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me again
i joined a couple months ago thinking i would stop this. well i got back into my old habits. now this is what i don't get, how can i be addicted taking one maybe one and a half a day. and sometimes not everyday. sometimes i will go 2 days without. what is the problem?
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1525404 tn?1291918116
You are absolutely awesome. I started following your progress when you began withdrawals and felt so bad for you. I had to check your progess 2 to 3 times a day and found myself so relieved each time that you hadn't gone back to using.

I've been drawing strength for myself by trying to use your strength. Thank you. In a small way you're already giving back way more than you ever took. Keep your chin held high, if you've helped me then you've doubtless helped many more and didn't even realize it.

When I went thru my worst withdrawal ever I took two weeks off from work and just roamed around the house. When I went back to work I didn't do much more than go into my office, close the door and stare out the window. I did that for two or three weeks.
I don't think I could have ever done all the things you did while going thru this.

Much respect to you dede2121
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aww, eye and duluth. you guys are great.
i don't know what it is this time but something just kicked into my brain and i knew i had to stop this.
i think i am doing so well because i didn't take that many. like i said one or two a day mostly. although when i had an RX for 30 at a time i would take as many as 9 a day. but that was rare.
i am thankful to this site and na/aa and the good lord for helping me thru this and making me see the light.

and eye, i feel so honored that i am a good influence on you. i have never been told that before. so that makes me feel so good.

thank you and hugs to both of you.
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1494729 tn?1304884680
congrats on day 10 dede your doing great ,keep up the fight and glad to see your out and about getting a lot of things done that's just fantastic to hear ,keep it up,god bless you.jeff......
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getting ready to go to a meeting. i am feeling somewhat funny now. i have like a guilty feeling. one that turns your stomach. does anyone know what that is about.
i almost talked myself out of going to a meeting but i have got to be strong and go. i cant let Lucifer take over my body anymore or my mind.
hopefully i will feel better once i get out of the meeting. i usually do.
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1525404 tn?1291918116
I've read hundreds of posts and responses and for some reason your story caught my eye. You indeed are a good influence on me. I quit again back in August and for the most part I've done pretty well. I've taken pills on maybe 3 occasions and those were spaced out several weeks apart. My problem is that I use no matter how well I seem to be doing.
So every day when I see that you're hanging tough I say to myself " if dede can make it thru today without using so can I".
And it's seems like the strangest thing to me but these last 4 or 5 days you've turned into my new DOC. I find that I can't get thru the day unless I'm checking your progess at least 3 or 4 times a day. When I wake in the mornings I can't get to my phone fast enough to see where you're at.

I guess for now I'm going to be addicted to dede2121. Is that okay?
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well eye, you are so sweet. i am glad you are addicted to me. please read my posts anytime you want. i am glad that i inspire you.

ok. update on tonights meeting. as you know earlier i said something about feeling guilty, well that was pretty much the topic of the meeting. my guardian angels and the dear lord are sure talking to me.
i guess i will feel guilty for awhile off and on. probably for all the crap i have created. i just need to face the fires when i come to them and "man up" and walk right through them no matter how hot they are. after all i lit them.
but as usual i came out of the meeting feeling much better.
when i got back home i went to the grocery store. cant tell you the last time i went to the grocery store. i never ate much taking pills.

once again it is so nice to do normal things again. what an awful life i was leading. and physically i am feeling stronger everyday.
oh and when i was in the grocery store those fools who used to sell me pills called. i just ditched the call. i thought about changing my phone number but dont really want to because it is so much trouble. hopefully those idiots will take the hint soon and stop bothering me. of course it really doesnt bother me too much or tempt me. i just smile and think how wonderful i feel and how screwed up their lives are.

