i just

don't want to be here anymore

[lostmarbles]

oh no.. please don't say that.. what's the matter, maybe I can help you? there are lots of people here that want you to stay... are you in pain? are you feeling depressed?

[Flutterby111]

Oh, sweetheart, I think we can relate....what's going on?

[watermom]

Do you mean this site or something more?  Talk to us.  Lostmarbles (above post) is a great listener..... :)  I actually have to leave my computer for a little bit but I will be back.......this is the time when you need to connect to people more...

[watermom]

oh so is flutterby.....she beat my post......it really helps to talk....even over the internet...better sometimes I think....easier.

[lostmarbles]

hey, whatever it is you can talk about it, share it, soften the load.. thing is, Ive been where you are.. most have I think.. here in particular.. you may feel desperately alone but you are not.. we are here and we are here to help.. if you want to pm me please do.. im an insomniac so im not going anywhere anytime soon... im here ok?

[GoingToMakeIt]

There is always hope. These drugs have robbed us of so much. You can get through this. Stay strong. Posting always helps me.

[sadinmichigan]

I am definately depressed and I don't know how to convey it to the people in my life. My husband actually laughed about me considering anyone on here as a "friend". I am so mad at him i don't even want to look at him right now. He's addicted to vicodin too but doesn't care unless he's running out. He has seen me go through so much with this and everything else and then got himself in the same positon. I am tired, I feel utterly alone and ashamed that I feel that way. i am a christian and I am not blaming God. I just can't seem to get a handle on these feelings anymore. I'm sick of being alive. I know that's cowardly and selfish but this whole thing is consuming my every waking and sleeping thought. I have been more than honest with the few people around me and it has gotten me no where but looked down at. I just want to tell them all to go to hell! They haven't walked in my shoes. I'm so pissed for letting this happen to me and just when I get a glimmer of hope and strength it just seems to be short lived. All I do is cry and cry and cry. I'm sick of crying. My husband is never home (always at work) he works 1:00p.m. -2-a.m. and is sleeping the rest of the time. i have poured my heart out to him especially about this (vicodin). For me it's been 6 years of this ****. he has gotten addicted in the last year. but he lies and I don't belive him. I don't trust him (for good reason) and I think that is breaking my heart too. When he laughed about me talking about my "friends" on here,I told him I NEED SOMEBODY TO TALK TO!!! I WANT TO SCREAM AT HIM..DON'T YOU KNOW I WANT TO DIE EVERYDAY!!!!

[Flutterby111]

you really are an imsomniac....do you ever sleep?  Seriously?

[sadinmichigan]

I get very little sleep and when I do I have horrible nightmares,coldsweats etc..

[Flutterby111]

Well, the first thing you do is work on you....on the only way to begin that is to quit the pills.....yuck, I hate to get all preachy, but it's gotta be true!  you said it yourself that they're making you depressed about yourself.  This is a great place to get support.  Do you want to quit taking them?

[allaboutmary]

I know the pain your in . The constant feeling that this is never going to end.  We can help you. Most of us felt this same way.  How much are you taking ?  You need to come up with a plan. We can help you find a way out of this if you really want it. Tell us more about yourself .  Do you work ? Do you have any health insurance, children ? Your husband sounds new to the addiction and might not understand how awful and hopeless it gets.  I used for 5 years and it took a long time to get feeling the way you are now.  Please keep posting.  You will make good friends here and so much support.  Hugs   Mary

[lostmarbles]

