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memory

Ok guys I need your help on this one! Most of you now of my ex's addiction to oxy's and now on uncontrolled amounts of methadone. My question is, can these pain killers affect your memory? He thinks he's been giving me over $3500 a month for the past 2 years. Number 1 he wasn't living with me 2 years ago. Number 2 he doesn't make that much, plus has child support of over $1200 a month. I figured out the average he gave me while living here was around $600 a month, plus when he was off work for 3 months because of his addiction, I paid his bills and child support, plus the house, car insurance and everything else. He says we were only together 2 years, we were together almost 6 years! He swears he's given me presents he never gave me.  I really don't know what to make of all this, he's telling me again, his addiction had nothing to do with our problems, that it was all my fault. Gosh, this is getting weirder all the time, he called me the other night asking me to get somethings for him to wire some intakes at his parents house. He already has all this stuff, he moved it to his parents house 6 months ago. I asked him if he wanted to talk to me, he said he had to think about it. He'll  call, but not talk, nothing specific. Came by the other day, said he wanted to see the dog, and just hung around. Am I the one losing it here!? Or have all the drugs over the past 25 years affected the way he thinks? Thanks guys, I really don't understand where he's coming from.....Love Susan
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What inspirational ladies you both are, i really admire your strength, and your ability to have the guts to get away from a bad situation, and move on to a better life.
Susan, your words about people not understanding the reality of living with an addict are so true.  The 'why don't they just stop', etc. etc.  I just had a conversation with a dear old old friend of mine about just this topic tonight.  We grew up together in NJ, and she has suffered greatly with two men in her life who were addicts.  One commited suicide back in 1990, and the other, she is going through the process of divorce right now.  We talked about how hard it is to understand what it is like unless you experience it firsthand.
My mom is one of the those people who has the idea that it is easier than it is.  Why doesn't my husband 'just stop'.  And me too, if she knew the sad truth about her own daughter. :(
My friend just told me tonight, that she will be coming to visit, with her 3 daughter this coming July 4th.  I am overjoyed, i haven't seen her since 1995, so i have still yet to see her youngest daughter, and she to see my youngest two.  I can't wait to see her and give her a big old hug!!!!  We're been battling this addiction (her husband and my husband) mess for so long.  We talk all of the time, she is one of the only people i can actually 'talk' to and know that she understands.  Now, of course, i have all of you, and for that, i can never express how grateful i am to have you all in my life.
Keep being strong, and Bijou, give your hubby a big old hug, and let him 'love' you back and enjoy knowing that you are safe and loved.
Susan, you are free, and enjoy yourself, and someone will come along when you least expect it, and you too, will get the love that you deserve because you are a wonderful, sweet person, and there is someone out that is actually worthy of you, and this person will have to be something great to deserve you!
Lv Jenny
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You are now another one who has told me these things. Like your friend said "can this many people be wrong?".  I tell you, everyone here has been so supportive for me. They have been there at all hours of the night, when I just needed someone to talk to and sometimes cry. All, I mean everyone here have given me understanding and insight into what it's like for an addict. I go to Al-anon, I have a wonderful sponser and many good friends there, both recovering addicts and those that love them. Unless you have been touched by this disease, no one can possibly understand. It seems just yesterday, I would hear something about an addict, a death, an arrest, what had happened to the families. I would casually say, "what a shame, how can people do that? Why don't they just stop. Why don't their loved one's leave them? Are they stupid?". The usual, standard thinkings. Now that it has touched my life, my kids, I will never been the same. I will never think the same. Nolonger are addicts, the bum in the gutter, the hoodlum on the corner. Now I know they are my nextdoor neighbor, my son's teacher, and some of my very best friends. Like God, addiction does not play favorites. One thing addiction has taught me is...that everyone IS human, and just because they have this disease, I will love them anyway. It was never the fact that my ex was abusing, I could have understood that. It was the lying, stealing, abusive behavior that made it unbearable. The scariest thing...he may be that way...even if he were clean. But one other thing hurts me. His children became close to him the first few years we were together. His exwife told me that I had made him a father for once. They would spend almost every weekend with us. His kids, and my kids became an extended family. I really, really loved his kids. But when his addiction got out of control he would stay away from us, in another room, sometimes for months. He wouldn't return his kids calls. He didn't see them, that I knew of for over a year. They live about 10 miles away. So of course they thought I was the one keeping their father away from them. Although 2 of his kids saw and heard his abuse, his oldest daughter said at the time "he treats you like he treated mom". I now know that his behavior has been like this way before me. He was married 18 years ago. But he's also been using something since the age of 12. He has problems I believe that stem from a young age. I will not let my kids become like him. I know his father was an alcoholic, and abused the kids and his mom. So maybe that's why he does. History repeating itself. Funny thing he hates his dad! Thank you for letting me ramble. I know I will be ok. I know he never really loved me, he can't, he doesn't love himself. I know there is no hope. I know I am better off. My children love me more like this. Everyone says I look better and healthier, and much happier. People who don't even know about anything, not even that we are nolonger together. So once again"can this many people be wrong?". Thank you again Bijou, may God be with you and bless you. It's nice to have you here......Love Susan Lea
