not giving up but frustrated

[BeyondScrewed]

The Dr's office called to confirm my appt. When they asked why I was coming they put me on hold, then came back and sai they were sorry but they couldn't help me with that.

I called 30 places the last 2 days looking for suboxone treatment. Most of them said they aren't taking new patients. A few asked if I had already been thru detox?  I didn't get that one at all. Why the hell wud I wanna go on suboxone if I already detoxed???

The only 2 that wud take me requires a program so intense that I wud lose my job. For those of u who are gonna say my health is more important.....if I lose my job, my car, my everything and my son, then I don't give a **** if I'm clean anyway. Plus I wud lose my insurance and wudnt be able to pay for it anyway. So its kind of an oxymoron.

At the very least Ive ended my suicidal run with the rock and the H.
Again, om NOT Giving up. Just wanted to update for all of you freaking amazing people. If I ever meet one of you, remind me that I owe you my life

[NurseTracy]

Speaking of FMLA, here in a Minnesota it is 12 weeks you can take off. You can take it all at once or a day, two, three, whatever, at a time. The 12 week would be awesome for Beyond to do inpatient or even the outpatient he had been talking about. What does su** is that FMLA is unpaid leave. But, you can also take any vacation days beforehand where you do get paid and then the FMLA. there are def ways to do this!

Good luck, Beyond. I know we have never met, but I am rooting for you! You have a lot going for you in your life......your son & your fiancée. Just keep thinking of them mad asking yourself......" Is this what I want my son to know about me, the only thing to see me as?" Kids are precious and kids only once....there are no do overs with their ages, ya know?

[AMG313]

Hey Beyond Screwed...i just want to put my two sense in....i think you should not get on suboxone all...it is a big time roller coster it can ether help you if you stay on it for long term then just screw you when you quit it unless you do it gradulay and ween youre self off to .1 MG a day and you will still expierence withdrawl. i am on my like 93rd day with out it and im still feeling withdrawl i feel very bad for people that have no idea how bad suboxone withdrawls are! its a nasty poisin that stays in youre body for a long time. my advice....take suboxone only for detox. not longer then 5 days. good luck!

[Graeme1974]

Only problem is you can't cut the gel patches in half and they say you shouldn't cut the matrix ones either but I have before. Im not sure if the poster had arnt more patches or is able to get more.

[marycarmel]

I would think it would be better to come off the Fentanyl first.  It's so much stronger.  If you could taper from 50 to 25 & go from there.  

[Graeme1974]

Oh right I understand I thought you were coming off the pills but had used the durogesic patch to help the withdrawls. I may be wrong but it sounds like you were prescribed fentanyl as your main analgesic and oxy for breakthrough pain? That's how is commonly done anyway. I guess it depends whetheryour planning to come of completely or you will go back on when you get more. Sorry if you have already explained this (its a very long thread). If your not them your just postponing the inevitable. I know you were trying unsuccessfully to get a suboxone script to wean with. Dont go on methadone though if you can help it I was on it for12 year at high amounts (up to 540mg per day although for pain not opiate replacement / addiction and is a bit*h to come of even if you taper slowly. Sorry if your repeating stuff but as I say its a long thread and its5:30am here and im too tired to read it all again!!
Take care andgod bless.
Graeme.

[hope6hope]

Hang in there one day at a time. I have just got off fentanyl and I'm currently on subs trying to wean of them now. I know it isn't fun but so worth it :)

[Brightfutureahead]

One step at a time...keep moving forward and keeping us updated. Make sure you get your name on those waiting lists.

[nursegirl6572]

Hey...baby steps are something.  Good for you...keep up the good work...and keep looking for outside help!!!

[BeyondScrewed]

50mcg. But it wont help because ive had a script for it along with the oxy firever. So my body is used to both at the same time. I get what u might b thinking, but I did not replace the oxy with the fent

And you trust me. I know all about it. Ive been gettin them for years. I know ALL about em.

But as of 8:12, still no narcotic pill. Just got back home, lookin for a quick bite. So tired, gonna go spend the night with my girl again. Cause tommirow I really gotta catch up on some stuff.