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oh and not ignoring you jeff. thanks for your congratulations. i am feeling great.
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day 11. i slept all night but woke up with a slight headache. just a smidgeon tired.
i start a new job tomorrow. it will be nice to start a job not on pills.
i hope that i continue down this road. i never want to go back. i know the temptation will always be around. i will just have to face it and make the right choice. i was always one to do things on impulse and think about it later. hopefully i can work on that.
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1416133 tn?1351126817
From what I'm reading, you may be closer to being that person who doesn't act on impulse than you realize as you wrote "i was always one to do things on impulse and think about it later".  See?  You used the word "was"!!!  And on top of that you're thinking about that NOW, not "later".

You're stronger than you think.  :-)
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1525404 tn?1291918116
Good morning dede! I hope this finds you doing well today. So you and I are gonna add another clean day to our calenders right?
Starting a new job tomorrow! That's so great. It occured to me this morning on my drive into work that you'll be starting this new position with a mostly clear mind. And you're probably not at 100% energy level yet either. So I was thinking that if they're pleased with your performance during your probation period then they are going to be blown away by you when you get back to your normal natural self.

Enjoy your last day of freedom and then go in there tomorrow and kick some major butt. Can't wait to hear how the first day goes for you.
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yes eye, another clean day to our calendars. and you are right. i am still not 100%. i have mostly just sat around this morning. i feel a little depressed. i am hoping going back to work will conquer that. i have a probabtion period of 90 days. i should and hope to be feeling marvelous by then.
just praying that i stay clean. now i am not wanting anything but, i have been reading so much on here about people failing(maybe a bad choice of word) but i am so afraid that will happen to me. i have got to always keep my guard up. and that in itself will be tough.
so maybe between work and going to a meeting everynight that will keep my brain occupied. all this sitting around and thinking is driving me nuts.

hope you have a great day,
dede
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1494729 tn?1304884680
just stay strong dede one day at a time ,don't think to far ahead your doing great i know your reading and thinking but just don't let it get the best of you,keep up the great progress  .god bless you.jeff..
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1525404 tn?1291918116
Keeping your gaurd up! Get this, this morning I made arrangements to meet a client this afternoon that didn't want to deal with anyone but me.(I'm trying real hard to not have to leave the building during the day right now). This is in a town just north of the one I'm in. I'll be damned, as soon as I hung up the phone I was thinking "Ooooh, I can score pills while I'm up there". (because I have so many times before)  That stopped me dead in my dead in my tracks. I just shook my head and thought to myself... hey you idiot, we're not doing that anymore.

The scary thing about this is that right now I've got my gaurd on high alert with lots of positive thoughts and dedication to get past this. And yet for one quick second I started working out in my head how early I'd need to head up there to do it before my meeting.
I immediately logged in here to get myself back off the ledge.

Right now I don't leave the house except to come to work. I'm busy at work and as you can see I still manage to spend a good chunk of time here so that's good and as soon as I get home I log on here read posts until bedtime. I spent the entire day Saturday and Sunday on here. Seriously, 15 or 16 hours both of those days. I plan on doing this routine until I forget about those old routines that led me to using. I know I'm not learning new ways to live my life right now but I am de-learning the old ways.

I too am afraid of failing. The fact is people who are addicts do tend to fall off the wagon. I think I've heard it's something like 80 or 90 percent fail rate. I've spent a lot of years in that club. I think I now deserve to join the 10% club. So do you. You and I are both too old to keep getting picked by the losing team. And I'm really tired of being outsmarted by this.

So if you'll help me watch my back I've got yours.  I plan on being here for at least a year and probably two just to make it past the PAWS stage thats going to start screwing with us in about 5 or 6 months. I've also read that studies show that addicts that make it to the 5 year mark rarely relapse.

