in this way not to mention the wall dishonesty throws up in your relationship. Lying is pretty inherent in the territory of addiction. It sounds like in your gut you really suspect what is going on but talking with him about it has lead nowhere which is not in the least bit suprising. As far as helping him, unless he is willing and ready that will likely be a dead end too as he apparently doesn't perceive his tylenol use, lying to you and verbal abuse as problems. It sounds like you have tried to keep the lines of communication open and are aware that hounding him about it is useless. Usually consequences and unpleasant ones at that are what it takes for someone to be willing to change. I guess Dear Abby's advice "are you better off with him or without him" comes to mind. All you can really do is take care of yourself and don't put happiness on hold while you are waiting for him to shape up because it may never happen. Take care, hope I don't sound like to much of a hardass, seedling, please keep posting and let us know how you are doing.

[cleanandsober]

Check out this book ...Journey From Hell...Let me know if you can't find it and I might can get you a copy...!

[cleanandsober]

Supply is not the answer...My mom always wanted my dealers busted...alas, even if one went to jail..there were 4 or five back ups....the lure of fast money makes the drug trade a favorite with people with warped values and morals...Forget about the supply..there will ALWAYS be someone with drugs for sale...put me on any street corner USA and by nightfall I'll be high...I will be very honest...I still love heroin...I just realize that there is a great price I must pay if I use the stuff...Jail, Hep C, no friends, no money, no family..etc...It took me 15 years to get that through my thick scull...I nearly died from MRSA..staph infection from dirty neddles...I have Hep C which might kill me...and so on....Addicts need to be taught how to live a little different...I have seen it done...I have done it myself...It is possible but the family MUST make it the only option....it sounds to me that you guys think that a little stay in the hospital with make everything OK...hard core addicts need Hard core treatment...We need to be out of thye old lifestyle for several years...and be brainwashed into be responsible, accountable, loving, dependable..etc...Another honest point...3rd party payment has turned America's treatment programs into a big joke...It's all about insurance...when it runs out, the addict is told to go to a meeting and work the steps....Now I don't knock AA or NA..in fact I still go for support...But I never would have gotten a guy like me, Hard Core Heroin Addict, clean for any length of time...I tried for 15 years...No..the hard core addict needs a long term solution...check out a TC...pheonix house, daytop, habilitat, these are centers who are run by former addicts who have been there...not some doctor who read about addiction.  They use a diiferent method...it's worth checking out...You son needs to be cut off from you with an ultimatum...seek help from a long term treatment program or get lost...no money, no bailouts, no talking, nothing...most families are not willing to take this route...and they all regret it when they are standing at the funeral...It is obvious that your son has no value to his life...you care more about him then he cares about himself...par for the course with people like us...From a guy whos been there...he has to get long term help...if your attitude towards this doesn't change...don't expect his to change...I don't profess to be a DR. but I can tell you what I've learned...Praying is great for your soul but don't expect devine intervention...He helps those who help themselves...You can help yourself by choosing NOT to go on like this...Ultimatum...seek help or get lost...

[CASEY]

You would think it would scare him but he had a similar scare last May and survived it. Today is day 2 of detox and already he is talking about when he can get out of the hospital! He just doesn't get it. He might have to have surgery on his heart and he is asking to go home. He doesn't have a clue that he might have to be in for 2 more weeks to be medicated for the infection. You are right. He does think he is invincible. I don't know what I will do if he checks himself out AMA which he has done in the past. Yes, please include him in your prayers and I will do the same for your son. Careful of the taper on Paxil. Take it really slowly.

Clean and sober, I totally agree that an arrest might get him there. I would totally love it if his dealer would get arrested while my son is in the hospital. Love to see his source dried up. Thanks for thinking of us. I think your insight and experience  is invaluable. sincerely, Gina

[IrishRose]

Hi Gina,
     Endocarditis, jeez, he's lucky he got to ER soon. That has been the demise of many a junkie. Did it scare him? I know I thought I was invincible at that age too, I can't believe I am 41 yrs old and lived to tell. Of course I am still praying for you, I think I'll sick my mom's prayer circle on him too, they are a group of women who meet every Monday and pray for anyone who is in trouble. She and I are praying all the time for my son, T. who is 23. He moved back home with us and is allegedly looking for a job and tapering off Paxil. Sigh. Take care. IR.

