just want to talk

[sd_comedian]

I had  well have,( took my last yesterday)  habbit  wih  Norco. I have been taking 20 10-325 tabs at a time 4 times a day, sometims 5. Its gonna killmy liver and maybe me. I just got some detox meds but I have tried to detox twice  before but kept coming up with an xcuse why I need to get back on them I am married and have 2 young girls...4 and 12.  I want this to be over but its hard especially since my wife doesnt know how to deal with this or how to help me. So...anyone who would like to talk and help support each other would be great. ets help each other kick this nasty habbit for good. Also, any one who can give some  advice to my  wife on here on how to and how important it is to help me would be great. She is VERY upset and really does not want to even talk to me any more, just leaves mealone to deal with this on  my own. I need her and she doenset want to help me. I wish she know that I REALLY need her right now. Please help
.

[waterLilly7]

Hey SD,
that post brough tears to my eyes too.
Hang in there buddy, you are doing so freakin' great especially considering the high amount you were on, wow! Very strong dude! keep it up.

I am on day 32 here, i was taking 240+ mg of oxy instant release per day, not as much as you, but nothing to sneeze at either. The bugginess should go away soon, not much longer with that, and then after about 15 days the only problem you may have is some residual anxiety which can be helped with a very low miligram of xanax or valium. I still take one here and there, but only one half of a .25 mg xanax is enough to chase the anxiety away and not leave me too tired.
The energy thing, yeah .... you will find after a couple of weeks, maybe 3, maybe 2, it kicks in better, and after 4 weeks even better. Sometimes it comes in spurts. I start a job, like say putting away wash, and I do a little rest a little. SOmetiems I am full of energy, like a spurt, other times I still have to push myself a bit, but once you start you feel better.
Give youself some more time, and even 3 months till you are totally back to 100 percent brain chemicals again.
32 days for me here though, and feeling like I have my life back. Looking forward to even better days too.

I am sp proud of you, man, kicking all that, great job!!

I have noticed that so many places if you say something about GOd you get shunned. I don't mean preaching any religion in particular, whether Christian, Jewish, pagan, whatever, I mean just the mention of God and people get all like, 'ehhhh." but I noticed there isn't an atheist on this forum, LOL, not that an atheist doesn't get my full respect but its just really soemthing that there is so much God in this forum, its great! There is no such thing as an atheist in a foxhole they say, and I was in a foxhole alright, but I am out now, so will you be soon too!
big hugs,
Lily

[Fireby29]

Any and all exercise you can stand is key.  Eating right and a quality protein shake with good amino acids is crucial for me . . .i have treated this as a marathon to repair my brain, body and soul.  Your doing great, hang in there!

Bryan

[sd_comedian]

about 2 weeks clean and was starting to feel better but the past 2 days I have been in more pain then even the first 5 days. My legs and back are klling me! I am trying to walk outside still as that did make me feel better but now that is not helping. I am not craving the pills so thats good but I need some advise on what to do for energy, Any advice? my legs feel like a Boa is squeezing  them. Please  help if you can. Thanks!

[sd_comedian]

Thank you mary,  I stll have no energy but I know I will get it back I just feel so positive about being clean right now. Thanks again

[mary577]

So happy to read your update this morning!  It has been quite a journey but I am so glad you are doing better and you will just keep getting better,   So nice to have the enthusiasm back in your life, I am sure.   Congratulations on what you have accomplished!

