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kicked my son out on the street
I'm new here. I am going through tough times with my 23 yr old son. He was jobless and took him in. He is addicted to oxy, percs and pretty much any type of pill. Did not know this.  He has good days where not sure he is taking anything as he will never admit to it. Then days on end where he is high and abusive to me. Then the days on end when he sleeps for 4 or 5 days straight, detoxing I guess. I have talked to drug counsellors to understand these drugs better. I have done everything I can to help him but he wont even admit to his habit let alone help himself.  I find pills everywhere and worry about my granddaughter finding them. Last nite did me in when I found out he had stolen from a friend, obviously to get money for more pills. I hate myself, it hurts so much to shut the door on him but I cant live like this anymore and am probably responsible for enabling by giving him a bed and food. It doesnt help that I have already lost a child and am always waiting for the call that he has overdosed again. Has anyone else been through this? Not sure this is where to post this but need to understand what is happening with him and these drugs.  I have to be strong because I know the phone calls and his tears to come home will start but cannot trust anything he says anymore.  Any advice would be very welcome.  
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Good post Lizzie, i hope this lady comes back on
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I totally agree with what Lizzie said.I'm a little confused about the posters who don't think it's time for the original poster to practice some tough love.This woman didn't say she doesn't love her son or that she has turned her back she has simply said she has taken a step in not enabling him in his addiction anymore.She never said she didn't love him or wouldn't support him in his recovery.If this was his wife  or his g/f or best friend posting saying how his addiction is causing him to be abusive to them would you give them the same advice? What makes it different,if it does to anyone,that it's his mother?I'm sure that this poster is a wreck,and scared to death and sitting by the phone every day,jumping out of her skin when it rings,fearing that something has happened to her son,but what would you have her do? Nothing changes if nothing changes.I think it took a huge amount of love and courage for her to do what she did.I'm a mother of 3 grown children.I know this mother is hurting right now because she loves her son so much,but she can't love him to death.I know this had to be one of the toughest decisions this woman has ever made,but this just might be what saves her sons life.When you stop making an addicts problem yours and start making it their own,well a lot of times that the wake up call we need.As addicts when we know that we have people in our lives that no matter what we do or how we treat them they're still going to put a roof over our head and food in our stomach.Instead of appreciating that,we expect it,abuse it,and we are master manipulators.Right now I'm certain that this woman is hurting more now then she did before she made this decision.I also believe it is probably one of the most selfless bravest decisions shes will ever make in her life.I hope she comes back too.All the best...Kim
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I never once said she didnt love her son but are we not on here to give our own opinions and experiences.We are at my husbands mums just now and she has not had it easy with him either. It has taken 13yrs but we are now 25days clean with the support of his mum. If she had thrown us out we would still be taking heroin. We have been there before to try to come off but to no avail although this time when we did it actually has worked with the help of mh also. I And if you reread my post i said different things for different people and what worked with my family. She also didnt say she was physically abused either. I also told her my heart went out to her as a mother of an ex-addict and an ex-addict myself but none of it would have happened without our mothers or my son with me. I also told her to follow her gut feeling and that she was probably right as she knew her own son better than anybody. But i would be more scared not knowing where he/she was. I know that desperation too. I also told her i knew how much she loved him and hadnt given upon him or she wouldnt be on here.I knew this would happen after i posted this but i am only saying what happened in my situation and told her i felt truly sorry for her and i too hope she comes back on. But surely i am entitled to my opinion just as much as anyone else on this site. My heart does go out to this womanand yes i know she is desperate. I was desperate too when i first came on this site. We got different opinions and answers from different people but i took in all the different opinions and decided what was best for me. It also depends on the addict and at what level he is at.Maybe she has made the best decision i truly hope with all my heart that she has but im only saying it was a different approach in our situation so we will agree to disagree and hope she comes back on and things are better for her.
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no body here said NOTHN about her not loving her son gezzzz all a few of us were sayn cause were so soon outa recovery probably and some younger is that we see it in the kids perspective and how i woulda felt if i woulda been thrown out on the street, im not a parent and have NO idea what shes going thru but i was were her kid is at and no how i woulda felt and me personally do not thnk that its a good idea. and ur rite i do not know the full circumstances of what has been going on with the mom and kid i dont im going by my own experiences so calm down no one here ever said she didnt love her kid use ur heads who would say such a thng, were tryn to help this lady and not everyones gona agree i mite b wrong but thats how i feel so im not suppose to share it cause sum people disagree with me.
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I also have experienced what your son is experiencing. I think it's the best thing. I didn't think so at the time but I do now. If your son doesn't hit bottom, he'll keep doing what he does because it's easy. If you help create his bottom, he'll be more likely to seek help or want to stop doing what he's doing.  It's very similar to the show (Intervention). They help create the bottom and stop enabling the addict and usually they seek help.
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Its me back. Thanks for all the replies. Life takes many strange turns. After kicking my son out he got beat up with a bat, and now has a cracked skull and face. Second nite in hospital guess the meds werent enough, took some of his own oxy and overdosed, he flatlined but they saved him. Now back to square one, I feel I may have to look after him when he gets out but now he has been having free run of drugs and the problem may even be worse. The hospital was no help at first until the overdose and then they have offered him couselling etc. but he still denying he is an addict. Says he can kick it himself.  I have allowed only family to visit so he doesnt get some well wisher bringing anything else to him. I guess I will have to break the news to him that he can come home to recooperate but he will have no visitors and not leave the house.  I have arranged that he get his pain meds daily from the pharmacy and no prescrip. The old rules apply, and if he doesnt like it as painful as it is he cant come here. If it was just me maybe I could take the **** but not with a 4 year old gd. I have talked to the hospital about what if he cant come here he cant go out on the street with head injuries and they said there may be help. I had hoped he had finally hit bottom but maybe not yet. I am done with my tears again, feel the strength coming back but I feel angry with him.  
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I respect your opinion. And congrats to you for getting there. I am not sure what you mean about what level he is.  I am still learning. But I do feel he is almost at bottom but unfortuneatly maybe not there and what it will take for him to be there. Yes you are right, I am very scared about where he may end up by kicking him out especially now that he is hurt but the verbal and emotional abuse has been enough, I cannot do anymore. I have been for counselling, I have reached out to support groups but it seems almost all addiction problems are personal, each very different, the circumstances not the same.  Which seems odd to me as addiction has been around for ever, but there is no book of rules that apply to everyone. You who have all been there have offered me more support already on here than I have got anywhere else. You start to feel really alone when friends  think oh well he is a bad kid and too bad that happened.  I am not asking for sympathy perhaps empathy and support for me and my other kids but most people just turn their back on you. Sorry for rambling but already I have felt more from you all here than anywhere.  Whoops thought was done with the tears.......... thanks for your replies
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262294 tn?1236180470
Mom, can I call you that? :) You are incredible. Beautiful, loving, kind-hearted. You're a mom. What else is there to be to your son than a loving mother who wants the best for him?
I was out-of-control at 18 yrs. old and my mom kicked me out. I was abusive, mean and wouldn't get a job. I went to live with my 'best friend' who had begun doing harder drugs. I knew I didn't want to follow that route, but I did other things I shouldn't have. I got pregnant and had an abortion. I hit rock bottom in life then. I almost committed suicide. My mom's heart was broken that I had gone through so much and blamed herself. I told her not to, and I still do.
I am an addict now. It's no one's fault but mine. No ones! People may be able to detox on their own and who knows, some people can get sober and stay sober for a long time without anyone (although, I've never known anyone to stay sober who didn't have help from friends, family and couseling). If my husband threw me out right now for taking painkillers and I lost my 16 month old daughter, it would be my fault.
I am getting help. I hate being like this. But I know that if people were enabling me and I was denying my problem, I'd keep stealing and shopping around for drugs and feeding this need to keep pain and shame away.
You'll do the right thing. I love my mom and respect my mom for telling me she had taken enough abuse from me. I hated her then (although, I didn't really hate her), but she kept praying for me and I think her prayers kept me alive long enough on my own for me to hit bottom, contemplate suicide, fall down on my knees, ask for forgiveness for all the horrible things I'd done, and move back home a changed person.

