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last day without and scared
Have been taking Lortab 10 for 4 years.  3 months ago got kicked out of pain clinic...got caught getting them from primary doc and pm..stupid!  I have weened from last rx..have one more left. No one knows what I am going through..have no one to talk too...I am extremely sad, anxious and trying to act normal...will I ever feel like I want to live again?????  Please someone talk to me........
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1351082 tn?1479843732
jstntime is absolutely right, as hard as it is to do you have to keep busy if you sit or lay around then all that does is give your mind more time to think, I remember I didnt want to do anything but my husband forced me to do things like i said before I cleaned out closets, drawers went through old files anything I could I hated it but I did it....It by no means was easy but it got me through another day....you both have come this far keep going think of what your going through and know you never ever want to feel like this again..I went to church this morning and I prayed for you I asked God to watch over you and to give you the strength to get through this and to heal you...God healed me and he will heal you both....Sunshine
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1351082 tn?1479843732
Im sorry when I said you both I was referring to sad1258 and to cantdothisanymore..I said a prayer for all of us suffering from addiction but then I said a special prayer for you two....
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thank you very much -'fraid I need it today
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1351082 tn?1479843732
Oh sweetie your more than welcome....keep in contact with your Higher Power and you will get through this...I wish I could tell you my whole story...without God in my life I honestly dont think I would be where I am today...
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thanks sunshine for the prayers...boy do i need them!!!! I keep saying my prayers too..is it just me or were and are the hardest moments of the day when you wake up and the thought of taking shower makeup hair and getting dressed seem like the most impossible thing in the WORLD...and getting close to dinner time..what am I going to fix??not hungry at all and to see the kids faces when all there is is pizza or sandwich...the guilt is too much..and all the times in between when the mind wonders..can't get away from it no matter what..cantdothisanymore--your three days ahead of me and you still feel like this...GOD that means I don't have an end in sight!!!!!  ok all of you great people out there past 12+ days we need some more encouragement..NOW!!
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just wanted to check in with you. here we are another day past our misery. I am still 2 days older than you but as long as it always stays that way then we will both be fine.  I was expecting a visit from a friend and was actually looking forward to it. mowed my lawn - cleaned my house - got some food ready for a cook out and then she cancelled. i understand - she has to help her mom but it made me sad again and i was doing really well the last couple hours. guess my point is i am learning there are going to be a lot of triggers that help us or hurt us. some will make us happy others not so much and this my friend we can deal with. deep breaths - count it down and get up and move. that is my strategy. i need a plan otherwise i cant do this. i am still here for you and hope to hear from you soon.
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i have been meaning to ask you. you said you have no pain you just wanted the pills - what got you started at a pain clinic?
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dealing with headaches--primary doc sent me to a neurologist..cat scan showed dengenerative disc in my neck bone spurs and he asked me if I had ever been in an auto accident..trauma of some sort..no I have not...well he saw me for the usual 15-20 mins and wrote me scripts for several meds..oh I don't know..to prevent headaches etc.  told me side effects..ex. it might be hard to get words out at times...well I was not willing to start on all these meds and called his office back week later and told his nurse..asked if there was something else we could try....I think he thought I just a "drug seeker" and washed his hands with me and referred me to spine center/pain management doc...I received injections at that point and he gave me the rx for Lortab 2x day to maintain...went from there...and  here I am today!! makes me sick to think about it!!!  gotta get up and move talk to you again later...hang in there!!! thinking of you always!
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1351082 tn?1479843732
Makeup, getting dressed???? Oh boy that was the last thing I wanted to do and be happy you can shower on your own my husband had to help me I was a "HOT MESS" thats what i called myself...remember I was coming off xanax too oh God it was awful.....but really you should start seeing a change a change for the better in how your feeling, it will happen your getting close to turning that corner.....it would be great if you had someone to talk to is there any NA meetings in your area these people really help...I went to 90 meetings in 90 days I didnt want to but I know it helped me.  I also had some intense counseling, my husband also attended some family therapy groups with me and it helped him to understand exactly what was happening to me and what I was going through...Im just telling what worked for me we are all individuals but maybe try a meeting it will get you out and around people who have been where you are or are going through what you are going through right now...never hurts to try...well try and keep your head up you are well on your way..Sushine
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We HAVE been where you are.