[sd_comedian]

I did call ALL the places I was doctor shopping and let them know what I was doing and to NEVER let me do it again. I also told me dealers to not let me...lol. ya, like they care right? well I lost all and any way to get back intouch with them. I also came clean with my primary (real) Dr.                                                                                                                  

[sd_comedian]

I do have an apt next week to talk to someone  about my broblms, this goes deeper than the addiction and having a pro to talk to and help me will help...a lot I am sure. Also, suprisingly I am having NO cravings...at all. I am just SO EXCITED to get m life and REAL happiness back thats all I need. I also am inspired buy the family I have, I am a lucky guy. I understand my wifes  frustration at first with  me and understand I will need to earn her trust back but I did this do her so I need to fix it..and I will! All of you here are great and as always I thank you for the kind words. By the way, I am not really even taking the detox meds anymore, maybe just to help sleep without the bone and mussle pain but other than that walking and getting out is hard but does make me feel better. NO MORE EXCUSES, NO MORE PILLS ans NO MORE PROBLEMS! I am getting my life back and so happy! Take care all

[weaver71]

If anything will make you believe in a Higher Power than yourself, withdrawal from opiates is it. That's some powerful stuff your witnessing. I agree with the aftercare. It's very important not to forget and have your mind play tricks on you. I have come close to death and so have many of my friends, usually on a relapse. Besides, maybe your story can help another addict have hope. NA, AA, Counseling, or something won't kill you and I suggest going to the same lengths you went to buy drugs and get sober to stay sober. You've been an inspiration. I'm so happy your doing better. Thanks.

[mary577]

Your post brought tears to my eyes.   I am so happy for you that you are doing well and getting your head on straight and your priorities in the right order.   Please check in from time to time and let us know how you're doing.
The people on this forum are amazing, and they have helped me and others so much.   If you ever need support, you know you have come to the right place.   All the best to you and yours!

[sandstone27]

That was a great post sd!  I'm glad that you're doing so much better.  It's only been 8 days - think of how great your go to feel at 30 days!  Now is the time to start seriously thinking about some type of aftercare.  Once you start feeling better is the time that you may start thinking that you've got this under control and one couldn't hurt.  Or the mental part of addiction kicks in and the cravings may start.  I'm not trying to be negative here, I just want to see you continue to succeed.  NA or one on one counseling is a good place to start. Also, make sure you cut any and all ties with your suppliers - including your doctors. This is an important part of staying clean.

I'm glad to read your plans for the future - Disneyland with your kids sounds great - just keep taking care of YOU in the meantime.  

I sent you a note about creating threads in the forum.  If you still have questions about it, just ask and someone will help.  

Very proud of everything you've accomplished....

Sandy ♦

[sd_comedian]

WEll,  day 8 of being clean!  I am feeling so  much  better  and can walk  around again.  NOt for long but  I can do it.  I can also eat  more as well. I did  lose  22  pounds the last 8 days though. bad but not really for me! lol!  I was 228  ans am now 206. SO...I am gonna turn all this negitave  nto a posative  and get myself back into shape as well. Also,  I am  gonna  save the $3500  I was spending each month  on pills,  save that and take my kids to Disney  World for Christmas...It will be a suprise. SO much better being clean!   I dont feel 100%  and I am sure it will  take time..a lot  of time but I am feeling MUCH  better. Get this. I am not a  very Godly person but something happened to me today at the park with my 4 year ols. We walked over ther. Its only a block away. After about   20 min of watchinh  her play and thinking about what I had done I started tearing up, I was just SO happy to see her having so much fun and coming over and huggung me as she played. An older lady about  70 or so came  over to me and said "son  are  you ok?' "  I see tears in your eyes." She was a stranger but sweet and there alone  as I saw her on the bench across from me, I though maybe her grandchild was there but she told be that her father was a pastor and hr husband was as well but he passed away a few months back and they would come to this park every morning to watch gods children play.Anyway, she askes "what is wrong, I see you have a wonderful little girl who keeps huging you and having fun"  I said thats just  it ma'am and I told her all I have been through. he asked me..."may I hold your hand for a min?" I said sure. She did so for about 30 seconds than looked  into my eyes and said this...Jason,  God is with you right now,  he is here helping you and watching over you and your family. I never told her my name, I lost it..I actually felt something, dont know what it was but it was a great feeling and made me happy and cry at the same time. Just thought I would share  this because it was amazing. Again, Thanks to all of you for your support, I am getting better ans have NO cravings other than being a better man for my family.