Lets you and I make a pact that we'll get there and celebrate our many successes. Yeah?
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thanks jeff, i sometimes forget One Day at a Time.

eye, i've got your back. i need the extra encouragement myself. i am having somewhat of a sad day. i guess a little depressed.
i also plan on being here awhile. just like going to meetings, i plan on going everyday whether i want to or not.

i had to go across town and get some medicine for my dog and when i got in my car i thought about getting some liquor. reason being is that i would always drink and drive and take pills. liquor wasnt really a big issue for me. but it's like i am looking for something to replace the pills. everytime pills cross my mind and they did today for a sec thinking oh just one. but what would that solve? i have always had a hard time admitting failure and to admit it to my family was so humbling. i dont want to go thru that again. i really and truly dont want to take pills anymore. this is such a struggle.
but i am gonna keep pushing and get thru this.
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i was just reading on page 417 of alcoholics anonymous... it says

When I stopped living in the problem and began living in the answer, the problem went away. hmmmm

i am not sure what the answer is. is it just stop taking pills?
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1525404 tn?1291918116
A couple of weeks back I was feeling the same way. Now, looking back I'm not sure if I was really depressed or just in mourning to be losing what was such a big part of my life. I hear it actually gets worse when we hit the 6 month mark and enter the Post Acute Withdrawals Stage. I'm preparing for that now so I'll be ready to meet it head on.

I'll tell you this though Dede I hit that 21 day mark or there about, and realized I was feeling pretty good, sleep was getting consistent, aches and pains were subsiding and that nagging downer feeling lifted. That with the encouragement and support I found here got me excited for the first time that I may actually do this right for once.

As far as feeling sad right now.... try this.  This evening when your getting into your own head too much sit down with a legal pad and start considering this new job of yours. Start setting goals of what you want to accomplish with this position. Where do you want or expect to be at the 3 month, 6 month and 1 year mark. Get yourself excited about the possibilities that lay ahead. Let's say for instance that there is a supervisors or managers position that you want. Long before the position opens up start stacking the odds in your favor by doing those things that would be expected of you in that position. Assume the role (don't step anyones toes) and carry yourself in a manner befitting a person in that position of authority. When the time comes to promote it'll be a forgone conclusion that Dede's the one for the job. That's how I got where I'm at. I started here as a peon making $8.50 an hour and now....well let's just say Obama extending the Bush tax credits was very benificial to me.

I roll out of bed each morning these past couple of weeks and thought of something to be excited about. I keep that with me all day and it helps push back the blue moods. Today I woke up and I was excited for Dede (that's why I was thinking of you on my way to work) you're getting clean, starting a new job and I was excited to possibly be making a new friend. Yesterday I chose to be excited about being clean for the first time in a long time during the holidays.

Are you looking forward to your new job. Or is this just a temporary job to get cash flow going again until something better comes along? Either way, keep your eyes open for unexpected opportunities.
Also, stay away from the liqour. It doesn't work, I've tried.
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HI Dede good to see you posting about your feelings it good to air them out....im so happy to here your hitting meetings everyday you will soon start reaping the rewards for your comitment....I just wanted to take a minute to encourage you I know your a little down from your post.....we all get days like this just remember tomorrow is another day with a brand new fresh start....also early in recovery your brain chemistry is all out of wack your endorphins are low because your not feeding your brain pills anymore your serotonin is ether to high or to low it will take a wile to stablize its low if your depressed your dopamine
is off if your still having problems with sleep ...with a little time things will balance out your brain will go back to making its own endorphins and life will be good again the time frame is different for everyone no to withdrawals are the same hang in there keep hitting the meetings your doing a great job with your recovery everything will start to fall into place
I wish you all the best in your recovery good luck and God bless.....Gnarly  
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gnarly, i soooo appreciate your words of encouragement. it made me feel better reading your post.

eye, you are my new best friend. i know i am still early in my recovery and i guess i am expecting miracles to happen way to soon.
as far as the job, it is in my field of work which is nursing. it's not my ideal place to work but it is in nursing. i am looking forward to it. and i will post tomorrow after i get home and let you know how it went.
you know maybe i am in morning about losing the addiction. it damn sure kept me busy. always on the road. riding somewhere to get pills. i have too much time on  my hands now. but that will cease tomorrow. because i will go to work, come home change clothes and go to a meeting. i love those meetings. it's amazing how listening to people you dont know and them making you feel better when you leave.

tomorrow will be day 12. wow almost 2 weeks.
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1525404 tn?1291918116
Day TWELVE! That's so good. In fact it's great!  I didn't know you were a nurse. Much respect for that. Just watching that show ER was enough to sometimes trigger my gag reflex, so I would never be able to stomach the stuff you see on a daily basis. lol.

