im a mess so embrassed

[fpvfem]

I'm treiable person I'm on the **** that disabled. My partner to stop my aches n pains I'm so angry at my self this stuff is so easy and u only need alil bit I. Know see why so many people r on it that take it to stop all ya worries its legal here in oz atm which is wrong but I'm here asking for the freindship and guideance tonite to not use this stuff again even tho I m deadset its why my partner is now disabled cos his body everytime early.  Last year we got this stuff to help me cos I had no morphine and that's why I'm on this **** cos I helped others and left myself sort 6 days I do want to be s strong straight. woman I was 2 yrs ago please help me find her

[fpvfem]

Wanimting to know if anyone knows that if I take ny maganeium tablets that I've been on since I first ever come here for help this site is a god send its needs to be more people out therer that r like us so farked up we don't seem to care what we r loosing I miss sex woth my man once in like 7 mths I have no horompnes its seems I know y but I scared its going to make his injuries worse for some dumb reason

[fpvfem]

Thanks sara for ya advise its very overwhelming how its makin me feel my maes have gone finally its like truth syrurn this stuff I said its either now or bever we r fightin to live and to me it seemed to fall on death ears with opened my eyes a lot about just who n what r my triggers thanks to the help from people I've meet here while tryin my hardest to fight for my life I'm ment to be goin away thrusday this week to my babay brothers weddin I c my dr that morning id be fine like I was last nth cos I wasant useing as much but when that pair of backwards livin stayed one night in my hime spent 700 shed made fro.com asales when I finally feel asleep at 3 in morning to her n her man who'd judt been reqaleased from the police statuion after gettin bailed at 530 am they said someone perferbly his woman who ran when she was walking me out there where two paddywagons (cops ready) I said we gotta tell ya man n the other piece ofzhit that was there for the fast which they'd had promised me n my partner that they where thru livin like a scumlowlife junkies that they'd become its sooo sad for me atm to be havin to rely on this zhit to make me move but that's it if my mans asleep like his been tryin to rest since like 930 lastnite (I don't know y I can't stop when I know what's its doin to him knowin I'm on that's stuff u know for the way his body is startin to wake up it seems just a little improvements excellent bloody amazing recorvery nothin seems to stop him ay I wish I had more off the stuff in him IN ME. TONITE HAS BEEN THE WORST WHEN DID EVERYONE GET SO BLOODY PARANOID DRUGS THEY USWD TO BE A SOCICAL THING U DO IT JUST SEEMS LIKE I WILL NEVER BE FREE OF THIS BLOODY FARKIN DEMON I'VE BEEN PRAYIN ALL FARKIN NITE TELLIN HIM I AIN'T GONNA HAVE JUST A MATCHEAD MORE WOTH A 3 ML NEEDLE I'M SHAKIN LIKE A LWASF ATM I'VE BEEN PRAYING FOR A WHILE NOW I'VE BEEN SCREAMIN OUT MY SINS ALDAY IT SEEMS THIS STUFF IS HORRIABLE I CAN'T BELIEVE I'VE RESORTED TO HAVIN TO TAKE THIS STUFF AND BE IN THE WORSE DOWNFALL IT FEELS YET THERE'S A BIG ROBLEM WITH ADDICTS N THIS TOWN ITS BEEN PROVRN BY SO MANY WHO HAVE MANAGED TO SAY NOMPRE I'M OUT WE DID THAT FOUR YEARS AGO LOOK WHERE I'M AT NOW FARKIN WHEN WILL IT EVER END

[dominosarah]

Oh. my oz friend, you are in a mess right now but you can get out of this.  Try and slow your brain down a bit.  You are so overwhelmed and that creates mass confusion.  You are going to have to step away from your friends who are using.  That will help.  Do you access to any counselors/therapists there?  Take some deep breaths, we are here and listening to you.  You dont have to be a prisoner anymore to these pills.

