need a little encouragment

[newlifeahead]

I have been reading this for a few weeks. It has really helped but i decided i too would like the support and realized by posting i could get and give the same encouragement to and from others goitn through the same crap. Just a breif backround i have been on vic and perc's for a LONG time i was clean for 2 years then relapsed why idk because that was by far the BEST 2 yrs of my life i didnt go on them as bad this time but it has been about a year now.  I stopped my last vic 10 days ago but through this last weekend took some tramadol i only had 10 (i dont usually take tram but it seemed to help) HOWEVER i am sure it was a mistake so my last tram was on mon morning but over the weekend i had only taken a total of 10. Since monday late afternoon i have felt not so good. Some points were REALLY bad i am sureit was still from vic and the tram jsut covered it tues i did quite a bit of cleaning ( i also have a 10 month old) so i have no choice but to keep moving.Slept really well mon but last night was HELL i didnt sleep but maybe 2 hrs combined just because of RLS (restless legs) they come faithfully every night by 7 pm that is the WORSE symptom and seems to be the one that i have the most.Today didnt feel too motivated but still took care of my sweet boy (which is one of my major motivations for staying clean he deserves me to be clean) and I deserve it too.... anyway jsut wondering if anyone can tell me how long the restless legs and sleep issues went on for. I eat bannannas dont help i also take warm baths (which help me feel better but not w the RLS) i ahve tried the restless legs med from hyland TOTAL WASTE of money. What has gotten me through this is my faith in God and prayer i know if i pray he helps me immensly. But this RLS doesnt want to stop i would be feelign pretty good if it werent for this i even get it during the day if i sit too much. cant wait for life to be back to normal and i can sleep naturally again. I am inspired by all the strength and clean time on here jsut need a little encouragment thanks:)

[newlifeahead]

HEy desperate i wanted to come let u know that the new post i started is called is there any more support come join me over ther PLEASE i need u to keep getting through and i have been thinking of u:) if i am not mistaking it is night where ur so hoping i dont see u till later but i would love to hear from u.. how did ur day go???and YES u can help someone u have helped me TREMEDOUSLY... that is right we have to pass on what God has given us keep encouraging people a few more have jumped in to comment so hopefully it will stay kinda busy and we can all encourage each other we ALL need oneanother through this battle as we are ALL suffering. YES i used to do zumba i LOVED it we have a YMCA pass but kinda let it expire cuz we havent been going my husband is actually there now getting the paper work to fill back out we will have our pass back byt he end of the week not sure if i will be doign zumba right away lol i will be on the elyptical tho and taking my baby swimming he LOVES the water:) i cant wait i think it will help me BIG TIME cant wait to here from u on the other thread hope u dont have a issue finding it

[desperatetobefree]

i envy ur energy,lol,kidding,i hope u have energy every dayyyyy of ur clean life and i feel so motivated to hear more ppls stories like ours and let all the newer guys(as if im so not new) know what the first days will be like and comfort them thru and also let them kno there is light,cuz if u cud help me like u have then im sure i cud help one other person at least and on goes gods loving circle of love and giving.take care and get to those zumbaa classes they r supposed to be great,i wanna try one out ,when im a bit bouncier,lol,i lost 85 pounds in the last year and im really stuggling with excersise,but i will conquer anything if i conquered tramadol,codeine and morphine,i hate all three foreverrrr,
have a blessed day,catch up later.

[newlifeahead]

hey glad to hear u lsept last night what a blessing:) NO u wont and cant ever go back and neither can/will i just remmebr those forst few days u r getting over the hump now i was having some really good days around day 5 they seem to be every other day or start off great and get a little worse as the day went on then get another burst in the afternoon... u got this... i cant wait to have some more time behind us i REALLY want to be myself again i must say i feel GREAT as far as mental for me it is not the mental it is the physical i dont really struggle w cravings thank God but i am a BABY so i HATE feelign bad. It is getting better tho so u have that to look forward to i woke up this morning w a burst of energy so i better not sit tooo long lol i am hoping it stays around i could get some more work done around the house ben wanting to get into the babies room lately... well have a GREAT day i will stop in throught hte day or have a great evening i should say also i am gonna start a new thread this one is kinda getting long and i dont like having to get all the way to the bottome maybe we can get some new stories on here too to help encourage us we r doing this God Bless u my friend and stay strong NOTHING is worth going back to those days