ok, this is how it goes.. i have written you on a pm.. i hope you got that.... Depression is an almighty illness. It consumes your every waking minute and engulfs your mind at night.. we have nightmares we simply can't control and we wake up feeling worse than ever.. i know, I have been there.. I have also tried to take my life... I lived, I am here.... it has not been easy but the right thing to do was live, it is the right thing for you... your children only have one mummy in this life.. that is you my darling.. and they need their mummy... maybe you think you are not the best mummy at the moment but trust me when I say that it is better for them to have you in their lives than not at all...When you have severe depression it is very difficult to convey it as you said, especially to those immediately around us.. it is hard to open your mouth as you feel that you are not worth talking about/fighting for .... I know. BUT you have no choice I'm afraid.. you quite simply are here to stay, you are here for a reason.. you leaving this world in a different way quite frankly is not an option.. this is not what God intended for you...seek help.. it is obvious you will not find it in your husband and I am sorry,, there are other ways to get it.. professionally. Fix yourself first, see a counsellor, a psychiatrist, a psychotherapist... when you are stronger you will better deal with your husband, right now is not the time. I know exactly how you feel, what you are thinking... I have been in your shoes.. they are not nice, they are an ill fit... but I swear to you, there is a way out of them and there is help available to you.. there are people who will listen, that will understand, that will help you. I never knew this until it was too late.. until my children saw me eyes closed, attached to machines keeping me alive, in hospital... I got the help with a good psychiatrist. I hope you do too.. I will pray for you, I send you love, you are in my thoughts.. please pm me whenever you want to, im here..

[sadinmichigan]

Thankyou all.. No I don't work,I have 6 children 22,18,16,11,8 & 6. I do have health insurance.YES I want to be rid of this. I have plans but can't seem to stick with them anymore and I feel like my own husband tries to sabotage them. I get 180 7.5's a month and there usually gone in 2 1/2 weeks. My husband has been stealing them for awhile. I've caught him. So I buy a lock box. But then he comes up with some story on why he needs mine until he gets his (180). He has seen me for years suffering especially the past 2 or 3. We have been through alot personally that has nothing to do with this, also he works at a shop where the guys always have someone selling there ****. it only takes 5 min. to sell 100 for $5.00 (so he tells me) I have been honest with my doctor and even told him I am having a hard time tapering on my own. I won't even let him put refills on because I was trying to have some sort of accountability, and then he just wants me to take a pill for this a pill for that.AHHHHHHHHHHH

[Flutterby111]

You're so good.

[Flutterby111]

These pills have so much power over us...it's time we take the power BACK!  TAKE IT BACK YA'LL~~

[lostmarbles]

CHANGE YOUR DOCTOR. You have to, and you can..you are not sticking to your plans because you are in the thick of it all..you need someone professionally that can better fill your needs, so that you can understand the whys and the wherefores.Once you have a good person in place the cloud will move significantly off your horizon, in the meantime if you stick with what you've got you won't be able to tie your shoes let alone walk in them. For a moment, try not to focus on what is happening to your husband, - right now you and your needs come first.. once you get better and your husband notices the change in you (the positive change) he may well want to do something about himself, he may not... but I can assure you that will be able to handle it eaiser with a clearer head on your shoulders.. i promise you.. later on you can deal with that situation.. right now, at this moment in time, it's all about you..

[allaboutmary]

Wow 6 kids .   There are many ways to get off these, but it sounds like your hubby is not going to be much help.  You have to make this all about YOU.  You have to become number one for right now, and getting clean must be your top priority.  Coming clean with your doctor and asking him for help could be one way. None of this will be easy especially with your husband still using.  It can be done though.  I would start with your doctor.  I have to get to bed now, have to be up in a few hours, but I really hope to talk to you again. Please post again tomorrow.  Sleep well and know there is a way out of this hell. We will help you find a way.  Keep posting and keep your chin up.    Mary

[allaboutmary]

Oh I'm sorry I mis-read. I thought your husband wanted you to take a pills for this and a pill for that.  Yes, do as Marbles says , find another doctor.   Sorry about that , its late and I'm sleepy.  

[lostmarbles]

don't know about good.. but i'm honest.. it helps being an insomniac I guess!! plus I care a huge amount and I have to give back what you guys all gave me x

[sadinmichigan]

thankyou again everyone. I truly can feel all of your concern and care and I really needed that.Even if it only changes my mind for the moment. I wish I had friends that had 1/2 the support and truth you all give. I know the truth can hurt and I'm not afraid of it. Please give me the truth. It will eventually sink in this thick skull! And to Bold...I'm sorry.
I'm sure I'll be up for hours and I'll be back in forth on here and having a stupid cig. (another thing I want to give up)

[GoingToMakeIt]

Keep posting here and you will learn so much. People here really do care.

[sadinmichigan]

I will say I am afraid of going to another Dr. for fear he'll lock me up. And I don't have much faith in any of them.And I'm just plain afraid.