I can only tell you that it WILL get better.  You just have to trust that it will.  

You obviously don't want to take pills forever.  If you were to go back now you will have to repeat everything you are dealing with at this moment.  Wd only gets worse the longer you use.  NOW is the easiest time you will ever have and it is about to get easier.  Please hang on, you are sooooo close.

Get your mind occupied.  Watch a funny movie, build a puzzle, talk with a friend, play a boardgame with the kids, play cards.......ANYTHING to get you a few more hours closer to feeling better.

You have done an amazing job so far.  Many are watching and praying you get through this.

Keep keeping!!!!!!!

bob
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HI good to see you still hanging in there....I was away with my wife celebrating our 28th anniversary and just got home....so I see your frustrated and got that
''I want it... and I want it now" attitude and as always I have to tell you its going to take a bit more time...something your tired of hearing ....but trust me it does get better as time goes by
if you look back now your already better then you where on day 2 or 3 so you are making progress it just seams painfully slow when your going thew it day by day...try and get your mind off it the best you can...watch a funny movie or go out for a walk and get out of the house for a bit...get lost in some music for a wile and dont get overwhelmed by the simple things...start out with small tasks that take 10min or so and work your way up to bigger things ..the more you do the less your mind will be on how well you dont feel yet..and remember it is different for everyone you might come out of this tonight or it might take a few more days...look at the bright side it could be a lot worst your making great progress now its just not as fast as you would like
it never is...if there was only one thing I wish I could have done was to move the hands of time faster to get it over with sooner but it just don't work that way...now is a great time to get hooked up with some sort of aftercare...it will give you the support you need to keep moving forward with this thing...both N/A and A/A our free and are a great place to meet people that have been down the road b/4 you and also those just starting out...this forum is a great support tool but is not enough by it self you need outside support PLEASE don't skip this critical step in recovery...you will find it helps bound measure...keep posting for support where all out here to help...good luck and God bless......Gnarly        
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thanks yes I made it through 3 more hours...I think I was getting very close to losing it...husband came in and said "where can I take you to dinner"  well...let me just tell you I thought I was going to throw up then and there...I didn't want to go I started crying..didn't know how much more I could take...I said ok got up got my pocketbook, brushed my hair and we went to IHOP...I ended up ordering and eating..not alot..we had great conversation..me crying halfway through the meal looking like an idiot but..I did it...then we went and rode by a house we had lived in 20 years ago...wow wanted to sob don't know if that was a great idea but we were together and laughed and pointed out different shrubs we had remembered planting that long ago when we lived there..then we went by big lots and walked around "he did that for me" I actually felt pretty good with the beast lingering in the background...thanks for listening
..bob--I am that much closer huh?  God keeping me going and you all..wishing everyone a peaceful evening..much love
   cantdothisanymore--thinking of you and hoping your day is going much better than earlier -sunshine-keep on keeping on we all need you!
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Wonderful to hear. so glad we are both still hanging on.

BTW - nice to meet you - my name is Vikki.  (smile)
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I did smile Vikki and cried too!!!  I am so glad to have you, my name is Audra..
about to soak in  Epsom Salt and lay this emotionally drained body down and thank God we all made it through another day!!!!!  
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You both are doing great working closer to you goals.....I am now at day 15 and counting!! I remember my first week was awful.....I found that what really helped me was staying very busy and that way my mind was occupied.....My children  are all under the age of 5 so I had no choice but to stay busy i guess....what vitamins if any are you taking? and sad1258 are you on any kind of depression medication? I started taking celexa I thought you said you had started taking I believe this has helped me alot....If u are taking it when did you start it? These type of medications usually take 2-3 weeks of being in your system to even start working so be sure not to miss any doses.....and also I noticed when i was detoxing i was NOT drinking enough fluids or eating enough.....these both play a major role in how you detoxing goes....so please be sure to stay hydrated and eat crackers or something.....this will help with your fatigue and weakness feeling also take b-12 everyday! ttyl
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You all are doing great work and making awesome progress!  I am so proud of you all for what you have done and are still doing.

I was, in my mind, a hopeless case 3 months ago, but I made it, and so can you.  I thought I would be on drugs for the rest of my life, but I chose to have a real life and not to be controlled!