[desperatetobefree]

good afternoon my dear,i slept last night from 10pm till 4.30am then just woke and cudnt sleep again but im ok,i think its cuz i have no melatonin or any kid of sleeping aid but other wise day 5 seems to be pretty good,no foggy head,im all clear headed and a lil tiny sprouting of more energy i believe and i just wanna hug my amino acids and vits,lol,i dont have to list them all cuz there are quite  a few but its called the amino acid protocol,look it up it on this website and gives all the info on what each thing does,reading that made me more aware of why i needed them during withdrawal and recovery and it all makes sense and really and truly works a whole lot,plz trust me and buy the list even if it costs a bit cuzzzz its sooooo worth it.it gave me no RLS except for day 1 and 2 and after i started taken this stuff it was gone,and my anxiety wiped away just as quick,lol,im sounding dramatic but it has worked wonders in my case and im the worst one in ever following a protocol or any routine but i will be on this one,lol,....and by the way,,good for you making such an awesome supper for your family and doing so much with ur hubby,i cant wait to be buzzing about on a healthy and happy and normal high and buzz of real life again not the false rubbish buzz we lived for....hope you have a great and wonderfull day and never ever go back,im still being haunted by my mind that is still craving the pills but i hope and pray i never be dumb ever ever AGAIN.   God bless,

[newlifeahead]

lol ur post made me smile from ear to ear desperate:) I admire u too and i am glad i can be a inspiration to someone i sure dont know how but it is nice to hear. We all inspire each other here i think and it is a good place to be:) OHHHH how i pray u have a good night sleep i am hoping i do too... YES clean surroudngins make a huge difference our house is pretty much always clean my hubby has ocd lol and i enjoy cleaning i have just been taking on all these extra big projects lately but whatever helps. Hubby and i took baby for a nice long walk this afternoon then i made a AWSOME supper... breaded pork chops green beans and baked potato... it was delicious. yes please share the list of vitamins u r taking for anyone who is reading but not speaking also i have been trying to ad some vitamins would LOVE to know what can help me??? Well i am checking off for the evening hope u r sleeping like a baby and everyone else too!!!! God Bless u all for reclaiming ur life what  a HUGE step it is....YAY for us

[desperatetobefree]

ok its bed time now ,well a very early bed time,its nearly 9 pm but im shattered and purposely did not have even a tiny nap all day or even go near my bed cuz i wanna have a good early and long sleep,i hope. ive just had a nice shower and paid a cleaner to do some cleaning ,so im feeling good in tidy freshh surroundings and clean bed and clean me,(makes huge difference to have tidiness) and i had a nice plate of fruit and my usual dose of all vitamins and all amino acids and im feeling GREAT,theses vits and amino acids are working miracles ,seriously i recommend them highly i got the list from this forum and cant even remember where i read them and who wrote it but id luv to giv them a hug and kiss cuz they are GREAT.if anyone interested ill list them just ask. newlife,u sound so much better than ur first few posts ,i take alot of inspiration from u and you are one of the reasons i stuck it out and i really am routing for us both that we never fall back into that hell again,im looking forward to my life ahead and never wanna look back,if i cud just sort out my energy levels i wud be the old me again,its happened so quick that im in shock,really thought id be worse,but ill never foget day 2 and 3,omg,omg,omg,,,,never wanna do them again but WE DID IT,YAYYYYY....i cant wait to be posting when we are 1 month in and on,,,,we will be so awsome,heheh.good night lovely lady and god bless.

[newlifeahead]

@ ann i forgot to mention day 11 IS a long time it is rough getting past these days and 11 days clean for a addict is AMAZING:)

[newlifeahead]

hey thanks ann we NEED the support i really appreciae it and btw CONGRATS on day 11!!!!! Right behind u here and doing pretty good. Yes my husband knows about it and he is 100 percent supportive i am so excited to get my life back and back on trac to where i was. My husband does  f/t maintenance in our church for his job and i jsut really want to be more involved but i havent been up to it because of the pills. I used to be really active in our church and really enjoyed it:) God IS my rock and my strength and i jsut dont want to waste any more tiem he has given us. Ok the RLS seems to have let up a bit i tried laying on the bed tho after church a bit ago and it started not really abd but i got up before it could... i will be sooooo glad when that is done half the time i cant relax because i spend the time wondering when and if the RLS will be kicking in my mind is jsut playing games w me on it because the restless legs drives me crazy... anyway thigns will get better and they r already i told my husband that it felt sooooo nice to be in church today and not be clouded or high to truly be worshipping like i used to.  well again thanks ann and many blessings to u and keep up the good work WTG!!!!HEY desperate so glad to hear from u u sound really good almost day 5 for u YAY!!! Keep it going it gets esasier the only thing i am still struggling w is the RLS and lack of energy but it is getting better. Glad to hear u r kids have survived ur "dinners" lol i know how it feels to not even want to cook but it sure feels great to be back in the kitchen i even made brownies:) It is soooo nice to see people seeing them old selves come back and their personalities it makes me feel liek we are all together conuering this pill world that these dr's and pharmacy companies have worked so hard in that got people hooked i cant wait till the day whenthey outlaw these things until then tho so glad when i see another one kicking it ON THERE OWN:) My dr now knows to NOT prescribe these to me i have made it clear to them also wanted to give u a BIG YAY on ripping up a script that takes A LOT of nerve even something i dont know if i could do so WTG on that  ur mind is in the right place now keep regaining ur life for u and ur family God bless hope ur next post is a GREAT one but if its not and u need to vent do it whatever it takes we are here