I think it helps us when we finally start to feel like we're needed and respected again and can start holding our heads up a little higher. I'm thinking your career would offer two scoops of each of those feelings.
So I guess I'll be sitting here on my hands wondering and hoping your first day isn't too stressful on you and that you're going thru your day with a genuine smile on your face. I'll be mad if they were mean to you on your first day. I've always been a little too over protective when it comes to certain people. I'm 6' 5" and 245 Lbs and everyone that knows me would tell you I'm just a big teddy bear and really I am but strangers don't know that, so my size alone is usually enough to get my point across when I have to tell someone to stop messing with so and so. Give me the word and I'll come over there set people straight if they're not nice to you. Lol....

My day is going to be another great one. I've set up a few staff meetings for this afternoon. I'm going to let them know that after the holidays we're going to be making some changes to get this ship back on course. I'm pretty sure it's mostly been my fault but they don't need to know that. We succeed as a team and we fail as a team.
I'm going to be the leader that I know I can be and have been in the past.

Anyway I can't wait to hear how it went today for you. And while you're reading this understand that I've been thinking about you all day hoping that you're feeling happy.

Oh, another clean day right?
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hello my friend. just got back from a meeting. went there straight from work. it was all orientation today. so no one was mean to me. you know how they are on your first day. then after you get on the floor the claws come out. i will let you know if you need to come to tennessee and beat someone up for me. lol

hasnt been to bad of a day. thank god for work. it kept my mind busy all day. boredom ***** because all you have to do is sit around and think.
and eye you crossed my mind today also. hope your day went well.
tomorrow my brother is coming in from kentucky for a few days. gonna be busy with him and work and meetings. i have to work from tomorrow until tuesday. i am thinking about picking up a second job at night. just a few nights a week though. i have just about exhausted all my finances from my ugly habit i had.

so all in all today was not a bad day.
oh and when i got in my car this afternoon, i had the trip set and i looked at it and the damn thing said 666.6. good grief. what was up with that. i didnt look at it again until i got a few miles down the road to get rid of those numbers. lol
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1525404 tn?1291918116
I'm very happy that your first day went well. I was on pins and needles all day wondering how it was going for you. Pleased that I won't need to come and straighten anyone out.lol..

And since you're hitting that 2 week mark tomorrow it's especially good to hear that your brother (and best friend) will spending a few days with you to help get you started on week 3 with some good healthy distractions. Very nice.

My wife and I went to dinner with a group of friends last night and got home kinda late so I didn't write back last night but I did check in with my phone several times until I finally saw your post. It made the rest of the evening more enjoyable.

Your post was on my mind as I was falling asleep and I kept coming back to your thoughts on getting a second job. I know you've got to settle your finances but I couldn't help wonder if it may be too soon. I don't want to see you fall into the trap of thinking you need the extra edge of energy and confidence we think we get from pain killers to manage that kind of schedule. Though I know you're intelligent enough to of thought of that already so I guess I'm just a worry wart.

It's day 29 for me and starting tomorrow I enter the danger zone where I get a month or so clean and then start the "one time won't hurt" cycle. I have to be extra alert until I can get to the other side of 40 days.

But for today....we're not gonna use right? I'll catch you later and congratulations on accomplishing so much these past two weeks. Have a good day at work.