[mary577]

Yes, please start a new thread.   I looked for this and couldn't find it yesterday.   We're still with you.

[weaver71]

Hey, you might want to start a new thread with you current state. Sometimes these things get so long they get lost. Anyway, Opiates screw up our heart and lungs along with brain chemistry. That sensation in your chest sounds familiar, and I think it was my lungs trying to heal combined with anxiety, but I was on lots of methadone with liquor, so no acetomenophine. Your body needs amino acids, vitamins, and minerals to heal and start making natural pain killers and mood stabilizers. Be careful of the Pink Cloud, as they call it in recovery. The feeling of freedom you get when you first get clean is amazing and liberating and dangerous without after care. I am the master of relapse. You seem like a cool guy with a lot to lose, so I hope you start to set up a plan of support and counsel for when you think you have it whipped and are tempted. I know how you feel makes it sound impossible but that day will come, so remember how this has felt. I almost died so many times, and that was after I swore I would never use again and had been clean 3 years.

[sd_comedian]

I can deal with the pain I am  still having and the lack of energy but what kills me is the bug feeling I have in my chest,I just woke up with it and damn its bothering me. Feelos like thousands of ants crawling inside my chest.  So annoying I can sleep. Any advice for this to go away? OR how long I can expect this to last? Remembwr I was taking 20 Norco or  20  Percocet 10-325  at a time 4 to 5 times  a day. So like 80 to 100  of them. With this make it last longer because of the amount I was taking?

On the othewr hand I DID walk  about  a mile today. WOW! was I tired but  it did feel good to be able  to do  it. Wel, looks like some of you   moved on  from here and  I understand  but  the others who are  still with  me any advice for  these damn  bug  feelings in my chest  would be great!  Thank you so much guys,  even though i have nver met  you,  you   are helping me more than you  know. Keep me pushing   on and I  WILL  ,i  say  I WILL get through this. Than I plan  to help  others  both  her and throught  my   chemical dep  with my insurahve  or  vo  give  my  time when  ever         I can,  hank you all again, I wikk be  waqitinh for my  answwer     for  thrdr  dsdamn  bug feelingd

[sd_comedian]

Well, I am feeling a little better. I can actually walk outside for a block or so but then I feel like I ran 10 miles.  I have not been sleeping as much either. I am actually on my reg pattern with maybe an hour nap here and there. I cant thank you all enough for the kind words nd help. Please  keep them coming as the DO  keep me motavited. Thanks again.  Aslo, go to my inbox here and if you give me your email I will send you a copy of my stand up show I did with Charley Murphy and Joe  Rogan. Thake care.

[sd_comedian]

Hello Don, yes you herd right, I was taking that many. Ya, Crazy stupid and I am lucky to be alive. I do have great insurance and did get hlp. However they will NOT put you into inpatient for this. WEll, My primary Dr is great, the chemical dep program ***** with the rest of Kaiser.  The Therapist I saw gAVE ME A 5 DAY SUPPLY of detox meds and  I ran out today, He sais to just call and he would refil if I needed. I DO! I feel like a group of guy are beating me with baseball bats. I called and he is gone until monday and they refused to help me with the refil even though its in the records! Sais I needed to come in personaly. I told them in my condetion  it wouldnt happen and my wife was not here to drive me they said to either deal with the suffering or get in my car and get there. its about 35 miles from me and I cant even see straight. what a crock.

[weaver71]

When I could go a whole day with out vomiting, I started going to an AA meeting every day. Two things. I got out of the house and away from any judgement from my wife and my wife saw that I was doing whatever it took to get clean. After care is key. You can start building support before the pain goes away, so you have a plan when temptation strikes. Opiates are deceptive liars and make us into deceptive liars. We lie to ourselves and make are families go as numb as we are. We chose at first then it was a matter of survival. I thought I needed medicine because I was ill, but realized the illness was the medicine. Go to any means to stay clean and everything falls into place. My wife doesn't trust me, but she stopped hating me. We must seek progress over perfection. Keep up the good fight.

