open fourm, any good books or movies to recomend 4 those suffering

open fourm, but i was looking for ways  for people
to pass the time of getting through the 1st month of
getting of the pills, i know it can be so hard to
pass the time.

hope everyone is having a restful week end

pax!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!hippy / michael

[GOD]

How about "Trainspotting"... Just kidding!

I have to break this thread for a minute, so please be patient~!

Here is a question for all of you "Experienced ones" out in chronic pain land:

I just got a sample of the sublingual version of the buprenorphine hydrochloride (.2 Mg tabs, I think) and having been off tramadol for a good 48 hours, I decided to give it a shot... Well, In my experience with taking 2 tabs at 1:00 p.m. today, it is REMARKABLY like Tramadol Hydrochloride in BOTH pain relief and side effects. The buprenorphine hydrochloride gave quicker relief (About 15 minutes from first placing under my tongue) than Ultram.. The pain subsided and was not just "Masked" like MS Contin tends to do, but really GONE for a good while. It is now almost 6 hours later, and It seems to be working even at this late hour from when I took my first dose. This stuff is GREAT (like the Tramadol) in that I DO NOT feel "Out of it" in any way, and I'm alert, and ready for just about anything. The problem with Tramadol is that within a week of daily use, my body builds up such a tolerance that it isn't even worth taking the 10-15 pills in one pop to get the same pain releif as 2 did at the begining of the week. I NEVER got high from tramadol, just felt "Normal"-- If this buprenorphine can get me the SAME results without me having to take MORE AND MORE, I think I may have just hit the "Jackpot" here.

I'd appreciate it if anyone on this forum could share any good/bad experiences or any positive/Negative input.

