more info on my situation so i can get proper help!

This is gtowngirl again and just wanted to add that I'am seeing a counceler and just attended my 1st N/A meeting yesterday. But another question is I'm clean from pot, pills (vicodin xanax,somas) but i'am on methadone so being on that does it mean I'm still dirty? And is it still considered being "clean" if I'm on methadone? Can I say that I've been clean for 19 days even though I'm on methadone? Help and advice PLEASE!

[bama88]

Wow. Can't understand why they would say that you don't belong there. You have every right to join in meetings. You need the meetings for information. Socialzation. Connections. A sponsor. Etc. Just because you have to take methadone to help you recovery isn't anyone's place to judge. And from what you said is great. Your not actively getting high. And that's awesome. So don't beat youself up. Your recovering. I'm proud of you

[Pat1956100]

Hang on tight clowngirl.  The forum is usually pretty quiet on the weekends and lots of us don't have experience with methadone and pregnancy.
You will get some support soon.
Does your OB know abut the methadone? It is really important to tell him or her.

[bama88]

What do you think?? I'm asking cause its up to the individual. Do you feel clean?? I hope so. I think everyone's path on recovery is their own choice. Some need to be on a recovery meds to get their lives on track. And I'm a strong believer in that. Getting to the root of your problem. This is a journey. Not a race. I'm in recovery too. I used  suboxone for two weeks. I didn't like the fact I was still on pills. buts that my opinion. what's yours??

[Gtowngirl]

Its the cleanist I've been in a long time..no pot, no pills just methadone from the clinic, so yes I think so...an old timer told me today I didn't belong there because of the recovery med. Stating that can be just as addictive but hell being in and out of recovery for 12 yrs. I can get addicted to tylnol  having such an addictive personality.And having to go to clinic and under doc. Control, I don't have to pill shop on the streets anymore. I feel better and. Not having crazy cravings makes me feel I'm on the right path. So thank u..

[bama88]

Wow. Can't understand why they would say that you don't belong there. You have every right to join in meetings. You need the meetings for information. Socialzation. Connections. A sponsor. Etc. Just because you have to take methadone to help you recovery isn't anyone's place to judge. And from what you said is great. Your not actively getting high. And that's awesome. So don't beat youself up. Your recovering. I'm proud of you

[Gtowngirl]

Thank you! I won't listen to that old timer...ill keep on truckin! Thanks again!

[Sonrissa]

Hi Gtowngirl! My understanding of NA/AA is that you only need to have a "desire" to stop! Yes don't worry about the old timer! If you personally feel comfortable and it is helping you, I would keep going!

What is your plan with the methadone? How long will you be on it?  Keep up the great work! Keep posting, you will find lots of support here! Take care!

[Gtowngirl]

Good morning! I don't know if u read my post with my situation but I'm 29 weeks preg. And tried to quit narcos by myself and on day 2 of wd I couldn't handle it so I looked up suboxin and the 1st num. I called happened to be a recovery methadon/sub. Clinic and I talked to the doc. And he scared me by telling me I could lose the baby on wd. And to come in next morn. Asap. He explained that suboxin is not the way to go but methadone as my best option so the. Plan is to stay on low dose till baby comes then taper mr down. I just hope I will still feel this way after baby,reading about getting of methadone scares me and I don't want to be on anything, so I'm keeping positive and the plan is to get off it after baby is here. But when I start to wing down will I cave in and stay on it for a while because the addict inside me doesn't want to feel wd? Just being honest with myself but the other side of me says get off asap! We will see what I do when the time comes. Hope I stay positive and don't give in to the beast!

[ms_walker]

Are u in a program thats giving u the methadone or taking it on ur own? I had put myself on methadone to get off of oxys awhile back. I was getn em from a friend. about my 34 week I finally went to the er cuz I had been withdrawing for a few days and couldnt take it anymore. They told me I needed to find a methadone clinic asap. So the next morning I did and they ended up putting me on subutex which is the safest thing next to methadone and suboxone. My daughter was born perfectly healthy and no sign of withdrawal. Cps did come and talk to me the 2nd day in the hospital. They just wanted to kno me drug history, what Dr I was seeing, my plan to stay clean, if I was seeing a councilor, if I had help at home, and my support system. They didn't make me feel uncomfortable or judge me. They also said that someone would b in contact with me in the next couple days but I Havnt herd from anyone yet. The hospital also had a nurse Cuming to my house twice a week for 2 weeks jus to check up on baby n make sure shes not going thru withdrawal at home. So far so good. I was so scared she was positively gona go thru withdrawl (withdrawal) and have to b in icu for awile. Cps also scared me. feel free to mgs me with any questions u may have. I'm just glad I'm able to help sumone in my same situation. Best of luck!

