Aa
loser
what a loser i am, uggg i just hate being such a weak minded women. So today is day 10 on a taper program, and of course i failed, i battled the cravings of getting high for 10 days and today i caved. So now, tomorrow back on track. I have like 60 percs at home that i wanted to give to the doc when i go next week but really think i need to just flush them. I am currently taking 100mg tramadol ER once a day and 4mg of diluid 3 times a day. Starting tomorrow i will take my one tramadol, and take diluid 4mg in the am and afternoon with the pm dose of just 2mg. I know you cant discuss a taper but does that sound good? I forgot to tell you how i cheated today, i took 3 and half percs....UGG. I want to be done with this crap so bad these dam pills are demons, and the craving of wanted to get high is just continually, does that ever END?? Please help me get through this, i am on all the mentioned meds that are prescribed by my doc and recovering from surgery, so pain is now minimally and really for pain control all i need is the tramadol. So the goal for now is to be off of diluid and just stick with the tramadol. Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated...Dane
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HEY glad to seev your coming out of the tunnel and its good your not failing into the tram trap
have them prescribe some 800mg ibuprofine that works pritty good for me post back to let us know how your doing........Gnarly
have them prescribe some 800mg ibuprofine that works pritty good for me post back to let us know how your doing........Gnarly
THANK you for all your help and continued support!!!!I I will start a new thread tomorrow. Can you believe this doc?? I was so shocked and confused, now you know why i dont trust doc's. All 3 of my doctors, pain management, surgeon, and primary all tried to push tram on me and HARD!!! So back 4-5 weeks ago when i was questioning everyone and everything that was the reason, i was getting the opposite opinion from you and others than the doc's and was so confused. Thanks to the power of pray i choose to listen to you. I cannot begin to thank you enough for ALL that you have done for me and even putting up with me during my darkest hours!!!!!
XOXOXO
XOXOXO
Oh yeah, I also meant to ask you - maybe start a new thread? It's getting harder and harder to scroll all the way down to the end!! Fresh thread to match your fresh start right? :)
I say RUN from this Dr. I mean, what's up with that? Offering a drug like suboxone after you told him you'd been clean for five days. Nope, you don't need this guy.
I do think aftercare comes in all shapes/sizes - AA, NA, or even a good therapist who can help you get to the root of the problem about why you abused the meds in the first place is a good start.
Trust your gut dane and stay AWAY from this guy. Your story gave me the creeps too. Yuck there are a lot of bad people out there. And all you can do is make sure you DON'T allow them into your life. Luckily we get to choose the people we let into our lives. :)
I do think aftercare comes in all shapes/sizes - AA, NA, or even a good therapist who can help you get to the root of the problem about why you abused the meds in the first place is a good start.
Trust your gut dane and stay AWAY from this guy. Your story gave me the creeps too. Yuck there are a lot of bad people out there. And all you can do is make sure you DON'T allow them into your life. Luckily we get to choose the people we let into our lives. :)
Hey...you answered your own question! An addictionologist is usually a GOOD thing! We all need to do something for aftercare but I didn't have THAT in mind for you! It's still "taking a pill" and you don't want that.
The forum is great,I agree. Also, having the support of your family is wonderful! Maybe there are some groups like AA/NA you could attend. I don't think you should be "cut loose" just yet. It's still very early in your recovery. But,Sweetie, you are now in recovery and not acute addiction!!
Listen to your gut...I don't think you need the doc either but you need something so you can avoid a relapse. See what's around in your area and just know it's entirely your decision to do anything!
I'm so proud of you and happy for you and your family!!
The forum is great,I agree. Also, having the support of your family is wonderful! Maybe there are some groups like AA/NA you could attend. I don't think you should be "cut loose" just yet. It's still very early in your recovery. But,Sweetie, you are now in recovery and not acute addiction!!
Listen to your gut...I don't think you need the doc either but you need something so you can avoid a relapse. See what's around in your area and just know it's entirely your decision to do anything!
I'm so proud of you and happy for you and your family!!
