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last day without and scared
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last day without and scared

Have been taking Lortab 10 for 4 years.  3 months ago got kicked out of pain clinic...got caught getting them from primary doc and pm..stupid!  I have weened from last rx..have one more left. No one knows what I am going through..have no one to talk too...I am extremely sad, anxious and trying to act normal...will I ever feel like I want to live again?????  Please someone talk to me........
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Avatar_f_tn
Hi,

Have you ever gone thru withdrawls?  Meaning do you know what to expect?  It's tough in the beginning but you will GET THROUGH.  Just keep posting on here and there are alot of helpful people with good advice.  

You will feel like you want to live again, you just have to get over this hump...first step is wanting to do it.  Do you want to this time?  If so, stick around...everyone will help you thru this nasty A$$ time.  Promise!!
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1331115_tn?1401672466
How many a day were you taking? How much have you weened (tapered) down to? As it will make a difference on how you will feel when you w/d. Please give us more info on your usage so we can give you help if we know the answers to the question above.
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Avatar_f_tn
4 years ago started with 4 10's a day b/c of degenerative disc and bone spurs..maintained with this for awhile...then stopped working.  went to primary doctor and started getting more was up to 8 or 9 a day...then got busted..I am done..have been tapering for months b/c refills were running out. no refills for past week have been taking one 5 3x a day today I have had 3 5's and have 3 5's left...breaking them apart.  I absolutely don't know how i am getting through the day...sad all the time, want to just sob all the time look at my husband and kids and want to be everything I have been to them (a constant) I can't imagine telling them and will never!!!!  I am so depressed..minutes feel like hours and life is not looking good at all right now!!  I know this sounds minimal to others but I am living my own major hell....I just want to know someone elses story and know this will not last forever.Thanks
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Avatar_f_tn
I am on day 3 from stupid amounts of oxy cold turkey no tapering and have worked all 3 days.That being said it has been no picnic its been down right awfull but to keep using is a worse never ending hell at least this way the hell will be over in another week hopefully.Keep positive thoughts and u will get thru it I promise u will not die but u may feel like it.For me the rls and anxiety is what kills me more the anxiety I guess I can take the other physical symptoms or take stuff to mask them.Keep posting the people on here are the most amazing people I have ever met.God Bless
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1331115_tn?1401672466
It sounds like you have tapered down enough so the physical w/d shouldn't be that bad. You will feel like you have a bad flu for about 3-5 days after that you should feel better. There are a couple of remedies you can try that will lessen some of the w/d. They are the Thomas recipe and the Amino Acid protocol. They are not a cure but they helped me through my w/d. Also get yourself some Imodium (immodium) and drink lots of fluids (juices, water etc;). Get some melatonin to help you sleep and take HOT baths/showers they will help with the aches and pains. Right now you are probably getting anxious and emotional and its all part of the detox (w/d) so don't worry. You will get through this as many of us have. I will pray for you and God is on your side helping you through all of this. If you want to read my thread on how I got through it and all of the wonderful advice I recieved along the way go to:

http://www.medhelp.org/posts/Addiction-Substance-Abuse/goin-cold-turkey-off-oxys-and-need-helpppp/show/1253109

I hope that it will help you through this and you are not alone. Kepp posting especially when you feel like you are losing hope and all the great people here will help you throgh this as they did with me. I am pulling for you and you will make it. --quitin
  
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Avatar_f_tn
Hey I am on day 8 clean from like 10 vic 5's a day!!!  and even more on weekends...and my husband was doing the same thing I was......he got a script every month...so did I...we also bought my aunts whole script and still ran sort every month.....Well we both quit cold turkey on the same day.....I used to revolve my entire day around the vicodin...they are what I thought was giving me the energy to maintain my busy life!!!!  well the first 3 days were the hardest.....I am at day 8 now and I cannot believe the natural energy I am getting.....I was an emotional wreck the first 5 days  but I started taking my celexa again....so hopefully once it takes effect tat will get a little better. I know things seem unbearable right now bt trust me it will get better.....are they pressing charges??? some physicians will and some will not......hopefully not but things always feel like they are getting worse before they will get better for you.......Just do what I did...looked into my children's eyes and that is what is giving me the courage and will power to do this!!!!  and I will be $600-$800 a month richer woman also.....lol  good luck and keep us updated.
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Avatar_f_tn
Did someone tell you to get hylands RLS? I didnt have the energy to read everything, but it has been a life saver for me. Get into the sun as much as you can stand. Hang on! I'm on day 5 and just FEEL the good around the corner. You can do this. Breathe a lot when you feel anxious.
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1331115_tn?1401672466
NorcB is right, I forgot to tell you about hylands RLS it really does help so put it on your list of things to get. As all of the posters have said the w/d will only last for a few days (3-5). I know you can make it so hang in there you have a lot of support coming your way from the people on this forum. So keep posting.
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Avatar_f_tn
I so appreciate all the replies!  This is the first time I have spoke about this to anyone since beginning of April. Please keep the encouragement coming. I only come around the post when I feel I can't take it anymore.  No charges I was lucky..just don't have a doctor..very ashamed my family doc of 15 years will not even talk to me. you all have no idea the tears I am crying just reading what you are writing.  keep helping I am trying!!
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Avatar_f_tn
Hi!  You are going to be ok.  Just take some deep breaths and a hot bath.  Do you take vitamins?  A good mag/cal/zinc supplement at Wal Mart will help you SO much.  Also the Hylands, Gatorade, immodium, apple juice, epsom salt for baths, advil or tylenol, and a heating pad if you have one.  

The thomas recipe and amino acid protocol in the health pages on the top right of the page will help you too.

You can do this.  It is SO worth it.  Just hang in there.....it's the best decision of your life to quit!
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Avatar_m_tn
Welcome,

I understand that panicky feeling as your pills are about to run out and you wait for yourself to get sick.  Yes it $ucks.

It's not the end of the world though.  Many have gone through this and while not fun, it's doable.  You need to relax, it's going to be ok.  Once you get through this, you will realize it was not nearly as bad as you assumed it would be.

Don't let something so positive depress you.  See the "glass half full" in this.  You are going to get your life back and won't be a slave to this drug.

I hope you want this.  It's all yours if you want it bad enough.  Try and keep yourself distracted, it will help eat up some of those slow moving minutes on the clock.  Hang in there!!!!

bob
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1351082_tn?1308670949
I feel your pain and just know that there are some great people on here that will help get you through this.  You will go through some pretty crappy days but know there is a light at the end of the tunnel and you are gonna feel so much better.  The best thing you can do for yourself is to get off these drugs they overtake our life. I was in rehab for 3 mths and I went through some hell but it saved my life.  YOU CAN DO THIS I now have 320 days clean but in the beginning I didnt think I could do it.  Keep talking to us we are here for you...God BLess..
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What is hylands RLS?  I want to respond to everyone...please know how grateful I am to ALL of your posts...I have been on the internet probably everyday for the past month just reading post and googling every thing I could think of...it is like preparing for the perfect storm...thanks bob I will try and take your advice and try to keep my wits about me..I don't think right now I want it bad enough..all I want is another pill...but that is not going to happen..I will not try and get more...my god I wouldn't even know where to try..haha!  there is some humor to this...I have been so anxious and can't think straight..I am trying to be as normal as I can to my family...anyway I was frying steak and put powdered sugar on it instead of flour...hehe!  Thank you all for what you have done for me in the last several hours.  Bless you and when I can stop thinking about me maybe I can be of support to someone...
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Avatar_f_tn
Hyland's restless leg syndrom (syndrome) can be bought at wal-mart. its a small package so look hard, but it works wonders. keep  posting, and tell us how you feel. it IS the reason I stay on here. Everyone is so great!
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Avatar_m_tn
Hey again,

I was glad to see you have a laugh.  It helps soooo much.  Powdered sugar huh???  Good one!!!  ha ha

Get some funny movies, spend time with a funny friend but try and laugh.  

You CAN do this and we're all pulling for you,

bob
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Avatar_m_tn
Congratulations on wanting to quit, you are doing great. You are at the point where alot of us were not to long ago. You mentioned that your family does not know about this or your husband. My wife is my best friend and I tell her everything, My family was supportive when I told them, I have never had so many I love yous and we are here for yous. Might wan to consider it. We are all rooting for you.
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managed to get up took 1 5 pill 2 hrs ago...have one left and thats it...I am trying to hold it together, smiling at my kids made breakfast washing clothes...while inside I am dying I just want to curl up in a corner and sob..this is awful!! I can't imagine living and functioning without the pills.  One minute I think I can handle this and then the next thought is How???? I am sooo sad!! How in the world did I get myself into this...its like you want to run but you can't get away from yourself
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271792_tn?1334983257
Hi Sad,

Good you are going to be done with the pills today. You are torturing yourself right at the moment. May as well get it over with. I know you are scared and I do understand it, I have there many times. But, you can stop now and get it over with in a few days or be a slave to the pills for the rest of your life. Believe me, it does not get any better. You said yourself that you began taking more after a while. That won't change. Your tolerance builds over time and before you know it, there is never enough.

Okay, so do you drive and can you can to Walmart? If so, the Hylands was a great idea. Also, go to the top right hand corner of this page and look through the health pages. You will find The Amino Acid Protocol. This contains supplements that will ease the withdrawal process. Be sure to stay hydrated. Water is good, Gatorade or something like that is better. Be sure to eat even if it is only something light. Take hot baths to ease the muscle aches and use a heating pad if necessary.

Right at the moment I can't think of anything else but others will come up with suggestions that worked for them.

Post as often as you have to. there is great support here and the members will guide you through.

Last, and again, remember this is only a few days for the physical part so by the weekend you will feel better. It is worth it.
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Avatar_f_tn
Thank you for being there!!  Yes I will can go get the hylands...I take a good vitamin with amino acids in it..got the gatorade...just took a xanax but I want to feel good with energy and hate the sluggish feeling it gives me...however the anxiety is bearable at the moment.  I can't stand this impending dome!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thanks so much!  Be back on later Don't leave me please!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11
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271792_tn?1334983257
None of us will leave you hun. Just scream if you need something. And please, please be careful with the Xanax. It is addicting in itself and dangerous to withdrawal from. You want to be clean from all mind and mood altering substances so you need to be very cautious.