Yes, God did kick Adam and Eve out of the Garden. It wasn't because He was mad at them, it was for their protection. If they stayed there and ate of the tree of life, they would forever be caught in their sin, never dying, and never getting a chance at redemption.
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Im so sorry to hear about your son being beaten up. I hope he gets better soon. I also thank god he was in the hospital when he overdosed. I thought maybe that would have gave him the fright he needed but obviously not. You are right in making these rules if he does have to come back and stay i agree with you 100% and you are right especially about getting meds daily and no visitors that a definate as those well wishers will be most likely be bringing him more pills. Im praying that maybe a properly prescribed amount of meds might stabilise him enough to see whats happening. We can only wait and pray he sees it. You are so right about not getting help from so-called friends. I have been in the exact same position they think oh hes terrible, as long as its not their kids they dont care, where as they should be saying, there but for the grace of god go I.
We also had no help until we came here but were able to stop the drugs by being on here. Everyone will support you and never judge you here as we have all been there or are going through the same things.
I will be thinking of you and your family as they go through the addiction too.
Just pm me if you ever need to know anything as i know you are not very sure about everything yet but i pray things get better for you and keep posting to ;et us know how you are and whats happening.

Good luck and try to think positive even though i know you cant see anything positive just now. Who knows anything can happen i thought it would never happen but im just as surprised as anyone with how far we have come so suddenly so it can happen when you least expect it and i hope it happens with you.
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My son and his wife have been addicts for years. They have 3 beautiful children. They came to me 2 years ago asking for help. My mother had just passed away and I came into some money. I spent almost everything on them trying to help them get clean. In the meantime my brother and his wife took in the kids so they would not go into foster care. I thought they were doing so good. I had no idea they were still using. After almost a year they got their girls back and then one day I went to the bank only to discover that he had taken what money I had left. I was devastated. I made them move out and realized that I had made a terrible mistake by helping them get the girls back. These babies did not deserve to live this life. So I set in motion to have my brother get the girls again, as I was not able to give them the life they deserved. I have cut my son out of my life which is the hardest thing I have ever had to do. I was just so tired of being lied to and them taking everything I worked so hard for. To be a part of him losing his children is something I don't think I will ever get over. They say tough love is the best thing to do but it is also the hardest. The girls are doing wonderful. They are being raised in church and have wonderful lives, which I am able to be a part of. To this day my son blames me for his addiction. I spend everything I had to help them and now I am financially suffering. I cannot be a part of his life. I cannot stand the addiction and what it has done. I love him more than life, but I love my grand children and cannot see them suffer because of their parents. Please be strong and know that you have done the right thing. It is still hard for me to accept what they have done. But sometimes we don't have a choice. I pray everything gets better for you and your son.
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My 22 year old waited 5 months for a bed at the rehab where he is beloved. (wow that is so odd , the rehab where he is beloved) he has been in and out of this one for 4 years... He went and left the next day . a call to inform me how sorry they were , he was in an opiate withdrawal and left. I had to say what i mean and mean what i say.. He wants money he is tired walking for days , living under a bridge. He tried to cash (AGAIN) checks from his dad,  they called, but he didn't tell him to arrest him...HE was so close to being safe , jail is better then this . He is out of his mind.. And I am so sad. I walk around numb........ I already lost my nephew they all started on oxy and now are heroin addicts...I told him from the get go , you must finish a program or i will not help you . He is living under a bridge.... When will the sadness go away. all his veins are blown out , he has taken to shooting in his neck... I think gods speed ... We all just suffer...... But then all I see is that freckled faced blue eyed boy, and i miss him so much I am just so very sad
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I'm sorry you are going through this.

