Member Comments are provided by individuals and reflect their personal opinions only. Under NO circumstances should you act on any advice or opinion posted in this forum. ALWAYS check with your personal physician before taking any action regarding your health! MedHelp International and our partners, sponsors and affiliates have no obligation to monitor any comments posted on this site, or the content and/or accuracy of such exchanges. MedHelp International does not endorse the views of any user.
open forum
by skipper, Oct 17, 2002 12:00AM
hey everyone:
i've finally got both hands back (in use)!!! i can actually post with out dictating to my wife, irish rose. i feel pretty good for a change. the past couple of weeks i've
had 2 "minor" surgerys. i've really felt like ****! but today i feel pretty good for a change. the topic is open to talk or vent about whatever!
keep an angel on your shoulder
kip
i've finally got both hands back (in use)!!! i can actually post with out dictating to my wife, irish rose. i feel pretty good for a change. the past couple of weeks i've
had 2 "minor" surgerys. i've really felt like ****! but today i feel pretty good for a change. the topic is open to talk or vent about whatever!
keep an angel on your shoulder
kip
Related discussions
-
another day (116 replies):mornin fellow junkies. todays another day. some of us ar...[more]
-
why do we use drugs ,when we don't need them. (136 replies):this question is a real tough question, for addicts. im...[more]
-
how long will the withdrawal last from hydrocodone? (165 replies):I am on day 9 of my detox from hydrocodone 10/650, about...[more]
-
How long does hydrocodone stay in the system? (128 replies):I have been off painkillers for about 2 weeks and still ...[more]
-
Hydrocodone Withdrawal (169 replies):I have been taking hydrocodone for about 2 1/2 years at ...[more]
-
Does a recovering addict become prone to a faster declin... (111 replies):As many of you know, I have suffered a shattered ankle &...[more]
-
How to withdraw from long-term hydrocodone use (140 replies):I've been taking hydrocodone for the past five years, an...[more]
-
Withdrawl from Oxycotin (110 replies):I have been on a different pain killer for the past 7 mo...[more]
-
Withdrawal and Depression (169 replies):I finally got to post!! I have been experiencing severe ...[more]
-
How to tell when you have a problem - Darvocet (121 replies):I would like some information please. I have been taking...[more]
Post Comment
Related Communities
Recent Videos
Related Expert Forums
Recent Activity
Most Popular Trackers
RSS
Expert Activity
Community Members
Most Viewed Health Pages
love,
WW
recently had the oppertunity to show your website to the president
of the expiermental high school i went to. when he saw your picture
he about fell off his chair. he though i had located sonia h. who
has droped out of site since 1968. i then showed him the poem i
wrote and he just laughed and told me i was one those students he
had that did my best to undo any good he could do for me. how nice
to be able to make "amends" for transgressions in 1968. thanx for
the energy. i need all the help i can get. (you knew that already
though) rose sends her love to you also!
and keep an angel on your shoulder
kip
pixi
pixi
Billy
I'd like to but it's still hangin in around 65 here????
My many years here tell me, it's just the calm before the storm....so i'll send some asap...
What's shakin at your end today?
If you didn't get that just ignore,but I think you did get it.
send some cool air my way please.
boom boom
No meds - no CNS depression - plus rebound effect.
It's not like this everyday though. Sometimes I'll think about them for hours on countless hours. I think about them so long the taste and the smell will flood my mind driving me into a frenzy. I'll run around the house checking everywhere, even though I know theres nothing there. I'll look anyway. Then at the end of my search, when I'm tired and crying, I'll lay on the floor and sob. Sometimes I'll just stay there and cry myself to sleep. Others I'll usually get up and walk around the block to get back my senses. Then I can write a post. :)
I look back on the last two weeks, (14 days!), as the turning point in my life. "It was the best of times, it was the worst of times" but it was time well spent!
Pixi, billybassbionicbillbmac(soforthandsoon),hippy, chezz, percs, WW, cincee, sean, and all! Love you guys!
(Not being sexist!)
Stay cool!!!
Festertool
Does anybody know why we inconsistently get posts from people with pretty different names like
Smokethisvette
Wardman
drdr
cleanyankee
joejoejoe
Mojoalabama
There are a host of other names.
And they come in, with adsurd stories/posts. Start **** and then leave again, never to return.
Their writing styles are also very much the same.
Just a coincidence or does somebody want to let us in on it?
Chezz
It's good to see you posting again! How are you doing?
Fester...*great* to hear you are feeling so much better and so much more empowered. That's the key, when we recognize that we don't have to take things personally and we hold the key to our own happiness in our hands (and in the decisions we make). Goddess, somebody say these words back to me sometime soon, ok? lol They are easy to say but not always easy to do!
love,
WW
I know that not all of the names are fictious.
Although, to think that somebody is not in here having "fun" is absurd.
I think we can agree on that.
The reason I posted is because there are enough issues that people are dealing with. To spend time and resourses on these fictious posts take time away from helping the REAL people that need it.
I feel bad for those people that don't get responses to their posts and are sitting back unsure of how to deal with their issues, scared, hurt, ect. Then to not get the support because of these "fun" posts is not fair.
It is happening. I just wish these people would understand that their are other places to do this.