[cleanandsober]

Another thought... Legal problems can lead to a final solution.  Most addicts get busted for something...If you can get him arrested you might can get him senteced to a program.  I'm crazy you say!  Not so....Prison vrs. treatment...if an addict has only those options, they will opt for treatment almost always.  If he gets busted....DON'T GET HIM OUT...If he is alive in jail...he's alive...If he dies from an OD or contracts AIDs...he will be dead....I don't want to be a jerk but I speak from my own past...MY MOM KEPT BAILING ME OUT...WHEN SHE STOPPED...I GOT HELP...I'M CLEAN 5 YEARS & I'VE HAD ENOUGH. Mom's mean well but often only contribute by trying to fix the problem...most addicts need long term help...I found the site I mentioned earlier...just look on the web.  it's on an island...a real long swim from where you are...

[cleanandsober]

I am a non-using heroin addict.  I have been clean for 5 years after 15 years of abuse.  I can tell you that for most of us, short term solutions don't work very well.  I have been through 14 programs and been on methadone many times.  There are places that can help.  One such place is a Long Term Treatment Program called Habilitat.  It's in Hawaii.  It saved my life.  They help people get to the root of the problem, teaching a change of lifestyle and many other skills.  I think they have a web site by the same name. The main thing that has to happen is the addict MUST WANT TO CHANGE HIS/HER LIFE. In short...we have to have had enough...From my experience...the family of the addict MUST cut the addict off until help is sought....to give in and enable only prolongs the cycle.  From a recovering addict's view..lay down the law...seek help or get out...don't give an inch....if you mean anything to the person....they will seek help.

[CASEY]

I will check out their website. Update: my son called me yesterday to go into detox. I told him I would only help if he were serious. We went to er to get admitted. While there, his fever spiked. He has endiocarditis. He is in the hosptal but not detox ward. He is detoxing but also getting treatment for his infection. I was disappionted that the illness derailed the detox opportunity but at least he's a captive audience to the iv. He is restless and thinks he is invincible so i fear he wil check out against medical advice. Let go let God, I guess. Pray for us. It is great hearing from someone who made it out of the heroin hell. Do you go to NA or AA? thanks, Gina

[CASEY]

While I cannot afford a trip to Florida from Seattle right now, it is reassuring to hear that such a thing exists.  Maybe the trend will spread.  My son is making noises about wanting to detox. His life is getting really difficult and he is worn out. I asked him not to get my hopes up until he is actually ready to do it. I can't take anymore false starts. I will remember your info, though, and will probably be posting sometime to ask for the specifics. Guess I will go out and buy a lottery ticket, now. It is time for my luck to change, isn't it? I truly appreciate you thinking of us. Prayers?, love, Gina

[jennyfla]

If there wasn't enough time in this world for others who try so hard for those they love, then we might as well forget it all!
I so respect your strength and loyality towards you son, i just feel you are one tough lady, and you have a beautiful soul!!!
As a mother, I feel connected to you because like yourself, my children are the most important things in my life.  I would give my life for them!  
Keep the faith, but don't loose yourself through all this.  Without you, your son would have nothing!!!  Remember, the key is to help yourself and don't get lost, and hopefully he will follow your lead!  (((HUGS)))
Lv Jenny

[littleguy]

Gina,

This may not be important information at the moment, but I wanted you to know that detox is available in what I found to be a more supportive atmosphere.  There is a place in Cooper City, Florida, that is not "lock down" and family members can visit every nite as long as they are willing to attend meetings with the addict.  It is a relatively comfortable opiate detox with a tapering methadone / valium schedule.  If I could ever do an in rehab detox again, it would be there.  They do take most insurance plans and also provide for transportation to and from the airport, for the addict.  

littleguy

[CASEY]

Telby, I wrote to you last night on the other board and the board has disappeared! Too wierd. Bottom line, I hope you can break through the darkness. Sometimes, it's a matter of taking a very tiny step. For me, it is doing something concrete like taking a walk, hanging up the pile of clothes that has been mounting on my chair, washing my hair. A little accomplishment rather than "what's the use?" Hope the job thing turned out best for you. You are so much more important than any job. Unfortunately , they are a necessary evil but they are not our identity. Jenny, I marvel that you take the time out of your struggles to offer me hope. You too, Telby. Both of you, love yourselves. Here's a major global prayer for all of us and ours.
Sadness, how would you like your loved ones to treat you? What would be most helpful? I am not unaware of my son's shortcomings but bringing them to his attention doesn't motivate him to  change.  He already has enough shame for all of us. Take care, Gina