Aa
percocet addiction, fraud
I have been addicted to percocet for 2 years. I have a wonderful loving famiy, and am a realtor with a very dark secret. In order to supply this evil habit, I have been going to several doctors using different names to obtain the perscription. Recently I have been asked for ID at the doctors office, and my greatest fear is being realized. Something has caught on and I live in fear. Everytime the doorbell rings I think its the police. I keep the phone off the hook and run for the mailbox before anyone sees the mail. I cant live like this any longer. I have attempted treatment, but my insurance ran out. I lost my job because of my addiction. I've tried to call my doctor that was legitametly prescribing to me, she quit precscibing and to me with draw wouldnt kill me. I think it will. I lay in bed when my percocet runs out and cant sleep, I have anxiety attacks and have to go the er to fake migraines just to get pain shots until I can find percocet again. I need prayer, God is my saviour and I dont know how else to ask for help. Had anyone done the horrible things Ive done? I even used my sisters name to get a doctors visit.
i know someone who changed theirs from 12 to 120...they to got away with it but i would be so nervous to do that!!
Back in my REALLY bad days I forged one script. I changed it from a mere 5 (yes 5) percocets (From my own dr no less) to 50. Somehow I got away with it but I was scared shitless to go pick it up and have never nor will I ever do it again! Its not worth the anxiety it gave me nor the jail time. You are definitely not the only one to do a "bad" thing to get what you needed to get you thru.
we know how you feel and also how hard it is to quit and the anxiety of quitting can be so overwhelming and the truth is you feel like **** for a while and then it gets better. and then it gets worse and then it gets better. its a ride you dont get to skate out of but it can be done and the truth is, we have to. I was reading somewhere that a " stoic reserve and a level of aceptance that this is the journey to life" could be a mantra, along with some really killer music. maybe you can get help from one of the doctors you've been seeing by suggesting to him or her that you would like to stop. I know you are scared but try to remember that the drug itself is feeding and maintaining your paranoia.
hmmm...sounds familiar...i know someone who goes to all different hospitals using different names and she even knows all the doctor's schedules that give out the goods. she would get them all the time so i figured "why not try it". i was too scared to use different names so i would use my own. for a while it worked but one hospital in particular caught on and while i was waiting in the room the doctor came back and i was excited bcuz a while b4 that the same doctor gave me percs and when he came in the room he had a paper listing all the dates that i had been there and all the scripts i gotten and he diagnosed me with "dependant on narcotics". i was soooo embarassed!! i then tried using a false name twice in one day at different hospitals and i didn't get anything. i was sooo woried that i was going to get in trouble....so i never went back to a hospital after that and i never will unless i really need to. i am very ashamed that i started doing that...although i am not AS addicted as u are i know how u are feeling. that is the point where you just have to call it quits b4 you really do get into trouble!! good luck!
Dr. Shopping, even with an assumed name, doesn't rise to the level of script-fraud - which is when you present a script that was forged (i.e filled out and signed by you, not the doc) or altered. Still, it's against the law and most states are becoming increasingly strict with looking for and catching violators.
The ID at the doc's doesn't mean much. That's getting to be SOP at most medical offices, regardless of whether narcotics are involved. I went to a family practice for the first time a month ago where I've been friends with the doc for almost 10 years and was just there for a physical. Still, the first thing they asked for was for my "insurance card and ID."
Living in fear is just part of active addiction, It seems like some great new way of life for a while, but all too quickly it turns into "living to use and using to live." Virtually all of the "fun" is gone and we beging to experience that well known "fear of impending doom." When I would clean up Thing-A that I was so scared about, Thing-B would quickly move in to take its place. There was just no end to the constant fear when I was in active addiction.
Of course, this doesn't mean that many of my (and your) fears were without a solid foundation. I was a drug addict living in active addiction. That's a very scary thing.