I'm thinkingg/hoping that tommorow I wake up in w/d, but when I put on a fresh patch it will b gone and I wont need ny pills for a second str8day? Oh I hope.

Then ill have to tackle the fent, but 1 step at a time

[Graeme1974]

What strength fentanyl patch are you on? Im supprised that hasn't helped your withdrawals, fentanyl is very strong(100-120 times stronger than morphine) for example an 100mcg / hour patch is the equivalent of 10mg morphine iv per hour every hour for 3 days. Lyricsvalso helps as its a calcium channel blocker whichbblocks neurotransmitters I.e.glutamate, substance p and norepinephrine so it helps with the anxiety associated with withdrawls. It is often prescribed for the treatment of anxiety. I take fent and lyrica and temazepam every day for pain and they are all very potent this will be why your not feeling withdrawls yet. Do you have more fent? Are they pladtic polymer matrix or gel reservoir? Even though the matrix ones are onlycsupposed to last 3 days they contain nearly 2.5 times the amount ofvdrug thst id dispensed over the 3 days and have been shown to be effrctive for up to a week. Do not under estimate fentanyl. Remember when those Chechen terrorists highjacked a school in Russia several years back and the Russians pumped in a gas to knock everyone out but ended up killing over 100 of the hostages? That wad kolokol gas aka 3-fentanyl. Powerful stuff im sure your patch will keep the wd a bay along with the lyrica.   Can you tell us the doses please?
God bless.

[VICourageous]

I am sooo proud of you...I take your theard and read down it as you come back...You have taken many steps just in a day or two...I can see the blessing min by min in here...You will be just fine...Hang tight..We have been there too...There is a light on the other side..Its like u come out of a big bad dream and the world out there is not that bad...
God Bless u Keep it up u r doing GREAT...
vickie

[BeyondScrewed]

Ok. Now, I did bust the credit card to get an old script of lyrica filled, cause for me they help with the w/d's. And I do have my fent patch on. But yesterday itook only 30 mg oxy. Didn't sleep a wink but its ok cause I spent time with my beautiful son and went on to my beautiful girl.

As of 4:22 pm, I have taken 0 mg of any narcotic pill. Yes I'm wearin the patch but still, I honestly cant remember the last time ive done this. I seriously am almost tearing up right now. I keep expecting wd to pop up and tear into me but, for now at least, I think the lyrica is holding them at bay.

Don't give up on me guys. I swear to God I am so serious this time. If I f up, I wont come back and waste anymore of ur time, but for me, even with the patch on, even just over a 1/2 day is a giant accomplishment. I'm not totally relying onthe lyrica. I don't have mu h planned just in case I start feelin bad

If I can get till tommkrow with only my patch and no pills.........:'-)

[ActingBrandNew]

Just keep posting here. You can do it.

[VICourageous]

Hi I just read this thread....How r u doing now????It sounds like you gave it a day and came back with a way more positive attitude..Maybe or maybe not, u can just ride the storm out like so many of us did...I know in my small town they only have 2 doc that can give subs out..They are only allowed here to give 300 p a year subs. As time goes by, the healing is on..
Whatever you decide I wish u the best in your journey. I will say one thing from experience...Please do not go with the methedone!!!!!!!!The H detoxes better then that one...
May the lord carry u.....
vickie

[Graeme1974]

Yeah I know it was a contentious issue in your recent presidential election. The NHS is FAR from perfect by the way. Anyway I wish you the best of luck and god bless.

[nursegirl6572]

Oh I totally understand!!!  I guess we'll soon be finding out all about nationalized healthcare!!  (Don;t get me started, lol)

[Graeme1974]

Of course. I wasnt suggesting that UlS healthcare is bad. Its probably the best in the world. Having livred in the us for several years before returning home ive seen that first hand. Its just that not getting the treatment you need simply because you cant afford it is shocking to me and sad. Of course nothing is free either. We have ridiculous taxes on some things but that's a matter of perception and economics. Its just nice that whoever you are or whatever is wrong with you, you know that you will get the treatment you need and won't be turned away because you can't afford it. I wasnt knocking the us, I love America and hope to return c soon. At least the weather is better!!!!