[desperatetobefree]

hi everyone and specially u newlife,thanks for askin bout me,i think amazingly and much sooner than i expected ive been feeling pretty ok these past few hours and am starting to see the good side of life in little glimpses and can feel the happiness ahead cuz yesterday i was very unimpressed with my rls and pain and just overwhelming feeling of anxiety that wud not let up.so im happy things r getting easier so soon,i know that there r many hard days ahead but i feel like i can conquer anything if i got past day 4,YIPEE,i was  dreading day 3 and 4 so much,and now im coming to the end of 4. i even made dinner for my kids today for the first time in 4 days,they were surviving on my husbands concocsions,lol,not good.  so im glad i didnt give up and i even ripped up a prescription i had for 120 pills and we get meds free here in ireland so i cud of got em wen eva i liked,but ill never do that agaiiin,these c/t days have been madness but sooo worth it,i feel my old personality creeping back in,i know its soon but im not complaining,hope my posts tomorrow will be just as positive,have a good day newlife and tell ur dr from now to never prescribe these evil things again to u,u know how our lil tram minds work.lol...god bless

[Ann2497]

hey - I am on day 11 - I know not very long but I was touched by your post and decided to jump in and support you and desperate.  I also have a strong faith in God and admired that in you.

How is the RLS?  Does anyone know you are going thru this besides those on this board?

[newlifeahead]

hey batmanrules thanks for joining in !!! how many days do u have clean? YES i feel very proud i have done this before and was clean over 2 years but got comfortable and thought it would be ok when i was prescribed them agian yeah NOT SO MUCH... i slept pretty good last night (on the couch though) we have a king size bed that i love but i seem to be more restless in bed. i feel like it is letting up a bit i hope it stays gone forever UGH i will remember these w/d's forever... i felt great waking up hoping to keep that for a while today off to church this AM so i know that will help me we have lots of good froends there too... desperate how r u doing havenot heard from u???? well will check in later thanks everyone who has joined in it has been very few people but i enjoy ALL the support WE all need it.....

[batmanrules45]

I also wanted to point out that I decided to go for it and give up cigarettes along with the Percocets that I had been on for 5 years.  I thought it would be easier to go thru hell all at once.

[batmanrules45]

Congrats to both of you on making it this far!

I too got the extreme fatigue and let me tell you that was so hard to deal with.  I thought I was going to die.  I ate bananas and apples for strength.  Caffeine is not good for withdrawals but the benefits of it outweighed the negatives for me - you will need to decide how it works for you.  I also drank my favorite drink as a reward - diet mountain dew.

I did not get the RLS as bad because I took Clonidine, a blood pressure medication that is well known in its effect on opiate withdrawal.  Everyone is different but it really helped me.  You need a prescription but I also know that people get it off the internet.  I would try to get it from a dr first.  It only cost me 10 dollars with my insurance.

Hang in there!

[newlifeahead]

thaqt is GREAT that u did NOT listen to the dr it drives me CRAZY that they do that i went to a local hospital for detox the last time over 3 yrs ago wasa admitted and do u know if i go to that er the first thing they do do u need something for pain??? r u FREAKING kidding me how bout read my chart. It is hard for us to be the strong ones but it is important to know and stay on our toes. U r SOOOO right u DONT want to go live those 3 days out again hey and CONGRATS on ur 3 days doing good.... keep it up keep moiving forward. Well the rest of my day was not so good. i havent really felt good today but i have kept moving cleaning the house we r doing some deep cleaning in this house and rearranging the garage so we have room for the car for the winter. My hubby came home from work w diaherreah (sp??) and he ussuallly never gets sick so i am wondering if we dont have a little flu bug in the house on top of it cuz i just have not been feeling right i stay moving because i can NOT deal w the restless legs i would rather be dragging myself through the house. and it is making toime go by faster. We have church tommorrow REALLY looking forward to that i know it will help me. anyway i am gonna get off the puter it is going on 6 nd like clockwork the restless legs r kicking in i could jsut SCREAM i really wish that part would go away have a good rest of the evening i will check back later