Chezz
if you don't mind me asking, how old are you? I thought you were closer to my age......(23)
Its kind of funny how when your in the middle of using you think nothing of it, its the retrospect that gets you. I live 5 minutes outside Boston and I could go in town to get my fix. Once it got big around here it got better because I could stay in the suburbs and pick up...... I would travel up to 35 minutes to pick up. Looking back it makes me want to cry, It feels like an awful nightmare. I'm shaping up, I used methadone last tue.,wed.,thur. and have been clean since then.....so........... 7 days. This time has been completely different, I don't want to use, I never think about it and I don't stress out about it, I just like being sober. I think after so many trials and tribulations you start to get over it......
I agree with you though, alot of newcomers here lately, way too much chitchat going on thats not related to addiction issues and people are not reaching out for help like they used to. I dont know what to make of it?!? Chitowngirl
I feel for you. I couldn't imagine being on drugs and getting them from the street. Like I said before when I was taking percocet. I probably wouldn't have stopped if I had access like that.
You can do it. You just have to rearrange your life and your friends. Spending your time and life chasing drugs is tiresome. Yet you are always able to do it.
So if you can change your life around and spend that extra time and energy doing things that are proactive to staying clean, you will do just that, stay clean.
I know it is hard. But it can be done, if YOU WANT to.
Chezz
I KNEW when I was typing her name that I should leave it off the list. I do remember her posts and just went back and read her last one. It was having to do with how she got her name and that she wants to buy a vette' when she finishes nursing school.
Chezz
Brian..
PS: Nice to see everyone is feeling good :)
I don't understand how someone would want to turn this into something that is "fun" for them.
This is a great place, that can produce GREAT things. It should be looked at it that way.
Not everybody can agree on what "should" be posted and what shouldn't. But if we can all keep the same thought in mind that this should be a place for healing, support, knowledge, and help, I feel it can stay that way.
One thing that has been emailed to me a few times is that this is a place for ADDICTS. And that drugs make you do somethings without thinking. That some people are just using, don't care, and just want to spend their time messing around.
That is hard for me to understand. It is just not something I have ever been involved in. I have gained a better prespective on what it must be like for some people. Buying off the streets and just living that life. I have never been there so it is hard for me to understand what it must be like.
One of the main things I have been thinking about lately is how hard it must be for people that have been using for so long. I can't even fathom what it must be like to be on meds for a couple years, or for some, most of their life. For those people it is a way of life. There are alot more struggles and things that they must change in their life if they plan to stay clean. That has got to be very hard. But they are doing it. It can be done.
It is just amazing the struggles that I have seen here. I wish the best for everyone. I hope that everyone can learn from other people and realize NOW is the time to get their life in order. Their is so much to living clean that is worth it.
This is to everyone reading this.....
YOU are WORTH it.
Chezz
What is your usage and your past history with pain medication?
There is no way in H#@$ I would ever recommend methadone due to what I have read here.
There are so many more ways to get clean.
One year on methadone. To me that is another year lost.
Then to deal with the withdrawals of that.....Where will you be in a year...still on methadone.
This is just my feelings and thoughts. Why would you go to something stronger to get off of what you are on now?
Deal with the week of w/ds. It isn't that bad.
Chezz
Chezz, I hate taxes, man when I see the money I have made in 1 year and have nothing to show for it, thats the worst feeling ever.
You aren't 5 years old.
I read your original post.
If you want help, ask for it. But don't play dumb and say "this is what they told me, so I did it"
Cut the BS. You know what I am talking about.
If YOU want to get BETTER. YOU will do what is RIGHT for YOU.
Not what someone told you to do.
Chezz
PS if you think for a minute that I believe that ANYONE at a hospital or anywhere else even MENTION f#@$%# blood pressure and drug use you are out of your mind
Then what are they going to do when you detox off the methadone?
The same exact thing that they would do detoxing you off meds.
God Bless
-Jane
STOP taking the meds now.
You won't die. You will feel like **** for a week and wish you would die.
You will be back on the road and fine in a week. Start exercising and then move-on with your life.
This **** about needing to call all of these people and getting help is BS.
There are 1000's of people around the world who stop taking opiates everyday and just DEAL with it.
I have done it, so have a 1000 other people. If you want to get clean, so will you.
You don't need MORE meds. You don't need the "recipe".
You just stop taking them. That is it.
Deal with the withdrawals and it will remind you of why you shouldn't take them unless you really NEED them for pain.
Chezz
I don't like how they make me feel. I don't like taking them because I have to for pain. I don't like the "haze".
So I stopped taking them.
I felt like ****. The pain came back on. But I was determined to at least not have to take them for a week and deal with the pain.
So I did. I stopped taking them. Then I felt better, the haze went away. The days seemed brighter. I FELT better. But the pain came back and I had to lose all of that, because I had to.
I called the doc in the mist of the w.d. You know what he told me.
"You are going to feel like ****, you aren't going to die, you might feel like it but you won't"
If you want to get better. DO IT. Don't talk about wishing you would.
Don't lay in bed for a week and WORRY about the withdrawals. Go take a walk. Eat. Get yourself better. It can be done.
BECAUSE I HAVE DONE IT.
Chezz
You have to DRAG your ass out of the house when you are in w.d to go get more meds. You can do that.
You feel alot better when finally do it too. When you get dressed, you get out of the house, when you get something to eat. You feel better.