You need help. The way to ask for help is to just do it. I now wish that I had gone to the people that love me the most and simply said "I'm in real trouble here - I'm in WAY over my head and I can't seem to find my way out. I NEED HELP." However, I never did that. I was too ashamed of my mess and too sure that I must clean it up myself. That rarely works for addicts and it didn't work for me. Instead, my problem (and my shame) got worse and worse, while my ability to address the problem grew less and less, so the problem grew worse and worse, and my ability grew less and less . . . .
In the end EVERYONE found out anyway, And when they did they were presented with a mess that was FAR worse that what I had been so afraid to let anyone discover. It was interesting to me that everyone was almost relieved. Some of them literally said "Oh, it's just drugs, well we can do something about that. We thought that you were going crazy and/or that you hated us." The biggest dissapointment that friends and family expresed was that I hadn't trusted them enough to come to them for help when I so clearly needed it. That was true - I didn't trust ANYONE. I was sure that EVERYONE would turn their back on me in disgust, but that didn't happen. That didn't happen at all.
By the time I had a glimmer of the idea that I was in a little trouble, I had actually been in deep trouble for a long time. I was already in way over my head and long past the point of swiming back to safety under my own power.
Your behavior smacks of a serious and advanced addiction. Most "normal" people couldn't imagine going to a Dr. under an assumed name for the specific purpose of obtaining narcotics - their gut reaction to your scheme would be that it is absolutely insane. Even though I've been in Recovery for a while now, I'm still not a "normal" person - thus, rather than recoilling in horror at your scheme, my initial reaction to your scheme was that it sounds reasonable and I briefly wondered why I never tried that using my brother's ID. I promise you that if you explained your scheme at an AA or NA meeting most people in the room would be nodding their head and thinking "makes sense to me."
Anyway, you need to pay serious attention to your problem or your sooner or later going to meet one of active addiction's three ends: "jails, institutions and death (oh my!)." In-patient treatment - the longer the better, I was in for 4 months - is a HUGE help. If insurance won't cover it, look into what free or low cost programs may be offered by the ccounty or state. If there's no way to do in-patient, check into intensive out-patient.
I suggest that you check out the book END YOUR ADDICTION NOW, by Charles Gant. His amino acid therapy for addressing the brain chemistry responsible for the roller coaster of active addiction was a major part of the rehab where I got clean. I'm still on supplemental aminos 26+ months later.
I also suggest that you confide in those closest to you. Ask for their help and accept it. Try to know that you're not a bad person trying to become good again, you're a sick person trying to become well again. Like a fungus, addiction thrives in the darkness of secrecy and shame - but it begins to die in the light of honesty and openness. Get into the light.
I also suggest that you start going to AA or NA meetings - lots of meetings. Both programs urge newcomers to hit "90 meetings in 90 days." I hit at least a meeting a day for over 250 days. I still average 5 meetings a week. I prefer AA even though my only recent problem was with drugs, but many people receive great help from NA too - the programs are almost identical. You can find meeting info at www.aa.org or www.na.org.
I've already said that prayer you said you needed - hope it helps.
CATUF
DAY-799
ps - I did things in my active adiction that were MUCH more horrible than you described.
The ID at the doc's doesn't mean much. That's getting to be SOP at most medical offices, regardless of whether narcotics are involved. I went to a family practice for the first time a month ago where I've been friends with the doc for almost 10 years and was just there for a physical. Still, the first thing they asked for was for my "insurance card and ID."
Living in fear is just part of active addiction, It seems like some great new way of life for a while, but all too quickly it turns into "living to use and using to live." Virtually all of the "fun" is gone and we beging to experience that well known "fear of impending doom." When I would clean up Thing-A that I was so scared about, Thing-B would quickly move in to take its place. There was just no end to the constant fear when I was in active addiction.
Of course, this doesn't mean that many of my (and your) fears were without a solid foundation. I was a drug addict living in active addiction. That's a very scary thing.