People don't change until they want to, and sometimes, they never want to.

At this point, all you can do is pray, and find love/support from everyone you can.

I am sorry about this.
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Thank you for such kind words


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If you need to talk to someone even if it takes me a couple hours, feel free to message me.
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Amen sister...I just kicked my son out.I feel like a thousand pounds was lifted off my chest.My son is 20 I know I did the right thing.To all the people on here saying let them stay show them love if you throw him out it might get worse.I threw him out to save his life believe me.He called me a stupid fxxxxing Bxxx one time to many.Just about every door ,cabinet etc torn up in my house that I work very,very hard for.To all you addicts out there take a long look in the mirror-what you are looking at is a self centered selfish lazy friend to satan.Go do something constructive,wash someones car,paint the walls in the house your sponging from.Go play tennis but quit destroying everybody around you.People make choices if they are going to choose to get help, die,live.steal.do right it does'nt matter where they are in your house or out.I love my son and always will i did this for both of us.I'm 53 and I am enjoying cleaning ,painting and repairing his room.I m going to go live life I know I raised my kids right and my son will wake up and get help. I just read over my post and i ccan tell im still mad.Part of it I feel I should have done it sooner.I was listening to a friend that has a 31 yr old and she is still dealing with it..I can not help my son til he gets help letting another grown adult lay up in your house and be sorry is not love.I also notice how people think since it is called a priscrition drug or legal pot it's not really a drug.They stagger around in slow motion deny there on anyhing and call you crazy.........crazy and stupid is letting them stay in your home rent free. If other children are in the home what do they see?It's OK with mom if we are on drugs and non productive.
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If you haven't already, you might want to post your question on the forum "Living with an Addict",  they might have more insight to add.....
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2011934 tn?1329336234
LIZZIE LOU- Loved your posts.

Islandcat-  My mom is a recovering alcoholic sober 11 years.  At the worst of her addiction, I kicked her out.  She was affecting us all in a horrible manner, i won't go into all the nasty details.  However, I called my best friends mom and told her to come get her, or the cops were.  I told my mom in one of her half sober moments, to not come back until she had gotten help, I threatened her with a restraining order from all of my family.  Up until this we had tried everything to help her.. my friends mom picked her up and drove her to a 3-month inpatient program.  She had failed inpatient before, so when she called me after detox, I told her i'm sorry but I couldn't handle the let down again, and would not have any contact with her while she was there.  This was her bottom, she later told me.  When her kids kicked her out, and refused to see her or talk to her.  From that day forward she has 11 years under her belt and has not relapsed once.  

Now i'm the addict, I chose not to share it with my family for fear of hurting them, stressing them out, and of course my mom feeling guilty, and my own shame.  Although, even high on pills, if my parents or husband had kicked me out, I wouldn't have blamed them.. he too I hope in time will get that.