[fpvfem]

My mate is spinning me out he's the one who's just got out of jail for a3mths for selling sppeed to a undercover cop a cfew years ago the courts here have noidea like everywhere else fark kitty help me stay strong and say nomore to that farkin shot to stop the pains when they strat working they're way thru all the emotinoal **** n scattered friends because he wnet to the wrong person as soon as he got out that's all both my mates that I've made this pact with tonite but I feel saferhere talking to everyine letting everyine that I'm a needleuser its the worst thing I've everdone is morhine I did stop shootin up my pain meds when the first dr I went to about my addiction problems with pain killers she had me off them for nearlyy 2 weeks I went down to adelaide from far nth qld I made the compitment to quitting those horriable little pills I was a closet uswer u know where only those u won't to know know the real u I had to come clean to my partner who actyally thougth it was th weed I was smoking that was makin me sleep and the vomit well I always said I don't know but since I've come clean sp much bad keeps happening everytime its harder to find myself again

[fpvfem]

Thanks and ur so right that's what everyone I know has turned to one of my closest mates he was with me today when I got the stuff he went nuits on this stuff nearlly went to jail for assulting police 7 to be exact they all where hurt bad he is still serveing a court ordered parole but the agencgyies set up here have no life expereince with addicigtion and the diase its self u know they wanna help but don't have any idea about what we. Go thru only what they've learnt in school. You know where young hopeful people who want to help themseleves to get away froma ny addiction as I'm still leqarning that if its in a pick and its going to taqke my pain away atm I can't seem too stop takin stuff no matter how hard I try to stay nomore needes for me I'm liein to nyself as much as the man I love and am so surprised he aqint left me yet after our early part of our relationship he is the only man to ever stand up too me and for me help me as much as he can when he is perm numb from just below his nippies the drs ssay its from a strain of flu its more common over ur way the call it transverse mylitis. Itz bukkshit hw was doin what I'm doin today and now its like 3am and I'm sitting here rambleing goin off track I'm sorry to myself n my partner I've been praying to the lord over today to keep me strong and as normal as possiable for my partner I feel like its my demons tgat have made me who iam and what has happened to what late july I jad a hardworking man that waqs beatin his addictuion after the stuff he had when we first movded intp the flat or small apartment as yous would call it call it but its home we where only here for two weeks then the day my babysister n her husband moved to town that afternoon about 5 a mate popped over to say oi and I wqs glad he was here cos noone would have beleived what happened to him he got up off the couch cos the puppies went out side he bent down and when he stood up he had pins and needles go down the left side of his body we went to hospital within 5min of it happeniong he couldlnt fell his feet and he still can't but he gets up everyday druug free except the gabbapention he takes for the nerve damage in his back n I take it aswell I fimd it helps with the withdrawls n the pain when I'm my normal self but those two people that brought me bacjk to where I was sorry have been fighting thid feeling of total urphoria of so little I know everyone I know is onit except my lil sis she is very antidrug she come up here to help me not realiseing judt how bad I was sorry for the bad spelling I'm typeing on a mobile phone

[Bkitty]

Ozzie,,,are you on those bath salts? Thats what they call them here in the US. Please stay away from those,,,they are very dangerous. That synthetic speed will cause delusions and permanent brain damage. Bath salts are the reason why we have custody of my husbands daughter,,,her mom was doing them and freaking out. She is still not right in the head till this day. Oh Ozzie I am soo sorry you are going thru this. Im sending you lots of hugs and love~Bkitty

[fpvfem]

Its hard to say I do sometimes when people I know my age with kids are living there 900 ks away to pick up a car that they said it was reaady. It takes 3 days for my parthers catherters to get here they had paid for two weeks before on there way and there better people not using neeedles to take there medince and they're arseholes who thrive on makin people like me like iam craving hardcore lookng for that pill or anything as it now turns out to kill the pain I feel mentally physically.better to be able to move but this dtuff makes ya feel guikty but total euforic feeling off the size of a match head and tatse ya feel ****** awersome for about five min then the guilts of all my failures in the last 17 yrs.  It seems that tonite happened for a reason my mind thinking like this helps me realise a lot of stuff I'm carrying inside and letting it out finally but to my mates that r with me aren't opening up about the stuff like me maybe cos there men one of these bllokes that r here with me everyday dreams about it then today I had someone tell me they got some real cheap it moreish tho he said I'm thinkin he has heaqrd me say we don't assoitate with anyone who does this stuff anymore since my partner mysterly feel badly ill my pain kilers addiction did to shotting up in hospital toilet while he waiting to find out what's wrong with him that's how bad I got doijg up as much as I could. Not givin a real **** about what's really happened to him and he was like me has had addoction probelms his whole life just stop takin morphine for his pain my honset thougths where we where right for morphine for ever til he come home after 3 mths of me being alone useing as much as I could biut not me all I wanted was morphine and that waqs it now I want to live I won't to be the person I was just gone in october when I first come here I know why I failed but too get my innerstrebtgh back to there seems impossiable please give guidenes and I do believe in god just find him hard to understand I know its a personal choice. But I can't seem to get to where I won't n need to be

