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my daughter is an alcoholic
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my daughter is an alcoholic

This is not really a question because i don't think there are any answers. My daughter has been severly dependant on alcohol for at least the last 18 months - probably longer but before that she was at university. During the last 18 months she has been sacked from 2 jobs, been in hospital several times (following siezures and suicide attemps), lost a fiancee, lost most of her friends, been arrested and plunged the family into hell. She is violent and abusive when drunk and I have had to cover up many bruises. During the summer I paid for a private rehab for 3 months and it seems to work - for a while - but now she is back to binge drinking and yet more arrests (I actually wish they would keep her in jail) and hospital admissions (and, as before, they are patch up and detox and then throw out).
I have read about the 'tough love' approach but I feel that, if i threw her out, I would be shortly attendinh her funeral. She is 23 - has a degree - is beautiful when the ravages of drink are cleared.
I don't feel as if there is any hope and I don'y know what to do.
I guess nothing will work until she decides it will but I don't know how to get her to that decision.
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271792_tn?1334983257
Hello and Welcome!

I don't believe ANYONE is hopeless. There is always hope.

I will assume that after the 3 months in treatment, she did not follow up with aftercare. That is key.

You are right that she needs to want to get clean before she will. Still, please protect yourself. You do not need to put up with violence.
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Avatar_n_tn
My daughter is an alcoholic and she is only sixteen.  She is verbally abusive because I am still physically stronger.  She is in total denial and sticks up for the alcohol.  She cannot refuse her friends and seeks the alcohol.  She can be caught drunk red handed and she will still deny it and use every kind of ploy she can to try to make me or anyone else look bad.  It is never her fault but always someone else's.  She is breaking the law everytime she drinks, and when she is disrespectful to her own beautiful body and brain, she is disrespectful to me her mother.  She has even went as far as to call her own dad names when she is drunk.  I wish had some magic formula but I am at my wits end and don't know what to do.
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Avatar_n_tn
I'm so sorry to hear about your daughter. I know how sad you feel for her and for yourself and family.
My daughter too, is an alcoholic, but she is 45. She lives in Ca. and I live in Nebraska. The miles between us is hard, but I cannot watch what she is and has done to her life. I found out today, she is still drinking. I had worked all day on the computer, trying to find her legal help so she could try and gain custody of her 5 yr. old daughter, only to find out by talking with her, that she got drunk today. I was devastated, sad, angry and I felt so disappointed and betrayed. But I am more sad for my granddaughter, who needs stability in her life. I am so sad for my daughter and my granddaughter and what my daughter has done to her life. I told her today, I was through. I now feel even worse, because she told me the truth, when I asked why her voice sounded slurred. She denied it at first, than a few hrs. later, she called me back crying and said, "Mom, I was drinking, I'm so sorry", but I could not lie." She has also been physically and verbally abusive to me in the recent past and past. I told her I appreciated the truth, but that did not excuse her poor judgement. Later that evening, I called her back and said,  " I am done, I can't go throught this anymore".

I's not too late for your daughter, she is still young. I believe since you are still her custodial partent, you must insist, that she stay in rehab and if not,she will have to deal with the legal end of it herself. You are still the one in charge. I hope it's not too late for my daughter, but I'm afraid it may  be. Your daughter is still very young and has a lot of possibilities to go the right way, provided you "insist" on being the one in charge. If not, the consequences will be very hard on her. Be strong for her and for yourself. I wish you wisdom and courage. Bless you all.
AMurray
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Avatar_f_tn
i am sorry to hear of such horrible news...does she want help? I know of an alcohol program that a friend of my family's went to.  He was a pharmacist and became an alcoholic and pill popper with a wife and 2 kids.  Anyhow, the set back is that it costs 10, 000 dollars....it lasts 10 days...BUT....it is 100% guaranteed or your money back....let me know if your interested....and no i am not advertising...but i do know that it works...and if not...you will get a full refund....however, the person cannot be forced...otherwise they will not agree to do it...she has to go in willingly....good luck to you
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Avatar_m_tn
I am in the same boat with y 24 year old daughter. I'd like to know more about your friends program.
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Avatar_f_tn
I'm a alcoholic. I put my family through alot in my younger years. I remember being in the ER tied down to the bed by all fours. My dad came in and the nurse started to untie one of my arms. My dad got a horrified look on his face and said, "Don't untie her, don't underestimate her!! "  He looked scared. I never forgot that. But I did continue to drink for many more years.  Kate  NOBODY could have made me stop. Not the people I loved the most or any money.  I had to make the decision.  YOU  need to go to a Alanon meeting. YOU are not required to throw her out to attend meetings. But if you choose to keep her home you will need support from alanon , (in my opinion)  God bless you
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Avatar_f_tn
I actually started not to post because it's been so long since anyone has posted here. However, I'm hopeful that someone will see this and hear my cry. I believe my daughter is an alcoholic. We just had Thanksgiving dinner last week, and once again she incited a riot. Not a literal riot, but there was definitely a bunch of arguing, disrespect, and yelling and screaming. It ended with everyone leaving the dinner without eating, and me getting in my bed crying myself to sleep.  Looking back on it, I realized that for the past 3 or 4 years she has ruined almost every family function with the same behavior. Alcoholism never occurred to me until now because I thought she just had anger issues or some type of psychological problem.  After reading some of these symptoms you all described, I realize that she is probably an alcoholic. We have already made the decision that she is no longer welcomed in our home until she gets help, so I just wanted to thank you for sharing because now I at least know what's wrong.
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617347_tn?1331296681
you did posted on an old thread but your words won't get overlooked, don't worry... welcome here, btw :)

i an leaving a link where you will find much better support from the "living with an alcoholic forum "...you are not alone, you know... you don't have to cry of suffer alone... Good luck !!!

http://www.medhelp.org/forums/Alcoholic--Living-with-an-/show/217
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