Aa
oh where oh where did my friend across the pond go?lol, I hope your having a good day or night.(can't remember the time there)Iv'e been up all night and about to try and lay down again. I'll be back
Thankyou for responding i am up again I slept for a whole 20 min. I can't believe it's almost 7! I am sick of this not sleeping thing. its making me crazier. i'm not even in w/d yet but i will be soon. I have soooo much on my mind between this...which is HUGE.It's a terrible weight on my heart and mind 24/7 and my kids,marraige,$ you know just life. but I don't think i really can make any great decisions in my mental condition. I hopefully can get my anti-d asap! i only have 7 pills left and can't get a refill until the28th.And those 7 will be gone by 5,unless I try and sleep the day away.I might need to.Thankfully my sons girlfriend will be here and can help with the kids. I pray for the day when my precious kids don't have to hear me say..not now mommy doesn't feel good. oh it just makes me cry. i have to draw on them in my mind for the strength,courage and whatever else I'm going to need to just do this already. My other problem is..I know my husband has some and he could probably get me through the week....but hell!!! ARGHHH
I would definitely get back on the anti-depressant. I think its the reason why i succeeded in quitting this time compared to my other relapses/failures. Before, I could never get over the severe depression part in my WD. I was a total mess, and at times nearly suicidal. I say nearly because although I felt bad enough that I didnt want to live like that anymore, I didnt actually want to die either though, and i would never ever do that to my kids (I have two little boys). I went back on my Prozac around the same time I quit again this time, so about 50 days ago or so now and it made all the difference in the world. I was finally able to turn that corner, get past the WD's without bawling my eyes out about everything and nothing. Seriously I was crying almost non stop for days on end at one point and couldnt think clearly, couldnt make rational decisions, I was essentially crippled emotionally. But once I got back on the Prozac things kept geting better and better. No longer a basket case, thinking clearly, making decisions, feeling stronger, happier, able to cope with situations, etc.
So I would say you should definitely try it again, or maybe a different one if the cymbalta doesnt work for you. have you been on any others in the past before?
Keep posting here and I will keep you in my prayers.
So I would say you should definitely try it again, or maybe a different one if the cymbalta doesnt work for you. have you been on any others in the past before?
Keep posting here and I will keep you in my prayers.
Yes , I have taken clonodine and it does help. I think it is in the same family as the catapres. Definatley get some from your doctor. He will let you know how to take it properly. Nothing takes all the symptoms away, but this does help. I see you were responding to someones else's post. This is great ! You have already started to help others. Just relateing that we are not alone in this awful hell, can be so helpful. Just remember to keep coming back to this forum. If you fail at first, get up and try again. You will always be welcome here with open arms.
Please re-read Savas's post. He makes some really good points. Clear your head so you can later gather all the courage and determination it takes to do this. His post above actually helped me also. A long walk to nowhere, to just be by yourself. This is a long hard road. It's not just about detox. Theres alot of mental healing to be done. Have a great day. Mary
Please re-read Savas's post. He makes some really good points. Clear your head so you can later gather all the courage and determination it takes to do this. His post above actually helped me also. A long walk to nowhere, to just be by yourself. This is a long hard road. It's not just about detox. Theres alot of mental healing to be done. Have a great day. Mary
has anyone taken a blood pressure med called catapres (don't know if thats how you spell it)for help with w/d. my dr mentioned to me awhile back
It's always cool to ask anything :-)
I was on the 50mg Fentynl Patch and about 6-8 7.5/325 percs a day. Lasted for almost 4 years before I had some serious issues with the patch...almost od because I couldn't regulate my intake. That was my wakeup and almost 2 months ago...
Like you though, I had to work so I tapered and dealt with the issues...physical bad was the first few days of tapering and the first few days when I stopped. Mental was up and down through it all but I'm having a few wicked days now....just realized I need to figure out a few things...