Thanks a million guys!
~~~~Jess~~~~

The angel was on MY shoulder today~! Thanks--(you know who you are)

[chrisby]

I am currently takning buprenex, I was on 50mg of meth went down to 25 than swithed. The first week was kinda shaky. I have back problems and it rained the first 2 days which makes my back worse. I am know on day 13 and feel pretty good on 3 mgs a day. My back still hurts more than when I was on the meth but I am feeling more emotions. And my sex drive is back :) I am trying to detox from drugs totaly. I hope its not going to be hell.
Thanks

[puma]

Jesse,


Are you impying you are looking to feel high or just normal?

Chatahan........wildcat

[Thomas02]

first of all, **** your pop-ups. Really abnoxious. I can live with one, but 97 is a bit much.

Movies? Has nothing to do with drugs, but Christopher Guest's Best in Show is a scream.

Thomas

[puma]

Hippee,

I respect most of your comments but this last one was irritating.
You indicated that cross talk at A.A. was controlled by Christians to scourge the addicts.

I think that is a bunch of balongia and an excuse for your real disbelief in a higher power except perhaps, yourself?

I referred to every walk of addicionists to N.A. /A.A. meetings and found you have to sit and listen with no cross conversation. It had nothing to do with religion or belief in God. That's each individuals choice. But you had to add you 2 cents.

I simply implied that on this forum we can give advice, information ect. not neseccarily attached to N.A. or A.A.
philosophy. You take your RAH-RAH patriotism too far I think because you keep referring to your cousin in the military.

So let's goooooo!!!!! Nuke em all; PACKISTAN AND INDIA, WE CAN KILL 2/3rd's the population in one or two blasts. YAH, YAH.

What a bunch of B.S., you normally sound sane but lately one needs to read between your racist lines?. Let's have someone else post a question for a change. Why is it always you? Talk about obbsessive/compulsive to wait for a particular time of day just to be the main man TO POST!!!!!

Chatahan........wildcat

[1st24]

As far as good books, have you read "How to be Good" by Nick Hornby?  He's a really good author, wrote "High Fidelity".  Also a book called "A Fine Balance".  As far as movies, Spiderman just came out on DVD, for pure escapism.  I myself like Samurai classics by Akira Kurosawa.  On another subject, I have a question.  I was taking all these pain meds for a real problem - post-surgical pain, knee replacement.  I only had partial replacemnet, and I was still having real bad pain, almost as though I had a broken leg, because the bones are misaligned.  Anyway, now what do I do about this pain?  I'm on Vioxx, but it doesn't help.  I use ice, but it's not inflamation (inflammation), so as soon as I stop, the pain's right there.  This is the hardest part of wd-ing, because I have real pain!!!  Help!!!  And my husband is getting tired of my complaining, and says I'm stressing him out.

[puma]

You really need to see a pain specialist and he/she will probably give a test or two and some relief. This Hippee Rah-Rah is just too much right now. Hopre this helps, take care and God Bless.

Chatahan......wildcat

[hyjack]

I don't think that Hippee was referring to what you think.

You should reread his post, I think he was talking about a TV show talking about how AA/NA was started.

[GOD]

Hi.. Thanks for answering.

Yes, I am looking to just feel NORMAL. By that, I mean living my life without the constant agony of peripheral neuropathy. In my case it is a severe burning pain to both feet, and can include on any given day: Crushing, arthritic-like pain in the Joints of my feet, a pins and needles dull numbness to the skin, The inability to even have ANYTHING touch my skin on my feet at night (If someone would just "Tickle" the bottoms of either foot, It feels as if a lighter is being held to my skin to the point of burning flesh away)-- Anyhow, that's the jist of it.

I am unwilling to take any true opiate such as OxyCodone, Hydro, Morphine Sulfate UNLESS that is the *FINAL option, and all other routes have been explored. I found Ultram to be the best of the Synthetics so far (until trying the Bupenorphine today)- However, Ultram tolerance grows quickly for me, and I have to alternate taking it by never taking the drug for more than 3 consecutive days, or else it soon becomes worthless as a painkiller, and by then, taking high doses of the drug becomes a neccessity to function. I have worked out a system that allows me decent pain relief 4 out of 7 days by constantly going ON and then OFF tramadol HCl, but it really gets frustrating knowing beforehand whick days you can get some pain control, and which ones you cannot!

All of the literature that I have come across to this point indicates that, unlike Tramadol HCl, Buphenorphine HCl is tolerated for MUCH LONGER at lower doses to the benefit of an individuals pain receptors and general sense of well-being.

*Being the Recovering Alcoholic that I am, I realize my potential for addiction/dependence to nearly any substance. (I have even VOLENTEERED this information to doctors at the pain-clinic that I've been working with TO MY DETRIMENT). For that reason (having an active "Addiction gene" so to speak), I really DO try to avoid getting a bottle of "Happy pills" that may lead me right back down to the dead-end road of drinking that got me here in the first place.

Anyway, Thanks for the input; and if anyone can offer any more First-hand information/experiences regarding Buphenorphine I would really appreciate your time!


Hoping and praying that he may have found an answer,
~~~~Jess~~~~

[lisabet]

For all you chicks out there, I recommend "Ya-Ya" Sisterhood just released for rental. Or check out your local library and get the two books the movie is based on: Little Altars (read this one first) and Ya-Ya Sisterhood; both by Rebecca Wells. Then rent the movie.  Great books - good movie.  Everyone have a good week, Lisabet

[lisabet]

Hi Jesse - The PN you are afflicted with sounds so much what I have been going through the last 8 or 9 months - I haven't been diagnosed, but my toes started going numb at first; then came the tingling and burning on my feet. At this point my feet feel cramped up and numb most of the time. It is especially bad at nighttime.  Could you please advise me what helps you get your symptoms eased?  I also wondered if this could have been caused by my hydro/alcohol use.  Like I said, I'm not 100% sure this is what is wrong with me, as I haven't seen a neurologist, but the way you described your symptoms sound 100% like mine.  Thanking you in advance, Lisabet.

