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my wife is hooked on pain meds, what now
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my wife is hooked on pain meds, what now

I just found out that my wife (age 40)is hooked on hydrocodone (10/650's) to the tune of about 30-40 a day.
she's been secreting this from me. I attributed the difference in behavior to a change in dosage of her psyc meds.
I knew she took a few for back pain, but not this many, for this long. (about 5 months) no script.

She gets them for free from a "family friend" that has an unlimited supply.

When confronted, she did all the "addict" behavior, begged, pleaded, even gave me the stash.
When I flushed the stash, she want a bit round the bend. She's agreed to go to detox, but, of course when she was supposed to go, another excuse and didn't. (and now, she blames me for being "controlling")

Should I take this info to her psyc. dr?

what can I do.
Already tried a protective order, it was set for a hearing 2 weeks from now. She hasn't been served yet.
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Avatar_n_tn
I can tell you one thing, even though I'm not that smart...  My parents tried everything (wards, jails, etc.) and I didn't sober up until I WANTED to.  After 17 years of clean time I found vicodin and am fighting that battle as I type.  I'm on day 4 and feeling a little better.  I wish you well.
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712802_tn?1274649085
Wow, that's a lot of hydrocodone - Kfred is right; she's going to have to "want" to get off of them. Since you can't make her "want" to stop maybe you can get her to understand what she's doing to her liver, and the rest of her organs; also to her family and her life. She needs professional help in my opinion. I would either tell her Psychologist or her primary care physicain and get her professional help some how. Good luck, she's fighting a difficult battle. She needs your support to win it.
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710513_tn?1247526079
Wow...that is alot....She first needs to realize she is addicted.. Then she has to want to clean herself up...I would take tnaglewoods advice and tell her Primary Care Physican and her Pshychologist.. She might take there advice without some of the resentment of "controlling.....  I too hid my use (for the most part from my famly)  I would occasionally take 1 or 2 that the knew about to enforce the idea that I only took them sparingly)  it worked I fooled them, actually fooled me too...

Good luck and don't give up on her...but be strong and insist that she get help before it kills her......maybe have her read some posts on this site which you think might help her..

