I hope you are feeling better with the w/d symptoms. I'ts the hardest thing I have ever done.
I feel so bad I can't give you cut and dry advice. There are things that are different in every case. The fortunate and unfortunate thing about our legal system is, it is made up of people, and people are people. There are "A**holes" in every profession. Unfortunately the Judge could be a jerk (or not), the D.A. could be worse (or better) and your attorney is a jerk (they all are). It is a money making business and you are the best kind of customer (scared, nervous and want it over asap, as a good person would). Most of the defense attorney's I have dealt with were in for the money. They have gone their entire career without going through a real trial in court. They double talk you and tell you they made some great deal with the D.A. and are working hard to get you less time or punishment. When in actually he has done little to nothing.
Talk with your attorney, read the criminal report yourself. Are there witnesses that can i.d. you (most the time they will have six pictures to choose one (you), all will be close to the way you look (this is referred to as a six pack). Now that you have retained councel you do not have to talk to the police unless he is present. You also have the 5th, or you were so high on meds you can't remember what happened.
You are doing everything right. You are getting help. Even though in the AA/NA group they are crazy to say this is all good for you to go through. Words are just words, they could be the type that talk and don't hear what they are saying. Something tells me that what they tell you, they have told a hundred others that same week. That is the problem when an average human being tries to help others but gets lost in the day to day routine of hearing the same stories and can't think of anything but to give a generic, feeling less statement.
Sorry, I'm beginning to fade out, close to bed time. It was great to hear from you and I truely do feel for you (those aren't just words). I hope your children are doing well and your husband is by your side (for better or worse.....in sickness or in health). You are getting better!
Hang on, their are people here who do want to help!
Like I told you in your other post----though your crime may seem very obvious that you indeed committed it----the DA still has to PROVE it, and that is not as easy as it looks.
You were not caught in the initial fill of the script---you(OR someone else...ahem...)got caught in an attempt to do an AUTO refill. That was done from a phone, correct? So the DA has to prove YOU made the attempt to auto refill. See where I am going with this? PROOF beyond a reasonable doubt is the burden the State has. Just let the lawyer handle this, and I am sure he/she will tell you the same thing I am telling you: DO NOT TALK TO ANYONE, especially cops. Of course the sgt/detective on the case wants to talk to you! He wants your statement!!!!!!!! Keep in mind: "Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law.........."
I found this out through my own research, NOT my wonderful attorney or anyone else. The police CAN get your patient information when it is pertaining to "a criminal investigation". Of course none of the attorney's offices I talked to when calling around bothered giving that information, they would just say "we do not handle that sort of case". I swear our judicial system is nothing but a racket.
So, if anyone out there makes the same mistakes as me, LEARN from them. Dont think cause you are under a shrink's care, you can avoid answering any questions in a criminal investigation.
I just read your post, thanks so much for the encouragement. I skipped therapy today, mad at how the shrink has not completed any of my necessary STD paperwork in 3 weeks, so I got declined today for STD. I know I should of went anyways. Rehab can be annoying, when there are well meaning people, that are no different from you, constantly passing judgment on you, and forced to give their opinions of you life and situation(s). There are two know-it-alls in particular that just grate my last nerve.
Then AA/NA tells me how I should feel so grateful this has all happened to me. (I should love the idea my house note money is going to bail bonds people that make 1K for 2 hours of work at most). Then that plastic faced, joker looking attorney I retained always telling me what he doesnt handle or doesnt do. I was trying to see if my bond could of been reduced, cause I am not a flight risk and I thought 10K was ridiculous. Of course he said that was "standard", so suck it up and pay it already, we dont care about your "STD check in the mail story".
I wonder too, how me already being in treatment before anything was filed will play to the judge? from what people have told me, I am going to get probation regardless.
I pray that case gets dismissed, or better yet dropped. They didnt catch me red handed. I am seriously wondering if they have any camera proof of me? Maybe that is why that SGT is so determined to get me to talk? Anybody know how that works?
So sorry, just got your message. I don't know what is going on with my computer or this site. Most things I post or respond to don't seem to make it on here. I barely know how to turn the compurter on by myself.
I would love to help more, but I don't even know if this will make it to you.
Be STRONG! You CAN and WILL beat this.
I look at my 89 year old grandfather for a funny kind of support. He has lived through soooooo much and he always tells me, "Life goes by so fast." It may not make so much sense to many people, think about it. What ever we are going through will pass. Look at other things you have lived through and survived. The hours and days will pass wether we like it or not. Let's all live as much as we can, because some day we will all be 89 years old (or so) and look back at our life and say "Life went by so fast."
