my boyfriend is so unsupportive and indenial. should i break up with him

[puglove27]

so i am 10 days clean from taking 5 to 6 10/500mg lortabs a day for 2 yrs.i have been with my boyfriend for 21/2 yrs. it started with us here and there then got out of control, drinking, partying etc. my boyfriend doesn't think we have a problem and says he can stop whenever he wants. he has been clean as long as me, but i am the one with the hookups, and i don't know if he would be other wise. i have also been trying to eat better, go to gym more, and not drink so much, and go to bed at a decent hour. i have made it clear to him that i want to change my lifestyle, and be my old self again, and impliment these new positive things in my life, and that i need for him to be supportive, and he says he does support me....but when i don't want to drink, he says like"whatever", or if i want to go to bed early, i feel like he is getting mad. i know i can't change him and he needs to come around on his own, but i feel like he is starting to be a negative influence on me. don't get me wrong he is  a great guy, great boyfriend, and i love him. but he just does't think this is as serious an issue as i do. maybe he has more will power, but i don't. what should i do, i feel like maybe he needs more time to adjust to the changes, but in the mean time it is making it hard for me to keep about my new positive lifestyle.

[freebird227]

When I got clean I was married to a man serving 14 years for second degree murder. I told him of my plans to get off the dope after he had been in jail 6 months. He was happy for me and he was supportive.
I was advised not to make any major changes in my life for six months. So I didn't...but there did come a time when I could no longer go to the yard to visit him because it put my recovery in danger.
He wanted me clean REALLY he did, but he also had addiction, and he wasn't willing to get clean, he tried really he did, but being behind bars he couldn't give up the pot.
   My message in all this is sometimes we need to give time...time. When it is time to go or stay ...you'll know, and you will have peace.

Try to put the focus back on you and your recovery and what you need to do in order to stay clean.Leave only if your recovery is in danger.
We don't always get it right the first time.        I'll light a white candle for you envoking safe passage and protection.....much love....Debra

[GYC7]

I'm so sorry this is happening to you.  I can't truly appreciate all that has brought you to this point but I'm sure it's not simple.  My wife and I agree that unless you surround yourself with people that are supporting you ... U really can't win.  It's not in most people to stop a behavior that causes such a strong chemical reaction in the brain.  U literally can't think straight when you are under the influence of a substance.  It tells you what to think...U need Something more to fill that spot.  If you did this behavior change on your own you will need to find someone locally to help and support you.  I've found a lot of strength in the Serenity Prayer.  http://www.cptryon.org/prayer/special/serenity.html        Don't give up!

[GabbersMommy22]

Personally, speaking from my newly not pill addicted opinion (which Im kinda liking by the way!) I think u need to sit down and seriously talk to the BF. If he isnt ready to stop using right this minute then maybe he needs more help then you do. And really, if he has it under control and doesnt have a problem, then why is he having such a hard part changing. Personally, and I say this because I am greatful every day that my BF didnt leave me through my addiction. I would try to get him to realize he has an issue before you kick him to the curb. I think we all can agree it would have been, and for some, was horrible when they were all alone in there addiction. Support is huge! But if he is bringing you down, I would urge for seperation for a while. That doesnt mean it has to be forever, but your sobriety is important! Good luck hun!

[bkwrm679]

Hi, I'm glad this story has a sort of happy ending. Not sure if it's in your budget, but couple's counseling might be a good alternative too. My wife and I went through some similar changes transitioning from the college to professional track - I was about three years further along so we were out of synch on how we wanted things to be. Couples counseling helped us get things in synch without a bunch of resentment building up. Just a suggestion.

[puglove27]

thank you for really trying to understand, not that i dont appreciate everyones opinion and advice, but i just want to be with him, how we use to be without this drug. and he actually apologized to me this morning and told me he is proud of me, and he wants things to be the way they use to be too. one day at a time, thanks for the support. btw i posted about the pill sam e, anyone take it? does it help?

[Florida_Guy737]

Cmon everyone....her bf may have his situation under control and he cares about her. He may just be frustrated on how she is changing so much whereas he sees the changes as something going with the flow...it is what it is, let's move on.

If you love the guy, just talk to him.  And, most importantly, actions speak louder than words.

Guy

[ljj28]

I know you are right. I KNOW you are right.

