i want to change my life

[donewith]

my addiction is controlling my life.. i am addicted to hydrocodone for almost 3 years. I do not have a prescription for the meds. My addiction started almost 5-6 years ago when i had gallbladder surgery and was prescribed percosets, several months later i had a etopic pregnancy & painful migraines  and was prescribed more pills. Soon after i noticed i was getting addicted and started running out of pills and could not get anymore prescriptions. I would then take medications from family members to ease my migraine headaches because i did not like the migraine medication shots. as years went by i started taking 1-2 pills a day (325 mg) and it would help with my constant headaches and body aches. The most i have taken of any opiates is 3 pills (not all at once) i also noticed these opiates ease my high anxiety. i have tried every month since last year to quit taking these meds. last year i went a whole month not taking any opiates and i could not take the painful body aches. i hate being addicted to these pills and stealing it from family members. its hard to stay away from the meds because almost every family member has hydrocodone in their home.i have a son and supportive bf. i have several times explain my addiction to my bf but he thinks its not a problem because it eases my pain and anxiety. i also did go to a doctor explaining my body pain (BUT DOES NOT KNOW ABOUT MY ADDICTION-TOO ASHAMED) and he did some blood work and i did show positive for rhumentoid arthriits and lupus. I have not follow-up or go to any appts with my dr after finding out my blood results. im afraid my addiction to opiates have caused me to have arthritis and lupus.

i hate being addicted to these meds!! i wish i could be a normal person and live a life without pills. i am a full time student and the addiction is hurting my school. im so afraid my family members will catch on that im stealing their meds. this week im trying to get myself to quit cold turkey and stick with OTCs for the pain

[Ellz21]

Thank you for selecting my answer....I know what u are dealing with i went through most of my teens addicted to drugs mostly pill....It is a hard reality to addmitt but you need to be honest to get help...Being an addict is nothing to be ashamed of and there are people to help you get through this...I myself did it by myself and it was the hardest thing iv ever done...It took me a few attemps to actually stay clean but i am clean and sober nearly a year and have no intentions of going back to drugs....I wish u the best of luck and hope u find the strenght to come through this, just remember if it all gets too much there are ppl around to help you.

[donewith]

thank you for all your responses. i do believe i am addict because i have horrible withdrawels when i do not take hydrocodone on a daily basis. i live in a small community with very few drs, and im so afraid to tell him my addiction. this addiction seems to control my life, i cannot go a day with out worry if i will have enough meds to last me week. though i only take 1-2 pills a day (i break it half as well), it does relieve my pain. this has been going for so many years and this addiction is wearing me down. i know taking these are hurting my body but i just can't get off these meds. as my son is getting older im afraid he find out and will no longer look up to me. im just so exhausted from this addiction and need to quit.

[tomskat]

Hi there and welcome. It sounds to me like you are beating yourself up over this...you do have legitimate pain (the arthritis&lupus) however you need to gauge your pain withpout any opiates to see where your pain is,how bad,etc. Talk to your doctor...he will understand and be able to put you on the best course of treatment. He very well may prescribe an opiate-again talk to him about other alternatives-there are plenty out there. DO NOT FEEL ASHAMED-we have all been there in the past. You're here now and that's the important thing.Stay online and keep us posted. Stay strong-you will get thru this. But see a doctor asap.Take care~Anne

[spanky595]

              This drug will play tricks on your mind.  You need to ease off them dont quit cold turkey.  It could push you over the edge.  Get back to you Doctor and let them help you to Detox.  Hydrocdome is a powerful drug you will need help.   I will pray for you.  

[mellie4]

Well, first of all, the pills didn't give you either lupus or rheumatoid arthritis.  Maybe you are addicted.  But maybe you are in legitimate pain.  You need to see your doctor and figure all this out.  Arthritis (I have osteo) can be very, very painful and often limiting.  I don't know much about lupus, but I do know it's serious enough that it needs to be followed by a doctor.  You should be seeing a rheumatologist for both conditions.  Let them know about your pain. You should also be honest with them about taking medication.  Personally, I think you can be addicted even if you only take 1 pill a day or 15, but I also think that, in general, addiction usually escalates.  You've been using the same amount of pills all this time.

There is no shame in addiction.  It's a disease.  Many, many, many people from all walks of life become addicts.  It's best to figure out what's going on with you.

Also, there is a Pain Management Forum here that you may find helpful.  All chronic pain patients that share their experiences.  Chronic pain can be difficult to live with and lots of people don't understand it.  I use both forums (though I'm not an addict, I am dependent, and I don't like having to take meds.  Reading here helps me in a lot of ways, both for myself and in dealing with several addicts in my life.)

Please make an appointment with at least your primary care doctor.  You need to be followed for both your conditions.  And your primary care doctor (or rheumatologist) will not be surprised by anything you have to say about your pill use.  They have heard it all and then some.  They won't make you feel ashamed; they'll help you figure out what's best for you.

Best of luck!!