Aa
months and months of lies
Well here goes, I have come to the conclusion that it's time for me to go to rehab. The problem is that my wife thinks I've been clean since January. We've been on this ride two times already, both times I just rode out the acute withdraws for a week. Then I just feel crazy forever developed an anxiety disorder. So I start using again and it goes on until I get caught again. Well its that time again where I've run through all my money destroyed my credit and continually lied to my wife about my addiction she thinks I'm clean and doesn't know where the money is going. I do have a legitimate back injury, but I buy off the street too because the doctor has no idea where my tolerance is. I want so badly to be honest I hate myself, suicide somtimes seems easier than the truth makes me wish I didn't have anybody who cared about it because it'd already be done, but I'm a coward. I'm scared my wife will leave me. I'm scared I'll never be OK. What about work? We have EAP and great insurance but I can't lose my job I don't know how any of this works. What I've been doing won't work it's just a cycle. I'm a firefighter so I could easily be fired for being an addict. My whole life is upside down, and I don't know what to do?
I've been reading your posts and you've been given great advice. right now you need to focus on getting into a rehab facility right now!! Now that you've played your cards and everything is all in....there's no turning back. As addicts we lost all our trust. Period. We can't even trust ourselves. With time your wife may come around. But....you've gotta think past all of the what ifs and focus on YOURSELF. once you take control over yourself all the other parts of life will fall into place. I know you don't, can't believe this that I am saying but it will.
Use rehab as a cooling off period. A place of safety. A place you can find yourself. You will understand this later, right now you need to JUST DO YOU!, and focus on recovery. Not the destruction.
You need to realize this disease doesn't affect just you. It affects EVERYONE AND EVERYTHING IN OUR LIVES, ITS BIGGER THAN JUST YOU.
My marriage was in complete shambles two years ago. We were headed for a devoirce. I wanted it, he wanted it. We were at our wits end, and we are both Addicts. He went to rehab and failed. I went twice. The first year was tough, everyone and everything was an open wound. Yet, we healed. Not overnight. Still are recovering together. It's a work in progress.
It's a great marriage now. We both know what to watch out for. But we couldn't have done it without professional help.
There's a time, a reason and a season for all things we go thru. We can't see the Forrest from the trees as they say.
What I'm saying is don't worry about anything but getting to the rehab place. The rest will sort itself out. Of your sick together or sick apart your still sick. And right now you've gotta get well.
Please keep sipping on water. And be well.
Use rehab as a cooling off period. A place of safety. A place you can find yourself. You will understand this later, right now you need to JUST DO YOU!, and focus on recovery. Not the destruction.
You need to realize this disease doesn't affect just you. It affects EVERYONE AND EVERYTHING IN OUR LIVES, ITS BIGGER THAN JUST YOU.
My marriage was in complete shambles two years ago. We were headed for a devoirce. I wanted it, he wanted it. We were at our wits end, and we are both Addicts. He went to rehab and failed. I went twice. The first year was tough, everyone and everything was an open wound. Yet, we healed. Not overnight. Still are recovering together. It's a work in progress.
It's a great marriage now. We both know what to watch out for. But we couldn't have done it without professional help.
There's a time, a reason and a season for all things we go thru. We can't see the Forrest from the trees as they say.
What I'm saying is don't worry about anything but getting to the rehab place. The rest will sort itself out. Of your sick together or sick apart your still sick. And right now you've gotta get well.
Please keep sipping on water. And be well.
i find it is harder to drink water when i REALLY need to. i don't know why, but it is hard for me. what i tried to do was get a gallon jug of drinking water from the store and carry it around with me everywhere. i have never been able to get to the halfway mark, but maybe you could.
there are things you could add to it for flavor (country time lemonade, kool aid drops, etc) but you really need to force fluids, especially if you are prone to dehydration.
there are things you could add to it for flavor (country time lemonade, kool aid drops, etc) but you really need to force fluids, especially if you are prone to dehydration.