HOLD ON GIRL, YOU WILL DO IT!
hey everyone.i just started taking suboxone for the 2nd time.i almost lost all hope this time but fnally im starting 2 c a light.pain pill addiction has brought me 2 the most unhappiest feelings and feelings of worthlessness.i didnt want 2 killl myself but i wanted 2 go 2 sleep and just never wake up.thats the worst feeling in the world.i have a 12 yr old that is aewsome and i love so much it hurts.All ive wanted was 2 spend time with her and b able 2 b normal and just not feel so depressed.so all u out there that feel alone,ill b your friend or whatever u need....
Have they talked about your children yet? Have they interviewed the older one? Be prepared for DSS to get involved.
I wish you the best. Seems like you're doing all that you can right now. Good luck.
I have an appointment on Tuesday for subonox. I am a little afraid to go because I was on methadone for several years and that detox is 100 times worse than coming off pils. If I still feel bad on Tuesday I will probably go. Today is a bad day for me. I just took 4 benydryl to see if I can take a nap or something.
I am here for you, and feel for you. This whole thing is hell I'm sure. Words can not express my sympathy. I wrote you once before and tried to give some words of advice. All my words are just that....advice. Some people didn't like what I had to offer to you. I am a former police officer and can only give it to you through my eyes.
HONESTY! That is the key to everything in this mess. Honesty to yourself and for what you did. Knowing the power of dependency on pain meds, I can see why you did what you did. The court may or may not. Yes, it does all depend on where you live (state, county & city).
The world and all its experts have come to realize how addictive this stuff is. The courts are comming to realize this slowley. You putting yourself in rehab. will be priceless.
Giving legal advice is so difficult and you do not know who is really giving it to you over the internet (I guess that's me included).
You did get some other great advice from another officer (nickname was 1911) back when you first posted.
I can go on and on, but it sounds like you have done everything you can do to help fix things. I, like you, just have to hang on day by day (minute by minute) and gather strength where we can (your children are a great source).
We are here for you and by you! We are all not alone in this. I'm on day 8 (Ultram w/d) and can thank everyone here for that.
Lean on us!
I honestly considered the Methadone route. I know from a friend that route is MUCH worse than the pill addiction. Suboxone doesnt get you high. It has a narcotic agent in it, that more or less tricks the brain, and cleans the endorphine receptors off (caused from opiate abuse). I am using only one daily, when my prescription called for 1 1/2. I have been having stomach cramps and joint pain (I honestly think from the stress of the PD harassing me for a confession).
I could be one of those poor people that detox in jail. I am so grateful I am able to detox before going. I just talked to my temp sponser, cause I was very tempted to use today. The therapy I am attending daily has helped me tremendously into NOT relapsing.
My DOC was Norco. I honestly believed I needed them to function and be "normal". I realized how much I liked them when I was in ICU for 3 months 13 years ago. It has been a daily battle ever since. Doesnt help the internet helps enable. We have several people in our group therapy that got theirs from the internet. I did for a while, and then rationalized my forgery because "it was much cheaper than paying the internet places a consult, then for the meds with X3 refills, that you MAY or MAY NOT get depending on if they got raided.
I am so grateful I found this site, and it is a SHAME I didnt take heed to others experiences when I first started reading this site. I got sloppy and didnt care anymore. Now I have to get "loans" to pay for all the costs. Some savings.
Can you paste your former response? I cant find it. You can also email it to me if that would be easier
ironman.***@****
thanks so much for your encouragement! I really does mean allot. I at first was having self destructive thoughts, but my children do not deserve a parent that is a quiter. I have done enough damage, it is time to "flip the script" so to speak.
Also, can you email or post the comments from the other poster that gave me some good advise? 1911, I believe? I am "search challenged" today
but,,but,,I thought you were supposed to lie and hide,remember DONT SAY NOTHIN,DENY DENY,,maybe you can get hocky to be your lawyer ha,ha,ha
I work for a major delivery company, and I had to admit to my EAP I am a drug addict. Now I can assure my pi$$ will be tested at random. I get a flat, DRUG TEST HER IMMEDIATELY! What prompted me to tell my employer and get help? the thought of going to jail for fraud, which is now happening to me. Have you heard of Suboxone? That is what has kept me clean, that, sheer FEAR of losing my job and my precious children (my 3 year old is the light of my life) the teenagers are typical moody teenagers, this too shall pass!
I learned in rehab "white knuckle detox" is very dangerous. dont beat yourself up for relapsing though, nobody is perfect. Get this, I have been reading the horror stories for years (about 2 years) on the consequences of prescription fraud, and that didnt stop me. I know using a different name decreases the chances, but you will eventually get caught, and I did it anyways, knowing all this! Goes to show how much control Norco had on me.
Hang in there! I HAVE TO TELL YOU THAT JUST BEING IN REHAB IS GOING TO BE HUGE IN YOUR FAVOR! Plenty of people reading this can attest to that.