It is definitly worth stopping and I don't feel like I need to be back there...you can do this...me and many others are here for you.
Peace,
Nick
I was on the 50mg Fentynl Patch and about 6-8 7.5/325 percs a day. Lasted for almost 4 years before I had some serious issues with the patch...almost od because I couldn't regulate my intake. That was my wakeup and almost 2 months ago...
Like you though, I had to work so I tapered and dealt with the issues...physical bad was the first few days of tapering and the first few days when I stopped. Mental was up and down through it all but I'm having a few wicked days now....just realized I need to figure out a few things...
It is definitly worth stopping and I don't feel like I need to be back there...you can do this...me and many others are here for you.
Peace,
Nick
May i ask what your clean from? How do you fell now and how long was the worst?
Hi...
Never been on an anti-depressant but really glad you are here and finding some help. It sounds like you had a hard road but a recovery is always there. I'm with you on the need to get a grip :-). I have to make a few decisions about some things and working through the options now.
Yea///life is full of crossroads...
Peace,
Nick
Never been on an anti-depressant but really glad you are here and finding some help. It sounds like you had a hard road but a recovery is always there. I'm with you on the need to get a grip :-). I have to make a few decisions about some things and working through the options now.
Yea///life is full of crossroads...
Peace,
Nick
sorry about the triple posts..don't know what went wrong there. Anyway i am going to sit here either at this computer or stare at the wall until i make a real decision and get over myself already. I had to reread all that has been said to me and I am going to get a grip if it's the last thing i do. I am sorry for the earlier babble. I am going to my Dr tomarrow and having him put me back on an anti depressant called cymbalta. i took it awhile back but really didn't give it a chance. Does anyone know about that one?
Sorry it took alot longer to get back than I thought. Didn't know what was going to be comming. Got blind sided.I'll get back to that. to answer flmagi ,No my daughter lives in oregon, I live in michigan. She can't come here. I am thinking about asking my husband to see if he can take at least a few days off work ,maybe for the worst days. I know day 2,3 & 4 can be the worst but I don't know. I just need to be able to get up and get my kids off to school and home. I am sure my husband will take car of whatever else. Also no I wouldn't consider suboxone for myself. please understand i am not judging anyone else by using it. I just had some bad experiences.
I may just sound like i'm making no sense right now, I have just been on a battlefield. I took way to many pills tonight. First thing I did ,after I found out even more about what my daughter is doing (16). It didn't help though...big suprise.. I don't usually take that many at once. Right now my heart is truly bleeding and broken. What a hypocrite I am. I am going to have to do some sort of intervention with her tomarrow (she has lived with her dad,since March)Maybe I'll be in the hospital tomarrow i don't know. i am so tired of the pain knowing that my kids are suffering i am suffering and i don't know what to do about anything. It's taken since i was on last to calm down and find a reason not to wrap my car around a tree.Of course I do have many good reasons, my husband,and the 6 beautiful lives of my kids. I can't quite really describe my daughter Britt. I don't want her to get caught up in pills,booze,smoking etc..Does that have to be normal for a teen? Do all of them do it. I have to help her and I can't even keep a stable thought for a 1/2 a day. I will not let her go without a fight. I am going to talk to my husband now as he just got home from work and have a smoke and then I will be back because there is NO WAY I can sleep.I wish I was a drinker right about now because i'd be really drunk.
I may just sound like i'm making no sense right now, I have just been on a battlefield. I took way to many pills tonight. First thing I did ,after I found out even more about what my daughter is doing (16). It didn't help though...big suprise.. I don't usually take that many at once. Right now my heart is truly bleeding and broken. What a hypocrite I am. I am going to have to do some sort of intervention with her tomarrow (she has lived with her dad,since March)Maybe I'll be in the hospital tomarrow i don't know. i am so tired of the pain knowing that my kids are suffering i am suffering and i don't know what to do about anything. It's taken since i was on last to calm down and find a reason not to wrap my car around a tree.Of course I do have many good reasons, my husband,and the 6 beautiful lives of my kids. I can't quite really describe my daughter Britt. I don't want her to get caught up in pills,booze,smoking etc..Does that have to be normal for a teen? Do all of them do it. I have to help her and I can't even keep a stable thought for a 1/2 a day. I will not let her go without a fight. I am going to talk to my husband now as he just got home from work and have a smoke and then I will be back because there is NO WAY I can sleep.I wish I was a drinker right about now because i'd be really drunk.