Great job!!!  Congrats!
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1351082 tn?1479843732
I just read all the recent posts and I cant tell you the joy I feel in my heart right now....Way to go, this is soooo awesome I cant even tell you how incredibly happy I am right now, you are making such great progress.  "ONE DAY AT A TIME" that's all you can do.....WE are all survivors..........Have a great night and remember...Keep On Keeping On...Love to all..Sunshine
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Its 5am and i am making coffeee - getting ready for work. doing normal things again.
GOD help me today.  I will check in from work if I need to otherwise i will be checking in when i get home.  thanks for the encouragement. here goes.  Hugs!  



Sad - hope your day 7 awesome I plan on getting through day 10 somehow but this for me is the time I really (thought) i needed the pills. craving is HIGH
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1283286 tn?1312915566
Best of luck Cantdoit. Look forward to a "good" report of how your day went (praying so)..David
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ah you are up early!  thanks. I can feel the positive thoughts already. just getting up and getting in the shower this morning was a task but here goes. (smile)
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1283286 tn?1312915566
Darn night owl children! They apparently have been getting back up once I fall asleep and raid the house all night. No wonder I've had a sink full of dishes the past three mornings. They were horseplaying and one of my daughter let out a squeal which alerted me. I ran their butts to bed. Then couldn't sleep. No wonder the little ratheads have been sleeping all day!

Have a great day! Love the thoughts on changing your named btw :)
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at work - just peeking in to see how you all are doing.....i think i may be okay today but the cravings were getting the better of me so i needed to come here for some inspiration.
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1283286 tn?1312915566
Nope ,no cravings allowed. Cantdoit the efficient employee is at work and she'll be darned if the little demons are going to invade that territory too!..Tell um to do the Michael Jackson,,"Just beat it beat it, beat it,beat it." :)
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1351082 tn?1479843732
Cantdothisanymore- Up and off to work that's great. Your gonna make it through this day with flying colors. The worst is behind you and cravings yeah those will come but those you can fight to with all you might..Im saying a lil prayer for you right now...Like Dav125 says just tell them to Beat It they arent welcome in your life...Have a Great Day ...I got to the cardiologist today so Ill be checking in later to see how everyone is doing..
Sad I hope all is okay Im still praying for you..Sunshine
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Day 7..God help me!!!  feeling better..but titering on the edge of those horrible feelings..
cantdothisanymore--so proud of you..you are really making it!! just know I am sending positive thoughts your way...we are all right there beside you!!!
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hi all! i made it though 6 hours of work.  i am only on half days this week and i gave it a little extra effort.  I was so happy to be at work with my mind occupied BUT i always worked on pills so my energy level was always high. today was pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty frikkin awesome! got home little bit ago and i was starving! just ate lunch and now i am gonna clean and try to keep my momentum going!  i wont lie - my cravings are awful. i want one ( or 30 ) so bad i cant stand it. i keep imagining how great i can feel if i "pop" a few......it is so hard to resist.  stay with me you are all saving my life because i am NOT going down again! on my own i am certain i will fail.
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physically feeling better..emotionally and mentally are killing me...want to crawl in a hole and die!!!  overwhelmed! I know I am being impatient..having a hard time just looking at today...my thoughts travel.ie.to the future how am I going continue being a mom strong for my children friends..work..planning family functions feeling like this..not being able to handle simple things now...is this a typical thought pattern..did anybody else feel like this...my husband says but you won't feel like this in 3 months...is he right..because right now I don't believe any of it.....God help me..it is starting again!!!!!!!!!
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day 10 sad and I am better. you will be too. the cravings and lack of energy are the wrost part. we cannot dwell or we drive ourselves crazy. remember - you said you will save 600 to 800 a month. dwell on that. you will fee better i promise promise promise!  this is H..,..A.....R....D.  the hardest thing i have ever done but I cant afford it anymore. the dr seeking - the script seeking from friends the damage to my kids lives all of it! dwell on how miserable you were when you were out? do you want that frantic feeling all the time or just the next few days?  stay with me sister. if i have to come to GA to kick your butt id have to visit family there that i dont want to see!  get on my bandwagon lady
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thank you for the kick in the butt...I know I will do this..going back is not an option..yes I do think back to last monday at this time I was a WRECK...I do feel stronger now..we will keep going..this fight is so hard....you doing better today?  I know working has got to help...I work for school system so I have a few weeks yet...is good in a way but I really need that to keep my mind on something else..hang in there girl!!!we almost have another day under the belt...sending hugs!!!
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you are welcome and i expect the same kick when appropriate.  we have kinda latched on to each other here like life support. i dont know about you but it damn sure is helping me. i like to think the next time i am out that way visiing it will be sober and you and i can go have a CUP OF COFFEE for a little perk cuz that will be all we need.  
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I am so proud..6 hrs of work!!! you did it and you sound great!!  I am envious in a way I still feel stuck in the hole..I want friends to talk to and plan things with but through the years I isolated myself...anyway I will overcome!!  hungry? that's great...good sign!!  I wish you were here now for that cup of coffee...I would probably settle for tea, though..don't need anything else to make me jittery..I think I have had enough of that to last me the rest of my life..I know what you mean about the pill..I made myself clean out the frig...hating it the whole time...believe it or not I used to enjoy housework...take a pill and clean for hours...I have actually stopped walking to my hiding place to get one though...keep it up and enjoy the rest of your day..one minute I go forward and the next I am back again....still pushing through it...gotta get up and move...
OK MOM309-tramahater-Dav125-sunshine-gnarly-jstntime-quitinoxys-want2bme and everybody else out there too.... we need you don't leave us!!!
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Hey you guys,