[toxictome]

Glad you're here...this is the place to get the help and support you need.
YOu must concentrate on you right now..is there anyone who can hold your pills so your hubby can't steal them?

If this is the only support you have...then we'll make it work for you!
I only had myself andthis site until I fianlly told my sister.
Your husband may be intimidated that you want to stop.
You are in a difficult situation..but YOU CAN DO THIS>>>>>>
Stay on here and keep reading and posting!..Keep talking to us.
You are so WORTH it and your kids NEED you too!  ~HUGS~

[rosebud66]

If your husband laughs at you about having friends on the internet you might want to ask him what that says about him your supposed best friend maybe coming up short in his responsibilities as your friend.  fankly I don't think there is anything wrong with getting support from others when you are not getting it at home.  that is exactly why people go outside their marriages to get comfort, support or whatever they may not be getting from the spuse.  Not at all saying that is what you are doing but maybe he needs a wake up call especially since you have asked and not received.
Again if i were you I would turn his laughing around on him and ask him what that says about him.

[sadinmichigan]

thankyou, I am glad to be here to. I really don't have anyone around me that I trust anymore. When I poured my heart out to them they acted concerned for a minute but then really looked down on me. I guess maybe they just didn't know how to help. The most hurtful of them was my husband. The only other person I know..I think may be on them too, just not ready to ackowledge it. I am going to try and figure something out. my husband actually had the nerve to say he couldn't live with me if I didn't trust him. HA! Right now i don't know if i can live with him. Hugz to you too and everyone else.  What does it mean when someone sends you an invitation but they haven't ever even commented to you or anything? What should I watch out for.

[GoingToMakeIt]

You can either accept or not. I always click on their name and see what they are about before I accept an invitation like that. It really doesn't hurt to accept most of the time. If they turn out to be someone you don't want listed as a friend. You have the choice to remove them at a later time.

[addictedme]

Well besides the fact that suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem ,I can think of 6 other reasons to live and change,,gl

[rosebud66]

Keep reading and posting here.  I just started last week and I have a very similar story to you and I can't tell you how much better I am feeling.  I actually have started to think there really is a way out and had you asked me that last week there is no way I would have believed anything different.  The best part is the people on here are the kindest most supportive non judgemental people I have ever seen.  And to think the real world has the ba**s to look down on people with addictions.  Especailly those who got there before they ever knew what was going on.  Even if they did know and got in over their heads so what...that makes us all EVIL?  I think not as you will see when you read on.  It is almost to good to be true if you ask me as I have never in my life experienced people who are just kind for the sake of being kind with no motive what so ever.  Not to mention the fact that all that are here know and feel exactly the way you are feeling.  It is of great comfort to know that.  When you feel all alone come here and just look at how many people will jump at the chance to console or help in any way they can.

You are not alone and by no means the only one who feels or has felt this way.  It will get better.  Just give it 3 days and you will see.

Good luck!!!  

[GoingToMakeIt]

I think encouragement is a far better use of energy. You can get through this. I know it is overwhelming, but it is fixable.Be patient and things will come around. Including your use of these drugs.

[sadinmichigan]

I agree with you about the people i have encountered here. They all have been really wonderful. As for my husband I agree on that too. I was deeply offended by his response. I just told him I was going to do this with him or without him or regardless of him. He just doesn't know how to be supportive especially in this. He has done the most harm in the past when i confided in him and he went and told EVERYONE!! Instead of talking to me. I told him it was my decision whom..if anyone else I wanted to tell such a personal thing to. However he has been there through different things like with my teenagers etc.. But he really damaged my trust and I know I have to forgive him but it is taking some time. And then he went and got addicted knowing what all I was going through with it. i was mad but then I was sad for him. You would have to be a monster to want this for anyone.

[sadinmichigan]

A bible verse that I have not thought of in some time popped into my head because of all of you  Hebrews 13:1,2  Let brotherly love continue. Be not forgetful to entertain strangers: for therby some have entertained angels unaware.     His mercy is new everyday.  I got to stop this cryin already

[jim811]

Hi Sad...