[hippy]

i was just posting about where the no crosstalking came about.
it's just a matter of history.  the point was in the reason the oxford movement was not a sucess was the down trodden people at these meetins there  did not relate to the well to do
people of the oxford movement.
as time went on it became more apperent that one addict helping another  worked much better.
as far as me not haveing and beleif or faith you coud not be any further from the truth.
i really do not want to get into my religious beleifs but they are very strong.
also when people comment on others at meetings what they are trying to stop from happening is people telling others what they need to do.
there is a quote from the na basic text it says   DO NOT GIVE ADVICE UNLESS ASKED OR ELSE THE NEWCOMMER WILL LOSE RESPECT FOR YOU.
.
i am dissapointed at your post, besides being wrong, it is highly presumptious,  if i did not know better i would think
that it was written by someone else.

there are people trying to get better here, and for you to write such nonesense is truly a shame.

[GOD]

Gee, I went back and looked over what you've been posting today, and It seems as if you are having a BAD day. I've been EXACTLY where you are, and I understand how you are feeling (nothing beats a good alcohol detox, does it?!). I'm not going to criticise anything you've said, or defend anyone that I feel you may have jumped on here a little too harshly in your last few posts. Don't be surprised if some of the people you are venting on don't just jump right through their PCs and try to strangle you because of your attitude today!

You're a great person, and I love your insights most of the time. I suggest that you step outside and break something inanimate such a couple of bricks; or go to a junkyard with a sledgehammer and pound some poor junker closer to car hell. We are all here for the same reason.... We just want to get better. That's all.