You need help. The way to ask for help is to just do it. I now wish that I had gone to the people that love me the most and simply said "I'm in real trouble here - I'm in WAY over my head and I can't seem to find my way out. I NEED HELP." However, I never did that. I was too ashamed of my mess and too sure that I must clean it up myself. That rarely works for addicts and it didn't work for me. Instead, my problem (and my shame) got worse and worse, while my ability to address the problem grew less and less, so the problem grew worse and worse, and my ability grew less and less . . . .
In the end EVERYONE found out anyway, And when they did they were presented with a mess that was FAR worse that what I had been so afraid to let anyone discover. It was interesting to me that everyone was almost relieved. Some of them literally said "Oh, it's just drugs, well we can do something about that. We thought that you were going crazy and/or that you hated us." The biggest dissapointment that friends and family expresed was that I hadn't trusted them enough to come to them for help when I so clearly needed it. That was true - I didn't trust ANYONE. I was sure that EVERYONE would turn their back on me in disgust, but that didn't happen. That didn't happen at all.
By the time I had a glimmer of the idea that I was in a little trouble, I had actually been in deep trouble for a long time. I was already in way over my head and long past the point of swiming back to safety under my own power.
Your behavior smacks of a serious and advanced addiction. Most "normal" people couldn't imagine going to a Dr. under an assumed name for the specific purpose of obtaining narcotics - their gut reaction to your scheme would be that it is absolutely insane. Even though I've been in Recovery for a while now, I'm still not a "normal" person - thus, rather than recoilling in horror at your scheme, my initial reaction to your scheme was that it sounds reasonable and I briefly wondered why I never tried that using my brother's ID. I promise you that if you explained your scheme at an AA or NA meeting most people in the room would be nodding their head and thinking "makes sense to me."
Anyway, you need to pay serious attention to your problem or your sooner or later going to meet one of active addiction's three ends: "jails, institutions and death (oh my!)." In-patient treatment - the longer the better, I was in for 4 months - is a HUGE help. If insurance won't cover it, look into what free or low cost programs may be offered by the ccounty or state. If there's no way to do in-patient, check into intensive out-patient.
I suggest that you check out the book END YOUR ADDICTION NOW, by Charles Gant. His amino acid therapy for addressing the brain chemistry responsible for the roller coaster of active addiction was a major part of the rehab where I got clean. I'm still on supplemental aminos 26+ months later.
I also suggest that you confide in those closest to you. Ask for their help and accept it. Try to know that you're not a bad person trying to become good again, you're a sick person trying to become well again. Like a fungus, addiction thrives in the darkness of secrecy and shame - but it begins to die in the light of honesty and openness. Get into the light.
I also suggest that you start going to AA or NA meetings - lots of meetings. Both programs urge newcomers to hit "90 meetings in 90 days." I hit at least a meeting a day for over 250 days. I still average 5 meetings a week. I prefer AA even though my only recent problem was with drugs, but many people receive great help from NA too - the programs are almost identical. You can find meeting info at www.aa.org or www.na.org.
I've already said that prayer you said you needed - hope it helps.
CATUF
DAY-799
ps - I did things in my active adiction that were MUCH more horrible than you described.
Well let's see. I am pretty sure you could get in some good amount of trouble for "Dr shopping" I do know I have laid in bed for most recently 4 days coming of Roxicodone. It is miserable no doubt. There is a recipe out there called the Thomas recipe for home detox. Although I didnt follow it to a t, I used parts of it and the fact of having plenty of a benzo to help you sleep and take the edge off does help. I started on hydro's and percs, and of course that wasnt good enough. Well actually it went like my sister said it would. "one day you wont be able to get Hydro's and all you can get will be Roxi's then one day there wont be roxi's and then you'll get coke or crack. So far thank god I didnt go that far although I felt like it. I will tell you, it does get better and if you can get your hands on a supply of perc and have someone you trust to see you at your worst deal them out to you and taper you down the detox is not as bad. I did come off them at one time. A week you will feel better and two weeks even better. Try the thomas thing, it is a bit of vitamens and benzo's and flush flush flush. Cranberry juice, water and food when you can handle it. Don't give up, it is very obtainable if you really want it. Good luck.
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