i lapsed

i see all these post for people on day 4 OR even farther along than that and i couldn't even make it past day 1!!!!!!  i caved - tuesday night i couldn't sleep at all, up and down all night, completely miserable and i had to work wednesday!!  finally fell asleep for about 45 minutes and then time to get up and go to work and then it was even worse!!!!  the chills and the aches - the flu would have been better!!!!!  how do you do it?????????????????   how?????????????  this is the first time i have even ever admitted to wanting to quit and i couldn't even make it past a day!!!!!  i am feeling so bad about myself at this moment b/c i caved.  i couldn't even post yesterday b/c i was embarrassed by my actions.  the only comfort i can give myself right now is at least i don't feel like i am dying!!!  i see the people who talk about the "tapering" but that is not an option for me - if i have it, i will take it - obviously!!  the only time anything ever gets through my thick head is when it is difficult for me to achieve.  somehow this seems impossible.

[1911]

Glad to see you made a decision and gave it a try.  You experienced pretty much what all of have gone through on Day 1.  

You had an immense temptation that first night to "make it normal" by going back to drugs.  If I had to guess, I would suspect that your anticipation of going to work the next day put undo pressure on your commitment to C/T.

BTW: We can't tell you what to do.  We can only relate our own experience and you can decide if it is of value to you.

I am on Day 12.  I decided to take vacation time to get through w/d.  When I couldn't sleep at night and my body was going crazy, I got some comfort in knowing I didn't have to face people the next day.  Not everbody can do this...but, if you can, then you have made your trip through w/d a little easier.

Welcome to our family.  Let us know how you are doing and ask any questions.  

~George~

[Marce4]

Been there, done that! I've have been through this a few times and caved as well. It IS embarrassing but you are not alone.  I am starting to detox today and am scared to death. I have so much too lose (4 children and great husband!) So I know how upsetting it is too feel like you have failed.  You know you can't live with this horrible addiction and not try to beat it. It literally sucks the life out of you!  I hope you will try again...it truly is the toughest thing to go through but from reading what people in this forum have gone through, I don't feel alone, I have gotten some good advice and there is hope!

[newtothisand lost]

it would be GREAT if i could take the time off work, but now it is so busy that if i were to miss even 1/2 i would be so far behind and it wouldn't help me at all with the anxiety i would already be dealing with.  i feel like such a hypocrite even posting on this site with all the struggle everyone has gone through and still going through and right at this moment i am feeling so damn good!!  it is amazing to me that the majority of the posts are from those addicted to prescription drugs and not the "street drugs" that you hear about all the time!!  i am not feeling really positive now and really feel as though i shouldn't even be bothering anybody with this problem.  i don't really think i have anything worth saying to anyone right now other than thanks for the words of encouragement.    

[sunny8008]

AWW sweetie. Don't beat yourself up. Most of us have done that. Yes, going through withdraw is about the worse thing I have done to myself. All thought I often think if it were easy I probity would be high right now. Due to it being so awful when I do crave I think about what I went through and the craving is gone. I NEVER want to go through that again. Think of it like this.. Do you have children? If your son or daughter did something he or she wasn't suppose to do then you had a talk with him and that's it. More then likely me or she would do it again. Now, if you whooped his butt and he got grounded for a week. Ill bet he don't do that again. So, if we pay for our mistakes more then likely we will remember it and not want to go there again. Sweetie, if this is what YOU REALLY want you have to bit the bullet and just do it. It sucks but it will not last forever. It is hard but its only a few days of suffering. We will be here for you. With concern and support, Heather
PS everything happens for a reason...You remember that!

[Little_Brown_Mouse]

We are here because we feel you.

We know what it's like.  We know what it's like to feel helpless, and weak, and stupid, and pathetic, and all those loser-things.  But you (we) really aren't any of those things.

It's really hard.  And everyone falls.  And this is one place you needn't feel embarrassed or troublesome.

I have made it through a several day ones, a few less day twos, and hardly any day threes.

I find that no matter what, life goes on.  It ain't always pretty, but it goes.  And you will too.  :)

[sunny8008]

Keep posting we will be here to help in many ways...We wont give up if you dont

[Marce4]

I have to work on Mon and I'm only on Day 1...I have no pills left so I have not choice but to detox!!! I am scheduled to work on Mon and if I had the vicodin, I'm sure I would cave!  That is why I am at this forum because I need the support to get through this weekend!  Can't easliy call out sick!! I'm a nurse and they need you sick or not!  Talk about embarrassing....I should have known the evils of narcotics and not been so high and mighty to think that I could control this myself!!!!!

[Little_Brown_Mouse]

Let's all stop "beating (ourselves) up".

Let's choose instead to focus on the positive:  we are self-aware, and even if we aren't capable, the desire to change is there.

We're not so bad, after all.

[newtothisand lost]

in all honestly i am usually the one that is the most arrogant of all.  i am a smart, funny, beautiful woman (or that is what i am told) but really, i see myself in the mirror and i am beautiful :)    this isn't about beating myself up it is in fact about the reality of my situation and that is i feel as though i have failed.  no one knows the extent of what i do in my private life, not even my friends.  no one knows how bad this has gotten!!  the people here are the only ones i have even talked about this with!  i don't even know you guys and i feel that i have somehow managed to let someone down!  i have always been held to a higher standard, even growing up i was told i had to be better, faster, prettier, smarter, thinner, etc., and now as an adult it is still there in my mind being played over and over.  i have a whole lot of issues to deal with on a much deeper level than just this addiction.  honestly, if it wasn't this, then it would more than likely be something else.  i am just getting to the point where enough is enough and i am just tired of trying to figure things out - i just want to be healthy and happy and live a long and prosperous life.  this is extrememly hard for me b/c i tend to keep all my feelings and emotions inside.  i am even finding it hard to believe that i am sharing as much on this site as i am.  so, for me, just in doing all this posting i have taken a huge step in the direction of recovery, i know it but it still doesn't change the fact that i failed.  i am going to the gym and maybe 10 or 15 miles on the treadmill will brighten my attitude!  

thanks guys - it means so much more to me than you will ever know to have someone to just listen!!!!

[rrogers3280]

Hi I am on day 3 from oxy and I feel good. The reason I went to a addiction doctor and he gave me meds so I would not feel any withdrawals at all. Just a little tried and groggy. Try to find a addition doctor and make an appointment because withdrawal does not have to hurt.  PS I live in Vancouver B.C. Canada so we have many addiction doctors here.  Best of luck to you and God Bless