I am really impressed that you are raising 6 kids....that's amazing!  A good hearted person receives many rewards and the ones you'll receive from your kids sound great.  Late 20s and I still love my mum dearly....she spoils me rotten :-)

The situation with your hub telling everyone is a heads-up...guess you should hold things a bit closer or share in here.

I hope you decide to stop your pills...you'll feel better not having to depend on anything...really freedom...

Nick

[worried878]

please hang in there....have you worked out a plan?   I am alone at home often so pm me whenever you feel the need

[GoingToMakeIt]

Good morning. I hope you were able to get some sleep. I always say, any way you can get clean is a good way. You can do this

[lostmarbles]

she may be sleeping as we were both a pair of insomniacs last night.. thought I would let all you lovely people know in case you were a bit concerned xx

[toxictome]

Glad you came back today. When you feel like crying..do it...it cleanses the soul and helps to wash away some of the emotional pain. You have  alot on your plate...but it sounds like you are making a plan...keep reading and posting...and we're only a "click" away!!!

[sadinmichigan]

Thankyou very much. I did get to sleep finally around 7 a.m. until @ 11. So that was pretty good. Only a dream about..Johnny Carson.LOL Go figure. I am working it out still and I don't feel quite as hopeless as I felt the past couple of days, but I'm afraid because it comes and goes. I wan to keep this going if it means I gotta talk to all of you all day and night!

[bandnmom]

glad u got some sleep. chat away, thats what we are here for and it really does help.

[mimi1313]

So glad you got sleep. That will help tremendously. Post as much and as often as you need to. It seems like someone is always here.

Johnny Carson? LOL

[VicUser]

It's good to hear from you today and that you are doing better. There are more people than you know pulling for you and we are all here to help.

[Flutterby111]

YAY, she's sounding better!!!!  ;)  

[sadinmichigan]

thought I was done cryin at least for a little bit but all of you just have touched my soul so deeply that I really don't think i've ever felt this way. I have been known to be quite cynical. Part because I was raised by a very cynical mother and part from my own experiences.As I was telling worried..I just didn't think their were too many good people and my motto was.People were basically bad.But you all are proving me wrong. Maybe I can change more than just this addiction.

[GoingToMakeIt]

You know I think she is  goingtomakeit!!!!!

[lostmarbles]

so glad you are feeling a little better, post, post, post... it's all good x

[sadinmichigan]

do you think addiction is inherited (or can be) I know alcohol can but what about this kind.

[anewbeginning]

THAT'S THE SPIRIT!!! YOU CAN DO IT!! STAY STRONG! I would not have been able to do it without all these people here! I accidentally stumbled upon this forum while looking for a treatment center & then realized how NOT ALONE I was in the world since nobody except my Husband knew that I had a problem. Anyway, we picked a day (so he could take some time off) & here I am 28 days later...CLEAN,HAPPY, & I think healthy! You have 6 children & you should use them as your inspiration.

[GoingToMakeIt]

It is my opinion that the tendency toward addiction is inherited. I have not read any studies on this. there is definitely genetics involved with alcoholism.

[sadinmichigan]

I'll be back on in a little while, my kiddies want to check their webkinz. love to all

[Savas]

Well, at least you aren't dreaming about Ed McMan. Now THAT would be disturbing. :)

Do you ever get out at all? I don't mean shopping or errands. Just get out to be alone with yourself and your thoughts. Not in the house, which is probably a physical center for all that emotionally negative shite and depression. I don't know if it helps but I often walk without destination in mind, I call it;

"letting my thoughts direct my feet through the maze of my mind."

hopefully you end up somewhere that has some kind of satisfying conclusion, both physically and mentally.

It's hard to do when you're chasing pills and feel out of control, but one thing it can do is place yourself back at the center of your world.