Bob,
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first day on the floor. not bad.
note to self....get some better shoes.
i have new tennis shoes and they killed my feet today. oh well.
i asked if i could have tomorrow off to spend time with my brother. so that is good. the only thing is i will probably miss a meeting tonight. he will be here in about an hour. it makes me nervous to miss a meeting. i have gone everyday since i quit.

today is another day clean. feels pretty good. i dont want to go back to taking pills. i would never get thru this job if i did. i cant and wont live my life that way anymore.

eye, i dont think i will need a pill if i get a second job. i really dont want them anymore.
i hope you do ok on your month anniversary coming up. i have had those thoughts a time or two already about, hmm maybe just one. but i will always have to remember the consequences.
i hate to miss a meeting tonight. maybe i will see what my brother has in mind for tonight and if nothing i can always run there and back. it is only an hour long. it takes about 20 minutes to get there. i don't know we'll see.
i will check back in a few. gotta let my doggie out.
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today is day 13 or 14, i forget. not too bad. went to work. if i was still on pills i would not be able to do this job. i am so glad to be clean today.

oh wait. i just looked at the calendar. it is day15. i feel really good today. except it is snowing and freezing here. i had to go into turtle mode on the way home from my meeting.

oh and listen at this. there was a new girl at the meeting today. i started crying listening to her story. she was in rehab and got kicked out for using. she lost her kids and has nowhere to go. i felt so bad for her. she is homeless. she said she was hungry and thirsty.  i think she has pretty much hit bottom. i hope she learns from this and pulls herself up. i wanted so bad to offer her a place to sleep tonight but i live with my daughter and could not do that. i really hope she will be ok.
drugs are cruel. they do mean things to people.
i do not want any part of them anymore.

i did have a wierd dream last night about me trying to find drugs. and then another that i found some and just kept sitting there thinking about taking them. dont remember much about the dream but that was weird.
maybe that is part of recovery.

anyhoo all in all it has been a good day thanks to being clean and sober.
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1331115 tn?1401672466
Congrats on 15 days and Yes drugs are cruel to people and God willtake care of the poor girl from the meeting. As far as the dreams they are normal I had many bizzare drug dreams when I was detoxing this to will pass. Great going and keep it up we are all proud of ya. God Bless---Rick
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1416133 tn?1351126817
I had a lot of weird dreams too.  It was always about me getting pills, or counting pills.  But every time I got to the point of taking one, I would wake up.
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well today wasnt a bad day. i dont get on here much lately. i guess working and going to meetings keeps me busy.
i was on my way home today and was thinking, if i had been on pills i would be leaving work when i got off and headed somewhere to get pills. that sometimes would take a couple of hours. i am so glad i dont go searching for them anymore. i know it is just one day at a time but i do worry about the future. i dont want to go back to them.

what makes a person relapse?
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1494729 tn?1304884680
hey dede congrats on day 16 glad to hear your doing very well and working and going to meetings and keeping your mind occupied ,really i think that's what make's a lot of people relapse is just pure boredom like there's nothing else to do why not use ,that's why i think it's good to keep yourself busy stay away from bad influences and keep that drug headed mind that we all on here have or had occupied you know and take it one day at a time that's what i seem to have noticed and i think just even talking with your friends on med help there just good drug free people and we get newbies all the time and try to help them as the elders have helped us get to where we are in our recovery ..i mean that's how i feel may be right may not be but so far it's working out great,keep up the great progress dede your doing just awesome ,god bless...jeff...
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1525404 tn?1291918116
Hey Dede, glad to hear you're doing okay and keeping busy. One day at a time is right. I agree with Jeff's post about stopping in here to pass along some of the advice and experience we got to others.

I can see me having the same problem as you with getting by here as much as I did this past week or so. The holidays', x-mas parties starting to ramp up and work will soon start to consume more and more time. I think my many relapses occured because I didn't talk about it or what was going through my mind. I didn't give myself very good counsel during those clean times and soon enough I would start using again, I mean why not? right? Nobody knew I was quitting, shoot, nobody even knew I was using to begin with so it was easy to talk myself into doing it just this one time. I hope coming here as much as possible will make me feel more accountable.  That's my theory anyway.