Hey there-
I've been following your story and just wanted to chime in. I'm proud of you! You made a tough decision- the right decision! YAY!
I also wanted to comment on your fear of dehydration due to your IBS. I have Crohn's disease so I can relate to this fear. I used the clonidine in my second detox and it was a miracle to me. I would say it cut my w/d symptoms in half.
I didn't use the Immodium because I wanted the poison out of my body and because of my Crohn's, Immodium use can cause obstruction. I did great. I also just sipped fluid constantly. Water with electrolytes, coconut water, water with chlorophyl, peppermint and chamomile tea.
You can do this! Hey man, YOU ARE doing this.
I am excited for you. Keep us posted
Lu
I've been following your story and just wanted to chime in. I'm proud of you! You made a tough decision- the right decision! YAY!
I also wanted to comment on your fear of dehydration due to your IBS. I have Crohn's disease so I can relate to this fear. I used the clonidine in my second detox and it was a miracle to me. I would say it cut my w/d symptoms in half.
I didn't use the Immodium because I wanted the poison out of my body and because of my Crohn's, Immodium use can cause obstruction. I did great. I also just sipped fluid constantly. Water with electrolytes, coconut water, water with chlorophyl, peppermint and chamomile tea.
You can do this! Hey man, YOU ARE doing this.
I am excited for you. Keep us posted
Lu
Hi..Well I sure hope you have talked to the Dr already today.
I have talked to many Drs and they do not mind prescribing the Clonidine. This is a light BP med that will help slow your Heart down from over pumping during the detox..Plus it will help you sleep and it is used for Anxiety..Some will give you the Neurontin for RLS & Anxiety as it calms the nerves down. They might give you a Non-Addicting Muscles relaxer too. However, all of these meds will make you feel kind of off a bit. I could only take the one I had for a few weeks at night only.
Just try to do the Magnesium, Potassium, Calcium and Ds at night alone because they do calm the muscles down. Get some Melatonin for sleep..Melatonin is a natural sleep hormone we produce. Look into the Calming teas..There is a Powder Called "Calm" and it has the Magnesium and so in it. It helps with Stress.
YOU can do it all natural if you want to..This way the Brain will start to balance back faster..The detox will be over soon and then the work really begins..Staying clean takes lots of Behavior Changes. Just keep drinking lots of water and try to eat very healthy and stay away from the caffeine & sugars for awhile..I do wish you all the best and I sure hope your Dr will help you out, and that they know about your Addiction.
Bless
I have talked to many Drs and they do not mind prescribing the Clonidine. This is a light BP med that will help slow your Heart down from over pumping during the detox..Plus it will help you sleep and it is used for Anxiety..Some will give you the Neurontin for RLS & Anxiety as it calms the nerves down. They might give you a Non-Addicting Muscles relaxer too. However, all of these meds will make you feel kind of off a bit. I could only take the one I had for a few weeks at night only.
Just try to do the Magnesium, Potassium, Calcium and Ds at night alone because they do calm the muscles down. Get some Melatonin for sleep..Melatonin is a natural sleep hormone we produce. Look into the Calming teas..There is a Powder Called "Calm" and it has the Magnesium and so in it. It helps with Stress.
YOU can do it all natural if you want to..This way the Brain will start to balance back faster..The detox will be over soon and then the work really begins..Staying clean takes lots of Behavior Changes. Just keep drinking lots of water and try to eat very healthy and stay away from the caffeine & sugars for awhile..I do wish you all the best and I sure hope your Dr will help you out, and that they know about your Addiction.
Bless
i just copied this info from the doctor forum on addiction
See if your doctor can write you a prescription for some Requip for restlessness, Neurontin for anxiety and malaise, some Flexeril or Soma for a few weeks for muscle spasms and maybe some Seroquel low dose, for sleep. and Clonidine for the creepy-crawly feeling and control of blood pressure variations. It will make your withdrawals easier. Valerian and Magnesium is sometimes helpful remedies over the counter.