Sorry it took alot longer to get back than I thought. Didn't know what was going to be comming. Got blind sided.I'll get back to that. to answer flmagi ,No my daughter lives in oregon, I live in michigan. She can't come here. I am thinking about asking my husband to see if he can take at least a few days off work ,maybe for the worst days. I know day 2,3 & 4 can be the worst but I don't know. I just need to be able to get up and get my kids off to school and home. I am sure my husband will take car of whatever else. Also no I wouldn't consider suboxone for myself. please understand i am not judging anyone else by using it. I just had some bad experiences.
I may just sound like i'm making no sense right now, I have just been on a battlefield. I took way to many pills tonight. First thing I did ,after I found out even more about what my daughter is doing (16). It didn't help though...big suprise.. I don't usually take that many at once. Right now my heart is truly bleeding and broken. What a hypocrite I am. I am going to have to do some sort of intervention with her tomarrow (she has lived with her dad,since March)Maybe I'll be in the hospital tomarrow i don't know. i am so tired of the pain knowing that my kids are suffering i am suffering and i don't know what to do about anything. It's taken since i was on last to calm down and find a reason not to wrap my car around a tree.Of course I do have many good reasons, my husband,and the 6 beautiful lives of my kids. I can't quite really describe my daughter Britt. I don't want her to get caught up in pills,booze,smoking etc..Does that have to be normal for a teen? Do all of them do it. I have to help her and I can't even keep a stable thought for a 1/2 a day. I will not let her go without a fight. I am going to talk to my husband now as he just got home from work and have a smoke and then I will be back because there is NO WAY I can sleep.I wish I was a drinker right about now because i'd be really drunk.
I may just sound like i'm making no sense right now, I have just been on a battlefield. I took way to many pills tonight. First thing I did ,after I found out even more about what my daughter is doing (16). It didn't help though...big suprise.. I don't usually take that many at once. Right now my heart is truly bleeding and broken. What a hypocrite I am. I am going to have to do some sort of intervention with her tomarrow (she has lived with her dad,since March)Maybe I'll be in the hospital tomarrow i don't know. i am so tired of the pain knowing that my kids are suffering i am suffering and i don't know what to do about anything. It's taken since i was on last to calm down and find a reason not to wrap my car around a tree.Of course I do have many good reasons, my husband,and the 6 beautiful lives of my kids. I can't quite really describe my daughter Britt. I don't want her to get caught up in pills,booze,smoking etc..Does that have to be normal for a teen? Do all of them do it. I have to help her and I can't even keep a stable thought for a 1/2 a day. I will not let her go without a fight. I am going to talk to my husband now as he just got home from work and have a smoke and then I will be back because there is NO WAY I can sleep.I wish I was a drinker right about now because i'd be really drunk.
Well, it sounds like you need to do something. And when you feel like you need to do *something*, even if you feel you aren't able to, the best thing to do is do something small and meaningless. That way there's no possibility of failure.
It's why I said walking. It doesn't cost anything, and anyone can do it (alright, if you're in a wheelchair, you roll instead. :) )
Everything you describe is absolutely tied up in your addiction, but it probably goes beyond that now. the addiction is a symptom and it's own huge problem, but the feelings of depression and hopelessness are something you can try to take small bites of. It's a rolling stone-moss syndrome. Depression feeds itself. The trick is to find a way to break out of the pattern.