You don't got to the doctors office looking like you are about to DIE from withdrawals. You don't tell him how you REALLY feel.
All that **** takes alot of work. So instead of using all of that energy when you don't have it from the withdrawals.
Use it to go take a walk. Use it to thank yourself for not taking more meds and making you feel worse.
If that website is indeed yours. Than you obviously aren't dumb. Use that energy.
Chezz
These are my personal thoughts.
THESE ARE NOT DIRECTED TO ANYBODY. They are thoughts on paper.
Read them if you wish. Take them for what they are....thoughts.
This TALK about tapering.
This TALK about not wishing you HAD to take meds.
This TALK about how you just CAN'T do it.
This DOING of calling the doctor.
This DOING of faking it when you are there.
This DOING of getting more meds.
Alot of people seem to think they CAN'T do much. But when they want more meds they sure DO alot.
Chezz
These are things that go through my head sometimes when I reading some posts.
Withdrawals aren't easy. They shouldn't be. Then EVERYbody would be using and stopping and using and stopping and having a big ******* party doing it.
If you want to get better DO IT. If you feel like ****. DO things that don't make you feel like it.
Don't TALK about what you CAN"T do.
Don't TALK about how you WISH you were clean.
Don't TALK about how you aren't ABLE to stop thinking about em'
DO IT.
Take a walk when you feel like ****. Eat something when you are hungry.
This isn't rocket science.
Chezz
You know the only thing that is on my MIND right now.
Getting BETTER, getting HEALTHY.
I have to get surgery. I don't want to. I have to.
It scares the hell out of me to think I have to get my back operated on.
I wonder if I will be normal afterwards. I wonder if I am going to still have the pain. I wonder if I am going to be able to do all the ******* things in life I used to be able to do.
I wonder if I am going to MAKE it through the surgery. There is a possibility for DEATH anytime you get surgery.
Withdrawals from meds are a joke. They last a week or two and you are back on the road.
Try thinking about those people out there with CANCER. That HAVE to take these meds just to function.
Think about those people out there that are disabled. That really CAN'T do somethings.
THINK ABOUT EVERYONE ELSE BESIDES YOURSELF.
Your life is GREAT compared to some.
Be THANKFUL you don't NEED to take these meds.
Be THANKFUL you can stop taking them.
SOME CANT, BUT WISH TO GOD THEY COULD. JUST TO BE NORMAL FOR ONE DAY.
Chezz
P.S. My surgery is in now way compared to any of these people. Nor do I think some of the things that I wrote. It is reality though. I will get through this. It isn't that big of a deal. I just wanted to write the OTHER side of all of this.
I am going to take a WALK. Because I still CAN.
There are so many people out there that CAN'T do these things. I am doing this for them.
THEY are the ones we should be talking about.
NOT OURSELVES.
How WE are depressed cause of the meds. How WE feel like **** for taking them. How WE wish we would stop taking them. How WE can't eat. How WE can't sleep. How WE don't feel good. How WE are having a pity party.
We do these things to ourself and then blame everyone else.
YOU did it.
YOU lied to your family.
YOU lied to your doctor.
YOU lied to the pharmacist.
YOU kept taking the pills.
YOU did it.
STOP doing it.
STOP lying to your family.
STOP lying to your doctor.
STOP lying to your pharmacist.
STOP taking the pills.
DO IT FOR YOU.
Get up, do something. Be happy. Be thankful.
Chezz
Off to hobble around the neighborhood.
To be THANKFUL for the beautiful day, and that I can SEE it.
To be THANKFUL for still having my health.
To be THANKFUL for being me.
pixi
First off. Talk to your doctor. Don't take any advice without seeking his attention!
I am a little confused on how you are getting sick and puking from the oxycontin just now AFTER 2 years of taking it?
Can you explain how you are taking it?
Just as confusing is how you took 50mg. today.
If you tapered from 80mg. to 40mg. you are getting the pills in 40mg. form.
So you have to be taking them not as prescribed to be getting 50mg. out of it.
My 1st suggestion would be to take them whole. Don't chew, bite, snort, ect.
You wouldn't be puking it up. You also shouldn't be going into withdrawals for at least 12-24 hours after puking it up. You body pukes it up because it is getting too much oxy. at one time from not taking it right. So, you would still have the medicine in your body. Which means it wouldn't be going into withdrawal.
Furthermore, if you don't want to take the medicine anymore and are still in pain. Taper down, and talk to your doctor about switching meds. to something non-narcotic. If he won't help, then see a new physician. If your doctor doesn't know of anything for you and wants you to continue taking oxycontin...
thats a waste. We both know your doctor is aware of oxycontin. The DEA is all over this.
So he will be MORE than happy to switch you to anything non-narcotic, all day long.
Furthermore, you know more about these meds than you are leading on.
You know they are opiates. You know they are addictive. You know they will send you into withdrawal without taking them.
And here is your post from below.
My doc is good in that he does about whatever I ask but he didn't give me a taper schedlude or even tell me that oxyies were addictive,,,hehe..joke on me
Your doc is good, so TELL him what is going on and seek his advice. He didn't give you a taper schedule, yet you know you need one. SO ASK HIM FOR ONE.
I am glad you think it is funny too.