I am glad you are going for the supplements. You hang in there!
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Avatar_f_tn
Hey I just wanted to let you know that today is day 9 clean from hydros for me and I feel unbelieveable today!!! I am almost my old self again.....So I am proof this can be done....I went cold turkey and it was hell for the first 3-5 days and after the physical part was over I was fine..........please just hang in there!!!
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1162610_tn?1262832616
I know exactly how you feel about taking that last half a pill!  I was there a few days ago.  I'm on day 6 now with no pills and I, like others in the same situation, feel myself turning the corner.  I was trying to wean those last few days to make the pills last, but gave into the cravings far too often.  I was using about 2-4 tabs of hydrocodone a day for about 18 months for chronic, severe pain.  The first few days were the worst, but not as bad as I had expected.  The worst was the lack of energy, but my energy is coming back now.  I had some aches and anxiety, but those have almost gone.  I'm still craving the drug sometimes though.  With the help of Ambien I'm not having any trouble sleeping or staying asleep.  Maybe if you make an appointment with the pain specialist who kicked you out and let him know you're ready to off the meds and would like his help to get you through it, he might be willing to help.  My pain specialist is wonderful!  In fact, I have a bit of a crush on him.  **grin**
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Avatar_m_tn
You have plenty of friends to talk to right here.  Many of us have been right where you are, out of pills and scared.  I know I have been.  And the "is life worth living" thought has gone through my head on more than one occasion.  But I'm still here and yes, life is worth living.  Your life is worth living.  Worth living without these pills either.  And if you need help there is nothing wrong with that.  Everyone in their life needs help with something at some point.  Hang in their, you can get through this.
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Avatar_f_tn
I'm right with u. I had 28 5's left and decided this is it....... I've wanted it for a long time but felt scared  of how it would feel..... I used to take 4-5 10's a day now I'm down to 3-4 5's and now I plan to break them into and do that tomorrow. I'm excited about getting my life back. I've been taking them for a year and it started with a 5mg 2 times a day and went to a 10mg 2 times and etc...... I  have made great progress and I feel like I can do it. Stay posative and know u can do it. I plan on trying the Thomas recipe as well good luck 2 u and know ur not alone.

One question with the Thomas recipe: does anyone know if I should start all the vitamins now or wait until I'm out??  

U guys out here on this fourm are wonderful it's helped me with this soooo much!  I have the will power to do it now where as before I thought it was impossable!! Thank u all :-)  
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Avatar_f_tn
thank you for all your replies and stories!!!! just took my last pill...and crying as I just through the bottle away...they are GONE! I don't like it right now and feel soooo alone and very sad...I am going to go and enjoy the next few hours of this lasting effect of my last pill before the ---- begins..its like mourning the death of someone..this is crazy..you all are keeping me going and the ONLY friends I have right now...please stay!!!!!!!! I think some of you are right...knowing the pills are GONE might make the torment go away..or am I just hoping?????
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Avatar_f_tn
Well you will get through this and trust me you are doing the right thing...and you better get that house clean...laundry done...and etc while you have that pill of energy in your system!!! Because my house went to **** when I started to w/d....But now I have my natural energy back and it is cleaner then when I was taking 10-12 vics a day.....I will pray for you...prayers go a long way ttyl
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Avatar_f_tn
Welcome to the forum and I know the feeling of being sad, and scared to let go of the pills, but you can do this. I won't lie and say a few days won't be hard cause it will, but we've all been through it, some more times than others.

I am 6 days clean today and feeling great, but I also know I am just getting started to go through the mental part, but I really recommend you get some kind of after care, such as AA/NA.

Keep reading and posting and try to keep your mind as busy as possible.

Cissy.
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1351082_tn?1308670949
We are all here for you to give you as much support as we can..I agree with Cissy about the aftercare it is so helpful to be able to talk to people one on one.  Its's gonna be tough but you will get through this and be thankful you stopped when you did...Keep as busy as you can it will be hard at first but keep you mind busy I believe the mental part is harder then the physical part..We are here for you....Sunshine
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Avatar_f_tn
Yes that is what I have been doing for the past 2 hours...now I am coming down and they are gone..gone..I don't know if it has really hit me yet.  the rest of today will not be easy but manageable I know...I sooooo dread the morning/tomorrow.  I know when my eyes open..I am going to fall apart..no pills to make it go away..how do I start my day? manage to eat..ugh! take a shower make my bed? smile at the kids as if I am ok?  maybe when I get through that...I don't know? feel like I can make it?  and the thought of making dinner for the family..is more than I can handle...but it has to be done and I will pull the strength from somewhere..can I really do this and feel like a normal person again?  I watch tv and think how do those people smile..I want to be happy and normal again sooo bad..I am venting as you know..thank you and everyone for being there!!!!!
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271792_tn?1334983257
Mom309...congrats! You hang in there!

Sad, honestly, you have got to get a better outlook on this. It is so important that you go into this with a positive attitude. A good part of this is mental and if you keep saying "dread", "fall apart" or anything like that, it will be just that. Pick your head up and KNOW that you are doing the right thing and things will get better!
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Avatar_f_tn
yes you can do this and be normal again......I have a husband and 3 children and I was able to do it.....the first few days were hard but I can trll you the more you keep yourself moving the better things will feel for you....I think the biggest issue you will have is insomnia and depression/anxiety but it is normal everyone goes through it.....and with vicodin the shelf life is anywhere from 6-8 hours....so this means 6-8 hours after taking your last pill you will start with w/d symptoms.....but we are here for you just keep your head up and it will all work out.....
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617347_tn?1331296681
Hi, sad :)

IBKleen is so right... you can change your state of mind, trust yourself a little bit more. I know you are almost mourning for a best friends but tell yourself that this is a lie. The plain truth is that you are leaving behind your worst enemy. Maybe you could still feel high with them but believe me, this is short term and very soon you would have been experience the opposite...Think about those wd's like the first step of a good journey and this moment as your chance of being a healthier and much better person.....

don't forget to take the supplements and vitamins, to eat healthy .... you can take too some aminos supplements  ( 5htp, Ltyrosine, melatonin.... ) and follow all the advices you have been given, read as much posts as you can to learn more and find more good advices in other people's threads , be pro active and think that there is no turning back ( and this the best thing for you )... work hard on the positive aspects and make yourself stronger not weaker by the way you look at this... .. It takes time but it's worth it and YOU CAN DO IT

good luck :)
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Avatar_f_tn
ok you are all right!!! I will take all your advice..I do have moments of positive thinking and telling myself I can do this...I come here when I feel I can't take it anymore...I am trying!!!!  yes I am leaving my worst enemy behind and every moment I get through is that much closer to being me again

thank you
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617347_tn?1331296681
Yeah, that is a woman :), This is the way to go, sad :)

i can tell you that the first time i quitted, my mind was in a similar state like mourning for a best friend and  the whole four months i stayed clean was like climbing the Everest and K2 all together , a complete hell.... during my relapse i went down to an internal inferno with my "dearest friends the pills "... This time I filled myself with positive thoughts, i just knew that i was leaving behind my worst enemy who was destroying myself, my health and my soul and that there was no turning back and .... what a relieve!!! :) ... the only way to change the negative thoughts is facing them with positive feed back, fake it until it is real but fight them ...
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Avatar_m_tn
I know the feeling as the pill bottle goes into the garbage can.  It feels like your happiness is going along with it.  DON'T BELIEVE IT!!!!

You can readjust, you know what you need to do.  Get through the yucky stuff and get your life back.  It's not actually that bad of a deal, a few rough days for a lifetime of liberty???

Keep posting , there's lots of help out here!!!

You're DOING this!!!!

bob
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340590_tn?1290955741
Hi sad and welcome. You have gotten excellent advice I am glad you decided to follow it. I would like to add one thing. Start getting some exercise. Just start with short walks and keep going. It helps so much. I know you don't or wont feel like it, butt do it!  You will be glad you did. Keep hanging in there YOU CAN DO IT!
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Avatar_f_tn
Hey IBKleen thanks!!!! I feel amazing and you know what i have alot of energy!!  It is amazing.....I am so happy I found these forums because these are what have saved me....I have a whole new outlook on life and love it! My husband is also doing great(he went cold turkey the same day as me!!) We are already planning a family camping trip and etc. for the family. My sister and family are so proud of us...today i was just texting my sister and she said "you seem so much happier" and I really am. So sad ou hang in there I am telling you it is worth it.....yesterday my father kind of vented on me he said You do not need that **** and you have 3 babies in the house that need you, and you have been through this before you should know better!!   But I explained to him before i was using everything and I was only 16...now it was just vicodin, and my children were always taken care of(he of all people should know that....they have never been a night away from me and my husband) I told him this is not as bad as it was before I just knew this is not the lifestyle I wanted.....I knew I had a problem when I revolved my days around when I took my vics, and also when a vic was the very first thing I went for when I woke up in the morning!!! I called my husband one day and said"look we can no longer do this, our children deserve better role models and parents, and besides we are spending way to much money" and he agreed, and it is all history from there!!  and now 9DAYS CLEAN!! I am so proud of this and I just know sad you can do this also!!! keep me updated....
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thank you and what a wonderful story, you go girl!!  you should be proud of yourself!!  ok its been 7 hrs since my last pill, I am turning in for the night, had a hot bath, drank sleepy time tea and going to take tylenol pm...my trials start in the morning and I am scared..so so scared but thinking positive!! thanks to all of you..you are wonderful people!!!
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Avatar_f_tn
Goos luck and hope you have a good night....be sure to update us tomorrow to let us know how you are feeling....I would try melatonin instead of tylenol pm...only because it is a natural substance we already have in our body....the vitamin just helps enhance it...and you will not awake feeling groggy......good luck and I will check in tomorrow.
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sad1258
i am right behind you.  weaning day one today.  only one today (one half in AM and one half in PM)
if you haven't started the thomas recipie, start ASAP.  it's helping me with energy...and believe me, only half every 12 hours for me is NOTHING.  normally a day with only one total i wouldn't get off the couch.  start the thomas.  please keep in touch.  if i'm rationing right...geez listen to me...but if i am...i will be without any on friday.  hopefully, so saturday and sunday when i'm off work will be my peaking point of WD's.  tried it before, and can't do it because of the lethargy.  hoping this thomas recipie works just as well when i go off completely.  good luck tomorrow, i will be thinking about you.  especially when i take my 2nd day "wean" dose of only half for the whole day.  
i love this site.  reading everyone going thru what i am MADE me decide to quit.  thank you to all.  we can do this!
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Avatar_f_tn
hello to all my friends who are interested and helping me along the way...it has been 20 hours since my last pill...first half of night I would drift off and then awake with restless could not lay still had to get up and walk....I felt I was coming out of my skin!  then sleep finally came...now my first day ..one minute I want to scream, cry and next I am doing positive thinking..have some aches heart racing at times but mostly the mental stuff..please stay with me
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Avatar_f_tn
I remember that feeling WELL!  I would look forward to the crying ending and the more positive feeling coming on!  Mine would change every few minutes, and the crying lasted longer, it seemed!