Hoping your day gets a little better!
~~~~Jess~~~~

[lisabet]

Hey buddy, reading your posts today makes me think you're having a not-so-good day. Wish there was something I could do to help, since your posts always help me, and is one of the reasons I keep coming back to this forum.  But you know, it's Ok - we can't be in top form all the time, which is why we need each other for support. I know this is day 1 or 2 of you being clean again, so I know you're going through a lot of discomfort and pain. You're in my prayers tonight. Hope you're feeling a little better tomorrow.  Love, Lisabet.

[hippy]

chat ahan
to cll me a raceist is really a joke.
as far as when to post a question
b mech asked about it so i let him know when he could get through
to post a question.
as far as my cousin i only mention him 1 time , and only becasuse you left some crazy post about loose lip sink ships.
you must be nuts to think that that ww2 saying has anything to do with today s world.

thomas i mentioned movies for people  that are trying to kill
time in the 1st week or 2 off the pills, the reason i did
is because it was recomended to me when i got cleaned up here at this fourm, i was just passing it on.

[hippy]

i did not say aa i said before aa there was pre aa called the oxford movement started by a bunch of very rich people who
happend to be christain, the movement was a flop beacuse the people from the oxford movement preached to the skidrow bums
and trid to tell them what they should be doing and could not understand why they just did not stop drinking.
when aa started a few years later there were people who realized the mistake of having situation where 1 group of people were dictating to the  suffering group, and that they need a fellowship where everyone was equal.
i still do not know where you get racism out of anything i said.
i find your post way out of line.

putting people down is why cross commenting is wrong.
cross comenting is outside the boundries of the traditions of the 12 step fellowships.

[hellbent]

The best anti-drug film I have ever seen - nuff said.

[puma]

Hippee,

I only have one comment to you today, Where did you get the idea I mentioned LOOSE LIPS SINK SHIPS? That was someone else that posted that to you if go back through the threads. I defended you on that issue if you were to re-read!.

If you are disappointed, Oh well, I am not always in agreement with you either but I put up with it.

I was just thinking of you mentioning several times in two days the war going on and your relatives etc. I was simply saying how to eliminate half the population. Do you think any of those male Pakis or Indiosos think anything of women. HEEEEEH, they are known to kill their own female children! That is a fact, not for all, obviously but I was making a point. Obviously you missed it so forget it. Hippee, you never really talked to me in four years here anyway except maybe one time before so why do I give a ****?


Everyone else, sorry for the blowout I just am at the end of the line here and do not give a **** anymore. I need that Super-Typhoon I keep talking about but it has not formed yet. Hopefully soon. Have a good life. CONU MANA.

Chatahan..............wildcat


P.S.- Besides, others have not had a chance to post any questions as was questioned by more than one person on this board.

[puma]

To all addcicts here, this was a premonition I had back when I was teenager in my dreams,

(Storm, 1980 copywrite)

You came for me ,like a theif in the night
you ended my life and and relieved my, my plight.

your rain came down, and inch and hour,
your wind blew me in with rage and power.

A wall of water moved right, right in,
and washed away my, my sins, and relieved my, my plight.

Now, I wait, every day , for your wind and rain
to blow, blow-oh me awayaaaa.

Your rain came down and inch and hour, your wind,
blew in, with rage,,,,, and powerrrrr.

ect..................theres more.


Thanks for reading and sharing, I am going into what I call la-la land. Bye for a while and as I said with Cono manu meaning, I'll see you later someday in the future. I am really wierd now, so I had better sign off. BYe for now.......wildcat

(Mana) is tomorrrow (manu) is later you never know when, but expect a longer time. I hope Super-Typhoon (I need you so badly comes real soon),  wildcat  

[Sundown]

If you want something to distract you and keep you your mind occupied there is always the recurrent "Showdown With Iraq" on CNN. You can catch it 24 hours a day, and it sure gives you something to worry about other than struggling with recovery. If that doesn't work, at least there is The Sopranos to look forward to each Sunday (OK, just a joke :) ).

As for books, Scott Turow's new "Reversible Decisions" is pretty good.

Sundown

[hippy]

sounds like dooms day theology, i hope you are all right.
by the way i have only been at this fourm since feb 02
this year, yes you are right body mech was the one who posted about loose lips.
but i only mentioned my cousin 1 time.
you said you don't give a **** , may i ask why.

[Starraven]

"Tuesday's with Morrie" is a great book..It really taught me what is important in life..Narraratted by a man dying of Hodgkins..(Spelling) I read this while detoxing and it really did help me realize that I can live without the drugs because there are much more important things to focus on.  If I could I would buy this book for everyone I know.

