how do I get out of this mind set

?? How do I make myself want to stop using and be "normal"??  I've been on Meth for 15 years. Started when I was 19. Never tried to quit.  Never really wanted to. I just can't see my life without it.  Over the years I've worked my way up through a company. I've raised a very smart (wise) 17 yr old son.  I've kept my marriage together.  I told my family last June2010, about my (and husbands) ) addiction. They sent me to Nexus, out patient.Yawn,  boo hoo, get over it. I know that the way I look at life is not the way God wants me to. I can see the differance between husband / me and our son's friends parents. I'm 34 and say, do, respond, **** up just like a 17 yr old.  I've known for 13 years that I was addicted. I've had the strung out, soul ripping "I'm gonna stop" talks, with myself. But honestly, I like, really like being high.  It's like those women that enjoy long hot bubble baths. Or those guys that get together with their friends to watch football. Without it, I miss it. I ache inside (in my soul).   On the day of my judgement, when I'm standing (alone) beside Jesus and in front of God. I will be shamed. All those years, all those chances, all  those lost memories. So many opportunities. What a waste, a failure.***Listen to the song, Be not afraid, I go before you always, Come follow Me, and I shall give you rest** Read bible verse Isaiah 1:18 "Come now, let us settle the matter,” says the LORD. “Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow.

[dedicatedtostop]

Well first off I KNOW you can beat this because I see that you are a women who knows god. With god..... EVERYTHING Is possible.
I don't know alot about meth, but I do know alot about addiction.
Someone will come along that knows more about the drug and give you more insight. So making your mind up... Well I think you have made the first step by posting here. For me, when I finally made my mind up to stop abusing hydro, I really just sit back andvlooked at everything that I have(including my 2 little girls) and knew at that point it was to stop or lose it all, possibly even my life. I know how it feels to feel " different" than other parents, it is a terrible feeling:(. Most importantly in my opinion I beleive you have to want to do this for yourself.

A very wise and respected person here told me once... There is never a happy ending to using. That always stuck with me. Really think about that
Entire comment.... So true!

I am happy that you posted here, there are so many people that will hold your hand through this. It's up to you to take the plunge. Pray pray pray!!!!!! Without god we are nothing. I read your post on the word of god, I can see you know him:).... That draws me close to you. In my personal opinion I beleive that addiction is a spiritual battle. You CAN break the chains. Please keep posting here

[Methsuxbad]

hello and welcome to the forum...I have tried meth in the past never long term opiates were always my downfall, but my mother and her ex were on meth for well over a decade.  For the most part of her use she functioned pretty well I guess not to say it didnt effect her life(and loved ones) in many ways that she herself didnt recognize until she was clean.  I could go into detail but in the end it all fell apart they lost thier business, their marriage, my brother found thier stash and started using meth himself.  She and I have talked alot about both of our addictions and she told me at some point it just wasnt fun anymore and that was the first step to her deciding she didnt want to use or be that person anymore.  I quit using methadone 66 days ago and although the drugs are very different addiction in any form is often the same.  My mother has been off the meth for some 6 years now,her strenght in walking away gave me courage to do the same... It can be done good luck and god bless!!

[spanky595]

       You have to hit bottom or get sick and tired of being sick and tired.  Meth is also a very additive substance.  Most of the time without help it is to much for a addict.  Go to NA they will help you and you will help them by being there.  One addict can best understand another addict. Keep posting let us no how you are doing.    One day at a time. Let go let God.  

[noonesomeone]

Thank you for posting.  It's 3 months later and nothings changed.  I still use 5-6 days a week. Tomorrows Christmas day and I've been up since Thursday. Going to my moms. There I'll see my brother, his wife, and my nephew.  My sister and her 2 girls.  Even though they all know I'm an addict. [suppose to be year 6months clean] Only my step father will notice and has told me he knows I still use. I'm so thankful that my family is so blind to the drug scene.  But HELLO.  Can you not tell that I'm not normal. I am normal for me, but not a sober person.  My dark circles, not eating, talking fast, picking my nails, sweating for no reason, runny nose, lots of small bruises, smoking cigs [I only smoke when I high], constantly moving feet, my right eye turns in when I read, so I'm constantly taking glassed off, and so many other little things.  I've always been this way. At least for the last 16 years.  Ever since I moved out on my own.  MY INTIRE ADULT LIFE. I've started losing weight again.  20 pounds over the last month. Now this my family will notice and say I look good. I've always been "Thick" Even after 14 years of meth, still. Than suddenly within 6 months I lose 40 pounds. 220 to 180.  Than 20 more. Everyone wants to know how I did it. I tell them, just stopped eating. I put the 20 back on and keep it, till a month or so ago.  Even my doctor, who I see often. I get asked ever time. at check in, if I am or have ever had a drug addiction. I said yes at first, but now I tell them no or not in 2-3 years.  I bumped up 20 mins before one appt. My blood pressure was 190 over 160.  My eyes diolated, breathing spuratic, even got red blotchs on my cheeks. They asked if I was nerves or uncomfortable. Told them I'd gotten in arguement with husband. Doctor suggested I relax and rest for 20-30 mins. Doctor re-checked my pressure.  Re check was 160 over 95.

[brians_wife]

I dont really know about meth addiction. I did it for about 3 years then just dropped it and never looked back. That was 10 years ago. I was very lucky I did not die! I'm bumping this up so maybe someone with more knowledge can help you. Good luck!