i am 16 and addicted to oxycontin, i dont know what to do

i am 16 and addicted to oxycontin and i smoke an 80 mg about everyday. and if i dont have it for a day i suffer horrible headaches and i cant sleep at night. i cant tell my mom cause it will break her heart. i dont know what to do. a friend told me if i dont get help i will need to be on subutex and im scared to have to do that.  but i really am at a point where i dont know what to do. i weigh 97 pounds and puke still when im on it cause i cant keep my food down. its not fun anymore and i want to stop. i just dont know how to get healthy or if its to late for me.

[taperme]

Please, please talk to your parents. As a mother I can tell you that I would much prefer my children come to me with this than to lose them to drugs. Your mom can help. If you absolutely can't go to your mother, is there a doctor you can talk to? There are things besides subutex that a doctor can give you to help. Please post and let us know what kind of options you have for support. You have your whole life ahead of you...please don't lose it to drugs.

[vicki595]

Hi there~~

It's not too late BUT you need to tell your Mom. Give her some credit...she will know what to do for you.
You desperately need help.  You are malnourished.  You are breaking the law. Don't listen to your friends...
Tell your Mom today...this is very serious.

Vicki

[mikk123]

my bestfriends mom is a doctor and i trust her with everything and shes already seen sighns and  asks me if in coming down off something when i get sick. i want to tell my mom so bad but shes a recovering addict.5 yrs sober and that would put her over the edge and i dont want to break her heart. a friend told me to just stay awat from everyone and stay at home  or keep myself busy with other things till i overcome the withdraws and if i cant do it on my own i will go to my mom.  

and i know im breaking the law. im so mad at myself for who ive changed into. when i was in middle school i was even agenst smokeing weed  but now its like i need something  to not feel like ****. i just want to be normal again without haveing to break my moms heart,loose my boyfriend and bestfriend, and ruining my life.

[CJ8BGR8]

Dude you gotta tell your mom NOW or you will be breaking her heart later. After 5 years being sober she is probably your best resource. No offense but you most likely won't be able to do it yourself.

[mikk123]

rbut she still has so many issues of her own. i know for a fact that would destroy her. i know shed get me help but i cant break her heart. not unless i know i need too.

[slapperman]

1. stop smoking it (that was my fav way as well)
2. taper down if you can, long and slow, take it oral
3. then jump off at a lower amount like 10 or 20 mg
4. 4-5 days of WD say you have the flu
5. seek help like NA because the mental part is the hard part

good luck and god bless

[troubleinohio]

id much rather see you "break your moms heart" by telling her you are addicted to this, than to break it when she finds you dead in bed one morning from an accidental overdose. Trust me, your mom will be your best bet to go to help for, ESPECIALLY because she is a recovering addict! she will understand way more than you think. Please keep us posted here and we are also here for you!

[mikk123]

what does taper down mean? hah .  that does sound  like good advice. i do like na meetings. i used to go with my mom cause i like to hear peoples stories, i just never thought id be the one telling the stories...


you guys dont know my mom tho, shes been in and out of mental homes because she dosnt know how to handle things except to go crazy. shes suffered depression and  gone to anger manegment but shes still sick. shes an addict. i know she will understand thats not what im worried about i know shell help me but im scarred that it might turn out ill be going to see her in a crazy home when i get out of some rehab in the middle of knowwhwere cause thats where my dad sends me when my mom dosnt know how to handle it.
and its almost impossible to od by smokeing it but ny health now is not good from doing it so much. i think i can stop, i havnt lost myself cause i honestly am terrified and heartbroken by what ive been doing. i know this isnt who i am  and deffinitley not who i want to be. im going to california to my dad and grandmas a
l summer soon and i know i wont be able to get it there so ill have no choice but to handle  my withdraws and get better. and being around my friends there   and family will do me alot of good. i just want there to be a nother way without hurting her.

[slapperman]

i sent you a message explaining how to taper

[mikk123]

also ive only been on it for about 2 monthes so i cant be that unhealthy right? theres still hope for me to be normal again isnt there?
im going to na and on a hike just to get out there exersise in fresh air for once in a long time.

i belive aslong as i have the mindset i can do it. i really do. if i tell myself i dont feel like **** i can ignore it.or take something for it till the withdraws stop. then all i need to know is that life is short already and i dont want to make it shorter. and that will get me threw the day. ive overcome the biggest step and thats realizeing i have a problem.so now i have to fix it. i just need to keep myself busy in a sober positive way.like family time or a job or dance classes again. i can do this.. growing up watching my mom be a drug addict used to be enough to keep me away. but things got to hard on me i didnt really care anymore and that was my problem.but now i do, i need to before i loose everything. if my mom could do it i can. shes the strongest person i know when it comes to most things and she always tells me im stronger,so i can do this.