[ms_walker]

Sry I didn't read much b4 posting. U r going to a methadone clinic. the methadone clinic I was going to put me on subutex. The way they explained it to me was that the baby was less likely to experience w/d with subutex then methadone. Also I had a consultation with nicu that said just about the same thing. Theres anything in suboxone thats not in subutex that makes it better for pregnant woman.

[Gtowngirl]

Thanks for responding. I'm scared to. Death about cps iam going to methadone clinic and I'm on 28mg a day how much were u on when u gave birth? I've been told since my ob and clinic both know what I'm on that cps should not. Be contacted. Did they talk to only u or the father and fam. Members too? I am in 12 step prog. Seeing a counceler and only get methadone from clinic. So I do have. The right answers for them but cps scares me to death. I wounder about the nurse that comes to yr house, do they talk to only. U? Or whoever lives with u? My husband and his grandma don know I'm on methadone and I don't wany them to find out.did the hospital report u? Did yr ob know u were on meth and sub.? Who or how do I find out if this will happen? Who should I talk to, OB? Does the nurse still come check on yr little girl? Any info would help pls! I'm really scared!

[Bkitty]

You keep on keeping on! You are doing great! Yes there are some members/people that need the meth/sub programs~that doesn't mean that they are not clean! My moms and old timer when it comes to AA/NA that sounds like something she'd say! I know that was hurtful but don't let that old crabby man stand in your way of your recovery!! Im proud of you!! (((hugs)))~Bkitty

[Gtowngirl]

Thank you! Ill keep posting and would love to hear any advice and support! I'm still going to meetings. 90 in 90! I have 19 days sober today! Thanks again

[nursegirl6572]

I'm sure it's very hard to be open and honest about this kind of stuff, but my advice to you would be to at least tell your husband.  If he DOES find out from another source, he will probably be pretty upset and feel betrayed.  It's his baby too, and I think the right thing to do is to be honest with him.  I'm sure it will be hard, hon, but dig deep and try.  He really should know.

[ms_walker]

I was taking up to 50mgs of methadone a day b4 switching to subutex. And taking 24mgs of subutex when I gave birth. I think cps has to come n talk to u. When they came to talk to me they made everyone leave the room. they r very descrete. When I got to the hospital they asked me who all knew about the opiate abuse so they knew not to say anything in front of. My close family knew. I didn't tell her dad till just a couple weeks before I had her. I was afraid of what hed say or do. He was pissed but understood that I was getn help.
it sounds to me that ur doin everything rite and should have no problems
with cps. They just want to make sure ur doin everthing to stay clean n baby isn't in an unsafe environment. The nurse that comes here does only talk to me and doesn't say anything about the abuse or withdrawal. She just comes n takes her vitals twice a week for 2 Weeks. Possibly more if they feel they r needed.
Idk who reported my abuse. if it was the methadone clinic talked to my ob and then the ob to high risk clinic then high risk to cps. Cps did say they had to report the abuse tho. To who Idk. My ob did not kno till the last month then I had to go to the high risk clinic from there on. I was monitored very closely with them. They did a sono every week and I was induced a week early just to b safe. But most of my pregnancy I kept the abuse secret.
I asked everyone I could what they knew about this situation. My methadone Dr, his nurse, the high risk clinic, and the nicu drs. They always say the same thing tho. They're not sure or don't kno.

[Gtowngirl]

I'm debating on weather or not to tell my husband. He know I go to the clinic every morning but doesn't know the details. My husband has terrible anger problems an alcoholic and bi-polar. I've known him since I was 18 and I broke up with him when I was 19 due to his drug use back then. We remain ed best friends through out the years. But he hide his anger issues for 15yrs. From me then 4 yrs ago we started dating and 3 yrs ago we got married.  My point is when he is unhappy and he drinks he can be verb. Abusive. We havint had an outburst in over a year and I had a plan to leave him in the begging of last summer and in may I found out I was pregnant. He was so happy and has been great through out the preg. So I decided to stay with him. I'm affraid if I tell him, it could get bad. He has never hit me but when he is drinking he blacks out and him finding out I might have put his son at risk that he will go get drunk and then I would be concerned for me and my baby. So u can see why I DON'T WANT TO TELL HIM! Do u think I could get away with not telling him what I'm currently on? He knows in on a med. To get me off another med. But just doesn't know its methadone. If I do have to tell him I have to wait till just before the baby comes just like u did. He won't hit me or leave me but he will throw this in my face if the bgeaby does go through withrawls or cps...anytime he can he will. Somtimes honesy isn't the best way with my husband. So I don't know what to do. You said that the hospital and cps and nurse was descrete so I might not have to tell him that one detail. F*** what should I do? We haven't had any problems in so long that I don't want to strt one now cause then ill have to put his *** in jail and  divorce his *** if he gets out of control. Believe me, I Won't stick around and take abuse. I do enough to myself with my addiction. Sorry to ramble on just want u to know the facts of why I don't want to tell him. If he was "normal"then I would. But he is not...

