percocets and me

[backpain24]

i have been taking perocets for my back and it is out of control

[marcatj]

are you asking for help?  what can we do for you?

[tiredofpills]

I been taking percs for back pain too. I had 120 percs last thursday today i have none. I made up my mind and today was day 1 of something that has to be done. I feel good right now but yesterday morning i felt like chit i had anxiety no energy to do anything. Iam quiting cold turkey and it wont be fun but it must be done for my sake for the sake of my beautiful wife and my children. God bless and i know you can do this.

[backpain24]

well I don't know how to go about it, I am in pain management and phys. therapy, and my parents, I am 23 all know.  My sister 12, even said "your different since you started taking pills.  I am out of pills tomorrow, but I HAVE A rx for more for monday, or so.  I was going to detox, because I know I am not myself, but the pain is incredible.  You guys are great.  I get like 120 10.325 every 2 weeks, but the pharmacist here in NJ would not fill my script because I had one from like 12 days ago.  He sux.  I am really in pain, and without the pils I am in so much pain.  With them I always think I am going to do this and that, instead I do nothing but pop pills.

[RCSLADY]

I am in day 4 of quitting c/t and still feel like ****.  I go back to work tomorrow and pray I willl start to feel better.  I really beleive that c/t is the best way.  I also have back and shoulder pain but there will be no more pills for me. Last week I had 100 Vicodin ES pills and they didn't even last 5 full days.

[Member of the Tribe]

       Hello to everyone one here. I'm Rob, and I'm just finishing up on day 4.  Been a rough ride, but I see glimmers of brighter days already, but just glimmers right now.
       This is my second detox.  The thing that seems to be worst for me is the Psychological effects of WD, but by no means downplaying the phycial.  This second time around I'm Detoxing from Percocet.  
       I would not wish this problem of addiction on my worst enemy.  It is very difficult to go through this in part because I'm married and have 3 children.  I feel I have failed my family, and now want to be more engaged with their lives, but here I am going on day 5 and don't even feel motivated enough to do the things I want to with my family.  The clock ticks very slow in these dark days!
       I can't wait to get better so I can focus more on the things that are truly inportant.
       I hope everyone here the best and understand the pain that is envolved in this addiction.  We can prevail.  Don't cave in.

[marcatj]

have you gone through any stretches in the last 2 years where you have not taken the pills?

[backpain24]

well the first year wasn't that bad, and the newxt few months.  The past like 4  months I have been taking more than usuAl so lets just say for the past year it has been bad, i really am starting to feel lie ****

[marcatj]

well, it doesn't sound like there's any question whther you are abusing them or not, right?  what i'm hearing is that you are...

i know you said you need them for pain, and boy - i am not one to judge here - but i guess my next question is, are you willing to go off of them?  and how many a day are you taking?

[backpain24]

I don't know if I can.  The pain is really bad and it helps me get through everyday things, but my personality is gone.   I hate having to rely on drugs.  I  take like 8-10 10/325 a day.  I am scared and don't know how to do this.  even if I am not abusing I am still addicted and the pharmacist took my prescription and wrote something on it.  do not fill untill.... he sucks.  I am really in pain... and I don't know how to control it without drugs..

[marcatj]

bp - didn't you say you took 120 since last thursday? the pharmacist doesn't suck, he's doing his job...

it sounds like you are in a catch 22.  you don't want to/can't? go off of the pills, but you don't like what they are doing to you, either.  do i have it right?

sooo..... what is it you want to do?

[On a Clear Day...]

Your comment hit home with me for many reasons. I, too, have three children, a husband, a house, a business and so much responsibility. I have always enjoyed taking a Percocet here and there for the "lift". Well, for the past 6-8 months, at least, I am liking them way too much. I take Percocet 10/325 daily. Two weeks ago I found myself taking 3 per day. I never take a whole pill, alway break it in thirds and take little doses through-out the day.