Try starting out with not even deciding you're going out. Just do something like; I'll get in the bath. Don't think about it, just go through the motions of setting up to take a bath, no pressure. Then just...get in. Do the same thing with getting dressed...and then putting on your coat. Take your keys. Then realize you're ready to go out, so you may as well. There's a tree four blocks over that's particularly nice this time of year. Head that way, perhaps you'll take a look.
The trick is to NOT think. Thinking too much is what got you where you are. This sounds so much easier than it is to do, but in a way it also is very difficult. I would go so far as to say don't even think about your vicodin problem right now. Decide you aren't gonig to think about it for a few days (after taking precautions not to have your hubby steal them!) and then forget about it! You're to depressed right now and just circling around the same bad thoughts. Put it out of your mind.
It's not going anywhere.
It will still be there in a few days.
But hey, that's okay...you can deal with it then. There's nothing wrong with taking the time to PREPARE to deal with a huge problem, and part of that is not letting it get the best of you. Take away it's power to pull you down. Tell it to bugger off for the moment.
I hope your food is as yummy as mine was. I find dinner time goes better around here when I don't cook (I'm rarely allowed to. :) )
It's why I said walking. It doesn't cost anything, and anyone can do it (alright, if you're in a wheelchair, you roll instead. :) )
Everything you describe is absolutely tied up in your addiction, but it probably goes beyond that now. the addiction is a symptom and it's own huge problem, but the feelings of depression and hopelessness are something you can try to take small bites of. It's a rolling stone-moss syndrome. Depression feeds itself. The trick is to find a way to break out of the pattern.
Try starting out with not even deciding you're going out. Just do something like; I'll get in the bath. Don't think about it, just go through the motions of setting up to take a bath, no pressure. Then just...get in. Do the same thing with getting dressed...and then putting on your coat. Take your keys. Then realize you're ready to go out, so you may as well. There's a tree four blocks over that's particularly nice this time of year. Head that way, perhaps you'll take a look.
The trick is to NOT think. Thinking too much is what got you where you are. This sounds so much easier than it is to do, but in a way it also is very difficult. I would go so far as to say don't even think about your vicodin problem right now. Decide you aren't gonig to think about it for a few days (after taking precautions not to have your hubby steal them!) and then forget about it! You're to depressed right now and just circling around the same bad thoughts. Put it out of your mind.
It's not going anywhere.
It will still be there in a few days.
But hey, that's okay...you can deal with it then. There's nothing wrong with taking the time to PREPARE to deal with a huge problem, and part of that is not letting it get the best of you. Take away it's power to pull you down. Tell it to bugger off for the moment.
I hope your food is as yummy as mine was. I find dinner time goes better around here when I don't cook (I'm rarely allowed to. :) )
I read what you posted about your 16 yr. old. Typical 16yr old, even if you weren't on drugs, they find some reason to think they don't need to listen because they are smarter (ya right). Where is your 22 yr. old? Would it be possible to get this one to take care of the family and you for a week while you go thru withdrawels? How about a close friend? Would it be possible for you to go to an inpatient clinic? Would you concider the Suboxone?
I am not sure I understand what you are saying. I am saying that as you get more and more clean. You will be more clear headed and able to make decisions better. Right now, everything is hitting at you and it is hard to see clearly.
I know what you mean, I was one of those kids too. I decided that I would be the Dad that my dad wasn't Ilove my kids with all my heart, luckly they love me too, but there were many years I wondered.
maybe I should be in a hospital. How will i know I don't have anyone to take care of my kids for that
teenagers can be just ruthless. I was one of those, and was raised by a mother who always told me and my brother how much she hated being a mom and could have been something!! I have never felt like that towards my family (my own kids)or made them think that. I shouldn't have left here. I feel like this is my hospital
Hire a teenager NOW, while they still know everything!
Try to roll with the punches. After you've been clean, things will be better and you will know what to do then.