I believe you did the right thing!  You cannot let his addiction affect you and the rest of your family, otherwise he is going to make you sick.  I became very sick with my mom's addiction (ulcer, stress, weight loss, insomnia, depression, vomiting.)  You remain strong, do what you can, but we all know you can't do much, until he wants to do for himself.  I'm sorry he was injured, and pray he wants help soon.  
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I am curious after a couple years have gone by since your original post, how did things turn out?
I am a mother of a 29 year old addict that after 3 months living in my house I had to kick him out yesterday. Today I am sticking to my guns and not giving in to his threats. But it is killing me. He has been doing every drug imaginable for at least 4 years. He is a truck driver and passed out at the wheel a week ago with my 4 yr old grandson with him and rolled a fully loaded semi! Thank god they were ok. But now that he is not working he has more time for drugs! If that was not a wake up call I don't know what is. His cousin that went through rehab has arranged for a 3 month scholarship to a great rehab, all he has to do is call him. He won't even do that. So my opinion is he is just not "ready" to go. And I can't make him. He has lost everything. His wife is divorcing him, he doesn't get to see his kids anymore, he has no job, and all he does is more drugs! He gets very verbally abusive with me and tries to blame me and his wife for not doing anything to help him. When we have both spent hours setting things up for him then he won't go. Unfortunately his dad and his dads family are total inabelers and give him what ever he wants including drugs to calm him down! So I finally said, great go live with them. I am done until you can get help for yourself and treat me with respect.
I feel terrible about it, which lead me here, now I feel a little better. I have several different health conditions, most of which stress make worse and was supposed to have had surgery 2 weeks ago for a possible thyroid cancer and I have had to but it off. Not to mention my husband (his step father) works his but off everyday to come home to yelling and screaming and me upset everyday. I also have a 17 year old daughter that lives here that deserves some sanity to. She is so mad at him she won't come home if he is here, she stays at friends. I feel like I am neglecting the ones who need me and will take help for the one who is strung out , abusive, and won't do anything for himself at 29 yrs old.
All in all, I feel like I had no choice. I could no longer put the rest of my family through it anymore, and I feel like I was just enabling him to continue. He does have other family to stay with, he just didn't want to. Maybe they can figure something out for him and won't enable him. Which I probably why he wanted to stay here.
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My 18 year old daughter is on Herion. She overdosed 6 months ago on methadone and is still using Herion. She avoids me and is hard to track down. She had no clothes or personal belongings with her. When I do see her is looks worse each time. I let her home for 3 days to detox but when she refused treatment I told her she had to go. I text her daily wishing her the best and tell her how much I love her. She feels bad about her choices but has still not gotten help. Everyone says to tough love it out but it is a living hell. I hate going to bed, the nightmares are almost as bad as the reality of it all.
I also have a 17 yr old, her sister who's going down the same road. It seems so many of their friends are addicts, kids that all grew up together. Very sad.
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My 18 year old daughter is on Herion. She overdosed 6 months ago on methadone and is still using Herion. She avoids me and is hard to track down. She had no clothes or personal belongings with her. When I do see her is looks worse each time. I let her home for 3 days to detox but when she refused treatment I told her she had to go. I text her daily wishing her the best and tell her how much I love her. She feels bad about her choices but has still not gotten help. Everyone says to tough love it out but it is a living hell. I hate going to bed, the nightmares are almost as bad as the reality of it all.
I also have a 17 yr old, her sister who's going down the same road. It seems so many of their friends are addicts, kids that all grew up together. Very sad.
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I couldn't read all the comments but i read the first page which is a lot considering i was just checking to see if a comment was lyrics to a song on a persons facebook comment lol. I'm adding this because my post got way longer then i wanted!!!!! WAY LONGER!!! Now i don't know how it feels to be a mother in this situation or will ever figure out what separates a drug addict to a recreational user that only does it once and a while but i can tell you that in my own personal experience that i do stuff now and then with friends but that's not the point or the objective of this post. i just wanted to tell you my story which might put your doubts on the choice you made to ease. So it starts when i went to the army because my family wanted me to( you know the whole family tradition, father had been to war 5 time yada yada yada) thought it would be fun to see the world and i did indeed, but also was exposed to more recreational drugs then before. ALOT of soldiers do all kinds of drugs both over seas and in the states (their not bad people by any means but being in the position they are in i understood the appeal and did at times do **** along side them) some got addicted some didn't.
    either way i come home from what my family wanted me to do and what i ended up loving to do! But wait low and behold I'm not welcomed with open arms I'm instead not aloud to stay with my parents lol. mind you I'm getting out of the army with almost no money because of lack of planning and thoughts that i would go to college.. needless to say i didn't have an addiction problem like your son has and yet my parents still did the OLD "life's tough get a helmet bit." For a while I scrounged my way threw and went to college. I can honestly a stronger person then i was before even after serving in the army for 3 years. That surprised me to say the least... there's nothing like being homeless to give you perspective of how bad life can really be instead of what you think as  you walk or drive by them.
    With that oddly long back round information to fill in blanks i would like you to know i never grew up well off so i know from a poor to middle class family that pills are not cheap by any means and i mean any means...  i cant speak for your family but in my extensive experience both in the service and outside of it on my own time i found that most NOT all and i stress NOT all because sometimes there are outside factors that allow for the cheap acess to pills that allow people that normally cant afford them to be able to. BUT most that have pill addictions start well they have plenty of spare money, maybe a friend that supply's for cheap to start then jacks the price up when they are hooked which usually ends in stealing to support the addiction, which could be your case. All i know is well in high school i remember people doing pills more then almost every other drug and even working a job 30 hours a week at 15 years old i couldn't ever of imagined buying the pills they were offering and i didn't have anything to spend my money on lol... i honestly don't know too many people that are addicted to pills with out a bit of money to support it from the start, its not the poor or middle class addiction honestly. were i live its one of the most expensive addictions out there lol. ie:1 vicodin cost any were from 4 to 8 dollars so a 50 bag of Cocaine would do more for you and last way longer then the 10 pills that an addict would eat in 20 min lol. pill popping usually starts in high school well they have no expenditures and a flow of money from possible a job? all guess work on my end but honestly at 23 a true taste of the real world is needed and seriously I'm not sorry to say this at all because i swear by it! tough love is the best love whether they hate you for it or not...If what you said is true you needed to throw him out and at least show him that your not going to sit around and support his addiction well he does nothing!
    
I would like to now apologize for my insane rant! i got TOTALLY carried away but i thought it was important info instead of just writing a post like most people saying "yea throw that bum on the street" lol. You just have to say at a certain point that enough is enough and throw out that bull crap about oh "its my baby and ill take care of you no matter what"even though your spending all your minimal amount of cash on drugs. instead you need to Put on the I'm dead serious face and tell him right to his face "i love you but your not welcome in this house unless its just to visit to say hi." tough love hurts for both people involved but it makes you either learn from your mistakes and correct them OR they continue down the same path with out your help though.... At the end of it you can say that you didn't stand by and blindly  help support his terrible choices because you couldn't make a serious stand against them......

Well that's it for my comments this YEAR! just wasted a half hour writing that and making sure i didn't sound like a total moron i hope lol. I never write anything to people so be nice i just felt like venting! lol. Well i wont be on this site probably ever again, was a fluke in the first place but good luck in the future with him and i know there are probably gonna be a few ***** that actually read the whole thing and say some stupid **** so yea you can go shove it right now before you get the chance to post a dumb comment.................
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2119804 tn?1334864646
I so feel for you and I hear your love. I moved back in with my parents a year ago because I was ending a toxic relationship and it looked like they really could use my help. They are nearing 80 and still live in the large family home, have a vacation house, etc. I get the plus of not being alone.

That was fine until my addiction got so bad that I began taking a little cash here and there then got caught. I quit once before and came clean, but I have hidden the fact that I have fallen off the wagon. I have lied, just like one of the younger posters said, to keep from hurting my folks. I have been very creative. Until my mother confronted me about missing funds and asked flat out if it was drugs. I make too much money at work to be having any financial issues living with them with no expenses.

