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Avatar universal

okay, im addicted.

To my addict. i told him the moment that he put a needle in his arm i would leave him.

i lve him too much to kick him out and let him die in the streets, but now i dont know what  to do what to say if he is lying to me if he isnt. im scared. I  came home early yesterday, he was passed out in bed with a shoelace wrapped around his arm and needles next to him. what do i do? i feel like i need to get out of it but i cant. i dont wanna lose him. But i dont wanna do this anymore. wow. im stuck
19 Responses
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Avatar universal
thanks cathy, he left. im okay ill keep you guys posted :)
Helpful - 0
340590 tn?1290952141
good for you...i promise its the best shot he has...
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
So, i have been packing and cleaning for a few days, kiddo and i are moving in with his mom, he is headed to rehab, tommorrow morning. i stuck to my guns :)
hope it works
Helpful - 0
677105 tn?1226274313
I also have been in your shoes and you gave him an ultimatum and must stick to it.  If he can work you around it he will.  My favorite saying is: You can tell if an addict is lying if his lips are moving"  I know I was the best at it when I was using..
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Why do you sound guilty about leaving him in rehab?  Honey you cant think along the lines of *ifs*, for now your priorities are you and your son, dont consider him.  His cares will be met in rehab, but you are responsible for yours and your sons.  Now is the time to be strong and NOW is the time you need the support of family, friends and the people here.  Keep posting please and feel free to msg me anytime.

PS Im pleased hes going to rehab and for all your sakes Im crossing my fingers for you and hoping it works.

All the best
Carey
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
He is leaving thursday. me and his mom are taking him to a rehab center and leaving him there. I love him, and he asked me to do it. so i am, he will leave his son and i behind and only be back in our lives if he truly gets clean. i made my descision i am sticking to it. i feel so heartless, but i have to be that way. hope for the best, expect the worst. thank you guys for your advice and help. i cant enable him anymore. :)
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Moving is a waste of time. Our daughter came back to our small town after living an hour away for 2 yrs then  2 months in jail (stealing, not her heroin addiction) and within a week, she found her drug RIGHT HERE !.  We told her to leave.  So far, she must really want to be clean, as she got a p/t job,  got into outpatient rehab, stays with a friend nearby, socializes with us, and keeps herself groomed.  If we didn't have her leave, she'd probably still be using.  SO..... do what you say.  It's the only way the addict will see your are serious and they got to get their act together.  Otherwise, sorry to say this but,  you are part of the problem.   The tough love works.   Be strong !!
Helpful - 0
401095 tn?1351391770
I am also glad that my addiction touched few in my life  directly that is....when someone is using..those who love them will feel the distance tho
Helpful - 0
498385 tn?1362449404
j34
Is it HIM? anymore or just the former shell of what he once was? Drugs take away our  human decency. our will to live . Do you deserve this?? i think not. I was one of those and I tell you I am so happy for the people that got away from me in my active addiction and feel sorry for the ones that stayed around.
Helpful - 0
401095 tn?1351391770
u cant run away from urself..cos u take urself wherever u go..and he will take himself to wherever u take him...and he will still be "him"   only somewhere else

he will quit when he is sick and tired..not when u r sick and tired...addiction is a selfish and very lonely disease..

When and if he is ready..being there is all u can do,,,sometimes u have to look out for urself as getting ur own person sucked away is a double whammy...fortunartely i am alone so i did not directly hurt anyone..but indirectly i did...but i hurt "me" more than anyone

I agree with devilsdoor..sometimes people do not know what they have until it is gone...there r some issues u could be woking on for urself right now as well...u love him but how many people would accept this type of relationship?   seems as tho we follow a pattern in life til we work on our own self...i always seem to end up in the same situation over and over like a repeat video ..somtimes a time out is in order for me...keep posting
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Sweetie, dont make excuses to stay with this guy, Ive been there myself, made every excuse going, makes you as bad as the person using, coz you end up lying and deceiving people as well.  If you still love this guy now, give it time and you will hate him, hate him for what he is, what he will become, what he has done, what he might do, you will feel guilty, go into denial, blame yourself, any substance abusers are damn good manipulators and emotional blackmail is free in its forthcoming.  Dont go through what I went through, being sat downstairs, him passed out upstairs and wondering is he dead, if hes dead how long should I wait til I call the police, if he isnt Oh god I wish he was, sighing with relief when u hear them move, but feeling sick coz you know you have to go through exactly the same feelings, time after time after time.  Every time they go out the door, the fear and panic of not knowing if they will come home, if they do, what state will they be in, will it be the police or someone else knocking on the door saying they've found them dead in the street somewhere.  I couldnt understand how a drug could control someone and have them so in its power that nothing else mattered, I didnt, the kids didnt, nothing did, other than that next fix.
Walk away for now, my mum told me, if something is meant to be, it will be, so even if you walk away now if this relationship is meant to happen, it will happen in the future and hopefully this guy will be on the road to recovery and being clean.
Feel free to message me anytime.