[dac70]

I'm truely sorry u r in such torment... it breaks my heart. Let me ask u a question. Do u believe in God? I will tell u and so will a lot of others here that He is the source of our strength. I know during my year of heavy use... I was numb to everything. I couldn't pray... I felt like God had turned his back on me. But just a couple days clean and I could pray again. I had put the drug before God and for that I was ashamed. But all I had to do was call out to God and he was there. U hv to know that the one that calmed the mighty seas and raised the dead can certainly handle Ur addiction!! If u believe in God... reach out... He's waiting on u because he never left.
Deb

[fpvfem]

Its legal sythic speed its goin to be hard to say NO more to this stuff for the next four days I've made a promise to myself and two guys that have been. my friends with for 17 yrs the whole time we've all had our addiction problems. But tonite we've. All 3 made promise. To HELP N GUDIE EACH OTHER THRU THIS. FINALLY.  ONE OF MY MATES HAS JUST GOTTEN OUT OF JAIL 4 days come to mine this arvy looking for a safe place to get away ffrom this legal high omg I've had probly a point 0.1 of a gram of this stuff everyone I know except one of these guys has been comin to my place everyday since being. Comin back to town after being in rehab for 3 mrhs but as soon as he got a chance he went to get on and he did but as soon as he had it he felt nothing but shame that he had it and that's how I'm feeling that's where I'm at with my addictions im 32 and can't say I have anything but a man that stands besdie me thru everything we've faced toghether in the past 8 years nealy 3 bloody years and yas know what after my big car accident in 04 I woke from my 14 day drug indiced coma perm disabled. I said STOP THE MORPHINE ALL PAIN KILLERS AND DID STAY STRONG FOR 6 Farkin years then then the girl who I shared my life with n cared for as friends do (shed been in jail for most of my sobreity)s grandmother died and been the person I am deep down inside I was straight not chaseing no high because just me living was a gift from above its so strange my car accident the way it happened where it happened everything we had stuff in that car that waqsnt conceled or anything but the cops never found anything I'm meen we had two big shots of meth that was no good but people in this town love anything and the female I had befreinded her like a sister took a lot off police. Atteniton and charges because we have very similar fisrt n last names it was easyier for me to take her charges n deal with her trouble cos in my mind I felt had to she was my sister. To me not to her tho I'm sorry for rambling I'm just typeon on my phone because this site is a safe place for prople like me and if I never found this site I wouldn't be as mind set as iam tonite NO MORE NEEDLES HERE OR NEAR ME I REALLY NEED TO DO THIS NOW OR NEVER PLEASE HELP ME KEEP THIS INNER STRENTGH I'M FEELING BUT I ALSO KNOW MYSELF AND IT COULD BE JUST THE WAY I'M FEELIONG COS I'M LIKE AWAKE TO EVERYTING AROUND ME THE WAY PEOPLE CLOSE TO ME ARE WOTH ME. I want to be the person I know I can be but since my morphine legal addiction I can't let go of I'm in the fight for mylife n my man that's stood beside me thru a lot of **** stuff he shouldn't never have had to see

[dac70]

Don't beat yourself up. U hv come to the right place foe encouragement and support. No judgement here. We hv all been where u r now. I'm so glad u reached out because u want to get Ur life back...that the first step. And admitting that u hv a problem is huge!!! I am new at this myself so I don't hv much advice for u. I just wanted u to know u r not alone!! Give them a little bit and there will be several people hope on here to help!!! Stay strong and God bless u!!!
Hugs from Texas
Deb

[CRYSTAL614]

what r u on