I'm not where your son is, and I thank God for that, but I cannot excuse the fact that I have stolen from my parents when they have been so good to me. My mother told me to quit or get out. I am quitting. I've been feeling guilty but wondering about them seeing me in detox AND not wanting to deal with it yet again. This will be the second time for me. But I want to encourage you to continue to do just what you are doing. In the long run it will be best for everyone.

There are many parents on this forum and though they might not check in as often, they do, and you will hear from them. Everyone has a limit to what they can take. You have reached yours. That is a good thing for all concerned. -Randy
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hi these is my first time ever writing to anyone. My son is 22 my family has gone through so much. I paid fines lawyers bailed him out many times I even bought him a place to live thinking he was clean because i was paying one hundred dollars a week for him at the clinic and he was still using drugs. when i found ou t i through him out and brought him home. In three weeks he robed us of money and jewelry i even caught a drug dealer at my house So i had no choice but to through him out of my house. I dident sleep for three days on the fourth day he asked for something to eat and I told him I take him to a rehab he agreed and did good for a month i was sending him cig and twenty dollars a week. He called and told me he got a weekend pass and could come home. stupid me picked him up twice. this  pass weekend i got him on  Friday and by friday night i thought he was high of course he denied it but I knew. So today I call the rehab and found out he got kicked out for using after being there a month and would  have  to start over. So instead he decided to just live  at the homeless shelter and lie to us saying he gets to come home ever weekend. I talked to him after calling and finding out everything for the last two weeks has been a lie. I told him i wouldn't send him anymore money or cig and not to call me until he gets back into the rehab program. I feel like he's killing me I love him so much but I can not help him until he helps him self. I cant be-leave the length he will go to two do his drugs The help is right there, why do i feel like the worst mother in the world. Please help me to know I did the right thing what if he dosnt get the help and never calls can i live with that.  
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I think about that all the time.  I did all of the same things you did.  My son is 26 and he has a 4 year old son.  I have paid fines, bail and lawyers many time.  I gave him a car to get to work, I gave him a place to live when he was kick out of his apartment, I paid for his cell, his insurance and anything his child needed.  I place myself is financial ruin for him.  Just because I loved him and because I thought that if I just kept trying to help him, trying to save him, he would be ok.  I was wrong.  I finally said enough was enough the day I had to run home from work because my neighbor called to say my son kicked my front door in and almost drove my car into the side of my house trying to get it started.  I had disabled it.   I dialed 911 and told him that he either go to rehab or jail.  I drove him to rehab that night.  Its been 3 weeks that he is clean at the rehab and for that I thank God.  However, I have realized that I can love my child without loving my child to death.  By enabling him, I was loving him to death.  I was giving him the means to continue to put that needle in his arm.  Police still come to my house looking for him and I live in fear or getting the mail or opening the door because I can only imagine what he did to get money for drugs but I have to stop living in fear and realize that it is his addiction and it does not have to ruin my life because it is not my addiction.  Don't know if this helps but hang in there.  Our ways weren't working and are not helping.  Now its up to them and just keep saying prayers that God can help them shed their addiction because we can't.  Good Luck.  
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I'm sorry to hear about this.  I put my parents through the same torture as your son is doing to you...
This may be hard to hear but you have to let him decide that he wants to stop.  You need to support him in getting clean but that involves tough love.  No food, shelter, money, nothing.  As hard as that may be to do It is the best thing.
You must realize that it is out of your control and he needs to find his own way to sobriety.  
I have seen both sides of addiction, being an addict and putting my family thru hell.  Also dating one and seeing the other side and the damage addiction can do to loved ones.
There's not much I can say to help unfortunately...
You just have to pray that he will find his way to living a sober life
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2083449 tn?1381358308
Hey Map & JFK76, this mommy posted her own thread on this site here last night and it was moved to the Living with an addict forum! I just checked & no one has responded but me! If you can please go over to the Living with an addict forum and post your replys! I think she really needs some support! Thank you!!
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Thanks Son
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my son has been addicted to herion for 3 years ive kicked him out nput himin 4 rehabs methadone clinics 3 times suboxone treatment 4 times called police put him in jail for thirty days nothing is working he just turned 21 and his dr says he is going to die from this he is living in my home so i can watch to make sure he dontoverdose i make sure he is breathing all night he uses a needle now what do you do when you have done everything to get him well he has stolen everything from us worth value abuses us i cant sleep eat or breath i know he will die he has overdosed 3 times my dr is going to perscribe me narcan i cant go on anymore do u have an answer for me please help me
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Thank God and you so much for the eye opener of Adam and Eve eviction notice. I tossed my daughter and her boyfriend out of my house a couple of days ago and still wondered if I've done the right thing. My daughter was in intensive care the day I gave her three choices, one I told her I could go through all the channels of the law and force her to go to rehab or two she could go voluntarily and last I didn't want her in my life. You see, she overdosed and died three times, this third time of overdosing is why she was just in intensive care. After giving her these three choices and while she was still in intensive care she became angry and took her father and I from being able to find out about her progress but made it where her boyfriend was allowed to know everything about her progress. So, I had her boyfriends mom to have him call me but my daughter called instead. I let her know to tell her boyfriend I had thrown their things out and on the front lawn. Her reaction was, ok I'll be out there *****. She signed herself out of intensive care, their things are still here. The reason I am so angry with her boyfriend is while we were praying for her life, working prior to the medics arriving, using CPR to save her life, her drug addicted boyfriend staggered himself away from the seen while she was dying  and went downstairs and into the kitchen made himself a bowl of chile sat at the table, ate like nothing was happening. My daughter has a 10 going on eleven year old daughter who is now under the thumb of CYS to the idiot, the only grandchild I have. My daughter now has what they call duel diagnosis. Her body is falling apart with pain, her brain well you might guess, she swears at me like I've never dreamed and I've gotten into physical altercations with her over the disrespect that i won't tolerate. I've thought about giving my daughter the opportunity to only allow her to stay here and see if she would say yes. This could give her a break away from her boyfriend and then we would be able to see how much of an influence he has on her if any. I'll keep you up to date if you'd like.
                                               Thank You So Much new girl 2708
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Hello, my son is 23 and has been in this Hell for almost four years. Thank you for your words of encourgment! I feel helpless, J is my only child and we are, were very close. This addiction has taken so much form us! It's VERY nice to hear that there is hope! Again thank you! J is currently in jail and is more than likely going to prison. I tell myself, at least he's alive and not doing harion. Stay clean stay positive!  MP
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Hello, my son is 23 and has been in this Hell for almost four years. Thank you for your words of encourgment! I feel helpless, J is my only child and we are, were very close. This addiction has taken so much form us! It's VERY nice to hear that there is hope! Again thank you! J is currently in jail and is more than likely going to prison. I tell myself, at least he's alive and not doing harion. Stay clean stay positive!  MP
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4425747 tn?1354402998
What about the Mom whose daughter has been to rehab twice and won't go again. She has a 3 yr. old daughter that she runs from drug house to drug house. We're finally getting custody, but she can't live here now. I can't leave the house EVER with her alone in it. Shes stolen everything of any value in our home including clothes from her 19 yr old sister and myself. We are at our Witts end!!!!!!! Ive already lost a son to hanging who was addicted to Meth. Now she addicted to the same thing. I woke up the other morning to find a bag of crystal meth on my hallway floor!!!!!!!!! I hated kicking her out. I want to cry every second. But, really love them to death. Ya, that's exactly what I did to my son and it did end up in death!!!!!!!!!!
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My son is 19, he has been smoking weed since he was 15 and now he does pills...Zannax, Valium, pain killers of any kind. We have enabled him with money, shelter, and kept bailing him out of situations, including getting arrested.  We have a 12 year old at home and did not want him to be exposed to the smell of weed from his room..(his clothes smelled and we thik he was hiding weed in his room). Enough was enough, he did not want help and we just didnt think it would become a problem and thought he would outgrow it.  We asked him to leave our home and he moved in with his grandpa.  It was fine until people were coming by his grandpas house, trying to look for our son and soon find out he was selling.  His grandpa only has use of one side of his body from a stroke so he didnt feel safe anymore in his own place so he asked our son to leave.  Well, I and his grandma felt bad for him, so we set him up in an apt.  He had a few jobs and we paid for his sell phone, grandma paid his insurance, and we helpeed give him furniture and food...you name it...we were class A enablers, but were hopeful that this move would make him grow up.