[sadinmichigan]

Thank god it wasn't Ed LOL. I am sorry to say that I am not feeling good mentally at the moment. maybe I am just crazy. I have cried all day and my 16 yr old said..well maybe if you weren't a drug addict you would have a life.. True ..but she's on drugs and lives with her dad and she has been especially heartless towards me. We were talking about her grades, attitude,etc.. but because she unfortunatly know about this problem her attitude is I am just not worthy to listen to. All her life I have done without and never missed a school function ,sports, music NOTHING!! And she is really making my life difficult as is my daughter that lives 3000 miles away in Oregon. They talk to me like I'm an idiot.
No I very seldom leave my house. Some people think i have a problem with that. i don't go to bars..been there done that! I get alot of anxiety preparing to leave .it could be just to grocery shopping or taking my kids to the DR. I have 1 good friend but she usually comes here because she is living with her brother with her family 3 kids/husband and is sick of her own life. I can't remember when i left to be alone. This is the first year in almost 22 years that i have been alone during the day.Whenever I do leave..my kids are with me.I have a brother (who's crazy) and my mom is in Tennessee but she really can't help with much. And if someone gave me $ and my kids were taken care of..I wouldn't know what to do with myself. I am so sorry...I really did try. I was feeling pretty good and the overwhelming feel of despair just hits me like a brick wall. WHAT IS MY PROBLEM!! Maybe I really do need to just stay at my computer and get a grip. My son (18) just said he loved me and brought me a rose and all i could do was cry. i am sure they are all sick of seeing there mama cry.

[VicUser]

remember when you were 16, I bet at thattime you thought your parents were stupid too. I've been there and have kids that have passed through that stage too.You are not an Idiot, you just need t get control of the drugs. There are a lot of kind people here that have gone through may of the same things that are willing to help. I think I was 25 before I realized my Dad was really smart!!!

[GoingToMakeIt]

Hire a teenager NOW, while they still know everything!

Try to roll with the punches. After you've been clean, things will be better and you will know what to do then.

[VicUser]

LMAO, up you are right on hirering the teenager

[sadinmichigan]

teenagers can be just ruthless. I was one of those, and was raised by a mother who always told me and my brother how much she hated being a mom and could have been something!! I have never felt like that towards my family (my own kids)or made them think that. I shouldn't have left here. I feel like this is my hospital

[sadinmichigan]

maybe I should be in a hospital. How will i know I don't have anyone to take care of my kids for that

[sadinmichigan]

be back in a minute. Gotta make some food.

[VicUser]

I know what you mean, I was one of those kids too. I decided that I would be the Dad that my dad wasn't Ilove my kids with all my heart, luckly they love me too, but there were many years I wondered.

[GoingToMakeIt]

I am not sure I understand what you are saying. I am saying that as you get more and more clean. You will be more clear headed and able to make decisions better. Right now, everything is hitting at you and it is hard to see clearly.

[flmagi]

I read what you posted about your 16 yr. old. Typical 16yr old, even if you weren't on drugs, they find some reason to think they don't need to listen because they are smarter (ya right).  Where is your 22 yr. old?  Would it be possible to get this one to take care of the family and you for a week while you go thru withdrawels? How about a close friend? Would it be possible for you to go to an inpatient clinic? Would you concider the Suboxone?

[Savas]

Well, it sounds like you need to do something. And when you feel like you need to do *something*, even if you feel you aren't able to, the best thing to do is do something small and meaningless. That way there's no possibility of failure.

It's why I said walking. It doesn't cost anything, and anyone can do it (alright, if you're in a wheelchair, you roll instead. :)  )

Everything you describe is absolutely tied up in your addiction, but it probably goes beyond that now. the addiction is a symptom and it's own huge problem, but the feelings of depression and hopelessness are something you can try to take small bites of. It's a rolling stone-moss syndrome. Depression feeds itself. The trick is to find a way to break out of the pattern.

Try starting out with not even deciding you're going out. Just do something like; I'll get in the bath. Don't think about it, just go through the motions of setting up to take a bath, no pressure. Then just...get in. Do the same thing with getting dressed...and then putting on your coat. Take your keys. Then realize you're ready to go out, so you may as well. There's a tree four blocks over that's particularly nice this time of year. Head that way, perhaps you'll take a look.

The trick is to NOT think. Thinking too much is what got you where you are. This sounds so much easier than it is to do, but in a way it also is very difficult. I would go so far as to say don't even think about your vicodin problem right now. Decide you aren't gonig to think about it for a few days (after taking precautions not to have your hubby steal them!) and then forget about it! You're to depressed right now and just circling around the same bad thoughts. Put it out of your mind.

