Aa
my name is mike
hi, my name is mike, i'm 18 years old. i don't really know how to start so i'm just going to go for it. i'm a drug addict, and i want nothing more than to be sober for the rest of my life. every single day i struggle with my addiction, and if i don't take care of it soon i'm afraid it will take care of the rest of my life before i even get a chance to grow up. i went to rehab in october for the very first time, and stayed sober for a little over 14 days. i broke that streak the day i was discharged.
i came here because i want to find some support in people who share something with me. i regularly abuse marijuana, cocaine, ecstasy, alchohol, opiates, and benzos, as well as psychadelics such as mushrooms, acid, and the like. i used to be an amazingly bright kid who teachers would rant and rave over, all about my future and my potential. i have hereditary depression and anxiety that kicked in around puberty, and ever since i was 13 i have been steadily abusing a wider variety of drugs. i want to be sober so badly it hurts, because i can see my old self standing inches away in the mirror every day, but i just can't reach him. i spend all day every day at work planning what sober and productive things im going to do when i get out, how im going to spend my time and money not on drugs but on other things, and it plays out the same way every day. failure. i chose to look for a website like this because i can't find help in anyone else, and all i want to do is read some kind words and smile for once.
i'm bad at introductions, and that was brief for me (i usually ramble on and on) so ask questions and i will answer them, and i will ask questions in return.
i came here because i want to find some support in people who share something with me. i regularly abuse marijuana, cocaine, ecstasy, alchohol, opiates, and benzos, as well as psychadelics such as mushrooms, acid, and the like. i used to be an amazingly bright kid who teachers would rant and rave over, all about my future and my potential. i have hereditary depression and anxiety that kicked in around puberty, and ever since i was 13 i have been steadily abusing a wider variety of drugs. i want to be sober so badly it hurts, because i can see my old self standing inches away in the mirror every day, but i just can't reach him. i spend all day every day at work planning what sober and productive things im going to do when i get out, how im going to spend my time and money not on drugs but on other things, and it plays out the same way every day. failure. i chose to look for a website like this because i can't find help in anyone else, and all i want to do is read some kind words and smile for once.
i'm bad at introductions, and that was brief for me (i usually ramble on and on) so ask questions and i will answer them, and i will ask questions in return.
Mike~ You can stop this at anytime. Just make up your mind and do it !!!
If this were me,I'd stop all the drugs except the alcohol and benzos. Those should be tapered. The coke and E can really mess with your brain forever !!! Along with the mushrooms and acid...
Get in to see a doctor. Be totally honest about the drug use and family history. There are so many antidepressants available,surely one can help your depression.
You need to do this now while you're young !!! It only gets worse...
Keep posting~
Vicki
If this were me,I'd stop all the drugs except the alcohol and benzos. Those should be tapered. The coke and E can really mess with your brain forever !!! Along with the mushrooms and acid...
Get in to see a doctor. Be totally honest about the drug use and family history. There are so many antidepressants available,surely one can help your depression.
You need to do this now while you're young !!! It only gets worse...
Keep posting~
Vicki
Hi Mike,
You are taking the first step right now by taking a look at yourself and admitting that you have a problem. When you are ready to quit completely and make some potential life changes, then it will be time to take the next step. With addiction, you need to be prepared to quit using completely - 100%. Look within yourself and ask if you really want this. Then, it will be time to get into some support groups or potentially rehab - therapy. There are lots of options, all you have to do is ask.
You are taking the first step right now by taking a look at yourself and admitting that you have a problem. When you are ready to quit completely and make some potential life changes, then it will be time to take the next step. With addiction, you need to be prepared to quit using completely - 100%. Look within yourself and ask if you really want this. Then, it will be time to get into some support groups or potentially rehab - therapy. There are lots of options, all you have to do is ask.
thanks again. i wanted to get my basic details out there so people could understand my situation more, but now i'm going to ask the question i came here to find an answer to: where do i start? i want to be sober, period. i just don't know when, i don't think i'm ready to make my first attempt at this process at this exact point in my life (i don't consider my stint in rehab an attempt, because i put zero effort into it. it was forced on me, and i know i cant get anywhere unless i want it myself). but i'm trying to make little steps foreward every day, and when the time comes when im ready to commit, i have no idea what to do first.
Thanks for posting more of your story Mike. Whether you know it or not, your story is just like so many of us. Many families have demons in their closets and it amazes me at how families hide their issues from others and adapt. I grew up with 3 other brothers with a stepfather that abused me. My childhood was "normal", but was also such a challenge for the times - my how things have changed in the last 30 years.