You can do this!  Just keep posting!  We're here!
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Avatar_f_tn
i remember those feelings also....you will start to feel better after a few days just hang in there...you will love your new lifesyle!! I promise.....
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Avatar_f_tn
yes it changes every few minutes one minute you think everything is crushing in on you and then the next I am saying I can do this and trying to smile..and then WHAM..back down again.  I don't have friends I can call..no husband to talk to..my kids have no idea..you are all I have! My mother is an addict with lots of health problems she lives her own hell...my kids and husband don't want to be around her because of all the ---- they have seen in the past..sooo that is why I will not tell them..I was crying last night and my husband kept asking me what was the matter and I kept saying my stomach hurt...I could not bring myself to start the story but wanted to soo bad! I am going to keep pushing through this..tramahater I am in that I think I can moment...I have just begun and want to see the light at the end soooo bad...mom309 keep encouraging and everyone else!
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1319167_tn?1278217269
It seemed like yesterday that I was right  where you are...I thought it would never end.  I would be forever punished to live with the frame of mind you are writting about.  
IT WILL GET BETTER!!!  and what is even sweeter is that you will get to a point and look back and then you will understnad why you have to go through what you are going through...    IT IS NOT CHEAP!    ~It is worth every bit~     You will love the way you feel once you get back to yourself.
My husband and I both when through this whole situation from start to finish together.  I think back and see the good and bad in our situation.  WHen we quit (the same day) I thought it would be better because we would both work together and be understnading to the conditions we were going through.  However my husband had a very different experience than I and I had no choice but to care for the kids...the house..myself..and him.  I understand that you are mentally alone at home with this but take advantage of the physical health and strength of your husband.  Fake the flu!   If he has not ever had any issues with addiction I do not think he would understnad where you are so it might be better to truck through this as the flu~  I do not like seeing myself write that like I am telling you to be sneaky but really I do not think people would understnad this unless they have walked it...I certainly would not have been understanding.  
I rememeber day 10 was a great turning point for me...I was beginning to get a taste of how I really felt and who I really am!  It is worth it....hang in there and keep posting...This site is great and very practical with the advice you will need on how to get to where you are fighting to get to..    
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1319167_tn?1278217269
Drink alot of fluids!!  I know it sounds like impossible but try to get some exersize....It may seem confusing to your husband with the flu you have ..that you need to go for a walk but it will help release natural endorphines and get the brain to start healing.  I did and still do the thomas rec. and I did not have much trouble with the RLS keeping me up at night...I took a long time to get comfortable even just watching tv was tricky trying to sit still.....well that was impossible sitting still... but I was able to sleep some which I think help alot!  I went to the vitamin store and got a bottle of calcium/magnessium.  It tasted awful:( but they said there that it would help with your muscles reapiring from the damage done by the pills.  
I also remember the feeling that a good friend was dieing ....But like the others have said it is an enemy disguised!  What got me through the tough frames of mind..when I would get anxious and want to hunt for more pills...I thought this.  I have to starve the beast.  Feeding it a pill would make it that much stronger.  The less and less it got the weaker it became.  
I too cried ..sobbed..often!  That lsted for about 3 days and then gratdually improved.  Get some exersize..watch your kids play..set little goals for yourself.  Like..take a shower and do your hair~this will make you feel better.  Do one load of laundry and then when you are ready for a challange push for 2 loads.  Hang in there
It will get better...If I am doing this ...you can do it.. Kris
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I agree...setting little goals and gradually increasing them will help out alot!! and keep moving....keeping my mind busy is what gets me through the days.....
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Thanks you guys I am walking in circles every minute seems like hours I am sobing one minute and staring into space the next wow I congratulate you both 3 even 6 and god 9 days seem like they will never get here..I am trying to be positive don't think I am not..I am just so alone here..I am scared to leave my house b/c I cry at anything and I can't imagine right now even trying to go buy my husband some coffee...ugh! sounds crazy I know I gotta go walk now..I have managed to take shower and do load of laundry but the thought of making dinner for family is enough to make me want to throw up!! I isolated myself so in the past years that I have no one..my fault I intend to change that once I can stop crying and those feeling of hopelessness go away...which I can never imagine they will right now I am just hanging on the fact that you all say they do!!  

thank you
A
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I do not know if the isolation is common or not but I too have cut almost all my ties to my good friends..I just never wanted to socialize with anybody in a social setting.  I would not avoid social gatherings but we used to have many many many get togethers with friends and for the past 3 years I can count on one hand how many we have had..Scary!  I already feel the excietment about getting back in touch with friends.  I mean real interaction not just facebook..lol  I thought I looked like a freak side show because I would cry at stupid stuff and laugh the next..I would laugh at myself for how crazy it was.  It gets better~this is prompted me to set little goals so I could have a feeling of accomplishment.  I have 5 kids so laundry and meals were a nessecity.  However I thought my kids would turn me in to the authorities if we ordered pizza "agien".  We did eat mostly take out for the first two weeks unless I put something in the crock pot..which really helped out!  We also had a "movie night" every night for the first week and part of the next.  I feared going out in public just because of the energy it took to do this but once I did get out and got moving ..one foot in front of the other"  I felt good once I accomplished something on my own:)   Once I took my kids for a trip to a state park and we drove with the windows down and the music was blasting~it felt good I felt free!  Hang in there ..things were tough for me physically The fatigue was terrible the diareah I thought was going to kill me..I did not have an appitite for about 2 weeks just the "sick" feeling was terrible...I could handle the physiacl part without a problem  however  the mental part and the emotion part for me was the worst part.  It was what made it hard to continue with my want for the clean lifestyle.  However....Stick with it.  It is soo worth it.
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HI how you doing??? ....ive been following your story from the sidelines and just wanted to take a minute to encourage you...your in the beginning of this thing...try to keep a postive attitude it will help out emencley in the next few days...dont let fear into the equation its always worst in our minds then it actually is...remember this is 1/3 physical 2/3 mental
so prepare your self for a fight on both fronts ...I truly believe this is a battle one or lost in ones own mind...YOU CAN DO THIS just keep telling yourself that...what your feeling is only temporary it will go away in a few days...remember hot baths go a long way for a lot of withdrawal symptoms dont under estimate this therapy you may need several a day to get thew this....drink plenty of fluids and try to eat even if your not hungry you need to keep your self up to do this....sleep is usually a problem for most of us so get use to cat naps it is probably all your going to get for the next few days...if you cant sleep try laying on the couch with your eyes closed and some soft music in the background it may be the closest thing to sleep that you get...also get comfortable with the saying...''you just got to be ok without being ok for a wile" it will pertain to your condition for the next few days...keep posting for support where all here for you and want to see you succeed good luck and God bless.....Gnarly            
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thank you sooo much!  I am having a very hard time today...so when I get on here and see that someone has taken the time to talk to ME it is sooo wonderful! trying to make it through today...keep prayers coming..one minute I feel like I can't take it anymore and then the next well not so terrible
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HI Glad to here your making it...and ya it sorta comes in waves one minute it not so bad the next your close to a panic this is all normal ..you mentioned praying for you...im a man of faith myself and I will pray that Jesus gives you the strength to pull thew this
you may give praying a chance yourself....God was instrumental in helping me break free from my addiction to methadone ....it was a long hard ride but he had my back the whole way....Jesus heres those that cry out his name and he will be there to bring you comfort knowing he is watching over you....he's all you got at 3am...I wish you the best of luck on your journey and you will be in my nightly prayers ........Gnarly  
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Prayers are very needed during this time ..I try not to push the issue due to everybodys differences in faith....He wouldnt give you anything you can not handle!
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gnarly and want2bme...thank you..yes believe me I am praying to God and screaming his name..I believe he has my back or else without him and you guys I could not be doing what I am doing...one whole day done...God just give me the strength to do it again...went to a nearby park today by myself I just could not stay in my house another minute walked for an hour..sweating, praying, and sobing the entire time..sat on a picnic table looking out over the lake and had a good conversation with myself and God...when I got home again I actually felt calm for a short while...and then reality set in again..but I will hang onto those few short minutes of peace...ok that is all for now..you all hang in there too!!!! I don't want to think anymore I am going to rest my mind and hope I am able to sleep...god bless you all...
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sad- I just want you to know how I feel you pain so immensley when you said that "you feel like your mourning the death of someone." I am SO there right now. Day one of 'sobriety' and it's been realy hard.  Hang in there, as will I. I have said, "being sober *****" to myself today, several times, but I know it will get better. The real "me" is going to come back out! And, then life will be better!
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sad---Hang in there you are in the thick of it right now and it will start to get better. Praying is a great help and God is sitting right next to you and taking some of your pain. I have been following your story from the beginning and it takes a lot of courage to got through what you are now going through. I am so proud of you and I know you will make it to the other side, so just keep going. I will be praying to God that he will give you the strength to go on another day and that's how you have to do it day by day.  ---quitin
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Just fake sickness like the flu for a few days. Act like you are
sick so you will give yourself some time. You will only need like 7-10 days.
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Hoping things are getting a little better for you
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Just thinking of you and hoping you are having a peaceful day!  This will get better.  Hang on!
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remember that when the wd's are over, it's just the beginning. follow through with some aftercare please. staying clean is the hard part. you are in my prayers! sway
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day 2 this is sooo hard...I have been lucky for the most part the anxiety, empty feeling,crying,worthless just won't stop..I am trying to get into see a counselor..I am screaming inside..I can't stand this mental part anymore!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Hang in there u can do it.I'm back on day 3 and it will get better I had to get it in my mind that this is a necessary evil we have to endure to get to the other side its the beast rearing its ugly head as we stab at it every hour is a stab and therfor we are killing the beast hour by hour.That's the way I look at it.God Bless
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Keep fighting, I definitely know how you are feeling and it is tougher than anything I've ever had to do. Find that help you are looking for, and keep pushing forward. Everyone keeps saying it will get better, and I know that's hard to believe right now. Keep posting!
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HI ....good to see your hanging in there...I often say this is 1/3 physical and 2/3 mental
a lot of people think the physical is the ruff part but its the mental that can make or break you ...try not to get discouraged you are 1/2 way thew day 2 and still standing that in itself is an accomplishment try and keep your mind bizzy with something mindless like a funny movie or a puzzle if your able to concentrate you can read a book...lissen to some music....I found laying on the couch with my eyes closed and getting lost in some music to be very soothing....for the anxiety try some homeopathic teas that are for stress
they help but a long hot soak in the tub is still the best for most symptoms...right now its tuff but YOU CAN DO THIS your doing great...use your symptoms to strengthen your resolve to quit remember this is all temporary and in a couple of days it will be behind you and you wont be chained to a pill bottle any more so just hang in there...good luck and God bless.....Gnarly        
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I also wanted to seek somebody that could help with the mental part but I was worried that they would try to make it seem that the only way out was to take something else to get through the wd.  I was (still am) very paranoid of the medical prof. because of what they do not tell you regarding the different medications and coming off of them. You can do this..I know it is hard to imagine that it will get better but it does.  Just take it as it comes and try to work through it...Take the vitamins and try ot get some exersize.  Sleep when you can.
Your body and your mind are trying to recover so take care of yourself..you are doing this. Day 2 is an accomplishment.  Day 3 and so on will come before you know it and will feel better than the day prior..Keep praying
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I know its tough right now but you can do this. If you need or want to scream just do it. When you feel like your at the end come on and post you can scream yell bi+ch or whatever here. Just hang on you will make it.
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day 3 and I feel as if I am going backwards...this has been by far the worst day...I will not take another pill have no more and don't have the strength to seek them out...I am dying inside I feel like I am going crazy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Is this part of it and will it get better or will I be like this forever...I am sccrreeaammiinngg right now...please help me! on my knees praying to God he will help me
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HI ...first off I feel your pain I have been there and withdrawals are no fun your in the worst of it now days 3 or 4 are usually when it peaks ...on the bright side you have made it past the 1/2 way point and your still going....you are doing great...I know it dosent feel like it yet but you are making forward progress...I just want to encourage you to hang in there
YOU CAN DO THIS try and stay calm if you can...praying is a good idea it helped me get thew it...try staying bizzy to get your mind off how bad you feel...if you can get out and go for a walk...even if it is just around the block exercise helps...if you not up to getting out
try laying on the couch with your eyes closed and some soft music playing in the background ..try and get lost in the music for a wile...watch a movie or work a puzzle anything to get your mind off the withdrawals ...a hot soak in the tub with take away a lot of the symptoms and also relax you ...take a minute and regroup here...attitude is so important so try and refocus and work on keeping a positive attitude when your done with this you will no longer be chained to a pill bottle...keep posting where all here for your support and just know in the end it is so so worth it...good luck and God bless...I have prayed for you also...Gnarly  
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I needed to hear that...yes it feels like it is peaking when you put it that way....the anxiety empty feeling want to scream don't know what to do with myself I have been walking and that has helped tremendously...but right this minute I am losing my mind...just needed to know I am not crazy and this will go away..I am walking in circles..can't read..sit down and get back up everything seems monumental at this point...thank you so much for being there for me...please stay with me!!!!!!!
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hang in there sad. i am on day 6 so i am watching your story and reliving my last 5 days. it is so damn hard but OMG - i am on day 6!!!! never thought i would be here feeling like i can actually do this.
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Hey....you know it gets better from here, right?  This is probably as bad as it will get.  Please don't give up.  It gets better every day, so hold on.  Take a bath or go for a short walk, since you are pacing anyway!