It's not going anywhere.

It will still be there in a few days.

But hey, that's okay...you can deal with it then. There's nothing wrong with taking the time to PREPARE to deal with a huge problem, and part of that is not letting it get the best of you. Take away it's power to pull you down. Tell it to bugger off for the moment.

I hope your food is as yummy as mine was. I find dinner time goes better around here when I don't cook (I'm rarely allowed to. :)  )

[sadinmichigan]

Sorry it took alot longer to get back than I thought. Didn't know what was going to be comming. Got blind sided.I'll get back to that.  to answer flmagi ,No my daughter lives in oregon, I live in michigan. She can't come here. I am thinking about asking my husband to see if he can take at least a few days off work ,maybe for the worst days. I know day 2,3 & 4 can be the worst but I don't know. I just need to be able to get up and get my kids off to school and home. I am sure my husband will take car of whatever else. Also no I wouldn't consider suboxone for myself. please understand i am not judging anyone else by using it. I just had some bad experiences.
I may just sound like i'm making no sense right now, I have just been on a battlefield. I took way to many pills tonight. First thing I did ,after I found out even more about what my daughter is doing (16). It didn't help though...big suprise.. I don't usually take that many at once. Right now my heart is truly bleeding and broken. What a hypocrite I am. I am going to have to do some sort of intervention with her tomarrow (she has lived with her dad,since March)Maybe I'll be in the hospital tomarrow i don't know. i am so tired of the pain knowing that my kids are suffering i am suffering and i don't know what to do about anything. It's taken since i was on last to calm down and find a reason not to wrap my car around a tree.Of course I do have many good reasons, my husband,and the 6 beautiful lives of my kids. I can't quite really describe my daughter Britt. I don't want her to get caught up in pills,booze,smoking etc..Does that have to be normal for a teen? Do all of them do it. I have to help her and I can't even keep a stable thought for a 1/2 a day. I will not let her go without a fight. I am going to talk to my husband now as he just got home from work and have a smoke and then I will be back because there is NO WAY I can sleep.I wish I was a drinker right about now because i'd be really drunk.

[sadinmichigan]

Sorry it took alot longer to get back than I thought. Didn't know what was going to be comming. Got blind sided.I'll get back to that.  to answer flmagi ,No my daughter lives in oregon, I live in michigan. She can't come here. I am thinking about asking my husband to see if he can take at least a few days off work ,maybe for the worst days. I know day 2,3 & 4 can be the worst but I don't know. I just need to be able to get up and get my kids off to school and home. I am sure my husband will take car of whatever else. Also no I wouldn't consider suboxone for myself. please understand i am not judging anyone else by using it. I just had some bad experiences.
I may just sound like i'm making no sense right now, I have just been on a battlefield. I took way to many pills tonight. First thing I did ,after I found out even more about what my daughter is doing (16). It didn't help though...big suprise.. I don't usually take that many at once. Right now my heart is truly bleeding and broken. What a hypocrite I am. I am going to have to do some sort of intervention with her tomarrow (she has lived with her dad,since March)Maybe I'll be in the hospital tomarrow i don't know. i am so tired of the pain knowing that my kids are suffering i am suffering and i don't know what to do about anything. It's taken since i was on last to calm down and find a reason not to wrap my car around a tree.Of course I do have many good reasons, my husband,and the 6 beautiful lives of my kids. I can't quite really describe my daughter Britt. I don't want her to get caught up in pills,booze,smoking etc..Does that have to be normal for a teen? Do all of them do it. I have to help her and I can't even keep a stable thought for a 1/2 a day. I will not let her go without a fight. I am going to talk to my husband now as he just got home from work and have a smoke and then I will be back because there is NO WAY I can sleep.I wish I was a drinker right about now because i'd be really drunk.

[sadinmichigan]

please give me about 20 min. Please please please

[sadinmichigan]

sorry about the triple posts..don't know what went wrong there. Anyway i am going to sit here either at this computer or stare at the wall until i make a real decision and get over myself already. I had to reread all that has been said to me and I am going to get a grip if it's the last thing i do. I am sorry for the earlier babble. I am going to my Dr tomarrow and having him put me back on an anti depressant called cymbalta. i took it awhile back but really didn't give it a chance. Does anyone know about that one?