Movie..Barfly, will make you WANT to quit drinking or doing drugs by watching what they have become..Yuck.  I sure wish my mom would have watched it, maybe she would still be alive today.

Hugs to all
Suze

[hippy]

good morning star, yes tuesdays with morrie is good , i read it last year.
the reason i brought up books and movies was for people who are just home laying around trying to get clean and kill time.
it was suggested to me when i got clean.
its a raing monday morning and the post should be open for questions

[Starraven]

It was a great question, Its raining here too..a great day to withdraw, read a book and just be lazy!  I agree!

hugs to you
Suze

[puma]

Hippee,

You comments are not bad. But I do think exagerated at times.

I noticed some sensoring here on my songs. No problem but there was no swearing or referring to killing etc. like you here now-a-days on the radio which I also do not listen to. The song they left is not exactly as it goes but whatever, it gets the point across, that I had a premonition dream of my death in my teens and wrote the song in 1980. I would rather die in a typhoon than any other way. I have no one here, except my cats and dog. That's fine with me and why I am listed as Borderline Personality.

The first day I turned on the tube in over one month was the other day only for election results. That is good news. A good Christian was voted in office and will be coming in soon.

You asked why I don't care, I don't know, I guess they call it apathy and depression. I plan to end these sessions as they are no longer inspirational. I will study correspondance courses instead. That's why I said Cono Manu. Meaning see you someday in the distant future but nonone knows when, maybe next lifetime even. Have a good life,

Chatahan......... wildcat

[puma]

Lisabet,

You are an inspiration for me as well. Thank you for the nice comments. It definately helps a great deal. If we can email sometime, I can tell you how to teach your son to make his own music and actually get CD'S cut and marketed. How is his voice, or your voice for that matter? If you are afraid of singing, you could always pay someone a set fee for their singing the songs.

That would definately help keep our minds off of our addictions and give a good goal. Perhaps addiction has alot to do with lack of goals at times in our lives. What do you think?

Take care and God Bless.

Chatahan......wildcat

[1st24]

One of the best books: "A heartbreaking Story of Staggering Genius"

[peaz]

Hey buddy--are you there?  How's you M-I-L holding up?  Just how chaotic is your life at home these days??  :-)  Fill us in.  Hope you're okay.    Peaz

[puma]

Hippee,

I wasn't planning on posting for a while but I noticed your question. All I can say is depression. The remark about nuking was supposed to be sarcastic not one of desiring it to happen. I am just tired of reading about Iraq and should we or shouldn't we etc. And thouht of all the American men and women put in harms way, including your cousin, for that lousy terrorist country.

I am sorry I took out my detox hostility on you. You are a great guy and I sucked yesterday. I was a real ***** and admit it. I also was worried about my Doc appointment today but it went well which was opposite of what I had thought. Negative thinking always has been my downfall. My pastor keeps telling me I must have more faith and he is right.

I should have beaten up this old car down the street from me someone dumped in an abandoned house area which was knocked down by Super-Typhoon Paka five years ago. Or at least cut my grass rather than jumping down your throat. Again I apologize, it was my fault, not yours.

Take care and God Bless.

Chatahan........wildcat

[lisabet]

Hey friend--you sound just a little better today. Just want you to know I'm thinking of ya and sending good thoughts your way. Your song "Storm" is very intriguing and heartfelt; my son is a songwriter, and very gifted I must say since he's only 16. Although you seem to be wanting the storm to "take you", I
choose to think of REO's "Riding the Storm Out"---ultimately you will take the storm---it will not take you! Hang in there..you've been a source of comfort for me, wish I could be the same for you, if I weren't still such an insecure, struggling mess!...ha.  Love and Peace, Lisabet

[puma]

Lisabet,

Thanks for the concern. I have been a survivor all of my life and will continue to be that way.

Sundown suggesting CNN for entertainment was stupid. I don't watch tv anymore, in fact I don't even waste my money on cable.

Talk to you some other time. I think you are doing well. Keep up the good work.

Chatahan.........wildcat

[percsnomas]

Thanks Di for you're speedy response.....kinda told me what we've been thinking here.  We're going to have a friendly discussion tonight, about the dynamics of our household, etc.
I'll post tomorrow and let u know how it goes.
Been thinking about you're(sister) situation and you too.
Won't it be a year soon???
Percs No More

[peaz]

I think things will be much better for all of you if you lay down some ground rules, discuss everyone's functions and duties, etc. Everyone will have to do their part to avoid hostilities.  And that's okay--that's how families are! :-)  Let me know her reaction to your ideas.  I just hope she doesn't start drinking, percs---there's NO WAY she'll just"have a couple" and we all know it.  I'm sure you'll handle everything just fine.  That's why we need to get her so involved w/ other things that she'll get used to being sober .  Her old way a life is a thing of the past.  No mas!