Take DEEEEEEEEP breaths.  It actually helps calm your body and your mind at the same time!  Just try it!
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I am so happy to see how many people are so supportive I wish I knew about this site when I was withdrawing...you are all awesome God Bless You All...Sad you are not alone look how far you have come IT WILL GET BETTER take it from someone who knows I have been where you are and so have many of these wonderful people,  and 324 days later I am still clean and am enjoying my family as will you real soon.....Look at all the people who care about you We know what you are feeling and your gonna make it....try deep breathing, meditation, put on some soothing music, the days will get better I know you may not think so now I sure didnt but now I know they will...GOD BLESS YOU in this fight...You will win!!!!!
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i'm here...wow how I survived the last 3 hours God had to be by my side...had to do several things for my daughter...did them...and went to Target to get things I had to get...pure hell but keep trying to laugh and smile and be positive..I did it but don't know how....thank you all for being there when I sat at the computer I said "come on I need those encouraging words and you all were there...GOB BLESS YOU...can'tdothisanymore---promise day 6 is so much better than today!!!!! tramahater---you gave me the calming breath I needed--sunshine1109--wow 324 days!!!..can't imagine!!..promise these deep dark feelings go away???? forever??????stay with me guys its moment to moment.....all your love has been felt here more than you know.
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God Bless You, look your out doing things you have to do, your taking care of your daughter, your doing so much more then I could ever do on day 3 WOW  way to go your taking advice good for you...and yes those deep dark feelings will go away FOREVER I promise they will...We are all here for you and for each other....Keep Strong and keep doing what your doing,  you are well on your way "ONE DAY AT A TIME "  that's how I live moment to moment.  You to will have 324 days and look back as I do now and say I did it..You are in our hearts....Sunshine
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day 6 IS so much better. i got a call a while ago and could be out getting them right now but instead I came here to read and see all these good people.  had i gotten that call on day 3 i would not be on day 6.  For now - I am winning. So will you.
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Awesome Cantdothisanymore that shows you are determined and a very strong person. Keep with us and we will all keep with you....We are all winners in this...God Bless Keep Strong
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I was worried about you yesterday...I am glad you are here and still going!  I remember having to go grocery shopping in the beginning of this process and thought I would just die~Once I got in the store I felt better..I had something to focus on other than how I felt. Once I was done and had all the groceries back in the truck I sat there for a minute and was very proud!  I walked in that store~shopped~and loaded the groceries.  I would get really pi55ed that I allowed something to rob me of things that the average person takes for granted.  (my energy..my health..me!)   I would become determined to do something and was going to prove "it" wrong...I WAS going to do it.  Now what would take me an hour or two to do took me all day like mow the grass.  I would mow two passes and drink a bottle a bottle of water...then back at it.   I would get to a point that I couldnt do it anymore then a little while later I got back to it..  
I look back and see this process in three stages..for me anyways.  First the physical then the mental and then the emotional.  Not in that order but I knew I was (am) not who I truely am in all those areas. I was very overwhelmed by trying to build all three areas back up at the same time.  Trying to prioritize which I should be working on.  I do not know if this is good advice or not but for me I had to work on the physical first then the other two would have to come next.  I still have trouble with the emotional and mental areas.  When I talk about mental I mean that I would be driving and think "did I just go through a red light"  I would day dream often and didnt seem to be able to focus on anything.  From reading your posts I see you do not need me to explain the emotional mess...I promise it does get better.  You said you tried to focus on the possitive in things...that is it.  Try not to let it all overwhelm you..it took a while for you to get into this it cant fix overnight.  Try to give yourself credit for what you do accomplish during the day.  Give yourself realistic expectations..Taking your daughter to Target on day three~That is pretty good:)  You are doing this   Keep going   You will get stronger  
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thanks for that pep talk!  still hanging on...exhausted now today has been the worst..going to try and get sleep and hope to God tomorrow is better....yes wds, mental, and physical I can now see how it will take time and I am a very impatient person...I just hang on to all the encouraging words!!!Good Night and praying for you all and others who are suffering from this ridiculous mess we all thought was a great idea at the beginning and now....whoa! not such a great idea!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Here I am at day 7.  Wow - I made it thru yesterday.  Woke up thinking of how much better my day would be if I had a never ending supply of vics, then reality hit and i know that is a ridiculous thought.  I will get through today and tomorrow, etc, etc and somehow in the back of my mind I know that one day the cravings will lesson and i will thnk of this less and less although today thats not the case. for me the worst thing has been the cravings. I know myself well enough to know that i am not strong, that i give in easily to many things in my life - this is one time that my life will depend on my resolve and I am learning that maybe I am a little stronger than I thought.  Hmmm, this must be the emotiional part everyone talks about.  I am here with you sad.  I am watching and reading and sending you every positive thought from my soul and knowing that you are going through this with me is helping me in some crazy kind of way.  Rambling....sorry
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The cravings do "quiet" as the days go by!!  I had a heck of a time with the need for them and was worried that it would always be there.  Yesterday I went to a good friends house and in thier bathroom sat a bottle of vics~  I really debated about just one!!  Proudly I thought I would not steal from my friend.  30 days ago I would not have been so able to pass the opportunity up.  I would have taken the whole bottle..

Somebody on here wrote...One is too many and a thousand is never enough!
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right on want2 - 1000 would last me two three weeks tops,  my name does say how i feel. i CANT do this anymore!  Sad - I think that I have "picked" you to commiserate with because your name is also how I feel. Sad that i am leaving the "fun" part of my life behind. I know this isnt true....i will find fun in better healthier ways but it seems like it will take forever. I appreciate every good person on this forum and i know now going thru this that i am also an addict. thats a very HARD realization.  i dont believe i would be here at day 7 had i not found this place and all you good suffering people.  Misery does love company I am afraid.
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I am starting to worry about you sad.  hoping that you're well and will post soon to let us know how you are. its a new day!  
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Sad:  I hope all is ok.  You havent posted anything on here today..Im praying your ok..To Candothisanymore congrats on day 7, please hang tough...I was on vic's for ten yrs and they used to make me feel so good but the last yrs I was on them up to 15 a day was because I had to be I was so dependant, they didnt make me feel good anymore I was in bad shape, I didnt want to do anything go anywhere I got so skinny and sick,  I isolated so bad in the end, my son finally couldnt take it anymore he knew something was very wrong with me I was so sick, and because of him I am now enjoying my life again with my husband, children and grandchildren. These drugs take away your life its all you think about how, where and when can I get more, am I gonna have enough what am I gonna do if I run out it is a vicious cycle....but you can and will beat this monster...we are here for each other...Im here for all of you...Sunshine
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thank you for these words. i dont know if your watching my post "losing my resolve" but please do. I need you.