Not even 8 weeks into living there, he ad so many complaints about noise, that the landlord said one more complaint and he was out.  We learned he had 2 girls living with him that they later admitted he was hitting them and was mentally abusive.  His mood was changing and he was always angry.  He finally lost his job because of the drugs, and he lost his girlfriend and he got robbed at his apt from 3 friends he says and then he was about to lose his apt.  So again, we packed him up, brought him home once again with the promise he gos to counceling.  He agreed, but then once in, he kept putting it off....staying up all night, sleeping all morning.  My husband checked his phone and figured out he was selling drugs.  He would get texts al hours of the day and night.  This wasnt the worse part.  The first three days he was there, while my husband was at work, he would explode if I asked him questions....telling me to mind my own F_____ business and that I was a F______ B____.  His anger was out of control, I felt like a prisoner in my own home. My youngest son and I heard him actually in the bathroom "talking" to himself and answering...he was so out of control and upset.  I knew it was the drugs. He would leave for hours and when he came back, he would come through the door and say, "Hi Mom, whats up?" as if nothing happened.  He was Jekyl and Hide and I knew that this wasnt my son.  I was scared,never seen him this bad..I kept texting my husband at work,my husband felt helpless and couldnt concentrate on his work, he told me to leave him alone for now and go to my room and when he got home, he questioned my son and asked him about his behavior, he said he just wanted everyone to leave him the F___ alone.  He wanted to just lay around, eat our food, do his drugs. come and go as he pleased, not do any chores, and talk to us anyway he wanted to. We knew he would soon be out, but we had to see our options first. My 12 year old lived in fear when he got home from school, he would sit by me with his cell phone waiting to call 911 if he came to me to hit me.  We called a treament center and they said we can ask him he would come to the center with us for an a evualuation, and if he didnt, we could call our police dept and they could escort him there if he was out of control.

My husband called the police and they said they could not do anything unless he was harming himself or threatening to, which he wasnt, he did however confessed to wanting to kill the guy who stole his stuff, police said it didnt help, there was nothing they could do but help us escort hiom our of the house if we chose to make him leave.

Last night, after 3 days of him calling us the worse names we have ever heard, and the destruction of some of our own personal items in the house and the outbursts, my husband asked him one more time...will you go to the treatment center with me just to talk to them?  He said HELL NO, and then my husband said, that he needed him to leave our house.  HE called me a F_____ B____ again, told us that he hoped we rot in hell, and said that he couldnt count on his f_____ family.  We never heard him talk like this before.  My husband kept asking why the attitude was worse...we later found out that prolong pill pooping makes people manic, destructive, depressed and just out right mean...he dispalyed all of this.  We were in fear of him, and after many years of enabling him, he was out.  Many years ago, we threw him out only to worry about where he was, is he eating...the whole nine yards and foolishly we took him back in.,He stayed out in the woods sleeping and staying.  A counselor later told us that our mistake was in letting him back in..He said we should have left him in the woods....and that he was an addict.