Jambo62
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352798_tn?1399301754
The woes of addiction run deep. It is so true. Until she wants to quit, she won't. Still, you can do some things. Telling her Dr may be a good idea, just use good judgment. Each case is different. The goal is to have her recognize there is a problem. Forcing her to quit never works. Her will has to be behind this 110%. The real problem is that she is taking so much Tylenol. This could cause her liver to shut down. The maximum recommended safe dose is 1000mg per dose and 4000mg per day. The 10/650 is 10mg Hydrocodeine and 650mg Tylenol. So somehow you need to get her to realize that she is putting her self at risk.
     Getting her to get on here is always a good idea. Many times the person knows they have a problem but there is a hopelessness that is there. When they read that others have the same problem and have succeeded in getting free there comes in a flood of hope.
     The good news is that this can be kicked. Read up on addiction. Read the Health Pages here (near the top right of page). Know about this disease. Do not blame your wife. The nature of opiates IS addiction. She didn't get hooked overnight. Don't expect it to get solved overnight, either.
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Avatar_m_tn
Hi Cpspouse;   Yes, I gotta agree with the others ---  that is a very large dose of Hydro -- and a potential lethal dose of Acetaminophen if she continues to take it --  She could wipe out her liver and either die or have life long problems even after she quits.   I would suggest you tell both doctors and then have an 'intervention' with your wife  - bringing in any support from people who love her and want to keep her alive.  If you want to save your wife, you are going to have to be the one to take action.  She is in so deep that I doubt she can pull herself out at this point in the addiction.  This is one of  those  "for better for worse -- in sickness and in health" moments and you need to step up.  All the best my friend.
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495284_tn?1333897642
I dont have anything else to really add as i agree with the above posters.  I just wanted to give you some support too.  Please keep us posted on how she is doing.  There are others on here that have a loved one addicted and they have great advice also.  Family support is very beneficial during this.  Good luck.....sara
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Avatar_m_tn
I was doing that amount of 10/325's per day.....and I wish someone would have given me a reality check instead of just waiting for me to get my head out of my @ss......might have saved some years and some heartache... at least my wife does have the "for better or worse" stuff down....and we survive together. Much better clean today.....
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Avatar_f_tn
Everyone gave you great advice..But i just want to add that only IMO that many pills in just 5 months is alot...To me it would take longer for tolerence to build to that extreme...
Also, she will begin to have terrible w/d at that amount...If she has any underlying health conditions , this is not a good thing..
As an addict myself , I know no matter how many times i said i would..It was until I said I WANT to get clean...Wishing you luck, and knwo that we are here to support you and your wife..It may help her to join this forum!!! Stay Strong
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Avatar_m_tn
That is quit a lot of acteamenphone and can be a leathal dose if she doesn't get it under control. I would recommend as above contact her doctors and tell her what is going on. The problem is compounded if she is on any mental drug, they usually don't mix well. The only advice I can give is to support her in any way possible, may have to be tough love and let her know how much she is messing both of your lives up and how it affects you. Next I would contact the friend and tell them to stop now, it is illegal for them to provide her with these drugs unless they are a doctor, and it doesn't sound like that. If they say they won't take matters in your own hands and call the authorities if necessary. The friend doesn't matter, your wife does. As for being controlling, the unfortunate thing is right now you have to be. Remember she forced you into that poition and as her husband you have to be the one to help make the right choices. It will take time for her to see that and you may become suspicous of what she is doing and taking and that is okay. As addicts we can't take the temptation to well ecspecially at this point. In regards to the withdrawl (withdrawal)'s talk to her doctor and see if they can help. It may mean a chemical dependecy center or just the doctor helping get her off. I wish you the best of luck and really do sympathize with you. For me the best way for someone to get to me is to show their love and not be accussing and mean about it. I know you did not ask for this but, right now it is the reality of the situation and you have no choice but to deal with it one step at a time.
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Avatar_m_tn
thanks so much for all the words of encouragement.
Its tough. and I fear the worst is yet to come. I'm up for it, I don't know if she'll bail and resent me for it.

The family friend is actually her kids dad.
so, no hope there. He doesn't care, he's on them himself.

Monday, I'm going to see her psyc dr. I have a pile of bottles and pills she had stashed, maybe they can help.

She went off on me today, wishing most of the bad stuff in the bible on me. I know its the dope, but how do I not take it personal. (I'm trying)

After she goes bazionk with anger, she calls 20 minutes later, crying, but still not willing to get help. (bi-polar too) I'm trying to stay strong thru this, but, man, she did this so close to xmas. I know its not supposed to matter, but it just does, you know?
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210982_tn?1280987495
She is lucky to have such a loving and supportive husband (even if she doesn't realize it right now). I am sorry you are going through this and I really can't add anything new, just remember you can't make her quit, you can't love her anymore...she won't quit until she wants to quit and for most addicts it takes hitting a bottom. I know when I watch the show Intervention the counselors on there say you can create a bottom for them. So you might talk to a counselor about that too! I wish you luck and know you will always find support and encouragement on this forum!
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Avatar_m_tn
Hi...everyone provided you good advice so I'll go a bit further with an idea.  Did you ever watch the show "Intervention'?  Your wife sounds like an excellent candidate for intervention and maybe the show will take you on...if you're up to it, e.g. privacy issues and all.  Sometimes, an external hit, e.g. police, job loss, public humiliation, etc is what places a person's mind in the right place to facilitate quitting.

She's lucky to have you and as the others have said, she'll need you now.
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Avatar_m_tn
You are gonna need to remember that it isnt your wife going off on you - its the addiction. You are threatening its existence and it doesnt like that..... it will be a struggle...and you will need patience and forgiveness.......but it can be done. It sounds like you are making the correct decisions and thinking about it properly.....stay strong - you will need to be - and best of luck in your efforts - keep letting us know how things are going - you may be able to help many others - -
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372416_tn?1242669352
Hi,

I just want to add that I agree with road2recovery.  That is a very short time to build such a tolerance for that many pills.