Good to hear from you again Dede, Have a fantastic evening and keep doing what your doing. Seems to be working quite well for you. Day 16! That's huge.
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1416133 tn?1351126817
Exactly.  That was the one of the main things that I did differently.  I simply had to make myself accountable.

I had to tell my husband exactly what I was doing to get the pills and exactly how many I was taking.  All of the sneaky behaviors that I knew he would pick up on had I started to act that way again.  I had to call all of my Dr.'s and tell them I could no longer take the medications, that I had a very, very serious problem with them, and I had to contact the pharmacy and tell them as well.  I remember feeling so liberated but so PANICKED when I did this.  I could no longer "hide" my life and now everyone knew.  Whew.  That was HUGE.  I had just completely cut myself off from all access.  I had never felt so scared in my life.

Hiding this addiction keeps you sick and it had to stop for it to be OVER.  I believe this was pivotal to my success in staying clean.  Hard step, but a must.
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1525404 tn?1291918116
You're right, I forgot to add that part about telling the spouse.
I came clean with every gambit I used to get them and I also explained in great detail how to spot if I'm using. Like my mood being better than usuall, speaking too fast, over the top generousity.....just everything I could think of.

I love my wife, she's a little more than a foot shorter than me and would fit in my pocket, but I'm a little scared of her just the same. I don't want to have to confront that little tasmanian devil anytime soon. lol...
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1525404 tn?1291918116
Dede, how loved are you huh? You're about to hit 100 posts on your thread. I never got more than a dozen I think. Some people are just blessed with a great personality I guess. lol...see ya tomorrow.
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1416133 tn?1351126817
Obviously I don't know your wife but I like her already.  :-)
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1494729 tn?1304884680
just trying to be your 100th post dede....have a great night...lol...you rock.....
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lol..jeff you are funny. were you my 100th post. i dont know how to look that up but i will see if i can.
gosh i didnt realize i talked so much. i always thought i was the shy quiet one.

you all are so wonderful to respond to me. it's like i go to a meeting and then come home and have another meeting with you all. i love it.

it is great to be free 16 days. a couple of weeks ago i would have never thought i would feel so good. now i know i am not at 100% yet but i am getting there.

at the meeting tonight some man was talking about when he finally realized he had a problem. good topic. i have been fighting this for years, thinking i dont have a problem and i could control it. i stopped using many times only to go back to it.
many times i would pray to God to please let me understand what is wrong with me. many times i felt my prayers went unanswered. but this last time they were. i really, really get it this time. not sure why i get but i do. maybe i finally hit bottom and had nowhere to go but up. it really is amazing at the change in myself. i feel like doing things again. i prowled with my brother all weekend. had dinner with my son and brother saturday night. cant remember the last time i did that. i would never go anywhere with anyone because i just wanted to take my pills and be left alone. it was a lonely life on pills.

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my back hurts. my dog stinks. the cat wont get out of my room and my daughters dog is begging for some of my crackers and canned cheese. lol..i love cheese in a can.
life is good!
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1531526 tn?1330739676
Hi there,