   You are a dear to remember my upcoming anniversary...I guess I shouldn't count my chickens before they're hatched....But it's January 7th.  I'm kinda scared--in Group they always warn you about how "tricky" the 1 year mark is--so many people relapse around that time, I guess.  They told about one chick who celebrated her anniversary by---you guessed it--getting totalled!!!    So many  people in my Group, now, have relapsed since summer I'm blown away.  We went from like 20 people to 7 or something.  So I guess it's one day at a time for me.
     My niece wrote her mom (my drunk sister) a letter on behalf of all of us.  It was really a good letter--no beating around the bush--just letting her know we see "it's" happening again, and won't she please choose her kids and family over the bottle...It was so sad in some parts, but it all needed to be said.  Anyway, she got it last week and haven't heard a peep since, but I have a feeling we will.  I will not be intimidated by her husband!!! (I hope)
    Sorry about the long post.  I always do this.... Talk to ya tomorrow. Hope it goes well.       Di

[lisabet]

My e-mail address is ***@****.

[lisabet]

Sorry about the previous goof.  My e-mail address is ***@****  (not---hotmail----duh!)  :)

[percsnomas]

Hey Di, 3 very good questions.
Boy are we in phase II or what.
1.) I'm okay, just have a bunch of reservations of some of M-I-L attitudes
2.) She is doing reasonably well; got her 15 day "chip" at AA meeting yesterday.
3.) The home life is F*&king chaotic.

Here are my main concerns, and i really hope you can help me with them.
Although she seems interested in living a new sober life, she almost makes my wife and I feel that we have to provide her with a schedule to keep busy. Jesus Christ, this is a town of 1 million, with tons to do and more than enough work(even if it has to be under the table for awhile).  I keep reminding myself, weren't we just to provide the detox and a safe-haven, that will give her a fighting chance?
Second big concern is the alcohol thing, that you, Bmac and I talked about already.  She has said to me that she never did coke, vikes or benzos WITHOUT booze, and now (only two weeks out) she wants soooo bad to go out to a bar and just have a couple; since she never had a booze problem before.  Well **** neither did I, I'm still afraid to indulge, in an attempt to not trigger cravings.  Am i justly concerned about that one, or do i leave it alone. It's strange, when i detoxed of percs and my wife was telling her mom how well i was doing, and that i wasn't even drinking at all, Her response was, well you can't drink or you will end up back on pills. HELLO!!!
After the kind of year we've had, with all the deaths etc, this "stress" is already taking its toll on my wife and I.
Any suggestions would be appreciated!

[peaz]

Good to hear from you!  It sounds like you and your wife need a night out ALONE.  Can your M-I-L babysit one nite a week  so you can do this?  Is she responsible and trustworthy and all that?  That's the first thing that would give her purpose and free you two up.  But as far as you guys being Recreation Directors, I think you need to  tell her plainly and firmly that she has to meet you half way on this.  Can she get to meetings by herself?  She should be going daily, at least for awhile.  Can she run errands and do running around for the household?  Can she make dinner for you two, and/or do laundry and all that stuff?  The busier she is, the easier her sobriety will be--let her know that.
  As far as the "social" drinking--she knows the answer already from her intial response to you, but REMIND her of that conversation.  One of my counselors told me that if I was to drink (this was when I was "brand new ") that I would REALLY get trashed, 'cause I would be chasing that "pill high" and never reach it.  In short--it would be my undoing.  Talk to her about the pitfalls of switching one addiction far another.  She needs to STAY CLEAN and give her body a chance to rebound.  What have her physicals shown?  I'm sure a doctor would confirm that she can't drink.
  I think if she could form some friendships from , say, a home AA group, it would take a lot of pressure off of you, and it would help her immensely.  Going back to the bars w/ old friends will lead her nowhere.  She's got to try harder than that---you guys have a lot riding on her rehab, as well.  She will regain her life, slowly.  I don't know if I've been much help.  We knew it wouldn't be easy  :-)  Do what you can, but pay close attention to your marriage, too, and don't have that be the price of your M-I-L's sobriety.  Keep posting and venting--we don't mind.  maybe someone else has some better suggestions.  Talk to you later--I have to get ready for work.  Take some deep breaths.....Love-Diane

[percsnomas]

Well Jan. 7th is marked in my lit'l book...
As far as being scared, aren't we all; just know i'll be here for you, and do everything i can to help hold that number @ 7.
We'll make that day a very happy(sober) birthday!!! If you really have the desire to twist, I'll have an expresso and some Tyrosine with you. "They" always have to try and scare us by saying things like '1 yr is tricky'...Screw em, it is just one more day--no different than the last 10 months clean, or any other day for that matter.