[troubleinohio]

well i sure am glad to read your last few posts..youre very wise for a 16 yr old!! Im proud of you for recognizing and admitting your addiction so early! Yes, you are right 2 months is not that long compared to how long most of us addicts use before we even see a problem much less do anything about it. So youre ahead in the game there. As for your mom, if you think this will send her back into a bad mental illness episode maybe it is best you not say anything for now. Only you know how unstable she may be.  For now, Id say do your homework- know what to expect as far as full term WD is (how long have you gone without using before the WD symptoms sent you running for more oxy?) Usually the physical symptoms last btwn 3 and 7 days- with you Id guess the lower end since you havent been using that long and youre young, your body can recover easier than us old fogies lol. However its the mental part that gets tough after that. You will have strong cravings. you must learn how to fight these and not give in. It can become very tempting and overwhelming. There might be times where you want the drug again so very bad you say screw it and start calling connections to get some. You have to learn how to deal with this and fight these urges. I definitely recommend NA meetings especially since youve been to them before and sorta know what to expect. It will help you greatly. And of course you know already to stay away from the "friends" who use. Delete all your connection #'s out of your phone. If they call you, let them know you quit and dont call you again.  SOmetimes its best just to get a new cell w/a new #.  Quitting is the relatively easy part, its preventing relapse and staying clean that is the hardest work of all in recovery. Keep reading and posting here. This place has been the most vital tool in my own recovery (I am a recovering vicodin addict myself)

[mikk123]

thank you, thats why i belive i can do it. ive always been wise for my age growing up with an addict family.not just my mom. i never thought id resort to pain meds or any drugs. but it happens. and its better to realize now before i end up worse.ive only gone 3 days into withdraw before i did more. and the withdraw wasnt so bad the 3rd day. and i was told to take valume for the first 5 days then my body should be fine. i am going to Na today! ill lett everyone know how it goes. thanks so much and i will keep posting cause the people on this site have already done alot for me. and yes im ready to face the urges but i just have to keep the promise to myself to just say no. when i wake up and think about it,not say another word about it and go about my day and deal with the withdraws and just think to myself it will all be better in the end,versus if i dont quit now things may never get better.

[vicki595]

Yes...good attitude!   You got some great advice from "troubleinohio".  And,yes,you will be normal again.  Just put your words into action now...

Are you in school?

Keep posting and keeping us up-to-date...

Vicki  xo

[mikk123]

yes i have gotten amazing advice from everyone on this site. i just have to do what i know is right. if i cant do it on my own i will get  help. but im a strong girl so i have to atleast try! im not in school right now cause we recently moved so i had to switch to a new school. id like to get my ged and go to beauty school but my mom really wants me to graduate. but i go to a charter school as it is,so it isnt even the real thing.  last night however i did ask my mom to hurry and inrole me before summer starts so i can catch up and keep myself busy in the 2 monthes before i go to california.   as long as im not bord i wont want  to  use. minus the withdraws, i know when i get the horrible headaches andcant sleep, my  BODY will  phene for and oxy but my mind and heart will not.

[vicki595]

Okay...tell me this:  Are you still taking the oxy?  How much?

Do you know why your Mom hasn't enrolled you in the new high school?
Do you go to the charter school everyday?
Where do you get the oxy?

Vicki  xo

[mikk123]

not anymore. i am done.  my friends left today to get one and i told them not to come back to my house and i stayed home!! today i can look in the mirror and  see myself. not someone on drugs. today i am clean. and thats all that matters today. tommarows a new day.may be hard but ive talked to alot of people a friend of mine who used to do heroin told me hes never herd someone talk like me unless they just got outa detox. that made my day. that shows me that i do have a chance. i know i can do this. even if my body hurts i feel amazing with myself, and my choice to be sober.

she hasnt enrolled me because we dont have a fax machine and my old school dosnt just give us my withdraw slips and papers we have to fax for them.but shes going to find a way. i get it from  this guy  we all know and my friends went to school with but i didnt go there. i dont know where he gets it tho

[mikk123]

well off to NA! wish me luck :] i will post later and let everyone know how it goes

[vicki595]

You are mature beyond your years;I guess you've had to be...

So,you're done!!!  I'm proud of you.

Anxious to hear how the meeting went.  Meetings are soooo important!!

Vicki  xo

[mikk123]

oh yes, ive had to be.  i ts not fun haveing to play mom when you 11 yrs old cause your mom and her boyfriend are too drunk or something to even walk straight.  wakeing up everynight to the screaming.  i even remember my moms mouth was foaming one time when she was so mad and i didnt understand why, but now i do. . and i shouldve never lost site of what drugs do to you and people you love. but we all do.  i know im a good person and i have the heart to do this. oxy contin is not fun for me anymore it just makes me feel better other then that, nothing. i have better things to live for. wayyyyy better things.

