oh my god, i said no

[carrieoffcocainenow]

Wow, my man just asked me if i wanted to do a line and i acually said no! It was so hard and i really want to do it even now, really really bad! Hes taking it else where right now and i almost stopped him but i didn't. I'm so proud of myself but now I got that itch and I'm kinda feeling sick to my stomach. THIS WILL PASS i'm going to keep telling myself. I don't think i would have done that before finding this forum so thank you to all of you who have been sharing and caring I appericiate it sooooo much! Gonna go to be now and tomarrow it'll all be better.

[Revcharberry]

CONGRATULATIONS AND GOD BLESS  THIS TOO WILL PASS.  I AM PROUD OF YOU AND I KNOW THAT GOD IS PROUD OF HIS BEAUTIFUL BREATION. HIS DAUGHTER.  LOVE, PEACE, AND BLESSINGS...REV.

[googzy]

**** yeah!!! Good job!

[desperatetostop]

WAHOOO CONGRATS CARRIE. omg...that had to be hard...I can so relate...i remember actually FLUSHING some cocaine that was given to me early in my recovery! it's tough...but don't you feel awesome now?

You're doing so great! I am so PROUD OF YOU!

keep coming back and posting...we're all here for you

[sherry5035]

way to go!!! yep its going to be a long hard road, but what comes in the end will be so so so worth it!!! Just remember the not so good times when you thought why did I do that? now go out and do something really good for yourself. you deserve it! go buy youself a hot new outfit, and when you wear it you will remeber that you said no. Just please keep it up because the guy in the little red jump suit will come back.

[SophieShine]

Way to go!!! change you mind frame tho, go for a walk or shopping, get out of there and keep your mind busy with other stuff. I can't even imagine trying to stop and living with an addict....

[dominosarah]

Way to go on saying no!!  Just be aware that it will be very hard to have it around you.  I would be setting some ground rules and telling him that it cant be in the house or anywhere around you.  Hopefully he will respect your wishes and your determination to stay off this.  Are you getting any type of aftercare?            sara

[carrieoffcocainenow]

It was really hard and I am so proud of myself but I dont know if I can be as strong as I was last night even though today I feel really good and I feel a I've achieved a great accomplishment. The monster almost got me last night! Its like theres an angel on one shoulder and the devil is on the other one and I'm afraid the devils gonna win. I believe that, no i know can can beat this if I was not exposed to it but I live with an addict whose just not ready to quit. I know leaving him is a great way to be sure I stay strong but the thing is he'd be almost perfect if he didn't want cocaine. Hes so good to me in every other way, hes a loving husband, an excellent provider, and a good father, he just has a drug problem. How do you abandon someone you love more than almost anything?  How do you say good bye to the person you've vowed to love and cherish in sickness and in health till death do you part!  I meant them words when i said them in front of god and everybody. But how do I stay if I know I'm gonna suffer this awful illness that plauges us? I just don't know. I'm gonna keep on him and I pray I can make him realize how serious our situation is cause the bottom line is I can't go on like this. I can't keep abusing my body the way I have for the past couple years and we are going to fall apart! Maybe not today, maybe not tomarrow, but it will happen if he keeps living this way!  Please help me to stay strong xoxoxoxo to all of you and god bless

[carrieoffcocainenow]

no after care other than taking really good care of myself. Like eating right, exercising, taking vitimins and so on. I really dont get the urge unless I know I have access to it. After that, its like a monster inside of me.

[desperatetostop]

oh Carrie...I do wish the best for you and your marriage. Mine ended because I decided i did not want to live in that hell of using all the time...he hadn't come to that conclusion (still hasn't and its been 10 years)...unfortunately for my own health and sanity...i had to let go of my marriage.

Today I am an extremely happy person (other than getting off the vics) and the man i'm with is awesome. He does not use drugs...pot every blue moon...if he has pain and has to take Vics he doesn't use them for long..(and last night I told him if he had to get vic for his arm to please just not let me know where they are...or that he even has them. he agreed).

anyway...I'm sorry to hear that your husband, as great as he is, is not yet ready to let go of his addiction...he has to come to that on his own, just like you did.

I do sincerely wish you both the best. i'm here if you ever need to chat...

~Amber

[dominosarah]

You are in a tough situation right now.  These are all questions you will have to answer for yourself.  I think relationships are like our addictions when it comes to hitting our bottom.  When you have had enough you will do something about it.  Hopefully your husband will find his way out soon.  Until then it is going to be very hard for you and you are going to have to fight like he!! to keep your head above water.  That is why i mentioned aftercare.....Surround yourself with people who are supportive and are clean.  Protect your sobriety with everything you have........keep posting here too!!  You are doing great!!           sara

[carrieoffcocainenow]

girl reading your post brought tears to my eyes, sorry your marriage ended but it sounds like it was for the best. congrats on that. alittle pot every now and then aint such a bad thing. atleast you dont get all goofy on it, well maybe alittle goofy but in a good way. I know he has to be ready all by himself I just hope he is before its too late. thanks for your support!

[carrieoffcocainenow]

just put my son on the school bus, i was gonna go for a walk but its kinda chilly so i think im gonna grab a quick workout, take a shower, and take sherry5035s advice to go do something really nice for me, I feel like ive earned some pampering. And since theres no school tomorrow, think ill even take my kids out for dinner and a movie or something. NO HOUSE WORK TODAY! no cookin, no laundry, no dishes, nothing!

[gizzy32]

Way to go on saying NO, that takes strength. Congrats on a week clean now. I agree with domino, your in a very tough situation now and it's making it so much harder on you with your man having it there. Staying clean with coke around is next to impossible and i don't mean to sound negative, but it's a fact. This fight is hard enought at first without the added triggers to stay clean. Hang in there and glad your positive and feeling good right now. Keep your guard up and get that blow out of the house. Stay strong, your doing great so far:)

[freebird227]

When I got out of detox all my friends came by to see me and were very supportive of my getting clean....clean to them ment no cocain.
My husband was a walking drug store to me. No matter how much I loved him I loved the dope more. He didn't use the way I did so he didn't see it as a problem that he continued to sell dope.
I would start craving days before the dope arrived and I even prided myself at having the ability of delivering ounces of cocain to various people. The rush of not using was almost as good as using.This lasted for a while 30 days first time 60 days the second time 90 days the third time and that time I was in full blown addiction, but by the GRACE of God I made it back and went to 12 step recovery meetings and took the suggestions and started to work the steps got a sponsor

My experience is If You Are Around It On A Reuglar Basis....You Will Use.
   I hope your husband finds recovery with you ...it would sure make life easier...but even then you are HIGH risk of using again....SORRY jest the sats.I hope your story has a happy ending.....be blessed

[carrieoffcocainenow]

sounds alot like my situation. He dosen't do as much as I was either and he has no idea howw much of his stuff I was doing without him, let me just say, there were some times when I really thought I my heart was gonna explode! I haven't been that bad for quite a while now but still I want it completly out of my life for good! weather I can do that or not, well time will tell. For now I just have to take it one day at a time, and focus on myself and my kids and what we need.