I suspect that it would take more than 5 months to get hooked on that many.

Also, you didn't mention any detox symptoms.  If she gave you her stash she would almost immediately start withdrawing and YOU WOULD KNOW.  So my guess is that she's still using?
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Avatar_f_tn
enemy--
I agree, but wasn't sure if i should bring that up, so glad you did :)...I don't know of anyone using that could give away for free 30 pills a day...I would also think money would be missing , just something doesn't seem right...And we all know that honestly comes first,,
I also agree with the tolerence to go to that many in just 5 months...I dont' know of anyone that is went that quick, which has me thinking it has been longer...Also if there are no w/d's signs then she has more stash...Just my opinons, and i hate to hurt someone further, but that is the only way that he can help her, SHE has to get honest...
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Avatar_m_tn
update:
friday, went to court, didn't get a TRO, but did get a hearing for one (and judge ordered treatment) for the 31st.
She hasn't been served yet, but she knows its coming, and she's not real happy with me.
She's going to cut off the utilities tomorrow, says "how do you like being forced"...
needless to say, dire straits. can't do squat about it, their in her name, hubby (me) don't matter to the elec/cable/water company.

Anyway, she has been staying at the dads house, (where she gets the pills) and yes, he DOES have that many.

I knew for awhile that she was taking "some" like 2-3 aday was what I was told. So, this has been building up. She admitted to 5 months, but most likely it has been longer.

Went to psyc. doc, got nowhere, they sited "privacy" issues. (hubbies must be the last to know I guess)
I responded quite softly, "ok, here you go. I have now informed her physician that a patient of his is taking a very large does of non prescribed pain meds. When, not if, this current patient of his either overdoses, gets into an auto accident and hurts herself or others,  this conversation will serve as notice that he was informed as of this date."

I doubt they'll be of much help.

She's told me she's gone to NA meetings, but I know its not true.

In the mean time, I'm the devil incarnate, and an angel by her side. This position changes on a whim. I know not to take it personally, but it doesn't hurt any less.
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Avatar_m_tn
I do think she's still using, she calls thru the night, telling about the night sweats, tremors, inability to sleep, nausea, all that. I think this isn't with drawls, I think its being backed into a corner. I dunno.
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372416_tn?1242669352
Hey again,

It's almost impossible to detox in a house that has pills available.  It's been known to happen, but in rare cases.

The symptoms she's describing is real w/detox w/lots more and 1000 times worse by the 3rd or 4th day.  That's when most people fail if there are pills around.

You sound like a sweet guy.  I wish you the best.
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Avatar_m_tn
The prase "it could always be worse" comes to mind but its hard to imagine
She had "tapered" off to a little over 10-12 a day, showed me the schedule, I was rather pround of her.
Then, she saw where i posted here @ 2:00am Xmas morning and come unglued, packed herself and her daughter up and took off.
I know shes worried about being "committed" and that wasn't going to happen, but her justification for this move was that I had "lied" to her when I she asked me what I did with her stash. She was where I took them to her psyc. doc. and even though NOTHING was done, she went 'round the bend. Left her xmas presents from me here, and took hers to me with her.
I know patience is a virtue, but I fear she's killing herself.
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518798_tn?1295215879
I have a wonderful husband who read me the "Riot Act" when I was heavily addicted.  He broke down and started crying because he said he didn't want to put me out of his life because he loved me so much, but because of that love he wasn't going to sit by and watch me do this to myself.  I have been clean of sleeping pills for almost a year now (January 5th) and hydros for over 200 days.   I thank God every night that he had the courage to "force" me to see things in a different light and make the decision that I was ready to quit.  My life has been so much better since that happened.  I had my first "clean and sober" Christmas in probably 10 years and it was super.