[atthebeach]

hey it is understandable that your wife is angry right now. i get it. i am the wife of an addict. the lies,deceit,manipulation,finance issues,hurts run deep. it will take time for her to heal too. just as it will take time for you to heal. i would definitely suggest counseling for both of you, do you have clergy you could meet with? a psychologist,martial counselor?
you should go to a support group, na/aa and she should go to alanon. there are people there in the same boat as her they understand and can support her. dont expect to much from her right now. just ask her to give it some time. time does heal. my husband used for 14 years of our marriage, lots of baggage, my 2 oldest children are also addicts. the good news is he has been clean for 2 1/2 years, we are healing, day by day. it will take time for the trust to be restored, for the damage to be fixed. it can be.
there is forgiveness. she needs some time to process it all and get through the pain, anger, and hurt. dont argue, just let her have her say,
getting it all out is a healing in itself.
keep the faith.keep up the good work, you are winning the battle.

sending prayers and hope,
debbie

[sd_comedian]

All  I am asking her is  for positave words...you can do this,,,your betther than this,,,your  srtong enough to get through itm etc....all I get is "whay didnt you tel me, how much money , whewre did you get the,?. YELLING AT ME!   I even called all my hook ups AND  doctors I doctor  shopped and told them what I did Nd never give me pills again.  She caled me a liar and now once I a btter may just leave.  I   cant live without her

[Dane74]

It is you!! You have to own up to your actions and take charge of getting yourself clean.  You can only prove yourself through actions and not words.  SHe is going through a hard time too.  I am not telling you this to be ugly just that my therapist told me that when i was in rehab and he was so right i was blaming that it the addict in me but in reality it was all me, so i took ownership to my husband for my actions and believe me it was hard very hard, and then i just asked him to please allow me to prove to you that i can get and stay clean, he became more understanding.  Sometimes it takes time for loved ones to come around but just know they are suffering too.  Best of luck to you.

[sd_comedian]

Please just talk to my wife and help he understand?

[sd_comedian]

My wife is  upset because I lied  aboit the amount I was taking, that I was doctor  shopping and buying them off the street. YES, She should be! But I wish she would understand that it was not me...it was the fact I did what I had to do to get these pills so I would feel ok and happy. I  NEVER meant any harm to her or my family. She will not help me through this. JUst keeps saying just get better than we will talk about our future. Yes, I did put us inj a financial bind but again I didnt meqan to, I just had to have them...I am an addict, she doesnt   understabd that. It hurts me that the person I NEED most inmy life to get through this looks at me like I ruined her life nad  wants to not only help me, but nothing to do with me anymore. She will NOT read the foram on here so if any of you can give her some advice aqnd let her know I need her to make it ad never meant to  put us in this bind would greatly help me. Thank you

[sd_comedian]

Yes, Sandy,  I am awake a lot more now. Infact, I slept so much I cant sleep. I am eatimg  but not hungry. I did go for  a short walk today, only a block  but the weather here in San Diego  sure does help. I  know  with all you help and  concern I WILL make it!

[weaver71]

Emergen-C, electrolytes, vitamins, minerals. I have the same concern as many others, you can't drink and sleep at the same time. If your wife is convinced your serious now, maybe she can just put it front of you and push back on the bed. Please, Please hydrate. No opiates but plenty of other pills doesn't heal, but fluid will flush it out and nutrients will give your body something to work with for healing. I know how hard it is to concentrate. Reading a post is laborious, writing is almost comical sometimes. I say almost, because nothing is funny about detox at first. Keep it up, feed your brain, I want to hear you tell a joke again and be able to make the family laugh. What a reward. Be safe. Live on.