SAD !  get your *** on here woman and talk to us because I am worriesd!
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I am here!  Sorry I worried you...am crying many tears as I write this because somebody actually cares...had a horrible night...got up and went to a relatives pool with my daughters and sister and her kids...I have always enjoyed this every summer...today was hell...I don't know how I did it...making the lunch...having conversation..trying to smile and be positive all through it...I was dying inside..cried behind my sunglasses...I have lived my life around pills for years...how I got through everything...now I am crumbling...physically today I am better than yesterday but the mental part is killing me...I want to feel happy inside...look forward to something...rambling too but...getting home today I would come in and take a pill and could clean the house deal with the drama/kids..take care of myself....and this is where I am now I have come home and no pill and I sit and cry and walk in circles and think how will I ever do this again...I know I am not being encouraging to others right now..bear with me I am living moment to moment and can't find peace or enjoyment anywhere..its like I am looking for a way out..like with the pills and there is no way out...I don't know how to deal with it..all those things I covered up with the pills feels like a thousand pound weight on me now....stay with me.........
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I am so with you Sad. day 7 and its hard. Soo freaking glad to hear from you. you mimick my thoughts and what iam going through perfectly but we - you and me and every one on this forum are fighting for our lives. I cant believe i know this now but i DO!! and so will you.  I Promise to be here for you. I cant write to you without crying - you are my soul sister and we are going to inspire each other one way or another okay?  we are going to do this.
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HI good to here form you and today is day 4 this should be your last bad day physically
the mental part of this is a different story.....thats why we recommend aftercare so much it helps you put the pieces back together and start out in a new and clean lifestyle...right now your probably an emotional train wreck...when you first stop taking narcotics your mind starts to come back on line with emotions that you haven't felt in a long time you will experience periods of joy followed by tears in mere seconds ...this is normal and your not going crazy its like your brain is trying to go from a to b but is going from a to c then back to b your brain chemistry is all out of wack...with time things will start to smooth out
you should start to notice improvements from here forward day 4 can go ether way for some its a real grind for others it marks the end of the worst of it...if you can google N/A or A/A meetings in your area there free and a good form of aftercare if this dosent work for you there are addiction therapist and substance abuse conslors that can help to....you will find it extremely helpful to get some support wile your going thew this...keep posting where all out here for you ....you have almost got thew your detox now just a little bit longer and you will see the light hang in there good luck and God bless.....Gnarly        
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cantdothisanymore and gnarly_1.....wish I could bring you here to me right this minute I would never stop hugging you and my soul sister we could cry together!!!! you hang in there too! I am envious you are already at 7 days...you are awesome...we can do this..with each other and everybody else on here going in the same direction and cheering us on!!!! xoxo
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Good God i am glad to hear that. Dont be envious of 7 days - just get there!  hate to tell you but as long as I dont relapse I am always gonna be 2 days older.  Nah na na nah na!
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ok don't rub it in!!!!!!You are not going to relapse...look how far we have both come...do you honestly want to go through this again...that is not an option...I am in the middle of this and can't see a glimmer of light at the end..I am just hanging onto the words of everyone else that it gets better..I have to believe that...there is no option of going back...we will not go back because we will not re-live the last 4-7 days of hell we had already gone through!!! so soul sister no more talks of "as long as I don't relapse", ok??  we are in this together and you can not leave me!!!!!!!!
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okay okay - no more rubbing it in. you are right. relapse? what the hell is that? he would not have brought us to it if he couldnt help us through it?  ( something my sister always says - myself = sort of athesist?) but that does not mean I do not have faith or compassion. Just not sure where my faith lies, that in itself is another battle not worth speakling of here I supppose. But Sad, know this if you know nothing else, I will not leave you. I will write all day if needed and i expect the same. We are - in my mind - in this together and we are winners. I worry about your strenght and resolve as i worry of mine. we are women and historically that means we are fighters. time to put it to the test. deal?
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I will be here always...you and everyone else on here are all I have right now..my only release..yes strength has never been one of my strong points, hence, how I got in this mess in the first place...but we both and all are alot stronger than we think.. you know what makes all this worse for me is when I think if my children knew how weak and messed up their mother is...they are 19 and 14, both girls and I guess the state of mind I am in right now only exagerates all those feelings of how I have failed them in the past or regrets of not doing certain things I wish I did..I want to be strong for them and be someone they can be proud of...my mother and father were and are alcoholics and my mother has abused rx drugs most of her life...lots of memories of finding her in the bed foaming at the mouth..medical attention not soon enough she would have died...so my kids and husband and siblings have all dealt with all of that for decades..they love her but don't want to be around her..she is the most kindest person in the world but she struggles with her own mess...so I don't go to her for anything...and many health problems as well...my point is many years ago she dealt with alcoholic husband and his infedelity and money issues and I know now the only way she coped was through rx drugs...I love her so much and think when I am able to help myself maybe I can help her...because you know I always said I would never be like her and look at me know.....thanks for listening...I am just rambling and it actually feels good to talk to a friend..I don't have many of those these days!!!!
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again you amaze me. we are a lot alike. have spent a good part of this day worrying for us all - and you young lady in particular so I have a break now and need to lie down.  I may not have mentioned that I had surgery on my ankle 7 weeks ago and have been  dealing with that pain the entire time i have been going thru w/d's but I have been able to manage the pain. the addiction pain is much more intense.I will rest my mind now and come back refreshed and ready to beguile you with my wisdom and wit. please stay strong. I will try to as well.  All my thoughts are with you.
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wow you are incredible...dealing with painfrom a surgery too..at least I have no pain I just wanted the pills..enjoy your rest...I am going to get pizzas for the family...food ugh! makes me want to throw up...but I am not cooking and they still have to eat...don't want to go but I will do it...with every fiber of my soul wanting to crawl in a corner and die!!!
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Glad to see that you are still doing this...How are your emotions??  are they becoming a little more controlable?  I imagine you still cry often but does it seem to be more "meaningful?"  It took me about 2 weeks to be able to eat something and enjoy it but I forced myself to eat knowing my body needed the nutrients to heal...somebody on here wrote about eating protien shakes or ensure~sounds crazy but I believe your body will need this to heal.  I am not a big fan of eggs but I would eat one every morning for a bit for the protien.  (well I would eat as much as I could)  I went to our grocery store here and bought something called "Naked"  it is a fruit drink that is full of nutrients.  pretty good too.  Try to eat something a few times a day.  
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yes I am still doing this...barely...I feel like I am coming out of my skin...emotions are still running high...not crying as much but times where I just want to lay on the ground and sob....yes eating..I am making myself eat...lunch consists of forcing a piece of lunch meat and half a piece of cheese down my throat and make myself drink water and gatorade..everyday I go down a number on the scale...won't hurt if I lose a little but who can be excited losing it this way??  I will take your advice and try the fruit drink..I have seen it at the grocery store..thank you for your concern..it means so much!!!! I am soo proud of you for passing up that pill at your friends..that says alot!! we soo don't want to go backward!!! thank you for sticking with me..I still question every minute if this is worth it...bless you
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ok...HELP!!!!  my family just left to go to the movies...I just could not go....I am here alone..I did not want them to leave me alone!!this is when I would take my pills and clean the house and enjoy myself...now????? I have no pills and don't know what to do??? I have thought about drinking...I am not a drinker that was my early years...but I think (and I know I am just looking for an escape from this horrible skin crawling empty feeling) if I drink just one I can be relax.....tell me this is not a good idea!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I knew I should have gone but the thought of having to act like I am having fun and laugh was too much right now.  I have been doing that for 4 days...I am tired!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Please somebody be there!
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Whatever you do dont drink...that will only add to what your going through it will only be a temporary fix...Keep your mind busy...I understand you couldnt go I to could not go anywhere either.  Please is there anything at all you like to do around the house...let me tell you i would clean out my closet, my drawers, under the bed let me tell you I got so much accomplished in my house because I had to keep busy and my mind off the pain I was feeling..my husband would tell me go through your clothes get things you dont want I had so many bags for charity. I just had to keep busy busy busy......if there is something you enjoy doing do it...It was hard for me to do these things but before I knew a hour had gone by and then another....You can and will get through this...I am here for you..
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I am back..thank you I needed to hear someone say it was ok not to go...I feel guilty..I did get a beer out took 2 drinks and poured it down the drain...after that I don't know what happened I started folding clothes making beds taking out the trash...etc...kinda of not really thinking just going from one thing to the other...for the past 45 mins. I did it I did not like it but I did it...God help me be able to do it again but I did it!!  This is strange but I feel calm right now something has changed a little and I mean a little..my mind does not seem so scattered...and this might sound strange but I don't know how to deal with this either...I know I am probably not making any sense...thank you for being there...how are you??
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Im doing good and Im glad you are here....Good for you just keep doing things even little things it doesnt matter as long as you keep your mind busy....Im glad you dumped that beer that really would of made things worse, that was just a test and see you passed with flying colors....Yes it is ok that you didnt go, there are so many things I didnt do with my family for awhile...and your making perfect sense, remember I once was where you are now I understand what your feeling and thinking. Your feeling a sense of calm because are seeing that you can do this, your a fighter and your gonna beat this, this has been yet another of many tests you will go through, I told you the things I did to keep busy goodness its not something I loved to do but it kept me busy...keep on keeping on your gonna be fine....we are here for you...
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I am getting excieted for you because I can see your improvements!  That is how things would improve for me.  I would start cleaning a room and the next thing I knew I was beyond what I was wishing I could accomplish.
THe beer...Nope I wouldnt do it!  I contiplated that direction as well but I am not a drinker eighter and knew the next morning I would be dealing with a brain that hurt worse than the night before.  Go for a walk or do something to clear your brain of the worry you have been going through.  This is going to sound really dumb but ...watch Americas funniest Home videos!!  They are short skits that do not require much thought process and they will make you laugh.  Laughing also releases endorphines which will help you heal a bit as well:)   (if you have cable they are ussually always on)
I went through a BIG guilt ordeal too...with what this has taken away from my kids.  I have 5 young kids ages from 13 through 2.  The time I have aloud this to be robbed from them...I can never get it back.  I still have ALOT of trouble with this.  I would feel guilty that I could not clean the house...cook for them...But I am here to tell you that it will get better.  All you can do is try to do what you can and allow yourself to heal.  Kris
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ok sunshine..tell me do you get back to actually looking forward to things...ex. going to the movies, out to eat, being with friends???  I know yesterday my family and I went on a walk..well you don't just go on a walk when you go with my husband...we walked on hiking trails for 3 miles I was sweating like a pig and mad as s---, because I was feeling sorry for myself and mad at him because he knew I was in no shape to be doing that...but I did it saying every step of the way (push through it and praying for this beast inside of me to get out)..anyway my point was husband and girls were talking about camping trips and "fun" things they wanted to plan and the thought of it at that point was about like food right now "enough to make me want to throw up" and thinking how in the world am I ever going to make it until tomorrow much less have the strength to ever smile and want to have fun? kinda of the feelings that I have had in the past several days...one minute thinking I did not want to live how could I go on..but how could I possibly do that to them...to I can never be who they want me to be they would be better off without me...I have actually felt that way today too, but right now over the past hour or so I am actually feeling more like myself??  Did you feel these thoughts too?   and Will this feeling right now be short lived..like come and go for awhile?  I hope I am making sense to you...thank you again for being there!!!!!!
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thanks! yes I am excited I am actually feeling ok at the moment..don't know how long will last but I will take it..Yeah, I used to love beer but drinking is just not my thing...and yes a headache is all I need now anyway, ha!  I will take your advice..I love funniest home videos..they definitely made you laugh and we could all use some of that, right? 5 kids, bless you..I don't know how you did it..I have 2 girls 19 and 14 and the guilt is insurmountable!!!  How are you doing?  I have been so consumed with myself and want to share a thought I had before I got on here.  I said to myself...I am going to go see who needs my help now??? You were and are here for me and I want to be there for someone else!!  love to you and the rest of our great family on here...back soon!!
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Oh yes you will want to do all those things and more,  my children are older my daughter is 29 and my son is 24, I have 4 grandbabies ages 5, 3, 1 and 2 mths 2 boys and 2 girls..and I am now enjoying every minute of their lives, I have been to Orlando, the beach and just simple things like going out back and bbq'ing and going in the pool..but the most precious times are when I have my lil ones and Im rocking them to sleep and they look up at me and those precious lil faces give me all the joy and hope in this world because I am now there for them...you will cherish each and every moment with your family, before i didnt want to go anywhere or do anything I wouldnt go to dinner, shopping, family gatherings NO WAY but now I am having the family over for dinner I watch my 1 yr old granddaughter 3 nights a week, my husband and I go away for a few days we go to dinner Life is Good and it will be for you...your doing great and by your last posts just take a look now your wanting to help someone..Isn't that a great feeling?  Your a strong woman....
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Goodness~no need to say thank you!   I have been doing well ......I will tell you that I did not feel like doing anything other than things to survive and heal for about 2 weeks.  I forced myslef to do certain outings with my kids thinking that pushing myself would only make me stronger than "the beast" quicker.  At three weeks I started to look forward to having my brothers and thier families over..or having the kids have friends over..I still do not feel like I have all the "open doors" i ussually have but I can feel myself geting there....For me I remember day 7 day 10 were milestones!  Turning points I could actually see and feel for myself.  It kills me to think that you went for a 3 mile walk with your husband I bet you sweated like a pig~did you at least get to sleep last night?  I bet you were beat  I ussually do not sweat at all but during the first few weeks I could not stop..I could not handle any heat.  Hang in there....I can wait to hear about your progress tom.  No...your not being tricked with feeling good...it is starting to come back to you..I still have low points but the higher points started to become more frequent and last a little longer each time:)
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HI good to see your doing better now....its hard going out with the family when you feel the withdrawals ...but being alone can be a scary place also ...im glad you got yourself occupied ....I think waht your feeling is the beginning of coming out of this mess
usually by the end of day 4 things start to turn around and I do believe thats what your feeling now it suttle at first but as your day goes by tomorrow I think things will have turned around for you....you have done well thew this ...give yourself a pat on the back its the bottom of day 4 and your still standing...keep up the good work ....I hope you get at least a little sleep tonight im usually on late if not I will look for you im in arizona so when its 11pm here its really late across the rest of the county...keep posting for support and read the posts good luck and God bless.....Gnarly    
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I am so pleased to hear you have made it to day 4!!!!! I knew you could do it!!! Now just keep counting day by day...WAY TO GO!!!
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My...what a great family I have!! yes want2beme I sweated like and pig and didn't even get a good nights sleep out of it, go figure?? and yes sweating well lets just say I prefer not to..but I sure have this last week!!! hey sunshine yes those little ones are precious and I am happy for you because you beat it and are reaping the rewards!!!!!  gnarly your words mean so much..I do hope I can sleep tonight but if not I will take you up on the offer...Mom309 yes day 4 I can't believe it..I am actually doing it..
I am crying good tears right now because I have been so blessed with a group of wonderful people..I am feeling all your hugs and giving them all back...I am so tired right now..its a soak in Lavendar Epsom Salt (which is great by the way..Walmart..Dr Teals about 5.00 but worth it) and then to bed with a book...and pray the restlessness leaves me alone tonight!!!!!!!!!!and we will see what tomorrow brings. we all made it another day!!!!
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Yayyyyyy................u did it I am so happy for you......you have a great attitude I look back on your posts and I see how you have grown from the beginning until now WOW you are remarkable...I hope and pray you have a peaceful night........God Bless....rest well and I'll see ya on here tomorrow...Remember " One Day At a Time"  
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Oh!!!!!what a night! the restlessness just won't leave me alone...anxiety and jittery feelings are here but on a much smaller scale...trying to be positive but feel like a train wreck right now!! Day 5..wow never thought I would say that! get a taste of the light and really want more...NOW! signed Impatient!!!   hope everyone is waking up and pushing through it!!!  Here we go!!! Let me hear from someone!
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Are you taking Hylands?  That helps SO much.  So does Mag/Cal supplement.  I didn't believe it until I finally gave up and got some!  It saved me from going crazy!!!