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What your going through has been on my mind all day,you remind me of me.My friends said similar things about the scumbag that I was brainwashed by,and I do believe that's what happens. the man realizes he can't be a man/can't grow up,and is angry about it,so he tries to keep you around,like a life raft,because you'v always been there for him in the past.he can do this by leaving his things with you or borrowing things/money from you,or belittling you and dragging you down,so that you won't believe that you can get anyone else,and he wins out because you stay,but while he is doing NOTHING to better himself,your doing all the work and getting no appreciation for it,because it would crush his ego and manhood to admitt that your the strong one,the one who has their **** together and the one that could do a hell of alot better.It's all manipulation. drug-addicts are the best manipulators in the world!This guy sounds like a terrible father,son,boyfriend,friend,just a terrible person all together,sure it could be all the drugs fault,but he has made a decision that the drugs are staying,so the old person you fell in love with is gone and will never return unless he went into rehab and decided to change his life completely! When I was with my ex ,who I like to refer to now as ratboy,everyone around me said stuff and one friend said,"hey,can this many people be wrong?" It was funny at the time,but now I realize it was so true. You are in my prayers,honey.I know you will be rewarded in like for being such a caring person.Good Luck!
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You sound like a really good catch and should be with somebody like a doctor,banker,CEO type. I was in a similar 6 year hell with a scumbag in the name of love,my first love no less. This guy was a total low-life who didn't care about anything! I, like you am a damn,attractive hot tamale,but he made me feel like a lump of dirt for 6 years and it took longer to heal the mental scars he put there.I felt like I would never love again or that anyone would ever love me,but now I'v got an attorney/boyfriend who is sweet and wonderful and calls me beautiful and that's what you deserve too!!! Don't forget that you are number one in your life and it's not your job to keep or save toxic friends/lovers. they have to find their own way.....
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Yes, I know too well the mental scars I need to heal. It's amazing how we let someone else make us feel so inferior. He really hurt me. I loved this man, and deep down inside I still do. But he really hurt my children. They haven't heard from him, he lives 10 minutes away and has not once called them since he left mid March. My sons are 10 and 11 years old, my ex lived with us since they were 4 and 5. This has really affected them, he was like a father to them, and he dumped them. I know they are really hurting, they feel deserted. I don't know if it's the methadone, oxy's and whatever else he may be taking that has made him not care about anyone. But he hurt my kids. I will not forgive him for that. He left me with a $1500 mortgage and the rest to support by myself. He lives with his mom and dad now, I guess he's still there. He has 4 kids of his own, he has not been really close to them in the past. He acts sometimes like he's still 16 years old. His exwife and the mother of his last child all really hate him. I gave this man respectability, he was living in a rundown filthy house with 2 other rock musicians when I met him, he had no money, no car, nothing. He seemed to want a normal life. But got caught up in the pills. I'm sure now there has probably always been some drug he was using, I just didn't see it. He won a lawsuit last year, $150,000. Made lots of promises, but I never saw them. I don't know how much he still has left. I gave him my 93 minivan, idiot me! My friends tell me he will never find anyone descent, and my friends believe he's not interested in anything but finding pills. He swore he was down to 5mg's of methadone aday....I know otherwise now. Oxy's for the high, methadone when he runs out. I will move on, I can't afford another mistake for my kids. He left all his things here, furniture, some clothes, stereo, ect. I guess he doesn't want it. Or as my therapist says, he want's to keep one foot in the door. He's not the type to apologize. I always made it so easy for him, I would call him, forgive him. Not this time.  He really hurt my kids. He was so verbally abusive, called me every, and I mean every name in the book. When he left that night in March, he said I was old and ugly, no man would want me. I don't understand why he would say these things to me. Why he wants to hurt me. Even 3 weeks ago, when he came by to see his dog, he was giving me a hard time. He's worried I will run off and marry someone. I really don't know where that came from. He gave me $400, yelled at me, that he was pissed because he was giving me money, and I was out every weekend blowing it. I don't know how he would know what I'm doing? It's a strange world we live in, but the pain goes deep this time....I don't even know this man. I'm happy for you, maybe I will be as lucky someday....Love Susan Lea
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I don't know where he is, but doc dan the methadone man would probably tell you the methadone helps re-establish those endorphines, I could be wrong, but I seem to remember him saying that -- maybe he's lurking and will chime in. Stay FREE.

