methadone hell

[crste]

i was on up to 100mg a day 5 yrs ago at one point and i insisted he lower it so i was able to get down to 60 mgs.a day.
currently each week i went down 20mg a day. ive got about 15 left so im not sure just now how to do it?
maybe try 15mgs for about 3 days then go down  to 10 then 5?  i do have a bottle of oxycodone that i try not to take unless im way bad pain but in my mind im tryn to tell mysekf i need to start dealn and coping with my pain and not do that. but theres so much more. my insides feel like theyre twisting all up, skin is crawling, ears ringing, hands hurrt , either hot or so cold cant feel them. im always either sweating or so cold im curled up in ball with tons of vlankets.
i do feel best in the bathtub. i find myself taking alot of long baths. seems my only relif. but its my mind thats hardest of all, im going crazy, i blow up at the drop of a hat. im usually the kindest, calmest, most patient person. i always thought i was a tuff *****. starting to wonder? oh maybe a big part of it is i was also non doxipin and i suddenly ran out of that cold turkey. i now barely sleep on top of all this.!!!!!
my kids dont get it, they dont understand. but i try to shelter them by locking myswelf in my room., they are 17yrs old twins, 26 yr old daughter  and her baby .  i usually always take care of everyone and do everything an now its stopped, ive got to focus on me. but its so hard. i get little smart remarks like ive gotten lazy and various little **** that eats at me and ends up making me blow up crazily. then im the phsyco *****. at this point i think thier right?

feel liikke just taking everything and getn it over wiht and wandering off so kids dont have to fdind me.  i dont think i could ever do that to them but im wondering if theyr just better off.???

[crste]

i am doing the best i can. i guess im not as strong as you. i cant take the smart mouths while going thru this.  im losing it and im not sure this is something i can do.
i have weaned myself well but i am sick as hell. on top of it ive ran outa my depression meds and quting smoking as well. im goign nuts. i took offwalkin  in a snow storm yesterday and finally when finally got back home i ended up in bathroom cutn my hair off. im so afraid of what else i might do. i need support cuz im not getn it anywhere else. i look here constantly for word but this site is complicated. an it dont email u wiht any respeonses.
thanks all for ur time

[lelajack]

I am over 50 days off methadone and can tell you its the hardest thing ive ever done!!! BUT, you can do it!! I did, cold turkey and yes you will feel crazy but you are NOT! The first day was great didnt really feel a thing the second day i couldent get out of bed! Like you i take care of everyone two teenagers a husband two little babies and a grandaughter. I am still without normal sleep and not much energy but i find now that the more i try to do the better its getting. And yes my husband tells me i never do anything anymore! At this point thow we have to do what we have to do! If we cant get off the couch today then we cant! You just tell him you are taking time to take care of you, you are just as important as anyone else in the family and you deserve to NOT be nagged at for it. In the end he will be saying things like IT SO GREAT TO HAVE YOU BACK! And you seem to smile more it will all be good when its over! One way or another anyway. Your life will be so mush better! Get rid of the oxy NOT all but save only enough to get you threw the worst of the withdraw. I went 34 days got some vicoden not alot but enough to pull me out the other end. I sill get little chills and sneeze alot but i can live with that! Anyone who has ever gone threw this knows that its better to have chill & sneeze then to be a slave to that nasty lil pill! Stay strong and resolved i promise when its over it will have gone by faster then you thought! GOOD LUCK

[MontanaGurl]

no dont do that,  what is going on now?  are you upset because you are out of some meds or that you want to stop and can't, or are you going through withdrawls??