Just reading through this thread and wanted to say hello and great job on 16 days!! Great for you!! I only scrolled through a bit, but the whole dream thing, happens to me all the time, I guess it's pretty common from what I've heard.
Congrats on the sobriety, and so nice to hear it's agreeing with you so well!! Hope things continue on the same path, if not better!! Take care!
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another day of work and another meeting. i was thinking on my way to the meeting tonight that this is my life right now. Meeting, work and go home. i hope i dont bore myself to death with this dull life. of course i do enjoy the meetings and am thankful to be working, i just feel i need more. but i dont know where to begin. i dropped all my good friends and dont know how to reconnect with them. how do i explain why i left them? do i tell them that i am an addict? I really dont think they would understand. and believe it or not some of the people i was drugging with i really liked. and i know i cant talk to them anymore. one of the girls called me the other day, someone i used to work with and told me that we need to go out again. but that would mean a night of drinking and taking pills. so i dont want to go there again. i did not tell her that i quit. but i did tell her that i was getting out of hand. maybe i should have just said that i dont do that anymore. you know sometimes i get overwhelmed with the thought that this will have to be something i have to work on the rest of my life. i just need to focus on one day at a time.
i really am thankful for the meetings that i attend. lucifer popped into my head today about pill taking. after i attend na/aa i always come out feeling better and the thought leaves. not sure what it is but those meetings help me so much. everyone struggling should try them.
it feels good to be clean today. i think it is day 17. i lose count. but i sure counted those first few days.
i also quit drinking and i think about christmas and new years coming up. i always enjoyed drinking on the holidays. my brother makes the best homemade sangria. but i will resist temptation and not drink. and there will definetly not be any pill taking. what a waste of time and so much money. i cant wait to get back on track and move into my own apartment again.
oh well, i am rambling. it just feels good to be clean.
and i am thankful for this place so i can come here and type my feelings. i dont share at na/aa i guess to do me being shy. maybe someday.
hope everyone has had a clean and happy day.
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i do believe it is day18. feeling good today. i am off work and happy for that. because it is just miserable cold outside.

i have lost 9 pounds since i quit. that is odd because i feel like i have been eating more since i quit. oh well it didnt hurt none. i needed to lose a few more. hope i dont gain it back.

i just found out that cirque du soleil is coming here where i live. i am going to buy tickets for it. if anyone has not seen it you should. it is awesome. i saw it in las vegas back in june. finally i will be spending my money on good things and not bad things.

i will go to another meeting tonight. they really keep me straight. dont know what i would do without them.
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1525404 tn?1291918116
Hey Dede, I don't know...but it sure sounds like you're starting to live again instead of just existing to get through the day. You guys are getting hammered by the snow aren't you?

You're so lucky to have Cirque du Soleil coming to your town. Wife and I love going to live theater it doesn't matter if it's musicals, plays, drama or comedy. I find it much more engaging than going to a movie theater.

Again, you're doing great and I'm so very happy for that. Bye! wait....I mean Hello! LOL!  (you got that right?)
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hey eye, no we are not getting hammered by snow. we had some. only in the mountains here does it snow alot. we usually just get the tail end of any snow that comes thru. but it is darn cold out. tonight and tomorrow there is supposed to be freezing rain, sleet and snow. we have wierd weather here in tennessee. always unpredictable.

cirque du soleil will not be here until the end of march but tickets go on sale soon. i will buy a couple and take some lucky person with me. probably my ex. who knows.

and yes i get it. never say bye because i take it literally. lol
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Hey Dede I just wanted to tell you I think your doing a great Job in your recovery 18 days now and your still going strong with the meetings....and yes they make all the difference
I wish we could convince more people to go..you got a new job and your life is turning its self around keep up the good work your making it out of this thing I just wanted to congratulate you on your efforts......Gnarly
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thanks gnarly,
i am very thankful that there is a place called na/aa. i go everyday. not sure how i would be doing if it weren't for them. i am even scared if i think i might miss one.
i wish everyone would go also. when i went to my first meeting this time, i didn't want to go and when i did i practically crawled in there with my tail between my legs. talk about bringing someone into the real world, well that sure did. it's like a reality check. people are nice and dont judge you. heck you dont even have to speak. well i have spoken twice at the womens meetings. but i learn alot just from listening. a woman the other night was telling her story and i swear she was telling mine. i really dont feel so all alone in this fight for sobriety when i go there.
and i do read alot here. i can so relate to the new people just starting out. i just think that i was there and i wish i could make them realize that they will get better. i know i am new to being clean also but like i have said there is something different this time. i just really dont want that life anymore.
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I've been following your posts on here for a few days, I'm on Day 4 now. You are such an inspiration. You sound like such a fun, loving and amazing woman! You crack me up...I could so relate to & laugh at the same time to your post about when you said, "my back hurts, my dog stinks...and my cat"  too funny! my dog stinks too!