Congrats on day 5!  You CAN do this, and you're worth it!
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I agree with the Hylands and the Cal/Mag suppliment!!  It really does help!
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Keep keeping!!!

You are doing a great job!!!  As someone above said....you have grown so much on this journey.  It will get better, just keep pushing through it.

You have been an inspiration to many reading this post and have shown that this CAN be done.

Congrats, your clean time is well-earned AND deserved,

bob
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went to get hylands last week and walmart was out....will go back but do they sell that at GNC? anybody know and can you take it during the day? yes I am having a hard time right now..its back and I am sooo tired of fighting it!!!!!!!!!!!!!! thank you for being here this morning and everytime I need somebody..going to take a shower..feel like I am coming out of my skin AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!GOD IS THIS EVER GOING TO END!!! Have to go to a family function today and I don't know how I am going to do this...will not back down this is for my kids....HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Yes, GNC has it.  If they don't have the restful legs then get the leg cramps.  Both work.  The Cal/Mag is a MUST!  I still take it.  NO joke.  And yes you can take it during the day!  Take as much as you need.  It won't do anything weird to you.  I buy the cal/mag at wal mart.  It has zinc in it too.  I take 3 at a time.  You will be AMAZED!
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Another day its good to see everyone on here.  Im sorry you had a rough night those will come and go, they will get fewer and far between.  Hang in there.  Oh yes it will end even though right now it doesnt seem like it. You are truly a inspiration to many whether you know it or not....this will be the hardest fight of your life but it will also be the most rewarding. You will make it to your family function, its amazing what we can do for our children they give us all the strength and hope we need....I just used to look at my kids pics and my grandbabies pics and say I will beat this God willing I will and I did and so will you..Let us know how things go today we are here for you...Sunshine..
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Hi sorry to here your having a ruff day this can be very cyclic it will come and go but your well into it now so it shouldn't be to much longer and you will start to come around
remember attitude is everything ...step back take a deep breath and tell yourself I CAN DO THIS ...getting out this afternoon will help you take your mind off it ..it should help
my wife made sure to get me out of the house daily even when I dident want to go
just remember this is only temporary and will end soon...hang in there take a hot soak right now b/4 you have to go do anything it will help relax you and help you regroup
good luck and God bless.....Gnarly  
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I had a hard time finding the Hylnds when I looked for it too..I ended up going to a vitamin store and looked for it there..No luck!  However this is where I was told about the Cal/mag suppliment and that the meds depleat your body of certain minerals.  I bought the bottle of mineral cal/mag then hopped over to Walgreens to find the Hylands there(I could not find it myself after looking for a while so I had to ask the associate.  I was looking at it the whole time)..took them both and they really really do help!  Also I was told that you absorb the most magnesium through your skin as possible so it was also recommended to soak in a epsome salt bath.  You have 5 days behind you you are getting there.  Just need to find a few supplys to ease your body's healing.
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my God..will this ever end???? Somebody.. bad day..trying to go through the motions positive one moment and then keep thinking I would rather be dead...I don't want to feel this anymore..made it to family function...got the hylands took 3 on the way..seemed like it helped some..but man so alone and sad around all those people...try to laugh and smile have conversation and the pit of your stomach is empty dark nothing there!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! If my life will continue to be this hard I don't want to be here anymore..can't read..watch tv,,try and talk with my husband he just doesn't understand we end of fighting...its like everywhere I turn I can't get peace, a sense of calm...I need someone..tell me if this is something you felt or am I just the crazy one???because I do feel crazy
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You are NOT crazy.  This is part of the mind tricks that come with WDs.  Your brain is working hard to talk you into taking something to attach to those receptors.  It's telling you that you are sad, lonely, depressed, hurting, arguing and can't get peace!  Anything to get the drugs back in.  Your brain is "diseased" for right now.  This won't last forever.  Tomorrow will be better.  

Take some Mag/cal, hylands and nyquil and a hot bath!  

Cyber-hugs!!!
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No you are NOT CRAZY.. listen to tramahater...the mind in so powerful and right now it is telling you all those things, its craving the drugs, just keep fighting it, it wont last forever is right its gonna get better..remember we didnt get addicted overnight, its gonna take time to heal, yes I felt all those feelings you are feeling it was horrible and I thought I never would get through another day another moment but I did I just had to keep on fighting. The days ahead will get better, you will have good days and bad days, but more good then bad, hang in there you have lots of support here...Remember we know what your going through....Keep Fighting that demon dont let it get the best of you. Your gonna beat this!!!!!
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thank you I am still here fighting it!!  don't feel like talking right now
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how many days is it now for you? and you are not crazy....this is something we all have felt during our detox!! Keep up the good work and also does your husband know about your detoxing?
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day 6 today...and every morning is an uphill battle...GOD this is crazy I just want a break!!! yes my husband knows we went through talking about and him being supportive and now I don't know he is not a person with much patience with this...I have always called him "Mr Perfect"..ex-marine we have been married 24 years and I would choose him all over again...but right now I need him and I don't think he knows how to be there.....anyway my kids went to Six Flags today..all day..so I can just be as miserable as I feel right now..I just don't see an end to this right now and can't believe there is one.....I know I sound so pitiful...I am trying so hard going through the motions smiling pushing through it....
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day 6!  thats an accomplishment. day 9 for me. actually woke up not obsessing over the vics but i am craving now bigtime. dear Lord help me (us) through this. who knew somethiing so small could hurt us this way.
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Hey again,

Like they say......"fake it until you make it!!!!"

You aren't pitiful, you are detoxing!!!

It's very hard for anyone who has not done this before to be supportive.  We need only think back to our OWN notions of what an addict was before we ourselves became addicted.  "it's all in your head, why don't you just stop???"  "it's your own fault!!!"   You know......those types of thoughts!!!!

You just keep hanging in there and you WILL feel better eventually.  Hopefully soon your smile will no longer need to be painted on!!!!

bob
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bad bad day.....
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Hey,

Is there anyone you can call to talk to???  Is there anyone that can come over and sit with you???  As much as you may not feel like it, sometimes a visit from a friend can really make a big difference in our attitude.

I really feel for you and hope you find a way to have a better day.  

Keep posting if you have no one else to speak with about this!!!!

bob

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me too sad. and i think jstntime is right. i am forcing myself to clean - cut the lawn - spray water on my beast of a dog ( she loves that) it seems if i dwell i get worse.  we HAVE to shake it off.....soul sisters remember?
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oh and i dont know if this is okay or not ( someone? ) but St Johns Wort seems to be  helping me a little???or its in my mind - but hey - help is help
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jstntime is absolutely right, as hard as it is to do you have to keep busy if you sit or lay around then all that does is give your mind more time to think, I remember I didnt want to do anything but my husband forced me to do things like i said before I cleaned out closets, drawers went through old files anything I could I hated it but I did it....It by no means was easy but it got me through another day....you both have come this far keep going think of what your going through and know you never ever want to feel like this again..I went to church this morning and I prayed for you I asked God to watch over you and to give you the strength to get through this and to heal you...God healed me and he will heal you both....Sunshine
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Im sorry when I said you both I was referring to sad1258 and to cantdothisanymore..I said a prayer for all of us suffering from addiction but then I said a special prayer for you two....
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thank you very much -'fraid I need it today
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Oh sweetie your more than welcome....keep in contact with your Higher Power and you will get through this...I wish I could tell you my whole story...without God in my life I honestly dont think I would be where I am today...
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thanks sunshine for the prayers...boy do i need them!!!! I keep saying my prayers too..is it just me or were and are the hardest moments of the day when you wake up and the thought of taking shower makeup hair and getting dressed seem like the most impossible thing in the WORLD...and getting close to dinner time..what am I going to fix??not hungry at all and to see the kids faces when all there is is pizza or sandwich...the guilt is too much..and all the times in between when the mind wonders..can't get away from it no matter what..cantdothisanymore--your three days ahead of me and you still feel like this...GOD that means I don't have an end in sight!!!!!  ok all of you great people out there past 12+ days we need some more encouragement..NOW!!
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just wanted to check in with you. here we are another day past our misery. I am still 2 days older than you but as long as it always stays that way then we will both be fine.  I was expecting a visit from a friend and was actually looking forward to it. mowed my lawn - cleaned my house - got some food ready for a cook out and then she cancelled. i understand - she has to help her mom but it made me sad again and i was doing really well the last couple hours. guess my point is i am learning there are going to be a lot of triggers that help us or hurt us. some will make us happy others not so much and this my friend we can deal with. deep breaths - count it down and get up and move. that is my strategy. i need a plan otherwise i cant do this. i am still here for you and hope to hear from you soon.
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i have been meaning to ask you. you said you have no pain you just wanted the pills - what got you started at a pain clinic?
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dealing with headaches--primary doc sent me to a neurologist..cat scan showed dengenerative disc in my neck bone spurs and he asked me if I had ever been in an auto accident..trauma of some sort..no I have not...well he saw me for the usual 15-20 mins and wrote me scripts for several meds..oh I don't know..to prevent headaches etc.  told me side effects..ex. it might be hard to get words out at times...well I was not willing to start on all these meds and called his office back week later and told his nurse..asked if there was something else we could try....I think he thought I just a "drug seeker" and washed his hands with me and referred me to spine center/pain management doc...I received injections at that point and he gave me the rx for Lortab 2x day to maintain...went from there...and  here I am today!! makes me sick to think about it!!!  gotta get up and move talk to you again later...hang in there!!! thinking of you always!
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Makeup, getting dressed???? Oh boy that was the last thing I wanted to do and be happy you can shower on your own my husband had to help me I was a "HOT MESS" thats what i called myself...remember I was coming off xanax too oh God it was awful.....but really you should start seeing a change a change for the better in how your feeling, it will happen your getting close to turning that corner.....it would be great if you had someone to talk to is there any NA meetings in your area these people really help...I went to 90 meetings in 90 days I didnt want to but I know it helped me.  I also had some intense counseling, my husband also attended some family therapy groups with me and it helped him to understand exactly what was happening to me and what I was going through...Im just telling what worked for me we are all individuals but maybe try a meeting it will get you out and around people who have been where you are or are going through what you are going through right now...never hurts to try...well try and keep your head up you are well on your way..Sushine
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We HAVE been where you are.