I am so darn confused. I actually got 4 hours of sleep last night, that's the most in weeks and i feel pretty good. I do get some Wd's especially at night/early morning, but other than that i can function now and make plans with other people. I was really just looking into aftercare because of y'all. I have no access to pills anymore as you know we flushed them all last night. I have noticed that i am getting better, the sluggishness is still in affect but as you have said that will all come back in time. The worst of this is over for me and i do feel strong and don't want to ever go down that road again. I know i will have to some point in my life due to surgery since that never ends, but until then i am and will be clean. Vicki, to be honest, i dont think i need the doc, i have y'all and my kids know about this as well, they flushed the pills too and a very supported husband. For sure though you and some others got me to where i am today and i will be forever thankful. I went back and looked at the beginning of this thread and wow i have changed in 5-6 weeks. As for a med, HECK NO i dont want anything!!! I am on Celebrex and it is working and i am managing my pain just fine, a little ice and some rest and i recover again. You are a true blessing......Dane
Honestly? I think it's very weird. Why would you need sub if you're doing okay,5 days clean,and never asked for it??? I think it's suspicious as you do! Doctors make a lot of money from sub...that's very true. It's a very powerful drug...but I'm not sure this is the aftercare any of us had in mind for you...
What do you think? I think you're pretty remarkable for sticking with your taper and now clean for 5 days...with a little support don't you think you'd be okay? Or do YOU think you need some kind of med?
What do you think? I think you're pretty remarkable for sticking with your taper and now clean for 5 days...with a little support don't you think you'd be okay? Or do YOU think you need some kind of med?
and all my friends, OMG, im so confused and need your help. So i finally get an appointment with the addiction doc, i go tomorrow. We spoke on the phone for like 1 minute and it was very awekard. Anyway, i told him that i completed a 4 week taper, i told him i abused all opiates on and off for 15 years and then i said i am 5 days clean today. Problem is he says " Since you are 5 days clean we have some options, you can go on suboxone or Naltrexone" I told him i want nothing to do with sub, since i am already clean and then he said the other drug might be good for me. WHat do y'all think??? Im so confused and guys these doctors are scary i believe they get kick backs giving you all these meds. I was under the impression you go there and talk about your problems and why you use and how to avoid triggers and a 12 step program. He does do group meeting and induvally but the meds thing is creeping me out. Am i trying to find a way out of this or is this for real?? I really want after care but seriously this is weird. Please give me your honest input on this, thanks guys......Dane
They say that 90% of success is just SHOWING UP. So you can do this dane, make the appt. and just SHOW UP. That's all you have to do to get started. Once you make that first step, the rest will come to you naturally.
And congrats on the day 4! For what it's worth - I am so PROUD OF YOU! Keep going! :)
And congrats on the day 4! For what it's worth - I am so PROUD OF YOU! Keep going! :)
And all my friends, today is day 4 clean and i feel pretty good mild WD and still no sleep, but at least i got 3 hours thats a first:) HUGE milestone tonight, my husband and i just FLUSHED 120 perc!!!!!!! I do have mixed emotions about it all, and think oh my what did i do, but i know i did the right thing. Still waiting on the addiction doc, i might have pissed him off since i cancelled my last appointment because i was to scared to go face to face, but this time for real i am going. I want to go and i want to learn how to deal with the triggers. I still get thoughts of wanted to use but that thought passes rather quickly. Again friends, i would never be clean if it was't for all of you and i am so blessed to have met y'all, you all are angels sent from GOd i truly believe that.
CONGRATS DANE you did it keep us posted on how it goes I expected some withdrawals no mater how you do this your brain just reacts to the lack of endorphin dispite how muchor little your putting in it this should be your last ruff night ....you may have some sleeping problems for a wile that is expected doing this but most of the other stuff should subside keep us posted good luck and God bless.......Gnarly
Good for you!!! Don't be scared! You're gonna be fine in the end, you'll see :) Better even! Keep going and you'll finally be FREE!! :)
It's okay dane - all the stuff you're going through and the things you're saying were a lot like what I felt in the beginning - it was really hard to let go. I can tell you though, once you do it - it's going to be a huge relief. Not only do you get to feel empowered from the action, but you'll feel relief too. You'll see. :)
3 days opiate free!!!! Still feel like poop during the day and very sluggish, but the night is awful. Last night i might have gotton 2 hours at best. 3 showers later and still nothing just relief from the shower. I think you guys said it takes about 4-5 days to get back to almost normal other than the fatigue part, i pray that is true. Last night was worse than the previous night for some reason. Tonight is the night i flush the demons away,and for some reason im scared, but i know it has to be done. Still waiting on the addiction doc, so first thing in the AM i will be calling him again so i can get started on some aftercare, i really feel i need it, and i am very afraid of triggers. I still wish i could use again as i miss the high and energy it gave me. ALL of you THANK YOU...Dane
Hey, sorry it's been a little while since I posted :) Glad that you're feeling alright :) Good call on getting into some aftercare :)
True - exercise is great for energy and so are b12 sublingual tablets - and oh yeah, WHY WAIT to flush them? Don't be afraid dane you're almost there - um, actually, you ARE there - and they're just pills and they won't change your life. But staying clean and learning new coping skills will. Now GO FOR IT!