See if your doctor can write you a prescription for some Requip for restlessness, Neurontin for anxiety and malaise, some Flexeril or Soma for a few weeks for muscle spasms and maybe some Seroquel low dose, for sleep. and Clonidine for the creepy-crawly feeling and control of blood pressure variations. It will make your withdrawals easier. Valerian and Magnesium is sometimes helpful remedies over the counter.
Going to the doctor today so I can get my release to go on fmla all my sick leave is used up (2 surgeries this year). I'm pretty well into withdraw at this time one thing that concerns me worse than the other times I've been in withdraw is dehydration. I have had ibs since way before I started using drugs, can they give me anything non narcotic to help that. I haven't slept in 2 days
I am happy to hear this. When you first posted 22 hours ago you stated you thought you needs do to go. She calmed down and now you are probably relieved and happy that you were honest.
It is really the way to go.
You will both get through this and your marriage will survive and get stronger.
It is good that you and your wife have agreed on this.
It will show her that you are serious.
I will give you time to work on your recovery.
Please suggest to her that she go to counseling, attend support groups, celebrate recovery, al-anon, nar-anon. She has to work on her recovery also.
It is really the way to go.
You will both get through this and your marriage will survive and get stronger.
It is good that you and your wife have agreed on this.
It will show her that you are serious.
I will give you time to work on your recovery.
Please suggest to her that she go to counseling, attend support groups, celebrate recovery, al-anon, nar-anon. She has to work on her recovery also.
Apparently I'm going to rehab I have good insurance. My wife has agreed not to leave me if I go.
So, you don't want to mention the living with an addict forum, what are you willing to do?
I probably won't direct her to the living with an addict page, I've looked at it before and offered my opinion from my view point before, but mostly it's horror stories about how we never change.
Read back through this post and make a list of all the advice made and start doing one at a time. To me, doctor and therapist appointment and go to the next NA meeting you can locate. You will have to decide how far you are willing to go to get clean AND keep her.
I am proud of you for being honest. It took alot for you to do that.
She will understand that if she thinks about it.
I know you dont feel like it was the right thing now,but it was.
She will understand that if she thinks about it.
I know you dont feel like it was the right thing now,but it was.
I am so sorry she responded that way.
She needs some time. She reacted out of anger and hurt.
It is understandable. Ask her to look at our forum "living with an addict"
Tell her you will do whatever she wants as far as trying to work things out.
8 months is a very short time to be married and then divorced.
Vows are for better or worse. There is healing.
Ask her to go to counseling with you.
Did you stop using yet?
Did you call your doctor and tell him you are an addict?
Did you delete your dealer number?
You should change your phone number that is always a good thing to do.
Please keep the faith.
Ask her to wait and let you prove yourself to her.
Sending hope,
Debbie
She needs some time. She reacted out of anger and hurt.
It is understandable. Ask her to look at our forum "living with an addict"
Tell her you will do whatever she wants as far as trying to work things out.
8 months is a very short time to be married and then divorced.
Vows are for better or worse. There is healing.
Ask her to go to counseling with you.
Did you stop using yet?
Did you call your doctor and tell him you are an addict?
Did you delete your dealer number?
You should change your phone number that is always a good thing to do.
Please keep the faith.
Ask her to wait and let you prove yourself to her.
Sending hope,
Debbie
We've been married for 8 months. And together for 3 and a half years I have no idea what to tell my family.
We've been married for 8 months. And together for 3 and a half years I have no idea what to tell my family.
give her some time to let it soak in. how long have you been married?
oh man. when she see's you making progress to stop, she will come back. there are a few on here that got divorced or left at first and now are back together working on their relationship. have to give her some time and space.
oh man. when she see's you making progress to stop, she will come back. there are a few on here that got divorced or left at first and now are back together working on their relationship. have to give her some time and space.