Best
Jim
If you go to meetings, make sure you get the signatures.... and when you get 4 or 5 signatures... make copies in case you loose them.. that happened to me...
well things could be worse sweet, consider my ex. she went from 300 plus milligrams af oxy a day to 3 rehabs, then to 32 mgs of suboxone a day for 3.5 years,then got tossed from the sub cause she came up dirty twice and now, im a dispatcher, and the cops are on her like white on rice. they have been doing survaliance on a place for 3 years and she shows and buys then meets and sells some..........i tried in a off hand way to warn her,but i get the "im not using' speel, and also the "i would never do that again speech'.........i cant come right out and tell her,cause i would jeopradize my job, and besides she marries in 3 weeks........opiates, when you are on them you cant differentiate between wealth and money.............think on that, good luck and may god bless you, Jim
Hello,
I'm not Allen I'm his grilfriend Chisty call me chris or crissy whatever you like. I just wanted you to know sweety that you were in our prayers last night. Just yry to remember, this helps me sometimes, that in a a little while this will all over and behind you. I'm so sorry that addiction brings good people to things like this. It was thr drugs not you. I dont have any children yet I hope to someday but ur kids are lucky to have a great mom like you. You made a mistake and were scared half to death but inthe end you are doing the right thing. Al showed me ur posts and it seems that you are alone in this battle.ur support system seemed to fail u and that must have hurt most of all.Even though my honey is going through his own battle with addiction we talk about what ur going through and it saddened us. Please dont let the negitivity of others make u feel bad, it will only cause u more stress and lets face it you need a weekend at a spa.marcatj, rbc3, here4all and fladdict seem like such nice people. Allen is allready doing his taper thanks to most of thier addvic. Esp fladdict. Thank you .I'm so glad there is a place like this for people who need this kindof help.good luck were rooting for you.
Chris
I apolagize for the ha ha,,I really hope and think everything will turn out ok
I am off to my NA/AA meeting. My sponser told me the same thing that was suggested to me by someone on here,
(sorry I cant check right now for name to credit) TO GET SIGNATURES from the meetings. God bless you all. This board of wonderful people and my outpatient therapy are my only source of support right now.
If I didnt have this board and the wonderful people it has, I dont think I would be coping as well as I am right now. I brought it all on myself, but I also know things WILL get better and I can only go up from here
I did the WHOLE thing, and that is how they are "making their case". If it goes to trial, I could end up owing $10-15K.
Someone posted about how the "court systems love addicts" and I truly believe that statement. Who was I hurting ? MYSELF. I pray the judge sees this.
Anyone that has experienced this, any insight would be greatly appreciated.
My attorney told me a story how he had one client that changed the quantity from 10 to 40. I could be that poor *******, and someone that just did it that one time.
I knew the risks, and I took them anyways. I was tired of my addiction, and wanted to quit so bad on my own. I did get help before I knew there were consequences. Hopefully this works in my favor with the judge.
Does anyone know the process, or is it different in different states? I had to get to rehab, and couldnt ask my attorney more questions. I have been with my employer for years.
I also got in trouble for a forged script when I was living in North Carolina. I had many of them but only got charged for one. I ended up pleading guilty to a reduced charge and had a year of probation. Did I learn my lesson???? I am in day 2 of withdrawing from Vicodin ES pills (20 or more a day) I have detoxed in the past and it has always been hell.
Wow....what exactly did you do? Forge a script? Or call one in? How did they find out? Sorry, I'm nosey. lol
I really think that if its your first offense, they will go easy on you. What was the medication you frauduently acquired? Hydrocodone or oxycodone?
If you are already in rehab, then I bet the judge will take that into consideration...Don't worry, I really think it'll be okay.
I'm seriously considering just stopping these norcos I am on, after browsing through this forum and reading all the addiction horror stories....eeee gads! I've only been on them a few months now(including this month)but I don't want to end up addicted to them.
My prayers are with you and I truly think things will be okay.
Megan
Oh my i am so so sorry to hear this happend to you, This just goes to show what these drugs do to us. We will do almost anything just to be able to get them.
You are doing the right thing by turning yourself in, i am sure it will just be probation - this you can handle...
Your kids will be fine, you know what you have done, and you will start and do the right things from now on. Remember it is the drugs that do this stuff to us. You are NOT a bad person, and don't ever think that.
I wish you all the best, i truely do!
Keep posting - i would really like to know how this all turns out for you...
All my best
Hopeless
I'm glad you are doing the rehab thing.i would get to as many na meetings as possible too.I have a friend who is [was] a p.a.she got busted writing countless scripts.it was her first offense and got drug court and probation.she may get her licence back too.Good Luck.Don't stress too much.this happens all the time.tell them you need help.
I'm sorry to hear that. Did you forge the whole script or just change it? I wish you luck and hope you only get probation. (((Hugs))) Ggin35