Unfortunately, you have some hard decisions to make. Addiction is not prejudice - it harbors and festers and when you least except it, you are at your bottom. The dynamics with your friends and girlfriend are going to probably be the most difficult for you to deal with. If you feel you need help with your addiction - you are the only one who can determine that - then it may mean making some changes with who you hang out with and even some difficult discussions with your girlfriend and family. Again, these are decisions that only you can make. When I went into rehab at 20 - I was ready, but it was also difficult because I did not fully understand my addiction or that I could not hang out with some of my best friends. In the end, I never went back to my drug of choice, but I moved on to others and 21 years later, had to go through another detox. I have been clean for just over 400 days - so it can be arrested.
Keep posting and talking Mike - that is a start. Sometimes it will take time. You mention being to AA once. That is always a good start as well - if you have the courage to find a meeting and go - it will help. Take a friend with you.
Feel free to message me - I am more than happy to share more with you or answer any specific questions that you may not feel comfortable posting here. Take Care!
Unfortunately, you have some hard decisions to make. Addiction is not prejudice - it harbors and festers and when you least except it, you are at your bottom. The dynamics with your friends and girlfriend are going to probably be the most difficult for you to deal with. If you feel you need help with your addiction - you are the only one who can determine that - then it may mean making some changes with who you hang out with and even some difficult discussions with your girlfriend and family. Again, these are decisions that only you can make. When I went into rehab at 20 - I was ready, but it was also difficult because I did not fully understand my addiction or that I could not hang out with some of my best friends. In the end, I never went back to my drug of choice, but I moved on to others and 21 years later, had to go through another detox. I have been clean for just over 400 days - so it can be arrested.
Keep posting and talking Mike - that is a start. Sometimes it will take time. You mention being to AA once. That is always a good start as well - if you have the courage to find a meeting and go - it will help. Take a friend with you.
Feel free to message me - I am more than happy to share more with you or answer any specific questions that you may not feel comfortable posting here. Take Care!
thanks to everyone. well, i wasn't about to tell my life story in a single introduction, so here is a taste of my most basic problems.
i didn't receive any sort of after-anything after rehab. i was literally let out, given my job back, and left to my own devices, money and all. i was set up for failure from the start. i went to a single AA meeting with a girl i met during rehab, but she stopped calling me after a while and i became to shy (and re-absorbed in drugs) to go on my own.
i hang around with other users, but a good portion of them have been best friends since an early age, so it's hard to not hang around them. they are my friends regardless of drugs and alchohol, and i care about them, but on the flip side there is no way i can be around them without using.
i have a beautiful girlfriend who i have been dating for the past four years, and have been best friends with since childhood. she is FAR from an addict, but is still an 18 year old, college bound girl who likes to mess around and party a lot, and it would be difficult for me to stay sober with her. she cares about me almost as much as my own mother, and you think she would love to help me get clean, but she has some sort of "savior" complex where she gets jealous any time i seek help. i obviously can't let that stop me, but it is difficult nonetheless.
my family is a whole different story. like every family, especially these days, they have their problems and stressors. as i mentioned before, i inherited my depression and enxiety from my mother, who got it from my grandmother. my grandmother has not been able to hold a job since she was 40. my mom can work, but i see her getting crazier and losing her grip on sanity every day. i know most kids my age think their parents are crazy, but my mom is a legitimate sociopath and is going to have similar problems to my grandmother. she often shrieks, repeats herself over and over every day, forgets things, mocks me and other people, and gets very angry and depressed easily. my stepdad works 6 days a week, from morning till night, at a buisiness that is not doing so well in this economy. plus 3 kids (me included) and an uncle who lives with me. so as you can tell, my family has a lot of stress on their own.
and to tab57-i was underage at the time i entered rehab, my birthday was only in february. i was brought to a hospital after a long day of doing drugs and was admitted to rehab the next day. i elected to use drugs after 14 days of wonderful sobriety because i did not take what was going on seriously, at all. now i do, and i can fully admit i have a problem that is beyond my control.
i dont remember exactly when, but i first knew i was a drug addict when i fought with myself, over doing drugs, or doing "action B". i wanted to do action B more, and it had more advantages for me in every way, and i knew that. but i somehow lost the fight and chose drugs anyway, and ever since most of the days of my life have gone exactly the same way.
i didn't receive any sort of after-anything after rehab. i was literally let out, given my job back, and left to my own devices, money and all. i was set up for failure from the start. i went to a single AA meeting with a girl i met during rehab, but she stopped calling me after a while and i became to shy (and re-absorbed in drugs) to go on my own.
i hang around with other users, but a good portion of them have been best friends since an early age, so it's hard to not hang around them. they are my friends regardless of drugs and alchohol, and i care about them, but on the flip side there is no way i can be around them without using.
i have a beautiful girlfriend who i have been dating for the past four years, and have been best friends with since childhood. she is FAR from an addict, but is still an 18 year old, college bound girl who likes to mess around and party a lot, and it would be difficult for me to stay sober with her. she cares about me almost as much as my own mother, and you think she would love to help me get clean, but she has some sort of "savior" complex where she gets jealous any time i seek help. i obviously can't let that stop me, but it is difficult nonetheless.