[desperatetobefree]

ok today was by far the worst day evaaaa,i have been crawling around from room to room literally,never felt so fatigued in my life,its day 3 now nearly coming to an end,thank god,i had my doc trell me to just take one pill of tram tonight cuz my reaction was so severe and i wanted to smack him across the head,that was not what i needed to hear from him,can u imagine how my sick lil mind nearly jumped for joy at the prospect,lol,but i knew he had no clue and i knew that if i just took even one it wud be the undoing of three days of torture that i wud have to do all over again sometime in the future and thats not worth anything,im hoping it gets better tho,i really do,i hope ur doing ok today,u shud be nearly coming out the other end anytime now,im addicted to morphine and codeine too,so its all three at once that im coming off,please god help meeeee.
lol,im always dramatic...hope u had great day ,let me know how u got on today.

[newlifeahead]

lol desperate u did hear me screaming through the puter LOL.... u know u will be happier i went through that too and missed the life i had on the pills but it just is NOT worth it to me or my family. i HATE that life and i just keep reminding myself of that to get through these days. I have been FORCING myself to stay busy even when i dont feel i have the strength to stand up. It comes and goes i will get energy then loose it i woke up at 4 this am stayed up till 5 then was able to sleep till 7 i was really happy but i started cleani.ng the house and i had to come sit. i am gonna keep pushing i know staying active is best and the day WILL come wehre i dont fele bad anymore at all:) i slept really restless last night and up every hr i know the lack of sleep is killing me. Well cant sit too long ahve a good day all and i will check back later

[desperatetobefree]

my days are dragging sooo much an hour is like a full day on tram,seriously,how is that,its like i was missing out on my life but im not sure if that was a good thing or bad lol,.just kidding im gonna make the best of my new life and when i get any normal ebergy back i hope to do all the things i wanted to do but cudnet cuz this evil pill never let me,have a great day today and i pay that we all stay strong....still find fighting the temptaition i wont lir to u,but happiness is better than numbness i hope,just cant wait to feel the day when i know i am better and happier without it,cuz i know i will be but cant remember it anymore and my sick mind telling me i was happier on tram,,,,i know i know,,,i can imagine what ur shouting,,,lol,,,ill stay strong for my lil brood,and u do too..bye

[newlifeahead]

hey desperate and life2live u guys HAVE to DUMP the pills there will be NO succeding if u hang on to them the w/d will get to a point where u jsut take somet hen u have to start ALL over NOT fun... or they will be constantly calling ur name. calling the dr is a GREAT idea once they know they wont give them anymore cutting ALL ur ties is SOOOO vital in this that is FOR SURE.... i hope u get the courage to get rid of them and get going on this road i feel REALLY drained but i keep forcing myself, earlier after feeling like i could not even walk i laid on my bed for 20 min didnt sleep jsut laid there i was then able to get up go pay a few bills, get hubby from work, and go to the laundry mat at the laundry mat i felt like i cant even walk anymore but i FORCED myself it is now 9 pm and i jsut got home gonna take a IBU 800 and a epsom salt bath and pray that i get some sleep i actually slept last night it was NOT a full night it was inturupted and i even had 3 dreams or i should say nightmare one was about pills UGH i jsut want ot be better but i now i am getting there and i am doing this:) Hope u all r hanging in there U CAN do it too and we can do it together jsut get up the strength get RID of those pills CUT the ties and get moving i think it is sooooo important that u get mad at the pills get mad at what they have done and THROW them it is a form of saying BYE BYE and u a=no longer have a hold on me as long as they sit in ur house calling ur name they still have u JUST DO IT (like nike says lol) everyone have a blessed night/or day i guess for some interesting to meet people from ALL  over the world