It is Thursday morning and I dont know where my 19 year old boy is, the one I brought into the world and brought himn to church and tried to teach him to have respect for women, and people. We taught him right from wrong and we are a Christian family....people look at us as what kind of parents were we to have a son like this?  We did nothing.  It is all self afflicted and I pray and hope he realizes he has nothing and he will come home and ask for help.  It was the hardest thing to do, but if it was easy, they wouldnt call TOUGH love, tough.  My husband is upstairs so  out of it, so sadded by his actions, but we knew we couldnt continue to let him run our home.  Enabling only prelongs the addiction...I know we are doing the right thing.....but We love him so...We are so heartbroken. Grandma is so depressed over it, well, everybody is....all I have is hope, and prayer.  I know after reading many posts, we are not alone.
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I am going what you are going thru.  Our 20 year old son sounds just like yours.  I admire you for kicking him out.  We are on the verge of doing that too.  How are things for you today?
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I think when you kick your child out of the house - and stick to it, it's because you have had enough, don't know what else to do and can no longer stand by watching them self-destruct and tear the rest of the family apart.  At least that's what happened in my case - there was nothing left for me to do.  My son is now going to AA on his own accord.  I haven't seen him or talked to him in months.  I miss him and love him and pray that he's ok.  Sometimes that's all you can do.  Prayers for us all.
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617347 tn?1331296681
welcome here, dbdone.... there is a  great forum here  !living with an addict" that could help you and  give you support if you need it. All the best

http://www.medhelp.org/forums/Addiction-Living-with-an-Addict/show/1176
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I have read your post and I seem to be able to relate to you the most! Tonight, I kicked ny 28 year old son out of our home tonight. He has been kiving with us for over 3 years. He works in the summer doing lawn work and I think he still is working but he lies so much, who knows. In the last three years he has ran up our credit card twice, at least 2300. He's pond my husbands jewelry,sterio, 2 tv's, dvds, several bar signs,anything we had of value, always saying he'll get them out when he gets money. He smoked spice for years but said he was off it. Tonight we had it out because he pond our lawn mower and other things. Tonight I told him to leave and he said no.I told him you don'y leave, I'm calling the police, he said go ahead and when he heard me he went crazy , calling me every name in the book. He said, he hated me, he hopes I die tonight, he hopes chock and die. He called me a fat bit.. and cun. He got in my face, I thought he was going to hit me. The police came and he left calmly with his dog. Later the police came back with the dog and Ryan, saying he's making arrangements but needs us to take the dog. We did. I feel so bad, I can't sleep. Please tell me I did the right thing. I really need to talk with someone who's been there. I noticed your post is an old one but I hope U will get this and respond. Thanks for listening!
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We kicked our 28 year old son out of our home tonight. I hope I did the right thing. I really can relate to your pain! Maybe we can help each other through this. Please reply....
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Yes I told our son not to come home.  That I had no interest in anything he had to say unless it was "I'm going to treatment".  After he overdosed on heroin in my home and I happened to hear him fall.  I called 911 and began CPR.  By the Grace of God, he 'chose' to OD in my home, when I was awake, when I could hear him fall, when I could call 911, when I could try and revive him... IF it was 2 minutes later, IF he had done this in his car, IF the kids in our neighborhood weren't dropping like flies... IF I hadn't said PLEASE GIVE HIM NARCAN.... I think he might have done HEROIN...

Things might have been very different.  I thank GOD I had the chance to kick him out when he said - I am fine.  I don't need rehab. I only did this once.  I don't know why I did it....

I snapped.

That was 3 weeks ago.  That image flashes in front of my face EVERYDAY.  Him lying unconscious... blue lips his neck turning blue.  This was MY turning point.  MY wakeup call.

Things will be very different in my home.

I do not know where he sleeps.  Where he works.  What he does.  If he is alive.  I am grateful God woke me up and I pray everyday God wakes my son up and he takes his chance again at life.

Like I am.

God Bless us all....
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Wow!  I know that must have been difficult, but good for you for taking care of yourself.  
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I stumbled across this forum because I just kicked out my adult son. He is not a drug addict. He is, however, addicted to the Internet. I know that sounds silly to some people. He has problems with depression and anxiety, and I have seen him drink often enough that I think if he had more money (any money), he would become an alcoholic, but the Internet is a convenient way to avoid life and escape without spending extra funds.

Anyhow, I just wanted to say that I agree with Yaya1212. Every word. I cannot take the stress of living with a grown person who never lifts a finger, doesn't work, doesn't go to school, and won't take his meds or make his Dr. appts.
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Wow, i love your comment.  It sounds exactly like my life and I almost thought that i wrote this,
Thank you
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7941157 tn?1395671940
You sound like you have definitely lived it...  good advice.  Here is my situation.. I have twin boys, now 20.  I've sent them to rehab out of state.  After the 1st time of 90 days my son came back home to start smoking heroin again.  His twin went back to rehab and  has 8 months clean lives out of state and works and is progressing and sober thank God.  The twin that's here is so back to day one, smoking the drug in the house, you know all the stuff that goes with it.. lying, stealing... and I can't do it anymore.. he has 2 little brothers here 4 and 5 and I can't let them grow up with this... my husband his step dad wants to file an eviction and if he shows up call the police.... My addict in the home also has a trespass ticket that went to warrant.  2 months ago I sent him back to detox, then to the 90 day program, he immediately got kicked out - I bought him a bus ticket back home to get him out of the city his twin was in...so my question is do I evict him.??  he will not go to rehab.  Is that the right thing..??  I have exhausted all avenues over the last 2 years... now I feel I have to protect the lil brothers and my marriage.  I love my son so much and I know I am an enabler.. I just feel like if I kick him out he will end up dead.... and I will feel guilty.. please give me some advice you seem to have been through this...
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my beautiful son, 36, is an alcoholic & takes whatever pills he can get....he denies he has a problem.....he has been to rehab twice, he has lived in a homeless shelter, lived in a shed in the dead of a NY winter....and says rehab is uesless, as EVERY addict will relapse.....he lives in another state (thank God), does not work, has had dozens of server positions at restaurants over as many years, lives with a girl who has finally had enough (after living with him for 2 years)......we are literally waiting for "the call" in the middle of the night.....is there ANY hope for him???
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I have 24 years old daughter who has been an addict for last few years. Finally, she agreed to go for rehab and she stayed sober for 90 days. She moved to sober living after rehab but were kicked out because of relapse. She went back to rehab again for 28 days and she felt very sorry for her action. We brought her home after she completed her rehab hoping that she has changed but all our hopes were shattered when she relapsed again in just 1 days. Finally, we kicked her out from our home. We took back her car keys and cell phone hoping that she would realize the mistake some day but at the same time scared that we might lose her because she is so stubborn and tough head. As you mentioned, we also have spent hundred of thousand of dollars of our hard earned money to bring her to normal. We are so scared of the consequences of kicking her out of our house and don't know if we did the right thing. We have tried everything else and it was a last resort for us.
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8976007 tn?1413334250
this is a very old thread, feel free to start another one so you will get more support.   click on forums on the top of this page, choose 'living with an addict' and then click on 'new question'.  