Lastly, I don't know 1 person in pain that calls their medicine "OXYIES" That is a street name I presume. ;)
And you are JUST NOW starting to puke it up after 2 years of taking it?
Buy you already know all of this.
Please don't try and pull some **** out of you ass and think that I am going to go for it.
Disabled people do not refer to other people as AB'S.
Adding the being disabled part was real cute after what I just posted.
Kansas was a good one too. Do they all talk like that?
It is a waste of my time.
See you all later.
You have my email if you would like my help.
Chezz
Sorry but I can't deal with ignorance and people trying to "use" this place for their "fun" time.
There is no way to control the yahoo's.
You've given a lot and many are thankful for that, I know. I hope you've gotten a lot back as well.
This board will always have its share of ups and downs, at least it has in the almost two years I've been reading it. But for me, the solid, caring core was and is a lifesaver, so I choose to keep coming back.
People were patient with me when I first came here, carefully holding my hand while I figured out that I was an addict and learned what I needed to do. It took me two months of hanging out here before I really was ready to make the commitement to get clean. Once I did, I did. I went cold turkey two months after back surgery, while still in a lot of pain. Ask Skip and Thomas what my ramblings were like back then...lol I"m a very different person now, and very grateful to both them and the others who held my hand back into wholeness back then.
I don't think I ever came off as a yahoo, but I do know that I wasn't ready to get clean when I first found this place. I didn't want to give it up. But given the space and having no one judge my choice helped me make the choice to claim my life back. Right after I got through it, for a few months I was a bit zealous about recovery, then I backed off a bit and remembered that I needed to let people come to it on their own, and love then *no matter what*. This is where I found my soul again, and I find that if I stay patient and take breaks when I need to, the spirit of this place is always here.
I hope you are just a bit burned out, and you rejoin us, as I really value your posts and your opinion. We all need a break from time time. JB from here taught me that. I miss him....has anyone heard how he is?
love,
WW
i am a real person. i am 32 and live in georgia. i am happily married with a good job and an even better husband. i started using hydrocodone for legitimate reasons about 2-1/2 years ago, but have ended up abusing. this site was really helping me. i'm on day 5 and have been miserable. i kept at least reading posts, because it helped me and i knew i was not alone. but reading all this above up here just really makes me more depressed. i am a smart person who happens to have a problem. i wonder if i was someone who chezz assumed was faking. i meant it when i said i loved all of you. and i meant it when i said you had all inspired me. i really did. but gosh, this hurts my heart. and i'm already miserable as it is. YES, i agree chezz, i will get over this, yes, i can do it, yes, yes yes to everything you said about it being our fault and how we need to step up to the plate. i agree with all you said about that. but a little compassion from somebody else helps, you know? and i thought that's what i found here. i hope i can help somebody one day. maybe i'm wrong, i don't know. i still love all of you and i am being honest.
No matter what, the spirit of compassion will always remain here. Never doubt that, even when some of us may be expressing frustration and despair. That's why there are so many of us, to cover each other when we are down.
MAJOR congratulations on being at day 32. That must mean you feel just about normal again, or at least I hope that is how you are feeling physically.
I too got addicted after finding hydro from chronic pain. I fell into the same slope as we all did. We are all the same , just at different phases. There will always be support here, and you have my support and love as well.
love,
WW
I apologize for my posts today.
I am extremely frustrated due to this situation. I feel some people are using this site for FUN.
I don't know who they are. I don't care.
I was here to help. I was here to give. I was here because I cared.
I feel that I can not provide that due to some 5 year old having what they consider fun here.
I do not like the feeling of not knowing who is sincere and who is not.
To everyone that is out there reading this and wondering if it is YOU. It is not. Because YOU even had to ask yourself that.
I CARE for each and everyone of you. I hope that you can get the help that you need. I wish I could be there to help you.
Right now I don't feel I can do that for everyone.
The people that need help tell their story. Are sincere. Want help. They are honest.
Lying here will not do anything for you.
I will post again. I will be here.
I will not leave due to some idiot.
But for now, I just need to read and stay objective.
I am sorry,
Chezz
This hurts more than you know.
I am sorry to ANYONE out there that thinks it was due to one of their posts. It isn't. It is due to that one person out there that knows.
I have read every single post you have written. I feel for you.
You are doing GREAT. You are on day 5, getting ready for the rest of your life.
I know it hard at this point. Especially emotional. I am here with you. I know how it feels. Just try and take it an hour at a time.
Tomorrow will be better. Today was better than yesterday.
I am here with you,
Chezz
thank you, though. and i know chezz is just wise to more things than i am. and i can understand he was frustrated. he was a blessing, still is -- it's just a let-down, you know? i guess it just hurt my heart. everybody here helps me, maybe one day i'll be able to help somebody else. i'm not going to give up, and i'll keep on reading and posting. i want to be free from addiction, and this forum right here that i found is helping me do it.
love and peace to everybody....newcomers like me, old-timers with experience, liars, straight out junkies, sometimes users, everybody...we're all in this together, really. LOVE - SARA
If we put as much energy into recovery as we do into using, we have a much high chance of success.
love,
WW
i had a root canal done this afternoon, had presentations at work this morning....the whole reason to use thing. it was a rough day, a perfect day to keep those pills in me! but i got through it without ANY pills. i was dreading today, but i didn't use anything and didn't ask the doc for a thing. now i'm home, safe and sound talking to you fine people. it was a rough day, it's so hard, but you are right chezz....yesterday was worse, and tomorrow will be better! that's my "keeper" for the next few hours...tomorrow will be better! :-)
I am sensitive. I don't like to be taken advantage of, especially when it involves my feelings and heart.