:) p.s. sorry, I had to say it. :)
:) p.s. sorry, I had to say it. :)
Okay... good!! So, do you think you could start a new thread??? I get lazy sometimes and don't feel like scrolling down to the bottom...LOL!!
You'll feel sluggish for a while and the only thing that helps that is exercise! xoxo
You'll feel sluggish for a while and the only thing that helps that is exercise! xoxo
and vicki, THANK YOU THNAK YOU!!!! I am doing pretty good today other than feeling blue and sluggish. I hope i can get just a few hours of sleep tonight. The flushing process will start tomorrow, promise, i just want one more day under my belt. Dont worry, i dont even have access to the pills so no worries there. As for aftercare, im waiting to get an appointment, i should here back from him tomorrow:) You guys ROCK,and both of you put a nice big old smile on my face, considering i have not done that in awhile:))))))))
vicki's right - flushing those pills will feel WONDERFUL. So empowering - the same way I felt when I fessed up to my docs and the pharmacies (yes, pharmacIES!) - so you can do this girl I know it. For what it's worth - I am SO DAM* proud of you!! :)
Dane-- I'm so damn proud of you!! Yes,you will begin to feel better very soon!! So much of this is mental. When you flush those pills later on, you're going to feel as though you can do anything...because you can!!!
Keep your fluid intake up, eat good food, get some exercise and just be! You've got this!
xoxo
Keep your fluid intake up, eat good food, get some exercise and just be! You've got this!
xoxo
Yes once you go through w/d and all the physical stuff you should feel better physically. As I said in my last post aftercare is what is going to help keep you sober, so look into it. It takes some time for your brain to re-wire itself so don't be impatient it will happen. Good luck and I am glad to hear you are doing better. God Bless---Rick
And all my friends, well i finally did it so i am officially 2 nights clean. Last night was worse than the night before, i never fell asleep until 6am, but the good news was my day was pretty good. Tonight i will be saying bye bye to the pills that my husband has a hold of and have a flushing party:) Will i start to feel better now? I really need some sleep i take 2-3 showers in the middle of the night and it does help just cant sleep. But if thats all i have left to suffer from and not all the other WD's than i will be OK. Emotions are crazy, i cry for no reason, and i am very sad, is this all part of it? I am proud that i made it this far and i continue to pray for strength and guidance.
A special thank you to all my friends, Gnarly, IMDONEnoMore, Vicki, Tgtiffany, quitinoxys,and bad_obsession, and everyone else on medhelp, i would have never made it off these DEMONS without you all!!!! Now, the next step....Staying clean, any thoughts would be great. Will my days get better now that i did jump off, please say yes....
To all of you, thank you thank you
Dane
A special thank you to all my friends, Gnarly, IMDONEnoMore, Vicki, Tgtiffany, quitinoxys,and bad_obsession, and everyone else on medhelp, i would have never made it off these DEMONS without you all!!!! Now, the next step....Staying clean, any thoughts would be great. Will my days get better now that i did jump off, please say yes....
To all of you, thank you thank you
Dane
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I think you should tell your Dr. what you've read here and ask that he do his own research on the med before he comes back at you to say it's a safe alternative. And I can tell you that it is now considered a controlled substance in a few states so changes are happening, just not fast enough if you asked me. And I think the sooner you get off the tram, the easier the withdrawal might be for you. I was stuck on that awful drug for over 6 years so I'm just trying to save you from making the same stupid mistakes I made. Seriously, tell the doc what you researched and ask him to provide research telling you it's NOT an opiate or addictive drug - I'll bet he can't. And I can not even tell you how ANGRY I was when I found out that it wasn't just an opiate, but also an anti-depressant. No WONDER the withdrawal was so freaking awful. But did a Dr. tell me there was an AD in this drug? Nope. Not one. So please, just tell the Dr. what you've learned here okay? And not sure if you've done this yet, but if you google "tramadol" there are a ton of links that will give you the info you need. :)