how nice is too nice

my wife is on day 11 off lortab my brain and emotions are wore out im trying to be nice havn't said one neggative thing to her also spending alot of money taking up extra time how long until we can get back to our lives when can i get mad and use bad language again this nice guy thing is wearing on me i need to find a medium how long does this last

[avisg]

ummm I think you still have a ways to go ..I can assure you she still feels pretty darn bad she is probably worn out ,depressed , she is likely dealing with anxiety .I know its really hard too understand what she is going threw but I can guarantee you she is having a really rough time ..
How long was she using ? why did she stop ?

[avisg]

I just read threw some of your other posts is she still on sub or off ?

[gnarly_1]

Hey dude ...well as for how long it will last ...the physical part is over but the mental/emotional part is just starting out...you can expect your wife to have
''rebound emotions" for a wile as the numbness of being on narcotic  wares off
as for how long you should be nice....after 30yrs with the same women I dont think being
nice is an optional thing....it should be a given and you have to do what ever it takes to
keep a marriage going...I know my wife is extremely sensitive to harsh language so
it might not be a bad idea to mabe think of changing it all together...im not trying to nock you down just sharing what ive learned from the school of hard nocks change is a normal part of life and your wife is going to notice your behavior a lot more now that she is sober...im a dude and I was an emotional reck for 2 mo after kicking so give her a chance to recover....she dident become an addict over night and healing from it takes some time...good luck to both of you and God bless....Gnarly    

[kona2009]

My wife ripped me a new you know what on my second day after my second relapse from being clean a little over a year.  When she seen the tears stream down my face she has been nothing but an awesome supportive wife and keeps my spirits up.  She has been my rock and has kept our family together.  I am almost 60 days clean because of her.

Take care of your wife because she is an emotional train wreck right now.  Trust me it will get better for her in a couple weeks.

She will bounce back soon, just give her some space and she will be her self again soon.


Kona

[pharma9]

I think your post is a little tongue in cheek...I understand that this is wearing a little on you....but guess what..The nice guy stuff  has to last forever.
If you are kind and nice to your wife she will probably stay on the wagon and heal faster
It's not so tough being nice is it?

[Brokenbutglued]

First, congrats on sticking with her, I know from experience that it's a tough road to hold. My husband and I have been down that road a few times already. I had a hard time holding my tongue and I'm sure if you ask him he'll tell you that I wasn't always good at it. I have a temper. In the past, when I got extremely angry I'd say things I'd later deeply regret. Sometimes I still slip and say things I shouldn't...just not as bad as I used to be lol. He says he likes his latinas fiesty :D hehe well he sure got it!

But really, you DO have the right to feel upset with her for her choices. BUT she also has the right to have a supportive husband :). Now, that doesn't mean you have to sugar coat your feelings out of fear of hurting her feelings IMHO anyway. Just saying there may be other options besides getting mad and using bad language :). Remember, you're a team afterall. I'm not trying to knock ya either, I've been in your shoes is all. Losing my temper and swearing at my husband would be so counterproductive though.

Through his detox, I've learned to bite my tongue more so now than before and I have to think very carefully how I want to be heard. I've had to keep in mind that it's not just what I say, it's how I say it. Raging you know what = out of control, unpredictable, undependable.  Self controlled person expressing their view calmly = thoughtful, dependable, predictable and respectable.

[helplesshusband08]

thank yall im a nice guy but ive always fix things ijust cant fix this and it drives me crazy on  the inside iwant to understand and not think every thing is a lie in my eyes i feel like she is trying very hard but my mind and heart are filled with what ifs she hid it for so long and maybe ive got more problems than her because im going crazy just wish it go away for a few days so we could relax and then get back to it but i know that cant happen ive always got her best intrests in mind just wearing down thanks everyone

[2blue2c]

congradulations for sticking with your wife this far, it was not
easy , but it is not easy for  her either anddshe can not go out for a coffee for awhile to get away from it.,it will follow her  you are doing well ,we all have to let our feeling out, glad you came to us and not her. I would not have gotton this far if i did not have the support of my husband. he was and is a wonderful guy he deserves a medal, he went above and beyond the call of duty, I am on day 14 and still going thru a lot, I was on Morphine for 7 years for pain, but my husband God bless him ,held my hand. and the support of this group was exellent and carried me thru also, easy to get into taking the med, a whole different story comming off, I am sure every person here in the group can give you a minute by  minute  detail of the horror they have been thru, some are still going thru it. but we all made it or will make it because we had someone like you who loved us enough to walk us thru and hold our hand and just to be there to listen . You sir ! are a blessing to your wife contiue being a blessing till this is over /. The reward will br great and you will all get your lives back and be happy again