If you are a true person seeking help.
Please do not listen to my arrogant, a$$hole self. I am one person. I do not have all the knowledge and answers. I also do not assume I know who is "real" and who isn't.
I am not the judge, jury, and executioner.
It is MY issue. My problem.
I am the one who needs to stop posting.
Please continue to post and seek the help you need.
Chezz
To whom is posting fictitiously. Please know that you are causing alot of hurt and frustration. You are also hurting all of the other people out there that truly use this forum for help, support and knowledge.
These are people's lives. Please understand and respect that. They are here to seek help, they need support.
You don't. So please do not take that away from the people that don't.
If you were to do that, you'd be as weak as the people you point your finger at and say "you CAN do it" and "STOP lying to your doctor/family/druggist." You're not that weak. You're just pissed and talk like a person who has been pushed too far. You're bigger than that.
So, vent all you like, and then get back to helping all the people who find you inspiring.
My two cents.
francois
To EVERYONE else. I am sorry what has happened today. I have done nothing except been the problem, succombed to the negativity.
I have done nothing except give in to this person(s). I am weak as well obviously.
I just need to take some time and deal with these issues myself.
It is very frustrating when you put your heart and soul into something, then have somebody who wants to have some "fun" with it.
They obviously got what they wanted. Now hopefully they will move on.
If not, oh well. This place will still be here. You all will still get the help and support you need. There are alot of wonderful and great people here.
Remember that EVERYONE of you is HELPING just by posting and being here.
I am going to spend some time away from the computer. Maybe just reading a book in my backyard.
I will be back. Right now I just need some time to myself.
Thank you for understanding,
Chezz
I am a mellow easy person to get along with. Rarely do I over react even when I should. Calm communication usually will calm any beast.
I read the threads (all of them) each day and post when I feel the need to support someone or receive support when I feel weak. I would never inflict my anger (usually towards myself) on a group of people I have grown to call my friends. People who have guided me through a traumatic, terrifying experience of WD from taking alot of Hydro.
It hurts me to see you as angry as you have expressed today. If I was included in your Phony-bologna list I would think long and hard before I posted on this site again. I feel that it is unfair for you to single out people because their posts don’t sit well with you. I’m sorry, but it seems like you are really pissed off and you are taking it out publicly in the forum. Like you I read the posts. I have spent about 30 minutes on this thread and honestly I feel like Southernbelle and Sugarbeans…. Depressed from this thread. If this thread was the style of the forum when I started reading I would have moved on to another site for support. You need to be accountable for your anger as well as your wisdom
Someone had to say it the way it is…… I feel like Shi- now.
Goldenbear 20 days clean
Chezz,
I agree with everything you wrote. Except there is no need to
blame youself. You are not at fault. You have a compassionate and forgiving heart and fell into a spiders web.
I never heard anyone from Kansas talk the way that former poster wrote. I never saw anyone start a post with (UM) either!!!!! It goes along with the handle!!!! Now that sounds like someone almost retarded.
I think you got most of the people down who are the one in the same. I also am sick of wasting time reading all this added ****. I normally don't cuss but this imposter **** happened about 2 1/2 years ago when WW, Skip, and a couple of others came around all of a sudden.
I have no doubt of skips sincerity. But I rememeber there were about five posters similar to this **** so I just started doing something more useful with my time. I should be out cutting my lawn today instead of reading all this time consuming non-sense.
You are the one that this imposter person chose because he/she is jealouse you are helping and so many people love and believe in you. He/she is trying to make you leave the forum so as to turn the attention to His/her mindfucking games.
I'm outta here, got better things to do. Good luck to you Chezz, hang in there, I'll be lurking every now and then. I may email you if I can relocate it on the threads. I'd rather communicate with an intellegent selfless person than to read through smoke and mirrors to get a little info. You have helped many, so feel good about that. Even if only one life is saved, it was worth it.
Chatahan
Guess the name of the person behind it all when you e-me!
***@****
I understand how you are feeling, and others too, with this thread....it is a tough one. But addiction is tough. It is tough for all of us...tough on all of us...tough to live with and through.
I have seen a lot go through the threads here in the 2 months I've been here (I know I'm a newbie...38 days clean hydro, 15 years clean alcohol)...and sometimes it gets tough. Reality is. many of us end up in addiction to escape reality...not the good side of it, the harsh side.
To everyone today, I would like to ask that we all take a step back from the raw emotion of this thread and see it for what it is....some of us having an overwhelming need for release of emotion...and letting it go here.
i am non judgemental...I don't presume to say that is right or wrong. What I would ask you, and all here is this:
We all come here seeking strength, help, compassion....I have seen invariably that everyone who comes here seeking those ends up giving them back too.
Chezz has given back a lot and has gotten a lot from our family of addicts here...we are all the same in our addiction, yes different drugs, different stages of recovery or fall...but all the same in the sufferance...I think Chezz needed to let go today...I don't believe he did it to hurt or strike out at anyone any more so than any of us does unintentionally wjhen the weight of our burdens gets a little too heavy for us to carry....I've done the same myself.