I have noticed such a change in my personality lately, and not sure if it is from the Perc usage of  the mountain of stress and pressure I am under, whatever it is, it feels really bad. I am on vacation and only brought enough so that I could not take more than one per day. I have extended my vacation so that I could spend some time by myself to re-connect. I am also going into menopause and may contribute some of my anxiety to that, but I believe in my soul that the Percs are a problem for me. It has been two days with nothing, and I feel like I have the worse flu. Stomach, headache, tired, crying...it is awful. When I think about taking one I do a few deep breathing excercises.

I hate the way I feel :(

[backpain24]

yeah I know the pharmacist is doing his job, by the way it was 120 since last tuesday.  It is totally a catch 22.  I mean I like taking them solely because they help with my pain.  I have a degenerative disc disease and it feels like my back and spine are just crumbling.  I know all about suboxone and such, but it has gotten way out of control, I mean if I could control the pain it would be different.

[marcatj]

so what do you want to do?  what you keep saying is, you are taking approx. 10 a day, you hate it, but you have to take that many for pain (this is not a judgement, btw, i am trying to be clear here.)  so if that's the case, i'm not sure what kind of help or advice to offer..

have you tried everyting so far, for your pain?  and i mean EVERYTHING...

have you tried to reduce your dose?

actually... why don't you answer the question above first..

[backpain24]

if i reduce the dose it is still going to be in my body, if I get my prescription I will try to reduce it, but the pain is bad.  I have tried other things ; physical therapy, I had surgery on my lower back last year.  I know yor not judjing me but it is really hard.  Withdrawal sucks.  I went through withdrawal two months ago and by the third day of no sleep i went to the hospital, big mistake. they drug tested me up the wazoo.  I mean I don't do any drugs now, but whatever.  I guess the answer to all of this rambling is to reduce my dose and actually start living.   I mean I used to be so cool and now all I am is a walking ant pill adverisment.  

[marcatj]

bp - i think you nailed it.  try reducing your dose.  you are young, and you want to try to stop this now...

i get it.  i was taking 8-10 a day too.  and i can tell you, i felt exactly the way you do.

maybe the first step is to ask your parents or a good friend for help.  to give you your doses.  try to reduce it that way...

and if that doesn't work, then try c/t again.  but this time, get something ( a benzo, i suggest) to help you sleep through the w/d... lack of sleep makes it a million times worse.

it's possible to quit.  and i DO feel your pain.  and if you haven't tried every single option for your back pain yet, start trying what you haven't tried yet.  it's hard, cause when your poppin that many pills, it also makes you feel hopeless, and that there is not way out, and why bother..

but you have to bother.  you don't have a choice.

gosh i hope this helped... keep posting, know most of us have been there, and we will help you as much as we can.  you CAN get your life back.  you really can...

very warmly,
mj

[backpain24]

thank you, this forum is pretty cool.  I know i need to give my rx to my mom.  she has not tolerance for my addicitve  behavior, but ot tell you the truth each time i reduce my dose i felt better.  i knwo it is partil psyhco symatic.  I mean my brain is just filled with sh22t.  Thanks for responding.  how did everyone find eachtoher here.  you guys are pretty knowledgeable.  yeah i got no benzos that would be great.  but i can't control it.  if i have benzos i take them, as well as pain meds....how  can i go about getting my life back, who knew this would be so hard.  dr.s write rx, and kind of let you go.

[marcatj]

skip the benzo's then... definitely.  there's some folks here who can give you other suggestions for the anxiety.

and you will get your life back.  the more and more you reduce, then get off of them if you can, it just.. comes back.  it really does.

you and i are the "lucky ones" - you haven't been taking them that long, and admitted you had a problem now.  that's a very good thing.. you haven't lost 10, 15, 20 years of your life.

just being honest and asking for help is a GREAT start.  tell your mom.  have her give you your meds.  yes, you are gonna crave 10,11,12 sometimes, but that will lessen, in time...(they really don't have the same effect now as they used to anyway, do they?)   just don't forget how sh**y you feel NOW, how life is passing you by, how f***ing depressed you are...  

