is anyone still awake?

[desertgirl]

i just wanted to know if anyone was still awake, not feeling so hot and I cannot stop crying. thanks

[ponytailbob]

I'm still here to, up in the high desert of SE AZ.  Sometimes the only way we can accept a blessing is to find our gratitude for it.

[wheredidmyenergygo?]

What???!!!!!!  What does your past have to do with now?  I have read your post from before your c/t.  I think its those damn pills trying to justify themselves.   You have been so strong!!!  And now you have kept me up!!! lol  Flip those pills off and remember you are going to have ups and downs.  Just laugh at the downs and tell them "Iknow what you are trying to do" , turn your back adn smile!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

[cinnamonstix]

What's the matter? I'm wide awake, so I'm here for you honey if you need to talk!

Love
Jen

[desertgirl]

i just keep reading all of these damn posts and can't stop thinking about all the **** i have taken and done over the past year and half. it just seems like i am never going to get any part of a normal life again. i just feel like i am on the verge of a nervous breakdown or something. i just feel so sick to my stomach.

[Mis Take]

Im sorry you are having such a bad time tonight.  I do know how you feel and it can get extremely depressing.  I just took my irritations out a few posts down.  That may help.  Just kidding lol.   I actually posted a few days ago about recovery and just how damn hard it all is.  I hate to sound like a baby, but sometimes that is exactly what I feel like.  I did get some GREAT responses on that post - its maybe on day 5 or 6 and it is called recovery issues - need help.  Many ppl (that have been around for a while) gave me a lot to think about and feel better about.  Maybe it would help u as well.  I know we tend to have similar issues - you and I.   I really hope it turns around quickly tonight......being sad about it wont change or make it better ( I was told that and it is so true).  We just have to mark it as a HUGE screwup - like the biggest EVER lol and move on.  You can start a whole new beginning today - you know that!!! I know you do.  Keep that chin up, desert, and let me know if I can be of any help.  I hope that post will help some as well.

Im off to bed, before I bow up w/ someone else w/ a smart comment.  Man, Im a bit ruffled tonight too.  Talk to you soon, desert.  Take care.

love tracy

[wheredidmyenergygo?]

I was there all night - exhausted after released emotions.  KTodd and cinna are still up I think.  Oh yeah and Vikes _suck(lol).  Need some sleep hope you can too - soon.  Check on everyone tomarrow

[desertgirl]

thanks tracy, i am glad that you understand what i am going thru. take care and will talk soon!

[longing4life]

Ahhhh...the past.

I too have a problem dealing with things that I have done in the past.  That is the main reason I started taking these dad blasted pills.  It is a "work in progress" for me.  I dunno how to let go.  Someone told me that I was feeling alot of shame and guilt.  They are exactly right.  

I consider myself a caring person and I hate it when people are mean to people.  I see it everyday in the school system that I have worked in the past 5 yrs.  I see it in the day to day activities that my kids are in.  I experience it everyday when hubby and I get into very "heated" debates about issues we do not and will never agree on.

I cry alot about the past....alot of "what if's", "why's" and "if only's".  To be honest, crying seems to make me feel better.  Catuf posted a piece on Letting Go several days ago..I dunno what page its on now...VERY GOOD information there.

I think it is a process....a very slooowww process.  Painful too.
I am reading a book now called "A Woman with a Past, a God with a Future".  It has some really good stuff in it.  Dunno if you have a relationship with Jesus Christ, but if not, Im sure there are alot of other books on the topic of Dealing with the past and forgiving.  I have trouble forgiving others.  I can't forgive myself, so how can I start to forgive others.  I mean, I forgive them if the situation is little and no big deal, but when heavy pain and heartache is involved....that's a tough one.  I know that I have to forgive others, but it's just hard when ya don't even know how to forgive yourself.

Sorry to ramble, but I feel and hear your pain in your posts.  I have been there this week.  It aint fun....Take some time for yourself...

Until Then,
LL

[desertgirl]

Thanks for posting, i actually went back to page 6 and read what Mistake was talking about and read all the posts from everyone. She was right, that is where I am at right now. Taking deep breaths right now knowing that I am not alone in this. I just have felt so lost for so long. I have to start living again, and I don't know how to. Baby steps. I think I am going to try and get some sleep, just realized I am out of smokes and cannot get more 'till morning anyways. Looking forward to talking with you again, and thanks for sticking with me tonight, means alot!!!
Jennifer

[grievingwidow]

Hello dear,  I am here.  I am working but checking in every now and then in between reports.  I have not been here much lately, what is going on with you now?  What is wrong, why are you crying?  Are you in withdrawal?  Post back when you can, when you feel like it.  I will keep checking on you.  I will be around for at least a couple more hours.

Love, Cindy