rossy1, i may have let her keep her cell phone for emergencies.  is there anyway to get it back to her??  i would have done the same thing, minus the cell phone.  you have to have some boundary where you say 'no more'

my heart aches for you all
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3197167 tn?1348972206
Hi Rossy.....try going to this forum called "Living with an Addict" and post again....you will get current feedback and support that way.  The thread you posted on is a very old thread and won't get much visbility, ok?

I'm 100% in support of your actions....ALL of them...there is no such thing as "enabling them just a little".....cushioning consequences in ANY way only keeps them from the pain of their own choices.

Here's the link for you:

http://www.medhelp.org/forums/Addiction-Living-with-an-Addict/show/1176
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Hi, my story is similar toyour. My son is 23 and has 3 years of college under his belt.  He was football player in HS and complained ofheadaches and I am not sure if that was when he started experimenting.  

My cabinets are ruined, his room is destroyed, staineless steel refrigerator and dishwasher dented...the list goes on.  I've done the repairs but I am at the point I need him out of the house. The verbal abuse to me, his mother is unwarranted.  I can't say or do anything that he respects so why does he chose to be around me.

To tell you the truth, I do not know that he is addicted to pills. I have seen little plastic bags from time to time but not that often. I know he smokes marajuana and can only assume there is another vice because of his attitude.
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First and for most, not one mother wants to beleive that any child of hers could be an addict, I knew my son was up to something when his whole being change, my son is 20yrs old. I want to tell everybody that when this happens and your child becomes diffrent, you at that moment need to confront him and not let him to continue with his changed being. what your thinking is probaly 100% correct. my son for the last year has been taking pills, smoking, snorting who knows what and it really doesnt matter. what kind or how they do it. it just matters that you do something about it as soon as you get that feeling.. i have given my son 2 chances to tell me the truth and he says he is not doing it any more. but yet i still find **** in his room. Yes hes 20 and i still go through his room but this was the last time because if im going through his room and not doing anything butyelling at him and not make himaccountable for his actions why bother. this the 3rd time i could not take any more of his lying, and i could not watch my son turn into a lifeless shell. yes i finally really confronted him and told him he needs to make a decision to live here and get help or move out. he moved out partly. he still has stuff here. my decision might not be for everyone. but neither was all the other decision i made for my child growing up. they are my decisions and mine alone they always have been. but now that he is 20 he needs to make some decisions for him self. for me i felt like if i enabled my son and let this all continue it would go away. sooooooo wrong. My son does not admit he is a drug addict. he has brothers that see this change in him as well. I am taking full responability of putting a stop to this drug use in my home. he now knows i will not put up with it any more but have told him over & over that i will always be here for him to help him whenever he is ready and that i love him no matter what. it was just last night he left, i know he went to work today becaused i checked and i will keep checking on him in any way i can. best advice I can give is.
IF YOU HAVE A FEELING DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT RIGHT THEN & THERE, IT'S NOT GOING AWAY!!
I will keep praying for my Son and all children every where that they have the strength to make good decisions. And to all the parents, moms,dads or any gaurdian. do what ever you think is right, you know that child the best, but not doing anything is the worst.
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I have had my nephew live at mine for the past two months.  I have been close to him from day one (and over recent years he has stayed at mine long term often)  He has been smoking dope (think its strong stuff these days) and been with not 'the right crowd' since 13 yrs; he's now nearly 19.  He got really aggressive with his mum - hitting walls etc, if he didn't get his way; which was usually asking for money, it was very difficult. She moved out of the area a year ago, she did implore him to go with her - but he wanted to stay here.  he got into trouble for burglary and spent 2 months in prison - all this from who was once a lovely intelligent lad.  he didn't have anywhere to stay so I said he could stay at mine, initially for 12 weeks, to get him on his feet, get a job, get himself together.  That 12 weeks is nearly up - and tomorrow I will talk to him to remind him about what we shook hands on.  But over the years, I have wasted breath as we discuss jobs, opportunities - positive things as well as about the dangers - and he obviously has no intention of changing anything but seems to think that we as a supporting and caring family are daft and he is kidding us!  So just to back what has been said on this post over a few years, the gut feel is the right one - the lies flow easily and quickly, the help goes unheeded and taken without changing a thing - now I just have to keep to my word and say he didn't do a thing to keep his end of the bargain and he cannot continue to take from me.  it is a hopeless situation and I feel for anyone going through it - the culprit it seems in most cases is drugs.
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