monkeyswife

[nefesh]

thanks so much again for writing and I'm sorry it took me so long to get back... reading over your experience was helpful and somewhat reassuring and like Gip added in her usual goodhearted cryptic way, you're really pretty amazing!  It's taken me years (more than 20) to get stuck as bad as I am now... tho one of the many good things here is hearing folks who are in way more deep than I am, and those in way less deep than me - everyone's gotta deal with their demons I guess... matine was real helpful and I'm waiting to hear from him or someone about how good suboxone is for a tapered detox; i.e. how long to try and get it while on my current doses before trying something else... I sorta tried C/T but I don't think I can do it... tried rapid detox under anaesthesia but I blew it or they blew it or we blew it tho I got off the small dose of methadone I'd been supplementing my other stuff with for a few years thanx to the probably good intentions of docs who thought I'd stick to the lowdo metha and drop everything else... and I feel sorta sick all the time anyways - only when I have had a good dose do I feel able to function again but it totally messes up my sleep and I gotta get out of this have WAY too much to live for including my little fambly (mentioned it elsewhere but you'd probably appreciate it/feel for me - I have (not really "have", rather "have been entrusted") with ten kids thanks heaven...) I'm always hot/sweating from the droogs - the kids joke about how I've either got the a/c blasting, the windows open, or I'm out in a shirt when everyone's bundled up...nefesh

[matine]

I am back Nefesh. We can work on the Sub. Hell worse comes to worse I can try and mail you some.

[nefesh]

slipsliding away... I see the MOTU (Master Of The Universe) loves you madly!!  Why else would you find yourself in the ER with the man in white offering you drugs again!  TOO MUCH! except I hope/pray that MOTU's sense of humour ain't at your expense... you seem so on top of it, though - can't get overconfident of course (sandtraps everywhere when the wind clears and the surf dies down begorry!!...) but seriously this is a sign of the divine if ever there was...I hope you heal fast and full!...  I'm gonna try call US docs Mon. see if they have a referral for subox over here... I also thought to try the doc here who rapidly detoxed me - he owes me one for the rapid retox - maybe I can get some sub outta him... mail sounds a tad risky but may be... how much would you reckon I'd need for the six day plan?  I'm rarin' at the bit and worried totally I won't make it at the same time!  When I was a kid I did some hiking in New Mexico... one time a small group of us split off and headed to a nice shady spot deep in a forest along a hillside for lunch... we were just sort of resting, drinking in the greenbreezy serene scene when allasudden we notice that there's this gently gurgling stream meandering through it all and it's FLOWING UPHILL!! We goggled and checked, measured and calculated... was a gentle incline, but it brooked no doubt - FLOWING UPHILL!!  love to all,  nefesh