[whitie]

I know its tough man, but you better make up your mind what is important in your life. if not now, you will be back. i use to read the stories here years ago, when I was not a member ....trying to fight wd's until I could get my hands on cash or pills, trying to get by. I should have quit then it would have been easier,rather than turning to methadone/and mixing norcos.  so two months ago I had to pay a much HIGHER price than you are,right now, to get clean.

It does get better, but because you made the same mistakes we all have,you are going to have to earn it. and the only way to get it, is by suffering the wd's and paying the price. take it one hour at a time,one minute at a time.  but doing it now will be easier than a few years from now,trust me on that !

[ljj28]

I'm so going crazy in my head right now. I don't know what to do. I'm not much help to you right now... I'm afraid I'm about to cave.

[mo2000]

I have to agree with everyone else here... you need to kick him to the curb!  I don't know you or your boyfriend, but my guess is if he is still continuing to party with the same crew, he's getting his fix from SOMEWHERE.  Think about the pain of the withdrawals that YOU went through, did he go through anything like that?  If he has not been going through withdrawals the past 10 days with you, chances are that he is finding these pills elsewhere and lying to you.  Listen to what Ga Guy said, about him being unsupportive about this issue, where would he stand later on on more or equally important issues (this is a HUGE issue though!)?  He is dead on.  I have found that when in a relationship, you have to have the same goals otherwise it will never work. Just having him constantly remind you that you guys can obtain these pills easily is a disaster in the making for any addict.  I know when you love someone that breaking up can seem like the hardest thing in the world to do.  And it IS very, very hard.  After though, when you are clean and sober, and meet someone who is also clean and sober, you will tell yourself that was the best decision you ever made.  Don't let this man bring down your recovery you have worked so hard for.  You need to let him know that you have ZERO tolerance for this stuff around you and your kids.  If he doesn't understand that, then you have to do what you have to do... meaning break up with him.  You deserve A LOT better then that!

[puglove27]

so what are you going to do. have you finished your pills yet. is he quitting too?

[puglove27]

thanks for the advise everyone. this is harder than i thought it was going to be. aside from all the withdrawls, you have to change your whole life too. i think i will give him another week to come around to my new lifestyle, and if he can be supportive than great ,if not, then i guess we might have to go our seperate ways.

[SickofThis1]

Hello. In my honest opinion, kick him to the curb. He doest seem to be like much support for you at all. Just think too how hard its going to be clean with him still using. I no I cant stand being around someone when there high anymore. You need to make this about "yourself and yourself, ONLY" If he loves you he should want you to be healthy and most of all CLEAN! Take a little time away from him and see what happens, see if he continues to party or if he slows down. If its meant to be, it will. I, myself was lucky to have a straight boyfriend, he doesnt even really drink. Some things were hard for him to understand but he hung in there because I know that I was sometimes an awful mean b!#$h!  but he was right by my side. It was nice to know that someone had faith in me! It was the little things he did that mattered the most, just the hugs for no reason, or the first time he SAW someone ask me to buy something  and guess what? I just said NO! It made us both proud! I wish you continued success, you stay strong for yourself, no one else. And unfortunately, you will find out who your true friends are throughout this ordeal. Keep on going day by day by day by day! And someday youll look back on it and you, yourself will be proud of what YOU accomplished! Whos knows maybe in the mean time you kick him to the curb and youll be straight and MRS. Doctor/Lawyer Someone. Theres a good ending! Good luck Honey stay strong for YOU! God Bless

[ljj28]

That is a hard one... I am sending healing thoughts... I don't have much advice. My bf is asking me to get him some right now over email.

[worried878]

i guess u r sure he is not using anymore?  but he is continuing the partying behavior even if he is not using..which can often mean he will use again eventually..not everyone gets addicted mentally to narcotics.he may a person who does not have this chemical imblance that most addicts have...seems like he would tho cos he is not happy unless he is partying..not sure..not an expert on relationships,,but i am learning.. i do know when i c red flags from now on i will run...this is ur choice...and what other people would do is not really important as they have not walked in ur shoes....just dont ignore red flags..can get u in deep doo doo

[whitie]

sounds like he is addicted and in denial. typical bitter behavior and I bet hes bumming out going through wd's.


sounds like you love the guy alot, so your going to have to explain to him, that you care more about him then him destroying his life and possibly winding up in prison.


and besides he can quit whenever he wants !!!  so no biggie, just quit :]

[GA Guy]

If he can't be here for you when you're battling for your life against addiction, where will he be on other less important issues. He's not ready to quit and resents you for doing so. Dump him and find someone worthy of your love.