Thomas
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Well, i still love candles.  I guess anything is ok within reason.  As long as things aren't 'overdone', it's ok in small doses.  Can say that for many things in life.
Enjoy!
Lv Jenny
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Hi. Just thought I'd check in right quick and see how everyone is. I love the saying J.B. I hope I can remember it when it's fitting to use. But like Angelica said, memory aint what it use to be. My daughter-in-law burns candles all over our house. I saw a special segment on them too. But since they've only been living here for about 3 weeks, I recon I can't blame my memory lapse for the last few years on them. But it's worth a try !
   I went to see the stomach specialist today. But I won't be seeing this man again. He said them mass in my stomach could be a tumor. Could be benign,mlignant,fatty tumor,or just something pressing on my stomach. but he said he'd do a scope sometime in July. No hurry.It's no emergency. Do you think he would say that if it was in his stomach? So I told my doctor I would go to a vet before I saw him again. So I go for another test Thursday and see the vet on Friday. Just kidding. The vet was booked solid untill August. Can't depend on anyone these days ! I see an interness on  Friday.
   Anyway, Keep up the good work friends. Glad I have you all to talk to. Thanks. Hang in there ladies. Didn't that saying J.B. wrote hit it on the head? I liked that. God bless you all.
      Kerrie
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....Good to hear from you.  Don't these doctors have a way of making you feel like they are doing you a favor, and you've just interrupted their day??  
Anyway.....Don't take any chances.  This is your life,here.  The only defense we have against cancer, is early detection.  A couple of years ago, a good friend of mine (only 31yrs old), had a cough and pain in her back.  The doctors kept treating her(this went on for 4 months) for Bronchitis, and a pulled muscle.  Well, She had lung cancer, and by the time they discovered it, doctors gave her 6 months to live, and she died FIVE months later.  I don't mean to sound all doom and gloom, here, but don't take any chances.  Take care of yourself.  BE AGGRESSIVE, WOMAN! LOL TELL THEM HOW IT'S GONNA BE! LOL
LOVE,
ANGELICA
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....Right back at cha!  Now ya got me all teary eyed. LOL  I've never heard such sweet things said on my behalf.  A true friend you are, indeed!
As they say: "A mind is a terrible thing to waste."...and what a great mind you have.  I am so glad that you'll stay away from the SSRI's.  If anything, you've acquired much experience from these drugs, and that will prove to be invaluable to you, and everyone here.  
I do feel as though we've been through a great deal together, and I can definately say that your in a better place now.  I am sure you'll look back soon, and say; look at the progress i've made...and where I once was in my life.  I can recall your nightly memoirs, filled w/ frustration and much determination.  I truly see good things for you in the days and months ahead.  Take care, my friend....and keep in touch.