I can only tell you that it WILL get better.  You just have to trust that it will.  

You obviously don't want to take pills forever.  If you were to go back now you will have to repeat everything you are dealing with at this moment.  Wd only gets worse the longer you use.  NOW is the easiest time you will ever have and it is about to get easier.  Please hang on, you are sooooo close.

Get your mind occupied.  Watch a funny movie, build a puzzle, talk with a friend, play a boardgame with the kids, play cards.......ANYTHING to get you a few more hours closer to feeling better.

You have done an amazing job so far.  Many are watching and praying you get through this.

Keep keeping!!!!!!!

bob
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HI good to see you still hanging in there....I was away with my wife celebrating our 28th anniversary and just got home....so I see your frustrated and got that
''I want it... and I want it now" attitude and as always I have to tell you its going to take a bit more time...something your tired of hearing ....but trust me it does get better as time goes by
if you look back now your already better then you where on day 2 or 3 so you are making progress it just seams painfully slow when your going thew it day by day...try and get your mind off it the best you can...watch a funny movie or go out for a walk and get out of the house for a bit...get lost in some music for a wile and dont get overwhelmed by the simple things...start out with small tasks that take 10min or so and work your way up to bigger things ..the more you do the less your mind will be on how well you dont feel yet..and remember it is different for everyone you might come out of this tonight or it might take a few more days...look at the bright side it could be a lot worst your making great progress now its just not as fast as you would like
it never is...if there was only one thing I wish I could have done was to move the hands of time faster to get it over with sooner but it just don't work that way...now is a great time to get hooked up with some sort of aftercare...it will give you the support you need to keep moving forward with this thing...both N/A and A/A our free and are a great place to meet people that have been down the road b/4 you and also those just starting out...this forum is a great support tool but is not enough by it self you need outside support PLEASE don't skip this critical step in recovery...you will find it helps bound measure...keep posting for support where all out here to help...good luck and God bless......Gnarly        
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thanks yes I made it through 3 more hours...I think I was getting very close to losing it...husband came in and said "where can I take you to dinner"  well...let me just tell you I thought I was going to throw up then and there...I didn't want to go I started crying..didn't know how much more I could take...I said ok got up got my pocketbook, brushed my hair and we went to IHOP...I ended up ordering and eating..not alot..we had great conversation..me crying halfway through the meal looking like an idiot but..I did it...then we went and rode by a house we had lived in 20 years ago...wow wanted to sob don't know if that was a great idea but we were together and laughed and pointed out different shrubs we had remembered planting that long ago when we lived there..then we went by big lots and walked around "he did that for me" I actually felt pretty good with the beast lingering in the background...thanks for listening
..bob--I am that much closer huh?  God keeping me going and you all..wishing everyone a peaceful evening..much love
   cantdothisanymore--thinking of you and hoping your day is going much better than earlier -sunshine-keep on keeping on we all need you!
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Wonderful to hear. so glad we are both still hanging on.

BTW - nice to meet you - my name is Vikki.  (smile)
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I did smile Vikki and cried too!!!  I am so glad to have you, my name is Audra..
about to soak in  Epsom Salt and lay this emotionally drained body down and thank God we all made it through another day!!!!!  
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You both are doing great working closer to you goals.....I am now at day 15 and counting!! I remember my first week was awful.....I found that what really helped me was staying very busy and that way my mind was occupied.....My children  are all under the age of 5 so I had no choice but to stay busy i guess....what vitamins if any are you taking? and sad1258 are you on any kind of depression medication? I started taking celexa I thought you said you had started taking I believe this has helped me alot....If u are taking it when did you start it? These type of medications usually take 2-3 weeks of being in your system to even start working so be sure not to miss any doses.....and also I noticed when i was detoxing i was NOT drinking enough fluids or eating enough.....these both play a major role in how you detoxing goes....so please be sure to stay hydrated and eat crackers or something.....this will help with your fatigue and weakness feeling also take b-12 everyday! ttyl
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You all are doing great work and making awesome progress!  I am so proud of you all for what you have done and are still doing.

I was, in my mind, a hopeless case 3 months ago, but I made it, and so can you.  I thought I would be on drugs for the rest of my life, but I chose to have a real life and not to be controlled!

Great job!!!  Congrats!
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I just read all the recent posts and I cant tell you the joy I feel in my heart right now....Way to go, this is soooo awesome I cant even tell you how incredibly happy I am right now, you are making such great progress.  "ONE DAY AT A TIME" that's all you can do.....WE are all survivors..........Have a great night and remember...Keep On Keeping On...Love to all..Sunshine
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Its 5am and i am making coffeee - getting ready for work. doing normal things again.
GOD help me today.  I will check in from work if I need to otherwise i will be checking in when i get home.  thanks for the encouragement. here goes.  Hugs!  



Sad - hope your day 7 awesome I plan on getting through day 10 somehow but this for me is the time I really (thought) i needed the pills. craving is HIGH
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Best of luck Cantdoit. Look forward to a "good" report of how your day went (praying so)..David
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ah you are up early!  thanks. I can feel the positive thoughts already. just getting up and getting in the shower this morning was a task but here goes. (smile)
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Darn night owl children! They apparently have been getting back up once I fall asleep and raid the house all night. No wonder I've had a sink full of dishes the past three mornings. They were horseplaying and one of my daughter let out a squeal which alerted me. I ran their butts to bed. Then couldn't sleep. No wonder the little ratheads have been sleeping all day!

Have a great day! Love the thoughts on changing your named btw :)
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at work - just peeking in to see how you all are doing.....i think i may be okay today but the cravings were getting the better of me so i needed to come here for some inspiration.
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Nope ,no cravings allowed. Cantdoit the efficient employee is at work and she'll be darned if the little demons are going to invade that territory too!..Tell um to do the Michael Jackson,,"Just beat it beat it, beat it,beat it." :)
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Cantdothisanymore- Up and off to work that's great. Your gonna make it through this day with flying colors. The worst is behind you and cravings yeah those will come but those you can fight to with all you might..Im saying a lil prayer for you right now...Like Dav125 says just tell them to Beat It they arent welcome in your life...Have a Great Day ...I got to the cardiologist today so Ill be checking in later to see how everyone is doing..
Sad I hope all is okay Im still praying for you..Sunshine
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Day 7..God help me!!!  feeling better..but titering on the edge of those horrible feelings..
cantdothisanymore--so proud of you..you are really making it!! just know I am sending positive thoughts your way...we are all right there beside you!!!
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hi all! i made it though 6 hours of work.  i am only on half days this week and i gave it a little extra effort.  I was so happy to be at work with my mind occupied BUT i always worked on pills so my energy level was always high. today was pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty frikkin awesome! got home little bit ago and i was starving! just ate lunch and now i am gonna clean and try to keep my momentum going!  i wont lie - my cravings are awful. i want one ( or 30 ) so bad i cant stand it. i keep imagining how great i can feel if i "pop" a few......it is so hard to resist.  stay with me you are all saving my life because i am NOT going down again! on my own i am certain i will fail.
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physically feeling better..emotionally and mentally are killing me...want to crawl in a hole and die!!!  overwhelmed! I know I am being impatient..having a hard time just looking at today...my thoughts travel.ie.to the future how am I going continue being a mom strong for my children friends..work..planning family functions feeling like this..not being able to handle simple things now...is this a typical thought pattern..did anybody else feel like this...my husband says but you won't feel like this in 3 months...is he right..because right now I don't believe any of it.....God help me..it is starting again!!!!!!!!!
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day 10 sad and I am better. you will be too. the cravings and lack of energy are the wrost part. we cannot dwell or we drive ourselves crazy. remember - you said you will save 600 to 800 a month. dwell on that. you will fee better i promise promise promise!  this is H..,..A.....R....D.  the hardest thing i have ever done but I cant afford it anymore. the dr seeking - the script seeking from friends the damage to my kids lives all of it! dwell on how miserable you were when you were out? do you want that frantic feeling all the time or just the next few days?  stay with me sister. if i have to come to GA to kick your butt id have to visit family there that i dont want to see!  get on my bandwagon lady
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thank you for the kick in the butt...I know I will do this..going back is not an option..yes I do think back to last monday at this time I was a WRECK...I do feel stronger now..we will keep going..this fight is so hard....you doing better today?  I know working has got to help...I work for school system so I have a few weeks yet...is good in a way but I really need that to keep my mind on something else..hang in there girl!!!we almost have another day under the belt...sending hugs!!!
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you are welcome and i expect the same kick when appropriate.  we have kinda latched on to each other here like life support. i dont know about you but it damn sure is helping me. i like to think the next time i am out that way visiing it will be sober and you and i can go have a CUP OF COFFEE for a little perk cuz that will be all we need.  
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I am so proud..6 hrs of work!!! you did it and you sound great!!  I am envious in a way I still feel stuck in the hole..I want friends to talk to and plan things with but through the years I isolated myself...anyway I will overcome!!  hungry? that's great...good sign!!  I wish you were here now for that cup of coffee...I would probably settle for tea, though..don't need anything else to make me jittery..I think I have had enough of that to last me the rest of my life..I know what you mean about the pill..I made myself clean out the frig...hating it the whole time...believe it or not I used to enjoy housework...take a pill and clean for hours...I have actually stopped walking to my hiding place to get one though...keep it up and enjoy the rest of your day..one minute I go forward and the next I am back again....still pushing through it...gotta get up and move...
OK MOM309-tramahater-Dav125-sunshine-gnarly-jstntime-quitinoxys-want2bme and everybody else out there too.... we need you don't leave us!!!
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Hey you guys,

Pretty proud of BOTH of you.