I've been dying to know how that letter was received by you're sister....i'm really hoping it has the impact/result you're looking for. And damn rights you WON'T be intimidated by sis' husband. Sorry, but he sounded like a real prize.

We discussed a bunch of things with M-I-L last night...and I think we are on the same page. She has been spending lots of time at meetings(people from a support group pick her up every day or night). You couldn't have put it better about taking time to reclaim her life....so we'll have to be patient.
It takes so much energy though. I need a coffee...

[percsnomas]

Hey Buddy, how are YOU?
Any dates yet for the back?
Thanks for the kind words...it's been an ordeal

[Chezz2]

Wow. I am so sorry to hear some of the stuff that is going on with you guys/gal.
I am not %100 on the situation with your MIL. But I am sorry to hear you are having to deal with it. I know it has to be hard. That is a big responsibilty, hardship, and most of all admirable thing you guys are doing helping her through this!
You sound like you have it under control and know what is needed to get done. I just hope she works with you just as much as you have worked with her. I am so happy to see families that stick together. I am actually envious and wish I had a relationship with my parents or brother. Both of which I have not replied in over 5 years. So it is nice to see when a family sticks together and gets through the most important times in our life - the hard ones.
Peaz,
That is awesome what your neice wrote. I had to step back for a minute. It really hit home. I am really close with my neices and told her that she could rely on me anytime. That I would ALWAYS be there for her. Her parents(aunt/uncle)have chemical dep. issues and I always want her to know that she can talk to me and I will be here for her always. I know how hard it can be to grow up and not have anyone to talk to. That is great that you have that bond. I am sure she cherishs it. And will remember it for the rest of her life.  

I hope you guys are doing alright. I am happy to see you are still here.
Chezz

[peaz]

Everytime I post, I sit back and think"Okay--That will be my LAST one."  And I go for a few days, just reading, and I'll find a topic I feel I can help w/, and I'm back in again.  I don't get a lot of comments/replies, though, so I often wonder if I'm truly helping anyone or not....I try.  :-)  So thanks for your feedback.  How the hell are ya?!  How's your pain/back issue.  Are you able to sit in a chair today like the big kids? LOL I remember your stories of lying on the floor w/ the keyboard in your lap, trying to find some comfort.  Hope things are better.
   I assured my niece that my other brother and sisters will back her in her fight, and I know she'll be counting on that as the fur starts to fly.  it is, indeed, a pathetic situation.  At one point in the letter, she told her mom: "I know you would rather drink than have me in your life".  Jeepers--how must it feel to have that realization??!!  I cannot comprehend.
   Bottom line is--- we all need each other.  That's what this forum is about and that's what life is about.  Peace, Chezz.
      Love-----Peaz

[percsnomas]

Good luck with you're appointment on Monday!!
Were you able to hold the oxycontin at 2 10mg tabs twice daily?
Just curious, and what is your pain currently?

[Chezz2]

Well, things haven't changed much. Except the visual of me laying on the floor. I finally got my laptop online. It was a pain to get all the network settings and stuff hooked up. But it is my main computer now. Actually I took my office computer apart for some mods and upgrades. So my laptop is the man for now. Heat pack on the bed with the laptop on the nightstand! Its a welcomed change. Sitting is out of the question for now.
The pain is the same or worse. Especially now. I am having some trouble with my meds and doc is on vacation till monday. So that is a bumber, but I am working through it.
Went to see the nuerologist and he was surprised I have only been on the meds 3 months for this and wants me to try and wait it out and see if it will heal on its own. Since it was bulged out on the left side 2 years ago. Now it is on the right real bad, from the CT scan. So he is hoping that it will "dry and heal up" on its own. Sounds good in theory. I hope it works. If not, the worst is the same - surgery. I just hate being like this and on meds for that long. But I am finally realizing this isn't something that will just go away. That is how my mental attitude has been the last couple episodes since it has done that sort of. Even if it took 8 months the last time, it still felt like it was a short time because I was always trying to work through it. I didn't resign until the tail end of it. And haven't worked since. So things have changed.
I am glad to hear that things worked out Percs. I can't imagine the extra stress that puts on your household. That is great that she is able to get to some meetings and hopefully meeting some people that can help her outside of the family. I am sure that is very important. I thought Peaz's suggestion for the babysitting, with the night out for you guys was a great idea. In due time I am sure.
Glad to see some friendly "faces" here again. Kind of short of people here I guess you could say.
Hope you guys are having a good morning so far.