Pretty proud of BOTH of you.

Think back to those first 2 days in a sweaty panicky mess thinking you are losing your mind!!!!  It HAS gotten better since then, perhaps only marginally but it IS better.  Keep that in mind, it will continue to get better.

I remember a time when I bought a new fridge and the door opened from the wrong side.  I kept putting off switching it for several months because that's what we men do when we don't feel like doing it!!!! ha ha  Anyway, it was still quite usable but it was a bit of a pain.  Eventually, I said THAT'S IT!!!!!  I changed it and it took me all of about 10 minutes to do it (for the months of struggling, bad deal!!!)

Well, for the next 2 weeks after switching it, EVERY single time I went to the fridge, I tried to open it from the wrong side, the side I had previously conditioned myself to open it from.  My point is this, we conditioned our behavior, we conditioned ourselves to take pills for a zillion different reasons whether they be in preparation for stressful situations or in reaction to them or for energy or for this or for that.  These behaviors were solidified over many months or years or decades.

You both (and me) are just literally days from trying to readjust this behavior.  We are still very much reaching for the wrong side of the fridge still.  It isn't going to change by tomorrow though we sure wish it would.  This is also the reason aftercare is so important for everybody so that we can learn new ways to deal with life without pills.  

To sum it up, keep keeping.  Yes my example is not NEARLY as important as the fight we are now fighting but it just shows that for something soooooo insignificant, it can be difficult to change.

Find the positives, you are both to be commended for your progress.  I am proud of you both and want you to know that you are both helping ME stay clean remembering what those first few weeks were like.

Please hang in there, you are doing an amazing job.  I haven't tried opening my fridge from the wrong side in a long time......so I believe THERE IS HOPE FOR US!!!!!!