Think back to those first 2 days in a sweaty panicky mess thinking you are losing your mind!!!!  It HAS gotten better since then, perhaps only marginally but it IS better.  Keep that in mind, it will continue to get better.

I remember a time when I bought a new fridge and the door opened from the wrong side.  I kept putting off switching it for several months because that's what we men do when we don't feel like doing it!!!! ha ha  Anyway, it was still quite usable but it was a bit of a pain.  Eventually, I said THAT'S IT!!!!!  I changed it and it took me all of about 10 minutes to do it (for the months of struggling, bad deal!!!)

Well, for the next 2 weeks after switching it, EVERY single time I went to the fridge, I tried to open it from the wrong side, the side I had previously conditioned myself to open it from.  My point is this, we conditioned our behavior, we conditioned ourselves to take pills for a zillion different reasons whether they be in preparation for stressful situations or in reaction to them or for energy or for this or for that.  These behaviors were solidified over many months or years or decades.

You both (and me) are just literally days from trying to readjust this behavior.  We are still very much reaching for the wrong side of the fridge still.  It isn't going to change by tomorrow though we sure wish it would.  This is also the reason aftercare is so important for everybody so that we can learn new ways to deal with life without pills.  

To sum it up, keep keeping.  Yes my example is not NEARLY as important as the fight we are now fighting but it just shows that for something soooooo insignificant, it can be difficult to change.

Find the positives, you are both to be commended for your progress.  I am proud of you both and want you to know that you are both helping ME stay clean remembering what those first few weeks were like.

Please hang in there, you are doing an amazing job.  I haven't tried opening my fridge from the wrong side in a long time......so I believe THERE IS HOPE FOR US!!!!!!

bob
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Never too far away Sad. You girls are doing great. I do have some busy stuff that needs attending to this week so if I seem to not be around, its because I'm off on road trips I may have to make. Thursday I go back to see the surgeon. For a checkup then an indepth conversation about where I need to draw the line on physical activities from here on out. I know sledgehammers and excessive bending over are definitely out :)
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I am supposed to be doing better...but why does this seem to get harder every minute..God help me PLEASE!!!  I am leaving the house with my daughter..going to the store..don't want to go but don't want to stay here...when will this dark, depressed, pit of your stomach empty feeling going away??????
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Your guess is as good as mine. Thats a hard call. And that lack of motivation to get up and go really s**ks. Its like you think of doing something and your mind immediately starts going into this depressed mode making it real hard just to get out the door . We get tired just thinking about it Yes , it is a struggle. Remember, your not alone and talking about it is as good a way as any to keep working on processing it out of us. Darn pain in the butt though. Still anger that even today, these medicines still don't come with proper warnings as to what they truly do to people after extended use.
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Hi well weather you believe it or not your doing great....your now hitting the emotional part of the withdrawal ...if you remember I told you guys this is 1/3 physical and 2/3 mental...it wasn't to play down the physical part but rather to prepare you for the mental
I just got back from my weekly visit to my substance abuse conslor..and was shearing with him that I have had dreams lately about using and being with old using friends..I have been waking up in a cold sweet ...and thanking God it was only a dream but the mental side of this can be just as challenging as the physical side...one thing he has always told me is yes we can be miserable with this thing from time to time but it is our choice if we suffer...its all up to the perception in our minds...kinda like the glass is 1/2 full or 1/2  empty...you have to live in the now and except it for what it is...there is very little you can do but to except where your at right now...try your best to keep a positive attitude...and choose not to suffer...your so much better off then you where a week ago ...this weeks challenge will be beating the "mindscrew" stage of the game...look at all you have accomplished and give thanks to God for getting you this fare ...your no longer chained to a pill bottle...you just need to learn how to embrace life on lifes terms...as for that empty pit of anxiety in you stomach...I feel for you that was one of my worst symptoms and one that hung in there for a wile also...I hated it but I promise you it will go away...I wish there was a way I could just give you a date you could mark on the calendar but theirs not its different for everybody...my last withdrawal was from methadone...its well known to be long and agonizing and it was...that pit in my stomach lasted around a month but it took a full 90 days for me to not feel sick anymore...witch is typical for methadone...your coming off pills your recovery will be a lot faster then mine ...just keep putting one foot in front of the other and move forward each day...soon you will have 2 weeks clean and look back and feel a lot better then you do now....start becoming pro/active in your recovery...get out and plug into some sort of aftercare....for me a substance abuse conslor has been the best fit for narcotic withdrawal for me...when I layed down the alcohol and weed a bit over 5 yrs ago I went to both N/A and A/A ...at the time it was what I needed and I still believe highly in the 12 step progams...still hit a meeting once in a wile to...I know going to meetings can be a bit intimidating at first but trust me you will feel right at home there ...right now try and cheer up a bit...you really are making good progress and what your feeling is prity normal for as far along as you are....try not to get discouraged with your progress it should only start to get better the longer you put in...chin up....good luck and God bless......Gnarly        
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gnarly and Dav125--thank you very much to take your time to share..you both have given me lots to think about!! as for the aftercare I am trying....I went to a counselor/psychologist last week let everything out..felt good..I can still go back when I call but...she did say I should be on antidepressant..this would be helpful..gave me a name of a psychiatrist..a long story short I finally got in touch with his office today..talked briefly with the lady who answered the phone..got to the part where she wanted to know why I needed to see him..my response..depressed..trying to get my life back together..addition problems...after that her tone changed and she said well I couldn't get you in until mid August...well I got mad and responded with..what do you do when you need somethingor someone now!  she said I'm sorry you might want to call the psychologist back and see if there is someone else she can refer you too...question? should I not have said the word addiction?  anyway I felt shuned.. isn't that what a psychiatrist does is straighten someone out that needs it?????
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cont.  so I called a family physician locally that I have seen once before...going in the morning to talk about depression..see what he says..I am not getting anything for pain.. you guys..I wouldn't touch that stuff with a ten foot pole at this point...I will not go through what I have and am going through AGAIN!!!  I do feel like I need an antidepressant..I used pills to keep me from feeling grief, ugly family situations,etc.  I feel like that is weighing on me now....feedback please!!!
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i think a antidepressant would be best for you at this point...i have been taking celexa and it has helped me so much.....
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ssad (audra) i am busy as hell at the moment and feeling dam good about but want to talk to you. wont be able to post all i want to say til tomorrow but wow - it GETS better and you are only a few days away. Lots of love and all my soul can offer you is coming your way from me.  i think of you 24/7 and i NEED you to know that. I wish i had time now to give more but my recovery is hanging in the balance at the moment and i HAVE to move NOW.  watch for me tommorrow.  I will be needing you and i want to help you in return.  Left you my number on pm - do not hesitate to use it.  All my love.  Vikki ( I WONT DO THIS ANYMORE ) no longer I cant do this anymore. i have turned my corner and just waiting on you hon.  Shouting out to dav and sunshine - everything i sais above to sad applies to you too!  to us all.  I am gonna rock this f'ing disease and kick it's a$$! I just know it!
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Hey all I am back had a long day at the cardiologist have to have a cardiac catherization on wednesday morning ughhh Im scared but ive been through worse Ill get through this...I am so happy for you cantdothisanymore...awesome attitude you go girl!!!! Im loving this..and Sad I hear ya your doing great and I think a anti depressant would be good I was on one for awhile I was on Zoloft..they recommend i take it for a year but I did 8 mths and they tapered me off.....I saw my counselor today havent seen her in almost 8 mths I figured I was in Gainesville so I stopped by and she about flipped out when she saw me, mind you I was skinny as you know what and just sickly looking, since then  I have gained 40 lbs I only weighed 110 when I was there and Im 5' 8" so imagine...she said I looked healthy and was so proud of me it was a great feeling.....she said to me this is what makes my job worthwhile..Well you two keep up the good work it pays off please trust me I know.........love to you all ..Sunshine
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Wow Vicki!  You sound great!!! I am so happy for you...God I want to feel good again and not have everything seem so BAD!!!...just got back from walking 2 miles with the family...still smiling, still trying..with that empty pit in my stomach....hey sunshine...I bet your counselor did flip..that is wonderful..you should be so proud..you are reaping your rewards for all your hard work!!
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was doing great or so i thought - trigger hit - cant stop crying like a baby.
i HATE this disease
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Vikki--are you ok? what was it.. will you talk about it??  Look..I think things like this are going to happen...look what a great day you had!!  Just let it pass!!!!  You helped me get through the past 2 hours..I was actually smiling and getting some things done knowing you are doing so well(last post)!! You helped me...crying is healing you..so get it out and dry it up and think about the day when we are going to meet and know we beat this together!!  So if I can do it...you WILL too!!!! You will not leave me!!!!!   THIS TOO SHALL PASS!!!!  (we just want it to pass alot quicker than it is) BUT LOOK HOW FAR WE HAVE COME!!!!!!WE WILL NOT GO BACK!!!  hope you are feeling my hugs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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agree it is good to post on the same post
but this one is so long it is really hard to follow
means u got lots of support
operhaps time to post a new thread tho cos it is hard to read so much
good luck to u and hang tight
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I just want to say Good Night its been a long stressful day, I hope you get some rest tonight your doing great Keep up the good work...my prayers are with you always..Sunshine
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Thanks sunshine! praying for all of us..doing better tonight...sense of calm and it feels great!!

hey guys I am going to start a new post...since this one is getting so long..follow me please!!
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I have been going through oxycodone/tramadol w/d for 6 days. I have been going cold turkey because I don't want to substitute one pill for others. I started taking them for a back problem and they made me feel so good. I just started abusing them and not taking them as directed. The first couple of days was so hard physically for me, I really wanted to die. But as each day goes by, I am feeling better, I guess. I just don't have the will to do anything, such as even leave my house. I am drowning in a sea of remorse and guilt that I let it get this far. I just want to be the person I used to be. Happy, loving music, sunny days. I just wanted to ask someone, if I can be who I used to be again. I am so sad. :(
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Hi there and welcome! You are definitely in the right place my friend. This is a great place to get support, encouragement, and answers to your questions. You are posting on an old thread. If you could go to the main page and hit the post a question link you can start your own thread and share your story. Just cut and paste your post if you want. That will ensure that more people see your post and your get all the support you deserve. Congratulations on your 6 days clean! That is great. Hang in there. Emotions are all over the place and can take a while to even out. We have to give our body and brain time to heal. Please stick around and keep posting. This site is a wonderful tool in recovery. Take care!
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I went from taking up to 20 Vic 10 a day, had to withdrawl (withdrawal) every month until it became easier to withdraw and that scared me, I left town changed my environment, went from Vegas to Georgia country side, sometimes it's not just your addiction,it really is everything around you! Stay positive and stay focused, I'm a mom of 4 and thought I needed it to just do everything that was need for the day!!! I'm sober 2 years now, and there isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about just maybe takin 1, but I know in my heArt I can't!
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