Love,
Angelica (:
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Thank you Thomas for your caring, concern and friendship.  I guess I'm doing ok. A little summer cold's got me down. I've really been doing some soul searching the last couple of days. Sunday my 11 year old son and I were going to the grocery store. He started crying in the car, I asked what's wrong. He said it was father's day and he missed my ex.  My son and my ex were not getting along the last year and my son was glad when he left. He see's his real father. But expressed the fact he missed my ex because he want's a full time father. I realize I can't make another mistake. I need to get my life straight so I can give my kids permanetcy. If I went back with him, it would just be the same thing. Not good for my kids, they deserve someone who will be there for them, always. I see my kids just miss the familier, maybe that's what I've been missing, the routine. I saw my therapist on Monday, he feels my ex is slowly making his way back in. He feels he wants to keep one foot in the door, otherwise he would get all his stuff and disconnect. Not call or come by every couple of weeks.  I don't see it, but my friends are saying the same thing too. That my ex will never apologize, but is trying to get me to ask him back. I've always made it easy for him. I've always forgave him.  I can't this time. It's not in me to be mean, and I won't, but I will not call him. My therapist said that the methadone is just as bad as the oxy's. That without a program, or rehad, he will not be able to wean himself off,it he gets refills of 30 every couple of weeks. That if he runs out early, he will have some withdrawals until his refill.  That methadone will control him, and he will be just the same, just able to hold off getting sick, but be able to work. He told me methadone makes some addicts tired and that his natural endorphines will not come back till he's totally clean. My ex doesnt' seem to want any relationships. Just to go home and sleep. I hope he finds someone to care for, before he dies. He seems so wrapped up in himself these days. I'm doing my best not to obsess and go on with my life.  It's ok as long as I don't see or hear from him. I just hope I met someone someday who will be loving and kind to me and my children. I think about the verball and mental abuse I put up with for so long. In the name of love. I feel even if he got clean, his personality will remain the same at this point. He is like a stone statue, no emotion or feelings. No wonder he's never had any long term relationships. I look back over the years, and now I believe he had addictions all along, I just never knew it. I know that the addiction to oxy's wasn't the first. He's been doing some drug, recreationally all along for the past 20 years. I think of how he looks and realize he's stuck in his teen years, the long hair and heavy metal look of the 80's. He's 38 and I've never met another man who looks like him at that age. Something must have happened to him at that stage, he does not want to face it and grow up. He's not close to his kids, and one will be 18 soon. I believe he will die a very lonely old man, at a very early age. Thanks for you  support Thomas......Love  Susan
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Nothing in particular to say ... just want you to know I'm here should you need someone to talk to. You have people who care about you,lea, and want to see you get and stay free from you know who. Stay strong. You are a good woman and deserve the freedom to find your own true destiny, not waste your life and resources cleaning up someone else's self-inflicted mess. Stay free, lea. You are important to me and it would break my heart to see you taken advantage of anymore than you already have been. Be yourself -- be beautiful and caring but for the right people and for the right reasons. You're so close to really getting free, don't fall back into those familiar patterns, even if they feel "right" in an odd way. Remember, I will always keep an eye out for your posts and a place in my heart for you, as I have done all along. Live, lea, just live and experience life without that human anvil chained around your neck. He will sink or swim by his own weight. Let it be so. Don't try to play god. Show us all how beautful you can be on your own. Read Ayn Rand's essay "The Virtue of Selfishness" (she wrote the novels "The Fountainhead" and "Atlas Shrugged") -- a wonderfully original mind and a fascinating woman. Take care, dear one,

Thomas
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Dear one, so good to hear from you! You know, I'm not sure what you're taking these days, but I've read that the benzos, be they Xanax or Ativan or Valium, etc. can cause temporary amnesia -- it clears up when you "clean up" much like pot's effect on short term memory. I also was on Prozac for a few months afer my back surgery in 1993, and it made me an absolute space case. I took myself off the Prozac and the improvement in my memory and overall thought processes was dramatic and immediate. I'll never take another SSRI again! I know they help a lot of people, but not this puppy! The L-Tyrosine/B6 regimen seems to be doing what prozac couldn't. To each his own, one assumes. Stay close and stay safe, Angelica, you matter to me and are not replaceable. You are not just another anonomous poster to me. I feel like we've been through a lot together, you and I, and good friends like you don't grow on any trees I know of ... Take care of that heart of gold you share so easily with all of us, my angel.

Thomas
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..LOL...I was telling my mom about the "Great Candle Scare," and she said MAN!."they're gonna kill us, all"  lmao fotf   That's about the size of it.  Makes ya wonder who's, they????  Everything is made in China, ya know?.......Lmao
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You're cracking me up!!!!!!  Thank you for the laugh, i definately needed that tonight!!!!!
BTW, um, I LOVE candles, oh well!!!
My husband won't let me burn them ever since he accidentally set the house on fire back over two-years ago, they upset him for some strange reason ?????  
Take care sweetie!