You may have to do something drastic and turn in the person who is supplying her with the pills.  How in the world does he get that many?  I will be here to talk if you ever need it.  I have been where your wife is now, and I said some hateful things to my husband and we went through all of the drama and are still together.  We celebrated 20 years this year.  Be strong and let the people on here help you and it would be super if you could get her to get on here.

Susan

P.S. I meant what I said, I will be here if you need to talk!
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401095_tn?1351395370
yey..r2r and enemy have a point..even someone with an unlimited supply could not afford really to gie somebody 30-40 pills a day...just not really feasible....no doctor even a crooked one would give someone that many just for one person much less for him to use plus have leftovers for her...sumpin is fishy here..a habit like that at 6 bux/minimum a pill would be astronomical and unless her x is a millionaire it is hard to believe as he is supporting his own habit as well..again sumpin does not add up
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Avatar_m_tn
I'm a long time lurker, first posting I can relate.

If she hasn't been into some type of detox yet, she should be or she's still using.
Now is the time you either must remain strong or give up on her.

I'm not telling you what to do, just be aware that if she's still using, no matter where she's getting them, YOU (and everyone else in her life) will always remain in second, or third, or ~no~ place. Try not to take it personally, its not her. Its the drugs. She may be lucid and say mean hurtful things and take actions that seem totally irrational. She's lashing out.

She will blame you for her pill problem, you've either driven her to it, she can't trust you,  you yell at her, there will ALWAYS be an excuse if she's not ready to give them up. And she can't give them up without help. Its VERY rare that anyone can get off that amount without help.

Let us say that she does have some type of pain problem.
There are MANY different meds she could be taking. The fact that she's chosen this as her DOC is irrelevant, if its addictive, she'd misuse it. Shes got to get off it, however if she's not ready there isn't much you can do.

DO NOT TAKE ANY EXCUSE or reason for the fact that she decided to take meds that are not prescribed to her. this is HER problem, not yours. You can be there to offer support and help, but DO NOT OWN THIS.

I wouldn't be surprised in the least that there has been a long history of drug abuse, not just pills in her past.

I'm speaking from experience.
My wife of 5 years had just about the same problem, and we tried to work it out many times.
I took the blame. It was all my fault. I worked too hard, made too little money, lied to her (I ratted her out to her docs, flushed her pills and it was MY fault that I didn't tell her I took the pills to the docs.) .

If it were me.
Drive a spike in the ground. Be prepared for world war 3. I told my wife that if she didn't go to detox/rehab/see a counselor within days, I would be gone. I was no longer going to be her crutch.
I had to leave. Thats the bad news.

The good news is once she figured out that I would do as I said, she got help. We've been together over 15 years now. We spent a little more than 2 months apart, she went to treatment, out in 30 days halfway house for another 30 and it was a LONG time before I stopped walking on eggshells every time she left the house.

Your situation may be more complex due to the supply for her seems to be readily available. This cannot be any help to her or you if it continues.

From your postings, it looks like she uses the other person as a "soft place to fall".
She knows that if push comes to shove, the other person will allow her access to the meds and whatever she needs at the moment not to reach her bottom.

I doubt the other person will be of any help to you, he must be getting something out of it, or he wouldn't do it. Nor will the doctors she sees be of any help either. Due to HIPPA regs, you can talk till you're blue in the face and they won't do a thing.

I wish I could offer more encouragement, but there are darker days ahead, and it really is out of your hands. The only thing you can do is take care of yourself and pray.
(sorry, but when I left I thought I'd lost the best thing that ever happened to me, but I realized that not only was she killing herself, she was killing me as well)

There is a chance that once she realizes that its either you or the pills, she may choose the pills until the supplier goes away

I do believe however that once the supplier gets tired of having his stash pile eroded, she may reach out. Thats about all anyone can hope for at this point.

Try going to some of the NA-anon meetings, talk to people, keep the faith.

good luck.
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