[desperatetobefree]

yeah newlife i am young and thats why i decided i want to be normal for atleast a bit of whats left of my twenties,lol,isnt looking likely to me right now as im having hot sweats and keep struggling with the bag of pills i have here and im waiting for the courage to tip them in the bin,keep thinking of every lame excuse of why i might need to keep them.ie.suprise mother inlaw visit...lol..where ill need all the tram power i can get,,,,but noooooo i wont,i cant i  must not,i cant go thru all this pain and go back,i live in ireland by the way and its nice to meet ppl from all over who r doing the same as me,i feel so alone here,my husband found out today for first time that i was addicted to tramadol,i thought it was a brave step to my recovery as i know he will be keeping a close eye to make sure i wont get any more pills,i knew that when i told him,so i feel very proud of that step,but he has no clue about the bag of evil pills i have and yes,prayer prayer prayer,its really the only real comfort i get now. cant believe how brave and strong u r to be able to go out shopping,keep it up,any excercise is supposed to help,im just trying to convince myself now,lol,txt u again tomorrow its 9.45pm here now,i feel sooooo tired and hope i sleep. bye

[donewitis]

LifetoLive: So often I read here about people getting clean and then refilling script and relapsing. I think it was Tramahater who made it sink in that if I didn't flush the pills, I was going to use again. I believed her and I got rid of them immediately after reading her comment. Another thing was calling 'the' Dr. I told her..that I no longer can be prescribed anything that is remotely addicting. After making that call while going through the w/d's, I was shocked at myself..but very quickly...grateful that I did it. It reinforced for me the fact that I was dependant on a bottle of pills and that I was  miserable. I am so thankful that they are not part of my life anymore. I have a choice today..haven't felt there were any choices for a long time. It's good.

[newlifeahead]

thank u life2live this is a journey we all must take eventually after we have abused oursleves for so long it is NOT easy u can do it too:) hey desperate so great to hear from u. I HEAR u on the drained energy and all that todya i felt pretty good getting up but a couple hrs into the morning it got BAD i forced myself to get out we went to get baby's halloween costume i am looking forward to taking him trick or treating for his first halloween and i will be sober and hopefully have a bit more energy. Walking throught he store for over a hr then home i feel like i have been hit by a bus and they backed up and kept doing it i want to scream too.. it gets frusterating u know u have all these days behind u and the immediate bad sick things r gone but these lingering feelings of extreme tiredness gets old too. I had big hopes for the weekend i wanted to get my house all cleaned and get the garage cleaned out w my hubby for the winter so we can get the car in exchange summer clothes for winter ones and so on i keep looking at my house and all i can do is go sit down:( anyway it will get better and for u too congrats on day 2 u say it isnt the running out of pills for u i gotta say that shows A LOT  of strength because i think prob half or more stop because they r sick of trying to get them for u to have access AND still quit is GREAT.... it gets better i know because of past exp i just have to kkeep looking forward and my knees bent literally in prayer. U CAN DO THIS stay strong for those babies u r young i am only 30 so i know i have been battling this for a LONG time it was the best life ever when i was clean for over 2 yrs

[desperatetobefree]

hi newlifeahead, im a mom of four and im on day two of my dettox from tramadol and codeine,it has been very harrowing and im so lucky not to have suffered so far from the leg problem,im just soooo tired and very depressed and anxious and every min is a literal battle to stop myself from delving into my bag of pills,my prob is that i can get them too easy and its not a matter of script running out,but my life is falling apart,i have a great husband and 4 amazing kids and im only 28,ive been using for 3 yrs and it started from a bad back(i know,pathetic),my life in the past year has been getting slowly worse and worse and ive been trying to delude myself into thinking its from everything else but me,but i was the only common denominator to all the problems,im soo glad ur doing this too and u have a lil boy,i feel proud of all users here who r doing this or have done it,its sooooo hard i wanna scream,the hrs seem to drag unbearably slow,i cant even think of leaving the house and wud luv to have the will power to overcome this fatigue thats killing me,i hope we can get thru this together and push each other forward everyday,we can do this especially since u know u did it before,,,,,,lets look forward to normality....ive forgotten what thats like.

[Life2live]

i dont have anything too useful to say but that I am proud of you for taking the plunge. You inspire me !

[newlifeahead]

i have tried those gles u use for back pain didnt really help cold seems to send my nerves into overdrive and they JUMP... anyway after my bath i decided to lay back down took a little to fall asleep but got another 3 hrs YAY i feel GREAT this AM i know there r ups and downs but not gonna think about that when i am having a up day:) hoping it sticks around ALL day gonna do some more work and get out of the house today. Hope everyone has a blessed day PLEASE keep poting because i need it i enjoy it and i look forward to it and please do not hesitate to tell me clean time and what u went through i enjoy  learning about others journey as well