Chezz

[percsnomas]

Nice to see you back....hopefully more frequently again
That is the problem with protrusions; and makes it difficult to move forward, have surgery or whatever.
We've talked about my clear cut l5-s1 sequestered herniation and resulting nerve compression....and an easy decision for surgery, as i had no quality of life or pain relief.
I also have a severe 4-5 protrusion(actually looks worse in side view on MRI; but obviously not in plan view), that my neuro made me feel confident, unless i "blow" it out weightlifting or something, should not require surgery, and would likely "dry up".
Mind you this one has only comprimised nerve structures twice and didn't hit the 10 pain scale(like yours' does) either time. It has been over six years with that diagnosis, and i haven't had a flair up in over 3 years(just at L4-L5), so i'm believing more and more about the spine becoming a more rigid structure thru dewatering(drying up) theory.
Did u get the video?

[bmac]

Hey Chezz I have been wondering where you were.Haven't seen ya
at either place.How are you?Believe me I understand what went on here those few crazy weeks.It's good to see your name pop back up,email me sometimes.
                        bmac

[Chezz2]

Well I am hanging in there for now. Kind of hard right now.
I do believe in the dry up theory too. I actually have schooled myself in the last 2 months on a lot of this stuff. From pharmacology to invasive surgeries. ADR, prodisk as well as others.
I am hoping that it will dry up. But I am in the mist of an impending move next month. So it just makes all of this harder. Since I JUST found a good pain doc and neurosurgeon here. Now I will have to move and hopefully find ones as compassionate and knowedgeable. Which we all know is next to impossible. I don't have a choice so I will have to hope for the best.
I just hate having to take meds and not have a plan of action. That is why I used to stop taking them before. I got tired of just getting meds and not getting a "real" doctor or treatment that I knew I needed. I finally got that across to my PCP, and he got me to these new doctors and care. And now I have to do it all over again. My wife is just as frustrated. She knows after we move, the new doc will have me start out as a guinea pig again and have me try all meds under the sun. Then may or may not get me to a doc that can help. I am going to try and get letters from my docs here and give the new doc their phone #'s to prevent this. But who knows. It may be the beginning of a new circle jerk. Sorry for the long post. It just finally hit me today that this is imminent.
I agree with the spine healing on its own. And think it is a great plan of action. Although they did warn me of possible nerve damage. So it is a tough toss up. I have an appt. on mon. to discuss this with my doc. Hopefully we will be able to sort this out and rethink my plan. I hate taking the meds for more than a couple months(never longer than 8-9) and am now understanding that might be the only way if I don't opt for surgery sooner. Plus, whoever I see after I move might not be into taking meds and push surgery. Then it will be no meds, deal with the pain, and wait. Or get pushed into surgery prematurely. Not a fun time right now.
If you read this all I am sorry. Somethings never change. I have to learn how to get my point across quicker!!!!
I am not sure about the posting thing or not. I still don't like the idea or an unsecure forum. But I do miss some of the people too.
Chezz

[Chezz2]

Hey Bill. Most posted while I was writing. Glad to see you are still around too.
Yeah, I unplugged from here for a few weeks. A couple people have emailed me to come back and at least check it out. So I read a little a couple days ago. Some of the same stuff though. Hope it gets better though.
Chezz

[peaz]

Well, good.  It appears that you have cleared the air and things are improving as we speak.  You'll probably have to do that from time-to-time, but that's okay!  Patience will be the key, like you said.  Isn't it hard to lose that expectation of instant gratification that we addicts become so accustomed to??!!!
   Yeah, it pisses me off that instead of a "Congratulations" at group, I get a "Careful!! You're gonna relapse!!!"  It's all a part of their phony powerless thing which I don't agree w/, anyway.  God forbid I actually take a moment to feel good about staying sober.  I can think of MANY more effective motivators rather than FEAR.
   You're on for the espresso/tyrosine cocktail...I guess getting wired will be the best we can do!! LOL  It beats the alternative---and NO hangover.   Whoo-hoo!
    My weights are calling me---talk to you soon?   Peaz

[puma]

(Chezz2),

Eat **** and die for using my name you *****..... May the curse of nature forever chase you down, whether it be tornado, typhoon, hurricane, thunderstorm, drought, flood or whatever.......You are nothing but kahkah-na,na!!!!!!!!!!

Chatahan.......wildcat

[percsnomas]

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[nsxs2000]

requiem for a dream is truly the best anti addiction movie ever. I recommend the unrated version because it hits a lot harder. It is the story of 4 people and their drug habits. it shows life before and after the addiction. it is a hollywood video, not a documentary, but it feels real. I don't know if watching others "doing drugs" can cause a relapse in soberness, so be warned.