bob
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1283286 tn?1312915566
Never too far away Sad. You girls are doing great. I do have some busy stuff that needs attending to this week so if I seem to not be around, its because I'm off on road trips I may have to make. Thursday I go back to see the surgeon. For a checkup then an indepth conversation about where I need to draw the line on physical activities from here on out. I know sledgehammers and excessive bending over are definitely out :)
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I am supposed to be doing better...but why does this seem to get harder every minute..God help me PLEASE!!!  I am leaving the house with my daughter..going to the store..don't want to go but don't want to stay here...when will this dark, depressed, pit of your stomach empty feeling going away??????
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1283286 tn?1312915566
Your guess is as good as mine. Thats a hard call. And that lack of motivation to get up and go really s**ks. Its like you think of doing something and your mind immediately starts going into this depressed mode making it real hard just to get out the door . We get tired just thinking about it Yes , it is a struggle. Remember, your not alone and talking about it is as good a way as any to keep working on processing it out of us. Darn pain in the butt though. Still anger that even today, these medicines still don't come with proper warnings as to what they truly do to people after extended use.
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Hi well weather you believe it or not your doing great....your now hitting the emotional part of the withdrawal ...if you remember I told you guys this is 1/3 physical and 2/3 mental...it wasn't to play down the physical part but rather to prepare you for the mental
I just got back from my weekly visit to my substance abuse conslor..and was shearing with him that I have had dreams lately about using and being with old using friends..I have been waking up in a cold sweet ...and thanking God it was only a dream but the mental side of this can be just as challenging as the physical side...one thing he has always told me is yes we can be miserable with this thing from time to time but it is our choice if we suffer...its all up to the perception in our minds...kinda like the glass is 1/2 full or 1/2  empty...you have to live in the now and except it for what it is...there is very little you can do but to except where your at right now...try your best to keep a positive attitude...and choose not to suffer...your so much better off then you where a week ago ...this weeks challenge will be beating the "mindscrew" stage of the game...look at all you have accomplished and give thanks to God for getting you this fare ...your no longer chained to a pill bottle...you just need to learn how to embrace life on lifes terms...as for that empty pit of anxiety in you stomach...I feel for you that was one of my worst symptoms and one that hung in there for a wile also...I hated it but I promise you it will go away...I wish there was a way I could just give you a date you could mark on the calendar but theirs not its different for everybody...my last withdrawal was from methadone...its well known to be long and agonizing and it was...that pit in my stomach lasted around a month but it took a full 90 days for me to not feel sick anymore...witch is typical for methadone...your coming off pills your recovery will be a lot faster then mine ...just keep putting one foot in front of the other and move forward each day...soon you will have 2 weeks clean and look back and feel a lot better then you do now....start becoming pro/active in your recovery...get out and plug into some sort of aftercare....for me a substance abuse conslor has been the best fit for narcotic withdrawal for me...when I layed down the alcohol and weed a bit over 5 yrs ago I went to both N/A and A/A ...at the time it was what I needed and I still believe highly in the 12 step progams...still hit a meeting once in a wile to...I know going to meetings can be a bit intimidating at first but trust me you will feel right at home there ...right now try and cheer up a bit...you really are making good progress and what your feeling is prity normal for as far along as you are....try not to get discouraged with your progress it should only start to get better the longer you put in...chin up....good luck and God bless......Gnarly        
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gnarly and Dav125--thank you very much to take your time to share..you both have given me lots to think about!! as for the aftercare I am trying....I went to a counselor/psychologist last week let everything out..felt good..I can still go back when I call but...she did say I should be on antidepressant..this would be helpful..gave me a name of a psychiatrist..a long story short I finally got in touch with his office today..talked briefly with the lady who answered the phone..got to the part where she wanted to know why I needed to see him..my response..depressed..trying to get my life back together..addition problems...after that her tone changed and she said well I couldn't get you in until mid August...well I got mad and responded with..what do you do when you need somethingor someone now!  she said I'm sorry you might want to call the psychologist back and see if there is someone else she can refer you too...question? should I not have said the word addiction?  anyway I felt shuned.. isn't that what a psychiatrist does is straighten someone out that needs it?????
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cont.  so I called a family physician locally that I have seen once before...going in the morning to talk about depression..see what he says..I am not getting anything for pain.. you guys..I wouldn't touch that stuff with a ten foot pole at this point...I will not go through what I have and am going through AGAIN!!!  I do feel like I need an antidepressant..I used pills to keep me from feeling grief, ugly family situations,etc.  I feel like that is weighing on me now....feedback please!!!
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i think a antidepressant would be best for you at this point...i have been taking celexa and it has helped me so much.....
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ssad (audra) i am busy as hell at the moment and feeling dam good about but want to talk to you. wont be able to post all i want to say til tomorrow but wow - it GETS better and you are only a few days away. Lots of love and all my soul can offer you is coming your way from me.  i think of you 24/7 and i NEED you to know that. I wish i had time now to give more but my recovery is hanging in the balance at the moment and i HAVE to move NOW.  watch for me tommorrow.  I will be needing you and i want to help you in return.  Left you my number on pm - do not hesitate to use it.  All my love.  Vikki ( I WONT DO THIS ANYMORE ) no longer I cant do this anymore. i have turned my corner and just waiting on you hon.  Shouting out to dav and sunshine - everything i sais above to sad applies to you too!  to us all.  I am gonna rock this f'ing disease and kick it's a$$! I just know it!
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1351082 tn?1479843732
Hey all I am back had a long day at the cardiologist have to have a cardiac catherization on wednesday morning ughhh Im scared but ive been through worse Ill get through this...I am so happy for you cantdothisanymore...awesome attitude you go girl!!!! Im loving this..and Sad I hear ya your doing great and I think a anti depressant would be good I was on one for awhile I was on Zoloft..they recommend i take it for a year but I did 8 mths and they tapered me off.....I saw my counselor today havent seen her in almost 8 mths I figured I was in Gainesville so I stopped by and she about flipped out when she saw me, mind you I was skinny as you know what and just sickly looking, since then  I have gained 40 lbs I only weighed 110 when I was there and Im 5' 8" so imagine...she said I looked healthy and was so proud of me it was a great feeling.....she said to me this is what makes my job worthwhile..Well you two keep up the good work it pays off please trust me I know.........love to you all ..Sunshine
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Wow Vicki!  You sound great!!! I am so happy for you...God I want to feel good again and not have everything seem so BAD!!!...just got back from walking 2 miles with the family...still smiling, still trying..with that empty pit in my stomach....hey sunshine...I bet your counselor did flip..that is wonderful..you should be so proud..you are reaping your rewards for all your hard work!!
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was doing great or so i thought - trigger hit - cant stop crying like a baby.
i HATE this disease
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Vikki--are you ok? what was it.. will you talk about it??  Look..I think things like this are going to happen...look what a great day you had!!  Just let it pass!!!!  You helped me get through the past 2 hours..I was actually smiling and getting some things done knowing you are doing so well(last post)!! You helped me...crying is healing you..so get it out and dry it up and think about the day when we are going to meet and know we beat this together!!  So if I can do it...you WILL too!!!! You will not leave me!!!!!   THIS TOO SHALL PASS!!!!  (we just want it to pass alot quicker than it is) BUT LOOK HOW FAR WE HAVE COME!!!!!!WE WILL NOT GO BACK!!!  hope you are feeling my hugs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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401095 tn?1351395370
agree it is good to post on the same post
but this one is so long it is really hard to follow
means u got lots of support
operhaps time to post a new thread tho cos it is hard to read so much
good luck to u and hang tight
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1351082 tn?1479843732
I just want to say Good Night its been a long stressful day, I hope you get some rest tonight your doing great Keep up the good work...my prayers are with you always..Sunshine
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Thanks sunshine! praying for all of us..doing better tonight...sense of calm and it feels great!!