I would ask that we all show him a little compassion in his time of need....I judge not the right or wrong of his post....I just ask the spirit of all of us caring for and about each other to rise to the occaison for Chezz tonight and understand that sometimes we all go past where we mean to...and we didn't intend hurt.
in peace,
pon
I have been reading here for a couple months i have posted my story but it was quite some time ago
I am the mother of 6 the oldest 23 and the youngest 1 1/25 are still at home
I got hurt at work when i was 7 1/2 months pregnant started on pain meds right after delivery with the use of the meds i was able to rehab myslef and be able to walk again.
waited til the baby was 8 months old top have the surgery
some days the pain is unbearable but the doc does not want to do any surgery on my lower back
I would like to see if i can motivate myself but it always comes down to the pills the only way i can make it through the day
i had 2 herniated discs removed in Feb 2002 but i have extremem lower back \pain and i have used this as an excuse to take up to 20 pills a day i think that was my max in 24
tried tapering but no luck tried cold turkey made i 2 weeks in April first big fight with hubby and i caved right back u-p to 12 a day
i have managed to put my family in a not so great financial postition because i am paying 5 to6 $$ a pill @ 14 aday do the math not a pretty sight.\
\I am praying i make it through the weekend and do not have to go away and detox in a cold hospital,
Praying for everyone
God Bless
cleo101
I have done an extensive search since I made the clonidine post. It seem that this drug may be nothing short of a mircle drug which has been swept under the rug. It has been around for a long time but it has come once again into the spotlight for the treatment of ADD. It has been proven clinically useful in treatment of ADD, hypertension, anxiety, insomnia, tics, Touretts syndrome, social anziety disorder, withdrawl syndrome and hyperadrenaline burnout. In addition it has been proven to significantly increase levels of growth hormone. There is even strong evidence that it is helpful with pain sydromes of all types. It acts by competing with the binding sites of adrenaline. It basically has a calming effect on the sympathetic nervous system. It is not addicting and does not have the problem of ever increasing tolerance.
I have since tried it and I feel almost normal. I mean that totally stress out feeling is completely gone. I have not taken a norco in 12 hours and I feel good. I would normally be well into withdrawal by now. I have high blood pressure this medication may be ideal for me. One author commented that this is a far superior medication for high blood pressure than the expensive newer drugs. It does not get much press because it is very cheap and has long since been a generic. The only precaution that I could find about clonidine is rebound hypertension. One would have to wean off of it.
I think anyone posting on this site should look into this medication. It seems that it may be useful for many of the physical and mental problems that plague the addict.
Bodymechanic
That and Thomas' famous recipe which I still use everyday.
Great post!!
bmac
I, in no way, am using this site as a "fun" place. I just wanted to ask if anyone here knew of a better pain killer because my doc wants to keep me on the oxyies & I guess I want a miracle. I want a pain reliever that has no side effects. I don't want to be consipated, I don't want wd's when I get sick & am off of them for too long, I don't want to be tired alot. I guess I am just tired of the pills. I'd like it to be like I was before my pain started. I can't accept the way I have to live with pills, I guess. I have had to accept alot in my life & I am just tired of it all.
I am frustrated too, Chezz & I accept U'r apoligee(sp). I didn't take advantage of U or this site. U have helped so many people & U will help many more. I hope U'r life is better after U get U'r back done. I wish that I was more of a verble(sp) person....I mean I wish I could explain myself better. Thanxx,,,Pixi,Sugarbeens,WW,SouthernBelle,Francoise,Goldenbear, & all... U did help,,,thanxx for helping Chezz. To all,,,I hope U endless days of no pain. Latter,,,Joe... PS,,,My IP address will match my IP address. Cuz,,,I am real!! Just tired of the way it is.
do a work up on you.Then they start the doses.As Kid Rock would say 'all my friends down at the methadone clinic'
We are in the top 25 cities for methadone use,So my friend the pain doc said.
I've seen this exact situation go down about three times since I've been here, and I heard about it going down before I ever got here. It does nothing but hurt feelings. I probably shouldn't have taken this personally (I should take my own advice once in a while, eh?) but can we just get back to supporting each other as fellow addicts?
WW
i really want to be off of everything, but the dr say's i should take it eazy, he will talk to me on the phone, after office hrs.
everyone have a good day.
lee.
Your tapering IS going well.You have cut your dose by 1/3.Dont be so hard on yourself.I can honestly say that if the scripts kept coming in,I may never have quit.Keep up the good work.
pixi
i just wanted you to know how much I have enjoyed reading your posts these past few months.I love all things spiritual.You seem to have such a kind heart and great insight.Thanks for the inspiration!
pixi
I have been ashamed, and I have even stopped posting until I had once again went through getting over taking these pills. The only benefit that I can get from this, is that I know without a doubt that I just can not take narcotics for anything. I have heard of people who had problems drinking saying one drink is to much and 1000 is not enough, now I think I can truly understand what that means. I have knock wood been spared the true horrors of the last w/d fun time, but the cravings and mind games are really crazy.
I just hope to dust myself off and start going again.