i too, have always been the "life of the party."  these took that away from me (I, taking them, took that away from me...)  one weekend, i googled  "pain free suicide" - f***ing scary.  never felt that way in my life, don't think i'd have done it, but the fact i even looked.. i knew then it was time to ask for help.

and to tell you the truth, i can't even remember how i found this site! i think i was googling withdrawal symptoms of hydro's, and found this...

ah buddy, you can do it.  and listen, i have to do a little running around, but i will be back.  if you need help, just ask anyone.. everyone is so, so great.

warmly,
mj

[backpain24]

thanks for replying.  i am glad you didn't kill yourself.  my brother is manic/ bi polar and i have stopped him from killing himself like 2 times.  so what is your deal, age kids, residence.  i am in nj, but i have traveled  alot htrough the us.  m family is all down by the pool but i can;t move.  hopefully i will get m rx and give it to my mom, she is like no nonsense and such.  you nailled it.  when i do reduce i do feel better, but if i have to bottle i take em.  i know i feel shitty right now but it will pass.  thanks

[marcatj]

hey bp - i'm 42, live in Los Angeles...  divorced, no kids...

you know, when my back first blew out, and i got diagnosed, the first few months i started ramping up with the pills.  i realized then i couldn't keep them with me.  so, i gave them to a girlfriend of mine.. she lives close, and for almost two months i would go in the a.m. and she'd give me 2 or 3 pills... this worked out great.  then, she just got unreliable.  so, i got them back, and again - just ramped up.  i can't have them in my possesion either... i'll just keep eatin' them.

but, i do know that when i was taking just 2 or 3, i was still "living"... i'm not advocating staying on them if you can get off them - BUT, if you can't, at least for me, my life was still ok when i just took a couple a day...anyway, you alredy know that the less you take, the better you feel...

i'm telling you, it's just so not worth it.  like i said, i've been through alot (like everyone else here..) but nothing, and i mean NOTHING - felt as hopeless and depressing and felt like complete despair like it did when i was eating all those pills every day.

so at least you know now - it CAN get better....

-mj

[backpain24]

yeah- i do feel ok when i only take a couple of pills.  but i feel like if i am on them, then i might as well be on them.  what can i do to make it better, pain wise.  what do the pharmacists do, can they call my dr, or the police, o know i am just paranoid and anxious.

[marcatj]

well, the diff. between a couple and "being on them, you may as well be ON them" is the matter of having a life or not. feeling total despair or not.   you already know the answer to that question...

did you lie or cheat on your scipt, or just ask for your refill early?

as for your back - i don't know what is wrong with it.  have you really explore EVERY option there is for your back?

[backpain24]

no i didn't, but i can just tell this pharm. thinks i m an addict.  even though i am giving him $$$$.  i am strating to feel better, i just dont know how to live life without the pills.  how did you do it. what were you taking

[marcatj]

i was taking about 8-10 norco a day - they're pretty strong...

after being off/off them for about 3 weeks, last week my back blew up again.  so, now i am back to taking a couple a day.  but this is only until next week - i am having an epidural scheduled.  for me - last week - i had to choose the lesser of 2 evils, and my back just hurt too much.

that said, i WILL stop - even the couple, once i have the epidural.  because being off them i saw how much different it was from being on them.. you don't realize just how bad it is - how bad you are - until you are off of them.  until you start to feel "normal" again.

and i will keep doing everything in my power after the epidural to stay off of them.  every treatment known to man...

and you just do get your life back.. you lived it before the pills, you'll live it after the pills.  you'll do all the stuff you did before.. why would your personality all of the sudden change?  it didn't.  it just did on the pills...  slowly but surely you start picking up the phone again, talking to people, WANTING to do things.  trust me on this.. it will just start happening - getting your life back.  if that makes sense..

