husband hiding oxycodone use. help!!

[libbybolt]

Husband had knee surgeries years ago and continued on oxycodone after his ortho stopped Rxing it to him. He hides the pills and has never mentioned going to other md's but somehow I  stumble upon evidence that says otherwise like his gps had the address to a pain clinic entered and i found a bottle with an internet pill mill as prescriber. Today my nine year old brought me six pills she said she found in one of daddy's old shoes.  They are oxycodone a214. No bottle just loose hidden in a shoe. In the past when i confront him he has dismissed me saying "oh those are old".  But seriously who hides their rx's in a shoe or anywhere?  Who still takes pain meds 3 yrs after a knee scope but hides the fact that they go to a pain clinic or buys it on the internet and has it shipped to his office? Am I an idiot?  

Our whole family uses the same local pharmacy except my husband; when he has had legit rx's like flonase spray for allergies he gets them filled elsewhere. When i ask why he gets furious with me and says to get off his back and that i'm trying to find something to make a big deal about etc.

Shoot me sttaight people...weigh in please with your take on this scenario.
Thank you i really need some outside input.

[LIZZIE LOU]

whoa ! ! !   you are way out of line here.  you, nor i, lived this woman's life with her husband addicted to pain pills.  let me copy and paste some of her statements above.

" I had to call 911 and there's still a protective order in place that he has violated three times and been arrested three times."   HE HAS VIOLATED...HIS CHOICE

"He never gave me the chance to be supportive or tender or helpful - just remained covert and deceptive to the very end."  TYPICAL ADDICTIVE BEHAVIOR

"He says he never had a problem, that so what if 5 doctors and pain clinics prescribed it to him,"  PEOPLE WHO DONT HAVE A "PROBLEM" DONT HAVE TO DR SHOP

and now a quote from you:

"Everything you did will truly only make him use more."  REALLY?  ALWAYS TRYING TO FIND BLAME.  SHE GAVE HIM THE CHANCE AND THE CHOICE TO GET HELP.  "HE" CHOSE DRUGS.

there are TWO sides to drug addiction...and BOTH sides hurt ! ! !

[chriskat777]

this is so so sad...  I wish no addicts would not be so hard becuase they sure can push us over the edge...

[Easy2219]

Did you ever stop and think, maybe he is really in pain. Whether it be physical or mental?? Even tried to self detox! And your so damn selfish all you could seem to do is divorce him, restraining orders, get him arrested and hurt him worse. Everything you did will truly only make him use more. Think about your kids? My mom left my dad too, it ****** me up and with all the pain my mom left me with I can't drown it no matter how hard i try. Wow some people are just so selfish and can only see things from their perspective. This is exactly why he didn't tell you before... Look how it turned out.

[libbybolt]

Yes, al-anon meetings are being tremendously helpful. Thank you.

[Bkitty]

Have you looked into any kind of narcanon/al-anon meetings? I am sorry that you are going thru all this. ((Hugs))~Bkitty

[littlebit667]

Some addicts will admit they need help and others will not!  He has not hit his personal bottom yet and you and the kids need to be safe and away from his craziness.  I am sorry you were not able to help him, but it sounds like he is not ready to help himself..how can you do it when he won't??  

I am so sorry you are dealing with this.  Keep strong for you kids.  I am glad they have a tough mom, they deserve that.

[libbybolt]

Thanks to all of you who weighed in.  Got worse until he admitted to 15 mg oxy 7+ times a day for last 4+ years.  Then he became really weird and was self-detoxing at home - although he failed to tell me or discuss any of it with me - I had to call 911 and there's still a protective order in place that he has violated three times and been arrested three times.  He never gave me the chance to be supportive or tender or helpful - just remained covert and deceptive to the very end.  
Now we're fighting it out in court.  and we all know there are no winners in divorce litigation except the attorneys.  And the children lose more than all of us.  
He says he never had a problem, that so what if 5 doctors and pain clinics prescribed it to him, doesn't that constitute  being under a dr's care?  Too bad he won't just man up and be accountable for his actions and accept the consequences and ask forgiveness and move on.  But I guess that's what a normal person might do, but an addict will absolutely not.

[IwillDoThis]

the pills just get you before you even know it - initially we are super people - we interact better, we are conversational and witty, we are energetic and we don't have pain.  Once the pain subsides it's hard to give that up - after all we are so much better on them - right?  Addiction can happen to anyone we are nurses and doctors, we are professionals, we are moms and wives and sisters - it knows no bounds.  Your husband probably thinks he can handle it, gets angry with you when you dare question him because he is angry at himself.

the fact is until HE is ready to admit, get clean there isn't a whole lot you can do but either endure the crazy train or leave.  You can and should get support at an alanon type group so learn about enabling and get support from others in your situation.

NEVER ignore that little voice inside you - you are right, you are not an idiot and if that little voice is telling you something is rotten in denmark - then it probably is.

[Bkitty]

Our little addicted brains think they are so coy,,we think of all kinds of ways to conceal our use and evidence,,but then we start to get in trouble when we are not so secretive anymore and people find out our lil secret. We get defensive and angry. Its also emabarrasing and humiliating. Try and approach him very gently,,tell him you are worried about him and that if he does have a problem you only want to love him and help him. Unfortunately until he is ready to admit this,,you wont get very far. Look into an Al-anon meeting if you can in your area. They can helpyou  handle how to deal with this and provide support to you. ((Hugs))~Bkitty

[Allscrewdup]

So it sounds like your husband may be addicted, he's probably too embarrassed to say anything to you, I can tell you that taking the stance of being pissed at him won't help the situation at all. If you love him have a heart to heart with him and tell him your concerned about is health and you want to help and support him. If you've never been in his situation you can't even imagine what he's probably going through. Addiction happens to the best of us, and it's hell,