It's nice to hear stories like your story because it makes me feel that I can do this too. My mindset is right this time and it's such a relief.

It's amazing the similarity in the stories that people have which is so nice to be able to not feel alone.

I look forward to reading your posts!

Congrats on your new job and success of being clean! You have a great attitude & I wish you the best!
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danni, congratulations on day 4. i bet you are starting to feel better. i remember my day 4 because i actually could tell a little difference in how i felt. i started feeling better everyday after that. except for the energy. i was still a little tired but had more energy as the days went by.
and my dog still stinks because i am too lazy to give him a bath. lol
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1416133 tn?1351126817
I know what you mean - when I quit (for the LAST time!) there was definitely something DIFFERENT in my thinking that time.  I don't know exactly why that changed, but I'm grateful, so grateful that it did.  And you could just FEEL it.  You just knew it was going to be different.  Funny how things work, isn't it?

So very very happy for you!  And dannigirl210 - very happy for you too!  Isn't it just the best feeling ever (of course, actually feeling anything again is fantastic too) but still, the best feeling ever when you know this is it?  That you're actually going to get through it this time.  That is the BEST feeling in the world.

Happy Wednesday!  :-)
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Thanks Dede21 and back at ya! LOL...same here, too darned lazy to give the dog a  bath...heck, he hates them anyways. I haven't done much today, except for work. I feel icky, but I'm not sure if I'm sick/sick and not wd's cause I felt okay, day2 & day3.  Day4, my mind good, body ick, lazy, lazy. Oh well, it is what it is, right!

ImDONEnomore and I were posting back and forth on the mind thing too, it really seems to be the turning point, getting that set right, so there's no going back. FINALLY!

It's great that you are going to NA meetings. You had mentioned that you haven't been with your other friends in a while, maybe you will meet some new ones at NA? Seems like a good place because there is that commonality.

  
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back fron another good meeting. i do recommend these.
afterwards i went to eat with my ex husband. now we have remained friends since we divorced 3 years ago and we go out all the time. the situation is is that my family thinks he is one of the main reasons i turned to taking pills. he is the one that wanted a divorce, not me. now he have never drank or took pills ever.
i was just so hurt by our divorce and my family is afraid i will never be able to move forward because he wont quite let go of me or i wont let go of him. maybe i should seek some kind of counseling for this. but as of tonight i have no intentions of taking anything. i dont need them anymore. i feel so much better now. i am really not sure if he was the reason i got so caught up in this mess or not. i will have to do some soul searching on that one.
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another day of work and another meeting. not much to say today except that i have another day under my belt of being pill free. i think today is day 19.
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How are you doing today, just checking in on ya! Awesome on Day 19 girl! I can't wait to get there!

Take Care!
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not much going on today. you all know the drill. work and meetings. boring i know but it keeps me sober.
yesterday we had an ice storm come thru well as i was going down the steps to get in  my car i made it to the second step from the bottom and then i bit the dust. damn that hurt. i had to go back in side and regroup. then my daughter called me later and she slipped on the steps and busted her butt. she works for an orthopedic doctor so when she got there they xrayed her hand an she pulled ligaments in her thumb. what a dangerous day.
i have been in a "bored" stage the past couple of days. i really want another job to go with the one i got to keep myself and my mind occuppied(sp). and not to mention get some money saved up.

and danni thanks for checking on me. i am doing ok. still clean. it's been along time since i have stayed clean 20 days. it feels so  much better. especially physically. mentally i am not up to par yet. hopefully that will come in the near future. if not i have decided i may go to the doctor and get on some antidepressants. i have been on them before but felt they never worked. i am thinking the reason they did not work properly is because i was taking the hydros and you know what that does to your mind. i think they might work better this time. but i am gonna wait a couple months before i do that.
hope all is well with you.
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