Lv Jenny
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.......This is a little bit off the point, but did you all know that burning candles can cause brain damage. LOL  My husband called me in to watch a program, and they discovered that candle wicks often contain lead.  I had been having some problems w/ memory......really bad.  Like forgetting something someone had just told me....or loosing  my thoughts right in the middle of a conversation.  Really embarrasing....well, needless to say I was burning candles in every room......What's the point, oh well, I don't know, just thought I'd share this bit of info w/ my family. lol  Ditch those candles!!!! lmao
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Thank you, it's nice to know that we women are understood, it's so hard sometimes!
My mom says I have "character", and she really admires me for that.  She thinks i am amazing because of what i am able to deal with in life, she is a very smart women, and knows a great deal of what's going on whether i tell her or not.  
Only thing is, she doesn't know i get weak and use!  :(
Although, she can relate because she is a binge drinker.  When things go bad, she binge drinks, and always has since i can remember.  She was abused as a child until age 14, when her mother died in childbirth (7th child).  My mom had to raise her 3 younger siblings by herself, her stepdad wasn't much help.
My mom has a wonderful husband (my dad, who is the best man standing on this earth), and four great children, and although her childhood was rough, she's had a great second part of her life, and deserved every second of it.
I had a nice childhood, but have really struggled in my adult life because of choices i've.  My mom wonders why all her children are such 'givers', and get into relationships with such 'takers', but i haven't the heart to tell her that it was learned in our childhood by my dad's co-dependent behavior (learned from his mom), in dealing with her drinking.  It's a secret i will keep to myself forever (except talking with my sis, whom i LOVE, of course).  I would never hurt her like that by bringing it to her attention.
But i feel my 'character' is running out, and i don't know how much longer i can keep up this pace.
My tank is running low!
Thanks again for your support and encouragement!
Lv Jenny
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Wow,   that is something to think about....thank you   and I think I speak for the rest...we love you right back...and please give my love to Marty as well.....love to all  cin
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I love you all! Keep going strong, you'll be just fine.

I heard a saying once that went something like this: "A man does what he must but a woman does what she can't!"  Think about it for a moment!  J.B.
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Hi Susan,
Keep the attitude.
Good luck to you sweetie, and don't let him get the best of you.
I'm back home now, Florida, so we'll see how things go.
I did pretty darn good last week at my parents' house, but back here is where the trouble is, so we shall see.
Lv Jenny
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Corn on the cob through a picket fence?   you are hysterical   LOL  it is good we can poke fun at ourselves...and yes I meant not "bright red HAIR"  LOL  and really and truly I'll bet my life you are a beautiful woman....and speaking of peeing in the snow  my son started doing that this past winter.....he loved every minute of it  LOL  thanks for the laugh......love ya    cin
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Hello Everyone,
  You all do make me laugh. It truly is good medicine. But Cindi,you described my mother ! She had red hair and freckles. But the not to bright was right on the head. Just kidding. I know you meant my hair was bright red. (Didn't you ?) I know you did. But her hair wasn't bright red. Also my baby girl that died was red headed. I thought that was really neat. Beautiful? Well, let's just go along with that one for the sake of make believe!!!!  Actually, I'm 5'3", short light brown hair with gray streaks. I MEAN BLOND STREAKS . I have dark brown eyes with red steaks running through them. I have long nails. I only wear them on special occasions though.My weight ? Well , lets just say if my weight was my IQ , I'd be a genious !!! I have a slight overbite. As my brother use to say,I could eat corn on the cob through a picket fence. Since my urostomy surgery, I can now write my name in the snow  better than any man. That would be first,middle and last name. You were right about me being fair complected though. Of course,I call it unfair complected. But I have a good looking husband. Yep, he looks real good at anyone that's prettier than my pomeranian.
   Alright. I was just funning with ya. But I like to make people laugh. My husband says Im just naturally funny. Of course he actually says ,funny looking, but I know he means it in a good way,right? Seriously, I have a wonderful husband. He's been with me through the storms.Even though he pushes me outside while he's in the house,he's still there for me.
   Just kidding folks. God blessed me with a wonderful husband and he's my best friend. I just wanted to be a little silly with you because you all have helped me so much by listening to my complaints and woes. Thank you.
     God Bless You All,
           Kerrie  
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I'm trying to send you an e-mail, but I did something wrong. I'll try again.....Susan
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Thank you Thomas.....Love Susan Thomas
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