i know ur all probably done with me but....

[BeyondScrewed]

Haven't posted in awhile due to my shame. On my last post was a comment about how I'm using this site as a crutch and that is so true and I'm sorry. I wanted my next post to say how good I was doing, unfortunately that's not the case.
In the last 5 months I have tapered down a huge amount 3 different times, but each time it get messed up because I start smokin again. The stupid thing is, I think sometimes it actually makes me feel worse. Yet I still continue to do it. Its the actuall physical act of smoking that I think is so addictive to me
Anyone who has been caught in the merry go round trap of smoking opiates, PLEASE tell me how u stopped. I am desperate. At the end of my rope. Hate myself. Hate my life. Hate what ive become. Hate waking up in the morning.

[Gtowngirl]

TO BEYOND: I got your message and I want to tell you that u should listen to IBKLEEN AND CLEAN IN KS. I have done more reading about methadone and I don't think it is right for your situation. I have diff. Circumstances and I did what my doctor thought  was best for me in my situation.  I got on it without knowing much about methadone, and I will not suggest it to u or anyone else who is just getting off pain pills. I will tell u more later in this message. Just woundering what is your Drug of choice? Is it all opiates, and u like to smoke them? If u have perc's on you can't u smoke them too? Do u do any other drugs? And do u have a script for your pain meds, or do u buy them off other people? I was just woundering if u do have a doctor who writes you out the scripts and u keep saying u want to taper down, have u tried asking your doctor to help u taper or get off all pain meds? Just hoping u try and get any help u can...I'm new on this site so I would listen to IBKLEEN she has a lot of clean time and she knows what she is talking about...AGAIN IAM SORRY for my ignorance about methadone for your situation...listen to that OLD TIMER! AND CLEAN IN KS...I LIKE HER AND SHE HAS A LOT more CLEAN TIME TOO, and SHE CAN talk to me in a way that makes me feel comfortable,and she is not judgemental and makes me feel like she really care's . A lot of people have reached out to u and everyone has given u good advice( except for my methadone advice) so now its time for you to CHANGE YOUR LIFE AND GET THE PROPER HELP U NEED. All I see is u spinning round and round on that Insane merry go round. Stop it and do SOMETHING! And thank u for your message and accepting my apology. I really do feel bad for what I said and about trying methadone. But pls do something soon! Gtowngirl~

[Joanne195463]

Hi beyond......I replied to you in another post, but incase you didn't see it I will post in your thread.
In my opinion, being honest with your family is very important. Once I did that, it was next to impossible to deceive any longer as everyone was "watching me".
My brother was addicted to snorting, very large amounts of oxycontin. He was never prescribed it....has no reason....no pain etc. He has been an addict all his life. When he did have to do something due to money and them changing his doc to one that was hard to abuse, he still opted to not let anyone in family know (I get my info from his wife) and went to a methadone clinic. He was just trying to avoid withdrawl in my opinion cause now he can't do other drugs because of the pee test so he just buys extra methadone on the street!
Stay in the fight and stay honest.

[worried878]

." Yet I still continue to do it. Its the actuall physical act of smoking that I think is so addictive to me "
Just a thought..but have u tried an electric cig?  Great flavors and may help with the physical motion you are used to.  I smoked cigs and it sure helped me
hang tight

[BeyondScrewed]

Woke up in terrible wd as usual. Just wanted to check in an let u all kniw I'm srill here, and not smoking this morn. Actually all I have are percs on me so I wont b tempted. All the ir's are hidden somewhere at sis's house. I know I know, its still using, but I'm not getting high. Just keeping well enuf to work

[Brightfutureahead]

Ok Beyond, this is a start. Your mom will probably be relieved that you are getting honest and looking for some help. You said she already has *somewhat of an idea, right?

It's a good idea to start sharing your struggles. Telling your secrete is so scary but it's so essential in the process of crawling out of this mess. Honestly, it is. It feels good, gets you help, and more importantly, it holds you more accountable.

Can you look on google for some treatment options? I'll look around too.

Ps- many of us have had to be 'strong.' Jeeze, when I was growing up, we weren't even allowed to be sick let alone complain (god help us if my dad heard us even coughing). I hardly ever cried- not for babies or deaths or my own sinking soul. Real strength comes in coming clean and realizing their is a better way to live- and doing it! It's hard to see this now because we get so far removed but its true- just wait...

:)

[maria920]

well thts a good start by telling ur family, even tho ur mother will be heart broken u should tell her bc in the long run she will b ok once u get the help u need. i thought the same thing abt my mother, there was NOOO WAY i was telling her or my husband bc he would leave me and my mother would be broken hearted but the time came if i didnt tell her then bad things would happen probably me being dead. she really didnt understand , she said maria just stop its not tht hard.if u dont want to use anymore the dont?? haha ya right.. she just didnt kno so i explained a little to her and she still didnt get it like u or i do but enough to where she kinda knew what i was going thru. i kno how embarrassing it is but it will b better in the long run if u get ur secret out in the open!!!i hope everything works out for you and u get the help you need so bad.... let us kno how everything works out.