I didn't get caught I confessed out of guilt, I thought if she somehow knew she would at least appreciate my honesty
Well that backfired I told my wife everything on my knees begging her forgiveness, then she asked me for a divorce. So now what do I do? I can't believe this is what my life has become.
i would hate to suggest methodone or suboxone for a norco addiction, but since you haven't been able to stay clean on your own for 10 yrs, it may be an option for a short period of time while you work on aftercare and learn to live a sober life and love it. you would only need a very small amount.
you are missing the aftercare part. the NA or AA meetings, i understand your concern because of your position, but what good is that position if you are not alive??? you got to get your life back
you are missing the aftercare part. the NA or AA meetings, i understand your concern because of your position, but what good is that position if you are not alive??? you got to get your life back
I've never been sober for more than 4 days in a row in 10 years. Granted it wasn't always the same drugs. But I've finally settled on opiates Norco to be specific. I take 100 to 120mg a day so I know it's not absolutely crazy numbers. I'm also prescribed xanax xr .5mg twice a day. For my panic disorder and agoraphobia, but honestly I don't think the xanax is a problem, it doesn't get me high or anything, no euphoria or anything. The pain pills have been going on for about a year and a half. My doctor gives me 30 10/325 Norco a month, so I basically spend every penny on drugs since in my little place in hell they sell for 8 dollars a pill. I've been looking to switching to heroin for cost reasons, so I recognize I'm getting worse. I just don't wanna lose evening.
you have definitely come to a crossroads in your life right now.
i second everything atthebeach said. it would help to know what your addiction is and if you are being prescribed the meds that are ruining your life. either way, the best thing to do is talk openly and honestly to your doctor. share your shame, fears of your wife leaving and how much you want this to stop. if they have an ounce of compassion they will help you.
my heart aches for you. your pain is palatable in your words.
i do believe your wife already knows and feels betrayed that you are not honest with her. i would for sure take a giant step before telling her, going to the doctor. then when you tell her you can SHOW her that you have already taken steps to stop. especially if you have never done that in the past. if you are like many of us, you use, suffer through cold turkey detox and stay clean for awhile, then rinse and repeat.
you HAVE to do something different this time or your wife will not have the faith in you.
i second everything atthebeach said. it would help to know what your addiction is and if you are being prescribed the meds that are ruining your life. either way, the best thing to do is talk openly and honestly to your doctor. share your shame, fears of your wife leaving and how much you want this to stop. if they have an ounce of compassion they will help you.
my heart aches for you. your pain is palatable in your words.
i do believe your wife already knows and feels betrayed that you are not honest with her. i would for sure take a giant step before telling her, going to the doctor. then when you tell her you can SHOW her that you have already taken steps to stop. especially if you have never done that in the past. if you are like many of us, you use, suffer through cold turkey detox and stay clean for awhile, then rinse and repeat.
you HAVE to do something different this time or your wife will not have the faith in you.
My husband gave me complete control of the money. He received an allowance. He didnt have a bank card, no checks. Accountability is extremely important. He was and is still accountable for his money, time. That is just a normal, mutual thing for marriage. I don't have huge amounts of money missing with no explanation, gone for hours when no one knows where I am.
Your wife also needs support. Al-anon, nar-anon, counseling, church,
She needs recovery and healing.
If you got clean at home you can do it again. You will have to have alot of support to continue to walk the recovery road.
It is a marathon not a sprint.
Prayers for you and your family,
Keep the faith,
Honesty is a great thing,
Debbie
Your wife also needs support. Al-anon, nar-anon, counseling, church,
She needs recovery and healing.
If you got clean at home you can do it again. You will have to have alot of support to continue to walk the recovery road.
It is a marathon not a sprint.
Prayers for you and your family,
Keep the faith,
Honesty is a great thing,
Debbie
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