Thanks for listening,
Rob
i was wondering about you.Well,consider yourself dusted lol I cant tell you the number of times i went back to using because I cant JUST SAY NO! lol nothing to be ashamed of.this is why we are addicts.When we fall off that horse,we get back on and hope like hell we dont fall off again,but if we do,we never give up!good luck to ya and never be embarrassed to admit it and ask for help.Were here for ya.
pixi
No need to be ashamed. It's really a waste of time. You know you are always welcome here. Using or not.
Glad to see you made it back out of that.
You are back here. So that is really what matters. And that you are healthy and hopefully don't need another surgery.(you didn't say)
Glad to hear from you,
Chezz
After wasting a hell of a lot of money I realized I had to
accept the fact that I have to use very strong painkillers
to stop this chronic pain.I know words are cheap but I have been
on drugs since I was 16 years old and I know better now.This was not meant to you Tuss-ex I was just giving my story concerning
Opiates.Kaidian is slow release morphine.Oh well.Hang tuff.
tom
my info: about 4-5 yrs of oxycodone--100-150 mg daily.
baclofen(muscle relaxer) 5yrs-- 150-200mg daily.
havent done the baclofen for over a year. actually, i started oxy to get off baclofen. im a mess, huh?
pixi
Chezz, If I've got you wrong here, please let me know, but since you didn't respond to my question, I am guessing you don't trust I am who I say I am. I do have a tendency to be overly sensitive at times, and if this is just one of those times and I"m misreading you, forgive me. This place has always felt like a safe haven to me, and suddenly it doesn't anymore. I know I was the one comforting others yesterday and telling them to let suspicions roll off their back, but I don't always have the ability to take my own advice.
Tussex, I'm really sorry to hear what happened to you. That really sucks!!! One thing I did learn is that once you are through withdrawals, because of the changes to the receptor sites in the brain, it takes much less time to get physically dependant again than someone who has not been dependant recently.
I would guess that the wds would be much less intense, but you might have some discomfort. I can't speak as a Doctor or an expert, but just as a fellow addict who has done a ton of research on all this stuff. Please keep us posted on how you are doing!
love to everyone,
WW
I am sorry I just dropped off the map like that. I really was very upset with myself.
Chezz - No I am not going to be forced into another surgery. I had to have my sigmoid colon removed (most likely because I took Imodium (immodium) and half a bottle of Tussonex at the same time - don't ask). There are still a few spots that cause problems, but the Doc says it should be ok after about 1.5 years.
That is why I am always preaching about if you are having w/d and using Imodium (immodium) and you can't take it and go and get whatever your drug of choice is -- Please wait for the Imodium (immodium) to start to wear off before you take any of the opiates.
Thanks again everyone...it is a long journey...
Rob
i got bout 5-6 more hrs till the "jonesin" hits me. dam, done this so many times i even know when it starts. ok, see you guys---
tom
Bodymechanic
but you know how the dr's are so busy, they don't ask too many questions, i'm not blameing him, i should have told him. thanks again.
lee.
i have not posted in a while but i was reading the post above from Brian and I just wanted to add the research i have done on methadone to get off pills is just adding trouble that you dont need. the detox of of methadone is from what i heard 5 times worse and you dont need that.
I am currently on day 2 and i have to work tonite and i am dreading it. I am in agony when i am at work to begin with but i am hoping to have 4 days in by the time i scheduled a detox on monday i do not want to have to go in the hospital and do this and be away from my family but i knew the only way that i would even try to put the pills down is if that was my only option my husband will make me go Monday unless i detox myself this weekend i have commited to trying it and i cant even imagine going thru how i feel in a hospital with some strangers.;
i will have an out patient group session starting next week if i can do it.
i have everything in Thomas recipe here except for the tyrosine and i have flexeril which as far as i am concerned does nothing for the muscle spasms .
i have some other things for sleep and hubby is off work til wednes day at the latest for helping with the kids.
I hope i have the courage to do this.
i have been inspired by the courage of a few that have madeit a couple of weeks hopefully i can do this too.
God Bless you all
cleo101
pixi
i too had a perc/vike habit that got up
10 to 20 pils a day, started out for real
pain. then it was just me in the cluches
of a fullblown addiction to pills i had no
control over. i also did not want to go away
to get better, so when i found this fourm
and read about thomas's receipe. i was all ears
and i got right on it and went cold turkey.
anytime i tried to taper it never worked.
so i just wanted to say we care about ya,
and what your going through.
keep posting., look into the receipe. it took all my depression
away when i got clean, and gave me energy.
all previous attemps at getting clean
during the last 2 and a half years . never
worked out because of the depression,
and still hanging around people with pills.