[Pat1956100]

Besides drinking, is he still using drugs?

[ms_walker]

What were u using b4 methadone? Did he kno about that? if my daughters dad didn't already kno about my addiction I don't think there would've been any clue from the hospital and I'm sure u could ask them not to say anything in front of anyone. But won't it b worse if he ends up findin out anyway? I'm sry u don't have support from ur husband. Does anyone kno? When I told of course I was scared but it felt like a ton had been lifted. Even if u do wait to tell him like I did, u should still tell sumone

[Gtowngirl]

I was perscribed naros for over a year and he hated it and bitched all the time at me so I did go to my doc. And confessed I was abusing them so he perscribed clonodine and I was clean for a lil while then secretly starting buying them off the streets. Then when I found out I was preg. I told myself I would just quit. Then I tried and failed a couple times and this last time. I was on day two and couldn't handle it. So I looked up suboxin and the 1st # I called happened to be a meth/sub. Clinic. Finding out I could lose the baby in w/d I talked to the doc. And he said methadone was the best option. I wish I knew about the one they switched u to..but he really didn't discuss any other option. So now ill be a slave to metthdone...but at least I'm not pill searching anymore and dealing with all the crap that goes with shady people. I really don't want to tell my husband...but if I feel I have to so he doesn't find out from someone else, I will. And besides my counceler n/a meetings,& u guys on this site,and both docs. No one knows about my relapse. I wish I could tell him without extreme reprocussions...I'll figure it
out...thanks for being here, all of u who has helped me get some answers and support. You guys have helped me a lot. Thanks again! Gotta run I have an 8pm meeting...ttyl

[Skittle123]

I am in kindof the same situation.  I have been taking about 320 prescription pills a month from my Ryumatologist for 7 years and became very addicted.  I stopped taking most of my meds. and down to 1-2 Soma's a day and now from 6 15mg. oxys daily to 1 or 2 a day for pain. Fibromyalgia.  Was never on drugs before I met this doctor.  I still have some pain but now I realize that the pills were making it all worse.  I have been going to meetings 90 in 90 and am up to about forty with 2 minor setbacks.  First time was a hit of pot (not my drug of choice) Drug of choice out of all was definetely somas. The second time I took a few somas with oxys and it was so dissappointing to my kids that when they came home I was not straight.  I felt alwful about that and still want to cry thinking about that day.  I had to start my clean day again and only have 5 days clean again.  I am so sick of collecting white key chains but am honest with everyone at NA and to myself.  I have been lying for too long and am starting to see a new way of living.  Holidays are going to be torture for me with my Inlaws and my controlling husband.  Thank god for my 2 beautiful young boys.  My husband does not believe me about anything and is controlling my drugs for me.  He lays out 2 somas and 2 oxys a day for me and I and am planning on quitting pretty soon.  I am going to try and check in everyday from now on so I just need to think of a name to use.  Skittle123 for right now because we are feeding a lost kitty in our neighborhood and that is what my 7 yr old named it.(Skittles really)  So for all of you out there as they say in NA..."Keep comming back, it works if you work it"  I would of never of dreamed of leaving my house everyday but I really feel I am on track and feeling sad tonight but also positive in my recovery.

[Gtowngirl]

Hi , I read yr post and woundered if yr husband has an addiction problem too? Does he take yr pills. Or drink, or smoke? And does he understand and support yr recovery? I've been clean off everything (except methadone) since oct. 30th 2012 and I feel a lot better but hate having to be on methadone because its harder to get off of then pills... but it is keeping me from having to worry everyday about finding more vic. Or somas ect. So I wouldn't go into withdrawls...if I wasn't preg. I would have just suffered through the w/d this last time but being told by my doc. That I could lose the baby, I really didn't have a choice since I was getting the meds off the streets. I really wanted to hear more about yr husband being very controling? I can relate..