[backpain24]

[backpain24]

you get it dude.  the answering the phone and not going out.  why does this happen?  ya know?  why do i want to be alone and just take percs in my room.  i am off them right now and though i feel like absolute ****, i can feel myself again, if only i could just not take pills...just had dinner with the family and it was the first time in awhile that i wasnot on percs... it felt good, not tunnel vision,but all i can think about is getting p rx.  if i get it i will def. give it to someone to holde...  I have had epidurals in the past, they work pretty well, but they are not permenant which is annoying...  thanks

[marcatj]

ah, you're welcome, my pleasure...

technically, i don't know why the isolating happens.  i just know it does.  and anyone here will tell you the same. all you wanna do it check out and be high.   i've always had a pretty good career, too, and was making a big transition as well, when this happened. needless to say, i've accomplished zero since i abused the pills.

seriously, give them to someone.  sounds like it's the only way for you... it is for me.  it will suck major for a few days (physically,) and mentally a little longer... but you gotta trust me when i tell you - life will be so much f***ing better....

good luck.  and keep posting here.  i've seen this place help SO many people... no one else gets it unless they've gone through it (just like any other thing in life...)  it was a good lesson for me - a good reminder I should say - why to not judge people, in general.  unless you've been thru it, you just have no idea...

anyway.. you'll do it.  i just get a sense - you will.

warmly,
mj

[backpain24]

my problem is going through life without them, like watching movies while on thrm.  Why do we get nothing accomplished while on them, nothing,  You think you are but end up watching Vh1 all day...have you ever abused other drugs, I mean before my injury i had never touched a perc or valium, but the night they gave me them at the ER wow- holy-  that was a long time ago  -everyone her is kicking a habit, [retty weird,,,so you were only takinng for a few weeks ????

[Member of the Tribe]

        I absolutely feel your anguish, and your addiction is alot like mine.  I also would wake in the morning and it was the first priority for me also.  I would also break my Perc's into pieces, and do them through out the day.  
        It got to the point that I was taking them not to get high anymore, but just to keep from getting sick, which is known as maintance.
        I am detoxing as I type this to you, and am approaching the end of day 5.
I'm not sure if this is your first detox or not, but if it is, it is important that you know what to expect, and there are a few things you can do to ease the pain a little, and I do stess a little.
        There are 3 parts to detoxing off of Opiates. The first is physical, the second is psychological, and the third is neurological.
        The physical withdrawal takes about 5 to 7 days and is very painful and the clock seems to tick unbelievably slow.  Days 3 and 4 are the worst. Day 5 you actually start to feel better, and each day after you feel better and better.  The withdrawal symptoms are exactly as you have discribed. Inside jitters, feeling achy, depression ( which hits me very hard ), inability to concentrate, insomnia, diarrea (diarrhea), I list depression with the physical because even know it is also psycological there are physical reasons as well.
        The psychological is for me even worse than the others for me.  I have very severe depression ( which will pass in about a week or so, you will start to feel mentally stronger day by day after that )
        As the Opiates detach themselves from the reseptors in your brain you start to feel all those aches because all of those nerve endings are coming alive again.
       The nueurological damage that has been done also takes time to correct itself.  Each time people relapse, it gets easier and easier to become addicted again, and each time the withdrawal is longer and more severe.
       Days 3 and 4 are the worst. You have to get past these days and you are almost there( don't cave in and take ANY, not even a small piece of one ) Try to lay down as much as you can on days 3 and 4. It also helps if you have support at home ( I chose to tell my wife of my addiction ) Also there is some non addicting and some addicting drugs you can get from your doctor that helps a little ( this is my second detox and I chose to do it cold turkey this time)
       You will get through this and I would be more than happy to help in any way I can! You are not alone!
       If you would like to talk more about this I will be more than happy. My Email address is ***@****. Please feel free to email me and I will try and check it through out the day. It is Monday at about 10:50 on the East coast where I am.
       This is a trap that we have fallen into and not a flaw in who you are. You will be normal again and your family will Love you for it!
       Hang in there. I'm almost in tears myself thinking about what you are going through. I know how hard the 3rd and 4th days are!
       God Bless you and you family!

[Member of the Tribe]

I guess they don't let you leave email addresses...but I'll try again here so you can email if you need too. It's pontiacrobert on yahoo... @ and .com