so good luck and keep posting
peace!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Suzie
I just want to say reading what went on, on this thread brought back memories as to why I stopped coming here a few years back.alot of **** happened when there was someone named 'spook' was here,I used to get alot of encouragement from a lot of people back then, ww, thomas, brighty to name just a few.long story cut short, I have many different ailments, severe pvd had 3 angioplastys in both legs, right one needs bypass,also had the disease progress to my heart and had a heart attack, I have other chronic pain issues also, but I won't get into that right now,I have been on pain meds for many years, I'm on oxycontin for the pain, and yes I take more than i'm prescriped alot of times, chezz i was upset when you wrote that messege to 'just get over it' just do it,you'll live through it, basically you were telling that person, put up or shut up,God, if it was as easy as you made it out to be! I have tried many times to stop these pain meds, sometimes by choice, sometimes because I screwed up and had to wait for my next script, well let me tell you something, I can not do it, I truly can not do it! I know I have some serious issues with my stomach, ulcers, chronic pancreaties (sp) and the pain of w/d is too much for me to bear, I know everyone says that if feels like a very bad case of the flu,and if that was all I got I would be able to handle it, but it is much more than that for me, after 11 days of w/d one time,I still could not get out of bed, I could not eat anything, the only thing that I could do was try to suck on popsicles so I wouldn't dehighdrate, I could not even take my regular medications, which brings me to the negative response that you gave that person about his blood pressure,Iam on 4 different pills for my heart, a nitro patch at night, nitro pills when needed, asthma meds, thyroid meds, lipitor, and some other meds,
I believe that person when they said the clinic said it would be dangerous for them because of their blood pressure, if I went to a clinic I can't imagine them not thinking it wouldn't be dangerous for me to go through w/d I know that I shouldn't have taken that post personally, but I did,yes, I take pain meds for legit pain, but I also admit I abuse them also.almost everyone has the same issues with their addictions here, but they also have very different w/d issues.as I said at the begining of this post, I tried to post a few times only to have them deleted, I would love to join this very caring family again, if you all would like to have another addicted needy addict join you..(smile) I truly am a 'real' person who needs someone to talk to from time to time,I only have one handle.forgive me if I rambled on, everyone please have a good day, thanks
Dee
I just like you need to take painkillers.I don't want to take them but find it much more painful when I don't.One thing I have learned this time back on the meds.You have to take them as
prescribed.If you aren't getting enough relief tell your doc and ask him to increase the dose.I plan on doing this next Monday.
I am on a too small of a dose.I am not on oxycontin,it's Kadian for me.Same as MS contin.20 mgs twice a day.I am going to ask
for 30 to 50 mgs twice a day.
Your story sounds so familiar and I hope you can get better.
You sound so down.I wish you luck and if you need to post then just post where you want to.It is hard to get to the question thread to open one so post anywhere.
bmac
Old timer/EVERYONE - I wish you would have not taken those post personally. I even said NOT to. I CLEARLY stated these were my THOUGHTS on some things. Not directed at Brian or anyone else. My thoughts. I said nothing of YOU or ANYBODY else needing to do this. Or what I was even referring to half the time.
Ever person and their situation is different. If you thought for a min. that I would put YOUR situation in the same boat as a 21yr. old, that is not my fault. You have to take responsibility and think for yourself, and do what is right for you.
I am ONE little person on the web. I don't have all the answers.
I have bad days too. But I have seen that I can't post when I do.
I also apologized and explained myself about 10x after those posts. But that still wasn't good enough obviously.
That is taken care of though. I will not be posting as much obviously, I stopped last week. It will be staying that way.
I got to finally speak to Jess on the phone last night for a couple hours. It was really nice to be able to talk and BS with someone from here.
He also got to hear where I am coming from and why I have worked so hard here.
This site took up a LOT OF MY TIME before. Now I will be doing things that are constructive for ME.
I gave, gave gave. Now it is time for me to take care of myself. I have also found a GREAT site where I do not have the responsibilities that I felt here. I did that to myself and "took" over so to speak. Well now I leave it up to YOU and everyone else.
BTW - When I wrote my "good" or "happy" thoughts before, I SAID they were just that too. My thoughts. You all said that they helped you and stuff. And I was happy you could get something from them. I also said, that they were really for me.
Well I wrote my thoughts the otherday. They weren't happy. They were THOUGHTS. If you take them and personalize them, YOU are doing that, not me.
For safety's sake. I will not post anything regarding health anymore, when I do post. Nor anything else that someone may read into.
Chezz
I will still post and be here from time to time. I just will not be posting all day and stuff like used to. Thank you all so much. I have learned so much from each and everyone of you.
Like Jess now knows. I really don't take compliments well, and they just make me feel funny.
And I don't want to see the cynical ones after where people tell me how I just did this all for me, blahbalblhan and that I just want to "hear" how good I am and all that other BS I have seen.
Nothing good comes from it obviously.
But Thank you. I know the people that have gotten from my posts, and it is for you that I have written.
Chezzz
I'm afraid that he will take me off and change me to something else than I won't be able to walk at all again, I just feel because of all the bad stuff being said about my meds will be an excuse to change me to something else,doctors are starting to get paranoid writing them, I believe if he didn't put me on them before all this hype he never would have,I hope things work out for you to, what is your pain from? it'll take me awhile to learn everyone's pain issues..well hope everyone is having at least a decent day painwise, anyone having a great day painwise happy for you! take care all Dee
I feel really low about my not taking the steps i need to take after what you wrote. You are absolutely correct about just DO IT..as nike says. But...I have all the excuses in the world now. They just dont seem very valid after what you said/ reminded me of. So...here i am just a coward and using the drugs for a crutch for who knows how long. I admire you people who have done it and i see how you have come through stronger and better people. I dont even feel as if i have a right to be here compared to so many of you.
Chezz I'm so, oh **** i can't even talk about it i'm so upset.
Take care everyone and keep posting. As Skipper says..Keep that angel on your shoulder!
Suzie
Jess...Jess...Jess...