Try to roll with the punches. After you've been clean, things will be better and you will know what to do then.
remember when you were 16, I bet at thattime you thought your parents were stupid too. I've been there and have kids that have passed through that stage too.You are not an Idiot, you just need t get control of the drugs. There are a lot of kind people here that have gone through may of the same things that are willing to help. I think I was 25 before I realized my Dad was really smart!!!
Thank god it wasn't Ed LOL. I am sorry to say that I am not feeling good mentally at the moment. maybe I am just crazy. I have cried all day and my 16 yr old said..well maybe if you weren't a drug addict you would have a life.. True ..but she's on drugs and lives with her dad and she has been especially heartless towards me. We were talking about her grades, attitude,etc.. but because she unfortunatly know about this problem her attitude is I am just not worthy to listen to. All her life I have done without and never missed a school function ,sports, music NOTHING!! And she is really making my life difficult as is my daughter that lives 3000 miles away in Oregon. They talk to me like I'm an idiot.
No I very seldom leave my house. Some people think i have a problem with that. i don't go to bars..been there done that! I get alot of anxiety preparing to leave .it could be just to grocery shopping or taking my kids to the DR. I have 1 good friend but she usually comes here because she is living with her brother with her family 3 kids/husband and is sick of her own life. I can't remember when i left to be alone. This is the first year in almost 22 years that i have been alone during the day.Whenever I do leave..my kids are with me.I have a brother (who's crazy) and my mom is in Tennessee but she really can't help with much. And if someone gave me $ and my kids were taken care of..I wouldn't know what to do with myself. I am so sorry...I really did try. I was feeling pretty good and the overwhelming feel of despair just hits me like a brick wall. WHAT IS MY PROBLEM!! Maybe I really do need to just stay at my computer and get a grip. My son (18) just said he loved me and brought me a rose and all i could do was cry. i am sure they are all sick of seeing there mama cry.
No I very seldom leave my house. Some people think i have a problem with that. i don't go to bars..been there done that! I get alot of anxiety preparing to leave .it could be just to grocery shopping or taking my kids to the DR. I have 1 good friend but she usually comes here because she is living with her brother with her family 3 kids/husband and is sick of her own life. I can't remember when i left to be alone. This is the first year in almost 22 years that i have been alone during the day.Whenever I do leave..my kids are with me.I have a brother (who's crazy) and my mom is in Tennessee but she really can't help with much. And if someone gave me $ and my kids were taken care of..I wouldn't know what to do with myself. I am so sorry...I really did try. I was feeling pretty good and the overwhelming feel of despair just hits me like a brick wall. WHAT IS MY PROBLEM!! Maybe I really do need to just stay at my computer and get a grip. My son (18) just said he loved me and brought me a rose and all i could do was cry. i am sure they are all sick of seeing there mama cry.
Well, at least you aren't dreaming about Ed McMan. Now THAT would be disturbing. :)
Do you ever get out at all? I don't mean shopping or errands. Just get out to be alone with yourself and your thoughts. Not in the house, which is probably a physical center for all that emotionally negative shite and depression. I don't know if it helps but I often walk without destination in mind, I call it;
"letting my thoughts direct my feet through the maze of my mind."
hopefully you end up somewhere that has some kind of satisfying conclusion, both physically and mentally.
It's hard to do when you're chasing pills and feel out of control, but one thing it can do is place yourself back at the center of your world.
Do you ever get out at all? I don't mean shopping or errands. Just get out to be alone with yourself and your thoughts. Not in the house, which is probably a physical center for all that emotionally negative shite and depression. I don't know if it helps but I often walk without destination in mind, I call it;
"letting my thoughts direct my feet through the maze of my mind."
hopefully you end up somewhere that has some kind of satisfying conclusion, both physically and mentally.
It's hard to do when you're chasing pills and feel out of control, but one thing it can do is place yourself back at the center of your world.
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