[LateAugust]

Oh sweetheart,  your post truly breaks my heart...   I am sorry honey if this sounds harsh, but I am pretty sure a lot of the drugs,  or oxy, you are using is to escape your daily routine,  the pain you have experienced in the past and in your environment.  That absolutely does NOT mean you don't love your mama,  my daughter loved me too.  Unfortunately with oxy  it takes more and more and more to get that original feeling.  My daughter was an oxy addict  and yes she would throw up during smoking it,  and keep smoking until she was out of  any sense of reality.   PLEASE break the cycle, stop now....  My kid had a strong family  and everything she could possibly want.....  but she tried one too many drugs, and that being oxy that stole her soul...     She too lost her heart, her dignity, she dropped out of college, quit her job, stole from everyone she loved, lost all of her self respect...  just for one more friggin oxy to smoke and puke thru....   I am not one to beg,  but I have lived the life of a mom with a daughter that had a horrible addiction,  and I saw  everything that she lost,  at such a young age...  as with you  please dont lose your innocence, your health,your family, your dreams, your future, your dignity, your self respect... all that you are.... because of this hideous disgusting drug,  that I promoce you sweetheart, if you don't stop soon, will truly take your life.

You are in my thoughts,  please talk to your councelor at school,  any adult that you can trust.....

[mikk123]

well back from NA, i didnt talk or anything cause some people know my mom.but it was still good to hear people that have a worse problem then me cause i sure dont want to go threw some of the things people talk about. its scary. its a hole new world i dont want to be apart of. and seeing some of the people . it teaches you alot just to hear other people.
someone talked  about how they lost their brother to an heroin overdose when he was 15. and i almost lost my brother to a coke overdose when i was 15. i couldnt imagine the pain someone goes threw to loose a sibling. and i dont want my brother to be sitting at an NA meeting in 20 yrs saying i lost my sister to an oxycontin overdose.

[vicki595]

To: LateAugust~  According to her post above,she has stopped and at an NA meeting tonight.   I know,as Moms,this is tough to read.  But,she sounds strong and she said she'd keep posting~~~

Vicki  xo

[mikk123]

llate august, that really brought me to tears. thats exactly why. my mom still sneaks shots and im the only one who knows and im supposed to keep it a secret cause her fiance is a addict too and shes supposed to be sober.  one day my friend was driving me and my mom somewhere  and my mom was in the back and i looked in the mirror just intime to see her down a 99cent schnaps or whatever its called. its really really hard to have to see that when you want nothing more for her to be sober. my dad would rather be with his 23 yr old wife then me and when you put up with all of that for so long you start to break down. and not know how to handle everyday life anymore. and thats exactly what happend to me.i love my mom more then a person can love another person. shed do apsolutly anything to protect me and i know she wants the apsolute best for me. and if she could give me that perfect life she would. and the one thing that kills her the most is what im out there doing. if i cant stay sober, i shouldnt really expect her too. i mean i should cause shes the mom and im the child but as a child im ruining my life ., but as of now im done with that.   but if im breaking her heart shes going to drink and i cant expect anything different. if i belive i can change , i can. and if i can she will. i can have apsolutly anything i want if i tell myself to go for it. and now im going for a sober happy life.

[mikk123]

but wow, your daughter did exactly what ive done. ive brought myself to some horrible situations and made some shady choices. but that is deffintley  NOT  who i am. .  it really hurts to know what ive been doing.  but if i dont want to be that person i dont have to be, as simple as that. because i am still strong, and i still have a chance. some people dont. i needed to stop being selfish and realize i was only hurting myself at this point and everyone who loves me eventually. thats not fair to them. and its not fair to myself to throw away my life. theres nothing more valuable then  life itself  . i need to appriciate the fact that i am still alive and i can stay that way if i never pick up an oxy again. and thats my plan.


oh yah it was cool at NA they said the  prayer at the end i dont know if all places have the same one?  but me and my dad said it when i was little so it was really  cool to know it and be apart of that.

[vicki595]

Hi~  Glad you went to the meeting~~
Now,how long has it been since your last oxy?

Vicki

[mikk123]

3 days. :] and i feel really good tonight i dont feel sick or anything. i went on a walk with my dogafter the meating  and then hung out outside my apartments walking around cause its really nice out at night here. and i like that i can leave my house to go hangout with people and   know that if my mom were to go threw my purse right now shed find none of my smokeing things cause ive thrown them away in the dumpster  yesterday!

[SophieShine]

Well done sweetie, congrats on your first 3 days of freedom!!! wooohoooo!!!
xoxoxo. sophie.

[mikk123]

day 4 nowww! so far i feel fine. went to eat with my grandpa ate a good breakfast. and later im going to play minni golf and stuff with a couple friends i went to NA with

[mikk123]

hey guys sorry i havnt posted ive been busy i guess:] i went to a lake with giant turttles with my mom the other day, and swimming and laying out with her the past two days   and dinner at her friends easter party yesterdat. keeping myself  busy! i feel alot better i havnt gone to another meeting but i do plan to . well i think its like 8 or 9 days now! my withdraws were only really bad for one day and it was only back withdraws and my stomache. i ddid almost pass out tho. butt i think it was cause i hadnt ate all day and been up since 730 cause my stomache. but my mom gave me a sanwich and water and i felt alot better.
i dont really think about it. i like the way things are already.before my mom thought i was doing heroin  and she said she could see it in my eyes something wasnt right and  i was  always just on oc.  now i feel like  she just knows shes getting herd daughter back. im always in a better mood.i dont try adndf fight with people. things are going good so far! i hope it stays this wayy