[jim811]

Hi...

Never been on an anti-depressant but really glad you are here and finding some help.  It sounds like you had a hard road but a recovery is always there.  I'm with you on the need to get a grip :-).  I have to make a few decisions about some things and working through the options now.

Yea///life is full of crossroads...

Peace,

Nick

[sadinmichigan]

May i ask what your clean from? How do you fell now and how long was the worst?

[jim811]

It's always cool to ask anything :-)

I was on the 50mg Fentynl Patch and about 6-8    7.5/325 percs a day.  Lasted for almost 4 years before I had some serious issues with the patch...almost od because I couldn't regulate my intake. That was my wakeup and almost 2 months ago...

Like you though, I had to work so I tapered and dealt with the issues...physical bad was the first few days of tapering and the first few days when I stopped.  Mental was up and down through it all but I'm having a few wicked days now....just realized I need to figure out a few things...

It is definitly worth stopping and I don't feel like I need to be back there...you can do this...me and many others are here for you.

Peace,

Nick

[sadinmichigan]

has anyone taken a blood pressure med called catapres (don't know if thats how you spell it)for help with w/d. my dr mentioned to me awhile back

[allaboutmary]

Yes , I have taken clonodine and it does help. I think it is in the same family as the catapres.  Definatley get some from your doctor. He will let you know how to take it properly.  Nothing takes all the symptoms away, but this does help.  I see you were responding to someones else's post.  This is great !  You have already started to help others. Just relateing that we are not alone in this awful hell, can be so helpful. Just remember to keep coming back to this forum. If you fail at first, get up and try again. You will always be welcome here with open arms.  
Please re-read Savas's post. He makes some really good points. Clear your head so you can later gather all the courage and determination it takes to do this.  His post above actually helped me also. A long walk to nowhere, to just be by yourself.  This is a long hard road. It's not just about detox. Theres alot of mental healing to be done. Have a great day.    Mary

[troubleinohio]

I would definitely get back on the anti-depressant. I think its the reason why i succeeded in quitting this time compared to my other relapses/failures. Before, I could never get over the severe depression part in my WD. I was  a total mess, and at times nearly suicidal. I say nearly because although I felt bad enough that I didnt want to live like that anymore, I didnt actually want to die either though, and i would never ever do that to my kids (I have two little boys). I went back on my Prozac around the same time I quit again this time, so about 50 days ago or so now and it made all the difference in the world. I was finally able to turn that corner, get past the WD's without bawling my eyes out about everything and nothing. Seriously I was crying almost non stop for days on end at one point and couldnt think clearly, couldnt make rational decisions, I was essentially crippled emotionally.  But once I got back on the Prozac things kept geting better and better. No longer a basket case, thinking clearly, making decisions, feeling stronger, happier, able to cope with situations, etc.
So I would say you should definitely try it again, or maybe a different one if the cymbalta doesnt work for you. have you been on any others in the past before?
Keep posting here and I will keep you in my prayers.    

[sadinmichigan]

Thankyou for responding i am up again I slept for a whole 20 min. I can't believe it's almost 7! I am sick of this not sleeping thing. its making me crazier. i'm not even in w/d yet but i will be soon. I have soooo much on my mind between this...which is HUGE.It's a terrible weight on my heart and mind 24/7 and my kids,marraige,$ you know just life. but I don't think i really can make any great decisions in my mental condition. I hopefully can get my anti-d asap! i only have 7 pills left and can't get a refill until the28th.And those 7 will be gone by 5,unless I try and sleep the day away.I might need to.Thankfully my sons girlfriend will be here and can help with the kids. I pray for the day when my precious kids don't have to hear me say..not now mommy doesn't feel good. oh it just makes me cry. i have to draw on them in my mind for the strength,courage and whatever else I'm going to need to just do this already. My other problem is..I know my husband has some and he could probably get me through the week....but hell!!! ARGHHH

[sadinmichigan]

oh where oh where did my friend across the pond go?lol, I hope your having a good day or night.(can't remember the time there)Iv'e been up all night and about to try and lay down again. I'll be back