In the throes of post-withdrawal depression (dark, scary ****), I became fixated on the fact that I have no significant other in my life. In my (anxiety-ridden) mind, I kept flash-forwarding to 20, 30 years down the road, seeing myself all alone in the world. So I decided to be pro-active; and I signed up at an internet-dating site for one month. So I get all these responses, people sending me their cell-phone numbers, wanting to meet for coffee or drinks, and for some reason, I'm paralyzed. I can't bring myself to return a phonecall, or make a date. I'm so afraid that when I finally sit down with one of these guys, I'm gonna be in some weird head-space-- either anxious or depressed or zombied-out. Its like some swiss army-knife of emotions, each one that comes out is different, its such a roller-coaster right now. In a short time from now, I will have wasted the entire fee, and I'll still be sitting here with my dog!
I have been taught that early Recovery is no time to begin new relationships. Early Recovery is a time to focus on Recovery. Time devoted to Recovery now will be a far better investment in future relationships that all the dating services (or dates) in the world.
Don't worry about the fee. Instead, take your dog on a walk. Stop at the library and check out the book THE SPIRITUALITY OF IMPERFECTION (Storytelling and the Search for Meaning), by Ernest Kurtz. Walk on to a nice park (don't forget the dog) and read.
Most folks in early Recovery don't need to (and frequently can't effectively) work on a relationship. They need to work on themselves and their Recovery. You might want to at least research the issue -- Google ["early recovery" relationships] or ["early recovery" dating].
I did it about ten years ago and this dude farted during dinner.................twice.
Another showed up at starbucks with dirty tennis shoes, no socks, and a shirt two sizes too small. He kept saying he had to do ten loads of laundry that night cuz he had four kids.......................
But hey, that was then and things have improved now. I know several people who have met and married nice people they met online.
You guys make me laugh ! Catuf, I will take what you've said to heart. My dog has actually been a tremendous help throughout this whole process. She has provided company, comedy, comfort -- more than I can say for some of the guys I've dated. AND she rarely farts !
I think there are crazies all over the place and you mainly fond them online,LOL hiding behind a screen...But at least myspace is free and you can get a better feel and see more of what type of person they are, because you can see there friends...I dunno you never know
You're not lame at all, sweetie. It's perfectly understandable to want someone special to share life with. It's also understandable to be scared to go forward with meeting people. Don't worry about it. You know, I have a feeling you'll meet a special person. And, I know this sounds cliche, but it usually happens when you're NOT looking and when you least expect it. Just keep your aura open so that vibes can get through and then go on with your day to day life...
And if you want to meet someone from an online dating site, go for it...just proceed with caution and for heaven's sake, meet in a public place! Be safe and well.
i've online dated for quite a while....met some nice ones, and some wierd ones.....I had one girl ask me to marry her on the spot....had one ask me to father her child....had one ask me to make love to her on the kitchen table in front of her HUSBAND!!....but no woman has farted in front of me....what a world....what a world...and I'm trying to stay sober through all of this??
i used to date a lot online. i even married my 2nd husband (the jerkoff) who I met on yahoo messenger. woohoo...lotta good that did for me. But ive also met some girls (in person) from online. For me it was about lonliness and boredom and yea had a few one night stands but seriously, the people you meet online are just the same people youre gonna meet if you go out anywhere. I always used to say id rather meet someone online than at a bar and now I realize its no different. I always (for some weird reason) prided myself on never having gone home with a guy i met at a bar. Sure, gone home and did some drugs or whatever but nothing sexual. The reason the ones online seem like bigger freaks than the ones you meet elsewhere (i think) is b/c they dont have to look at you when theyre talking to you. they think its perfectly alright to talk dirty to you when they dont know you. HUGE mistake on the guys' part IMO. But there are just as many freaks in the "real" world as there are online, because the guy you met online last night that just asked you to have cyber sex, could very well be walking into the bank you work at to manage his account...
I hear ya. I was on the same dating site last year for one week. I canceled my membership when some guy sent me an unsolicited picture of his genitals. Now, I've seen and heard just about everything as a bartender in Vegas for 10 years, but this shocked me. Especially since we had been emailing each other for awhile, and he seemed so normal. I never met him in real time, so I don't know if he farts during dinner, but that was enough for me.
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