[nursegirl6572]

I won't argue that we have a long way to go to fight the stigma of addiction, but I can say that I've seen first hand people be treated with respect and compassion.  Not every experience is bad.

We need more awareness and better education about addiction and what it is.  Too many people think it's a character flaw, or just poor behavior.  

As for the national health service...I don't think the WAY our health care is set up has anything to do with the way some people are treated when seeking help for addiction...it has more to do with people just not being informed about what addiction is, and our culture, and social perceptions.  The cost?  Yeah, free is good, but remember, nothing is truly FREE..someone is absorbing those costs somehow, somewhere.

[Graeme1974]

It always shocks me when I hear how terrible people are treated in the US when it comes to treating addiction. Its very different here in England, you get all the help you want methadone or suboxone and its completely free. Thank God for the national health service!!! God bless.

[nursegirl6572]

I've never heard of a sub program with those kinds of requirements...that kind of defeats the purpose of an outpatient program.  Keep checking into other programs, keep calling...get your name on waiting lists...whatever it takes.  Just like someone else said above, even if you have to drive an hour to a clinic, it will be worth it.  If you haven't, try this site to find a clinic:

www.suboxone.com

I was going to suggest you looking into an FMLA, I think that is a fantastic option.  You will be eligible as long as you've been at your job for at least 12 months.  All you have to do is ask your boss or HR dept for the forms.  It's actually a very easy process.

If you're going to consider that, I would recommend just going for the inpatient program.  That would be best for you anyway, IMO.

Good luck...keep trying.  You have to find reasons to succeed and move forward, not give in to the fact that treatment is time consuming and inconvenient, and involves hard work.  If you had cancer, you would put everything into it to fight to save your life, IMMEDIATELY, wouldn't you?  This is no different.  You're in a battle for your life.

[dominosarah]

You can do this beyond.  Fight with everything you have.

[jennlp29]

I have been on methadone for 2yrs trying to get over a 2yr I.v using of 10-12roxys a day habit..after 6mths at par mmp ( methadone maintenance program) I looked into suboxone and they mre than likely asked if u detoxed because you have to go anywhere from 24-48hrs without anything before they will start suboxone..it is not good health wise to have anythong n ur system when u start suboxone cause there are so many bad interaction with suboxone n almost every other drug..I'm not a huge methadone fan just because of personal experience but try finding a methadone clinic near you..you only go 1 in the morning they usually open around 530 for people who work and you will have a counselor to help get to the root of problem...now idc what they tell u if u do start methadone the best advice I can give you which I wish someone would of done for me is 1. Don't go on a high dose they usually start at 30mg n let u wrk ur way up til u feel stable some clinics like the one I went to will let u go to 400-500mg which is completely unnecessary in my opinion. I went to 100mg I think that was too much..a lot of clinics in other states have caps where you can't go over 60mg or 100mg. 2. Don't stay on it long. Best advice wish I would of done it this way is try it for 6mths on a stable dose then take the next 6mths to taper off very slowly.  3. A lot of people n docs have bad opinions of methadone patients. Cant tell u how many times I was denied a pcp docs because I was on methadone then when something would happen n I needed a doc. I would go to e.r n as soon as I told them I was on methadone they would change completely. .don't let them get to u they have not been in your shoes n don't knw your story. Do what u feel is right for you..remember there r a lot of people going through it been through it or just started you are not alone...the day I found this forum I was introduced to the thomas recipe I didn't do step 1 cause I don't trust myself with benzodiazepines but all the other steps have helped greatly...good luck you can do this!!!!!

[YesLife4Me]

Im taking it that you didn't accept any alternative payments...that's awesome!  Just keep doing the next right thing and the rwards WILL come around.  

[BeyondScrewed]

However the insomnia is startin to set in. Slept maybe 20 minutes last night. Just gettin started at work and feel like I'm sleep walkin