hey guys I am going to start a new post...since this one is getting so long..follow me please!!
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I have been going through oxycodone/tramadol w/d for 6 days. I have been going cold turkey because I don't want to substitute one pill for others. I started taking them for a back problem and they made me feel so good. I just started abusing them and not taking them as directed. The first couple of days was so hard physically for me, I really wanted to die. But as each day goes by, I am feeling better, I guess. I just don't have the will to do anything, such as even leave my house. I am drowning in a sea of remorse and guilt that I let it get this far. I just want to be the person I used to be. Happy, loving music, sunny days. I just wanted to ask someone, if I can be who I used to be again. I am so sad. :(
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5347058 tn?1381192026
Hi there and welcome! You are definitely in the right place my friend. This is a great place to get support, encouragement, and answers to your questions. You are posting on an old thread. If you could go to the main page and hit the post a question link you can start your own thread and share your story. Just cut and paste your post if you want. That will ensure that more people see your post and your get all the support you deserve. Congratulations on your 6 days clean! That is great. Hang in there. Emotions are all over the place and can take a while to even out. We have to give our body and brain time to heal. Please stick around and keep posting. This site is a wonderful tool in recovery. Take care!
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I went from taking up to 20 Vic 10 a day, had to withdrawl every month until it became easier to withdraw and that scared me, I left town changed my environment, went from Vegas to Georgia country side, sometimes it's not just your addiction,it really is everything around you! Stay positive and stay focused, I'm a mom of 4 and thought I needed it to just do everything that was need for the day!!! I'm sober 2 years now, and there isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about just maybe takin 1, but I know in my heArt I can't!
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