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looking for help

My son has had an addiction problem for years...dropped out of college,denied addiction,arrested,got clean for awhile. My husband and I took him in at 24 and sent him to a hospital,psychologist,etc. Thought he was clean, but after 5 months he stole and pawned our valuables,etc,etc.He now lives with new girlfriend, and we have distanced ourselves,although he lives 3 minutes away.My heart is broken.I just cannot understand why ...He is addicted to Roxicet.I just guess I want answers...How could someone so bright and talented fall this low?Will I ever get over this pain? Should I contact him???Please help.
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541953 tn?1262586226
I am in the same spot as you...My 26 year old son is addicted to soma's and alcohol. he has been in jail numerous times., wrecked my car he took w/o permission while high..lost too many jobs to count.stole from us...didnt care and still doesnt..we had to move 6 hours away to just save my marriage of 33 years...his addiction was and still is killing our family...I love my son as you do yours., but the only thing I could do was tough love..I do not send him money because it will be for drugs/alcohol. if he calls and is stoned I tell him I love him but refuse to talk to him while he is that way and to call back when he is sober..i tell him every chance I get that I love him but will not support his habit...it's very tough but that is the only way i could save my marriage, hubby and i fought continously about him, and my sanity...I tould him when he was ready to get sober I was here for him and would help anyway I could... I know it sounds like I am a cold person but this is what I had to do...you must understand that you and your family is a victim of his addiction as he is...stay strong, pm me anytime you want to talk...

take care
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I know what you are going through, addiction of some sort will get a hold every person on earth,(not just drug addictions), it's part of human nature to want to feel happy and pleasurable. The most important thing you can do at this point is to comfort him, love him. Do NOT under any circumstances belittle or make him feel low, this will push him further into the addiction because it gives him another reason to use. Anger is not the way to confront an addict, it helps build the emotional wall they put up. Love is the only way to break the wall. I know because I was once an addict(heroin) and every emotional upset gave me one more reason to isolate and use. I only recovered because I saw what I had right in front of me and feared losing it(familly). I quit cold turkey and never looked back. No 12 steps, no rehab, no therapists, I just told myself that this was not the way. Eventually he will see what is going on and the emotional hurt that it is causing your familly, you may have to intervene on his life. Tell him how much you love him and how much it would tear you apart if you lost him, show emotion, let it out.I pray for your son and your familly and give you my best wishes.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I want You to take a breath.....   know that deep down under the addict is still your son no matter what he says a part of him will always want to get sober and as hard as it is you need to bring that out. I feel for you cause i have put mymother through the same stuff, my vice was OXYS i did the same thing stealing pawning, breaking my mothers heart. outside i was a cold, selfish, person, who acted like i didn't care about anyone but me and my drug. inside I was Screaming MOMMY HELP ME !! like a baby, Inside i was crying wanting my mother to help me even though i didn't act like it. my advice is to not give up on him the best way to beat this is with a mothers love and tenderness. Mom i wish u all the luck in the world and i pray that oneday u will have ur matt back  
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743479 tn?1233592938
have you ever watched the show on A&E called intervention??  every think of doing an intervention for him???? just a thought.  thoughts and prayers are with you sincerly melodie
Helpful - 0
679575 tn?1245115450
All I have to say is that you are one strong women.  The pain and sadness must be hard at times.  My heart goes out to you and your kids.  I hope they all see the light one day.  Good luck to guys and all the best.  I just had to comment because I just couldn't imagine being strong enough to deal with all that.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Thanks for the valuable advice...I will try to get up the strength to email him.
Helpful - 0
728452 tn?1236270454
Contact your son and let him know that you are there for him when he chooses to want to become clean and start his recovery.  Addiction is a very powerful disease and the people around the addict always see the problem before the addict does.  Admitting that we are addicts is the first step towards recovery.  However for me, that took awhile because I didn't think I had a problem either and told myself that I could quit at anytime.  Wishful thinking for an addict.  He is going to have to come to that conclusion on his own.  I know it is hard for you as his mother to see him self destruct.  Like some of the other people have mentioned above, educate yourself on addiction and just know that you will be there for him when he realizes that he does have a problem. Good luck and best wishes to you.
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186166 tn?1385259382
as moms...we never fully understand the "why" of how or why our children become addicts.  it's our nature to want to protect and help our children.  with that being said...it is also our nature to enable them...and most times without even knowing that we are doing so.  a good example of this would be the fact that he stole from YOU ! ! !  ever wonder why he would steal from his parents...the ppl that gave him life...the ppl that loved and raised him...the ppl that were always there for him?  it's because he felt SAFE stealing from you ! ! !  he knows that you will do nothing.

the single most important thing that you can do for your son is to make sure he knows this one fact.  YOU WILL SUPPORT HIS RECOVERY...BUT NOT HIS ADDICTION.  let him know that at any time he decides that he has had enough, that he wants and needs help, that his addiction has control over his life and he is powerless to it...that you will AT THAT POINT do anything and everything in your power to see that he gets that help.

if "loving your child sober" was possible...my oldest son would not be addicted to alcohol, xanax, and pot.  if "loving your child sober" was possible...the next one in line would not be a crystal meth addict and have hiv.  if "loving your child sober" was possible...son #3 would have never become addicted to crack cocaine.   believe me when i say...i tried to love all of them sober...it doesnt work.  he has to love himself enough to want to take the steps to do it.  i know how hard it is to sit back and watch your child self destruct...and my heart goes out to you.

talk to your husband...find out what you can offer your son as far as supporting his recovery.  if you can financially help with a rehab facility...do your research and find out which one would be a good fit.  have your list ready...if and when your son decides he's had enough.  

again...support his recovery...not his addiction.

hugs...
kim

Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Addiction does not care how smart you are, what you look like or where you come from. Addiction can happen to any person from any walk of life and unfortunately it got a hold of your son. When i first started using years ago, my Mom said the same thing you said, ``how can someone so smart and talented fall this low``, well i did. I had it all at one point, was going pro for golf, had dreams and a bright future, but i tossed it all away for cocaine. I despised drugs, thought only bad people and trash were addicts, but it got me, and it got me good:( He is going to want to do this for himself in order to get and stay clean.

I think you should contact him, at least try to talk. Although you may want to scream and yell and have every right to, maybe just listening to him would be a start. Im sure you must feel so much anger and hurt, but this was his choice and it will be his choice to quit. Stick around here, you can learn a lot by reading.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Let me just say that overcoming his addiction will be one of the hardest things he will ever do.  
The thing is it won't happen until he WANTS it to happen.
I am a 40yo mother of 2 beautiful boys.  I consider myself smart and talented.  
It can happen to ANYONE!  
Nothing in my life ever took over the way the pills did.  I finally said ENOUGH!!  I did not want to live like that anymore.  He has got to have a moment like that or hit rock bottom.  Let's hope he decides on his own.
I wish you and your family luck.
Love,
Kim
Helpful - 0
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