my family is a whole different story. like every family, especially these days, they have their problems and stressors. as i mentioned before, i inherited my depression and enxiety from my mother, who got it from my grandmother. my grandmother has not been able to hold a job since she was 40. my mom can work, but i see her getting crazier and losing her grip on sanity every day. i know most kids my age think their parents are crazy, but my mom is a legitimate sociopath and is going to have similar problems to my grandmother. she often shrieks, repeats herself over and over every day, forgets things, mocks me and other people, and gets very angry and depressed easily. my stepdad works 6 days a week, from morning till night, at a buisiness that is not doing so well in this economy. plus 3 kids (me included) and an uncle who lives with me. so as you can tell, my family has a lot of stress on their own.
and to tab57-i was underage at the time i entered rehab, my birthday was only in february. i was brought to a hospital after a long day of doing drugs and was admitted to rehab the next day. i elected to use drugs after 14 days of wonderful sobriety because i did not take what was going on seriously, at all. now i do, and i can fully admit i have a problem that is beyond my control.
i dont remember exactly when, but i first knew i was a drug addict when i fought with myself, over doing drugs, or doing "action B". i wanted to do action B more, and it had more advantages for me in every way, and i knew that. but i somehow lost the fight and chose drugs anyway, and ever since most of the days of my life have gone exactly the same way.
MIke,
Welcome to the site and for your honesty. You have taken the first major step toward recovery by wanting to get better. I congratulate you for this.
When you received treatment before was this your idea or were you encouraged to do so by someone else? Why did you elect to resume using after 14 days?
NA and AA are both great sources of suppot for recovering addicts. Let me know if you need help finding a contact in your area.
You can do this and we are here to help you in this process. I ahve sent you a message with additional information. I will be praying for your recovery efforts.
Tom
Welcome to the site and for your honesty. You have taken the first major step toward recovery by wanting to get better. I congratulate you for this.
When you received treatment before was this your idea or were you encouraged to do so by someone else? Why did you elect to resume using after 14 days?
NA and AA are both great sources of suppot for recovering addicts. Let me know if you need help finding a contact in your area.
You can do this and we are here to help you in this process. I ahve sent you a message with additional information. I will be praying for your recovery efforts.
Tom
Hi Mike,
Welcome to the forum. Thanks for sharing your story as well. As I read your post, I was looking into the mirror. I too was a bright young man, did well in school.....but when I was about your age, I was experimenting with anything I could get my hands on and it eventually turned into a 20+ year addiction.
Know that you are taking the first step right now by admitting you have a problem and asking for help. You mention going to rehab - what kind of things did you learn? Do you know why you use; is there something that triggers you? Do you hang out with a crowd of users? Are there things that you know you need to change, but need help to do so? Lots of questions. Have you ever been to an NA/AA meeting before? You are young and still have a full wonderful life in front of you. Keep posting here, there are tons of us who have been in your shoes and you can gain lots of support and advise here.
One other question - are you using now? Do you feel that you can stop if you have support and some tools in place? Do you live at home? - OK, 3 more questions.
Thanks for posting Mike.
Welcome to the forum. Thanks for sharing your story as well. As I read your post, I was looking into the mirror. I too was a bright young man, did well in school.....but when I was about your age, I was experimenting with anything I could get my hands on and it eventually turned into a 20+ year addiction.
Know that you are taking the first step right now by admitting you have a problem and asking for help. You mention going to rehab - what kind of things did you learn? Do you know why you use; is there something that triggers you? Do you hang out with a crowd of users? Are there things that you know you need to change, but need help to do so? Lots of questions. Have you ever been to an NA/AA meeting before? You are young and still have a full wonderful life in front of you. Keep posting here, there are tons of us who have been in your shoes and you can gain lots of support and advise here.
One other question - are you using now? Do you feel that you can stop if you have support and some tools in place? Do you live at home? - OK, 3 more questions.
Thanks for posting Mike.
Welcome to the forum and so glad you found us. I thought your post was a great introduction so thanks for sharing. Did you get any type of aftercare after rehab.
Your so young man, you can fix this before it`s too late. Addiction is progressive and only gets worse so now is the time to do whatever it takes to stop this cycle. Do you have a supportive family. Are you ready to make some changes to STAY clean. I just wanted to throw you some suporrt and let you know your not alone, I have been there, so many members here have been there so don`t give up, THERE IS HOPE. How bad do you want this. Keep posting and keep talking, we are here for you. Life is so much better clean, it`s just scary at first.
Your so young man, you can fix this before it`s too late. Addiction is progressive and only gets worse so now is the time to do whatever it takes to stop this cycle. Do you have a supportive family. Are you ready to make some changes to STAY clean. I just wanted to throw you some suporrt and let you know your not alone, I have been there, so many members here have been there so don`t give up, THERE IS HOPE. How bad do you want this. Keep posting and keep talking, we are here for you. Life is so much better clean, it`s just scary at first.
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