All the best and take care

DD
Helpful - 0
519661 tn?1264516208
i am so sorry that you are going through this....i agree with the above posts, completely and totally!!  please listen to their wisdom!!  i did want to add one thing, however....you said you were going to move to get away from the drugs.  sweetie, he is an addict, no matter where you go, he will find a way to get them.  you know the old saying, "you can't run away from problems"?!?  it is a true and honest saying.  i wish you the best of luck and my best wishes go your way!!!  xxxxxxxxx
Helpful - 0
340590 tn?1290952141
i can tell you like it ie cuz i have been on both sides.  i am an addict in recovery and i have a daughter that has been addicted ti everything i think.  she was an iv user as well.  she is 110+ DAYS clean now.  she also has a 2 year old whos dad has seen him may 5 times and wont see him again till he cleans up his life.  my grandbaby dont need an active addict for a father.  as long as he is in your life your son sees that life and thinks it is okay...not to mention the fact he could be in danger.  i am here if you need to talk.  feel free to contact me
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
by the way thak you i do need hard truth like it or not advice. im glad someone is telling me how it is.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
you are totally right. i am enablig him. i guess as much as ive told him id leave him, i never did. its probably time for me to let go, its so dam hard. what about his son? our baby is four months old in 3 days. do i kick his father out to better our lives. its so hard
Helpful - 0
340590 tn?1290952141
i will tell you from experience you cant run from it.  if you move within 1 month he will be able to get anything thing he wants where ever he is hun....thats an addict.  and you can not change him.  i can see you are gonna stay with him...you are co-dependant on him and you are enabling him to be what he is.   you need to be prepared to live a life of hell, thats where you are heading....i sure hope things turn out differently for you, but as an addict i see where you are headed.  good luck
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
i know, but i cant let him go, it scares me. thank you for talking to me, i cant get the image outta my mind. i thought we were okay, as soon as the subs were gone, he started shooting. He said he didnt want me to smell it on him. I can smell it when he snorts it. im so afraid to leave him, or in our case kick him out, because i think he will die out there.He wants to quit he said he went and told his mom yesterday, but i dont believe him. i cant believe anything he says. We gotta move now. different state, try and get him away from it. i guess we are running away.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Tough decision Ky ----  But there comes a time (or will soon) where you will have to make a decision -- to enable him or become so co-dependent that you will put up with anything just to have him -- -all in the name of love.  Hope you will seriously consider something called "tough love".  It is not him "dying in the streets" that is the primary consideration here but YOU assisting him by enabling and even dying with him. Perhaps yours will not be a physical death, but surely a death none the less.  Hope you can get him into a rehab or find a place to get both of you some help.  You may not be as 'stuck' as you think -- begin  to gather information - go to Al-anon -- get some counseling - talk to the ones who supply him -- (wow, wouldn't that be good?) -- You may have more options than just resigning yourself to a life of this torture.   Please keep posting - All the best.
Helpful - 0
340590 tn?1290952141
sorry to say, but there is nothing you can do for him.  you can help youself though.  you need to get out now.  you have to let him reach his rock bottom...thats doffernet for everyone.  he has to see you are serious, you said if he put a needle in his veins you would be gone...so you have to.  but, i will warn you the he will no doubt chose his drugs over you..that is the nature of this beast.  he has to want recovery as a first step.  you can not want it for him....if that was possible, none of us would be addicts.  sorry, i know that is not what you want to hear..but thats the bottom line.  i wish you luck, if you need to talk i am here.
Helpful - 0
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