please help me through this

[nurseneedshelp]

I've been taking hydrocodone or percocet for about a year consistently. The most I was taking was around 5 10 mg of either per day. I've only been taking the hydro's for a couple of weeks. I worked my way down to taking 3 per day, decided i wanted to quit this week, b/c I had 4 days off. Well, i had  left, and took 1/2 today, b/c I had to go out and handle some businees , and couldn't have otherwise. But to complicate things, I have a bad sinus infection and can't quit coughing. i felt so achy, when I went to my mother's house tonight, she gave me 2 more. I took a half, then i took another 1/2 about 1 1/2 hours ago. i'm ok now, but i feel like a failure. i have two preschoolers to take care of, and have to go back to work 12 hours this weekend.  i don't know what to do. Part of me tells myself i just need to do the best i can and buy some more (i have various contacts on the street) until i can have the time and the help with the kids. I started taking them for headaches, but got hooked n them and have no insurance now, and snce I'm a nurse, I'm ashamed to ask the doctor for another prescription. I want to stop so bad, and if i could just ge through the withdrawals i know i could get my life back. i want the best for my babies, they are my world,and they deserve better than aa mother who lives for pills to function well to provide them with a loving, nurturing environment. I've got 4 clonidine 0.1mg tabs, and 20 7.5 tranzene, but my bp usually runs like 105/65 and i'm scared it will drop too low. plus, i just got out of the hospital july 4 for a spider bite that i ended up having to have surgery for and stayed in the hospital 4 days. while there i found out i am allergic to morphine, and demerol made me so high i forgot how to swallow. so i stuck to the lortabs in the hospital, but also while i was in the hospital, my bp dropped from to 80's/40's.  my bp is ok now actually was up a bit, b/c i was taking sudafed. do you think i could take the clonidine with the sudafed, or will that risk damaging my heart? i'm kinda scared b/c i don't know if i'm allergic. i just want off so bad. I pray and pray. I love Jesus and want to be a better Christian, my ambition is to be the woman in proverb's 31. i'm just so scared and confused. any help is appreciated as I've been reading lots of posts. Am I prolonging my w/d by taking 1/2 pill twicw a day? would clonidine help me, and how often? I read in my drug guide it also used for migraines, and withdrawals, and adhd. you think i could take it and work? i'm a nurse, work 12 huors. I try to be a good nurse, i treat my patients with respect and dignity, but i want to be even better, and even go back and get a master's.God has blessed me so much, and i feel like im on the verge of throwing it all away. Please help and God bless you all.

[mr.lucky66]

you are so little narcortic, you could just stop and take a few days off. Transzine isn't the greatest benzo but may work. Catepres will lower your bp some but I winged  it many times and did ok. It just makes you feel like a zoombie but less sick. I hope you can quit and avoid the diversion which isn't plesant. all the best

[marcatj]

hun, there's a number of ways to get hep.

the meetings, an addiction specialist (my choice,) therapy (also in my opinion - very helpful,) etc.

as someone said above, you're ready when you're ready.  and no "reason" will stand in your way.

please know that is not a judgement.  trust me - i've used them all.

but when it comes to your life - a REAL, true, authentic life, when you're ready, you'll do anything to get that back.

and with your faith in God, i can't imagine you don't want that true connection back. you and I both know that can't be done with an "altered" mind...

you need help, hun.  there's no shame in that.  we all did.

you'll do it.  but you gotta be ready/ready... and you will be.

when is up to you...

and keep on posting!!!!! it's a process... but one that can be conquered.

with luv,
mj

[nurseneedshelp]

thank ya'll so much. I did see the thomas recipe. I have everything except the L-tyrosine and valium, but was hoping to replace the valium with the tranzene since its a benzo diazapine. how much does catapres drop bp? i didn't have much problem when it was 80's over 40's, except that i got some periorbital edema (swelling around the eyes). I was a bit dizzy, but i didn't say anything, all that happned the day i was to go home, and i didn't want to have to stay. it resolved.
im down to a smaller amount but it is still so hard. like yesterday was my supposed quit day. i wke up around 9:30, and lasted until 2:00 pm when i took the 1/2 pill (5 mg). then i took one more 1/2 around 8 and one more 1/2 at 1:00am so i could sleep.
I was long past taking them for a buzz, i just took them to function without achy bones, creepy crawlies, and this massive headache (which is why I took them to begin with).
but i don't want to live like this, and i don't want to end up taking massive amounts to feel normal. I'm scared of the tlenol in the pills wrecking my liver.   I thank God I never took OC's or anything stronger, because if i 'm hooked on this, how much worse that will be. I have a cerain amount of willpower, but not enough, so i thank you all for your emotional and physical strength. You are all such a wonderful nonjudgemental grou of people, and God bless you all. No matter what we do, how addicted, it is not really us. its these pills and the effects hey have on our bodies that make us resort to things we neverr ever would have considered before being hooked.
It would have probably been easy for me to forge the prescriptions, the pads are so easily accessible, and the signatures could probably be easily forged, y copying something and tracing...I never tried it. of course, i've never been that desperate, but i know if it weren't for God's grace,  I could have been. No power on my own could have stopped me, for if that were the case, I coulda stopped on my own long ago..but i couldn't. now with you all, I am going to heed this advice, and formulate a plan to quit and be done with this vice (one day at a time).


I know NA meetings are anonymus, but I'm scared. We live in a small town, and it seems if you pass gas, the whole town knows what you ate for dinner.

I'm actually thankful for this experience (i will be more so once the wd are over I do realize it will be a daily battle and i must figure what im emotionally running from.

But I'd much rather have this to deal with than to never have had a problem and have the attitude a lot of my coworkers, and others have that addicts deserve whatever they get. none of us have the right to judge anyone, because we have no idea what they've gone through. What makes omeone urn to substances to numb their pain. its so wrong. Thats why Jesus spent more time with the sinner and tax collectors, because they could admit their flaws and be so thankful for forgiveness and another chance, where as the pharisees, leaders etc, were so caught up in their holier than thou attitude that they were unable to step off thier pedestals and change their own negative ways.

sorry to ramble, I'm just so thankful for the support.

Does anyone have any idea how long the wd will last, when the worst will be over, and the best way to taper/take the colnidine/tranzene.  

If i can take 1/2 pill 3 times a day, for a  couple days, then 1/2 of a 1/2 3 times per day ,then 2.5 mg twice a day for a couple of days,   would that help, or should i just take a few days off and quit cold turkey from 1/2 pills 3 x per day. im sorry, i ust want to forumate the most doable plan and stick to it.thank you for your help, i know it sounds corny, but I love ya'll, and I'll pray for ya'll when I pray for my own addiction to be loosed!
I know their is a purpose for this, and God is my witnes, when I get on the otherside of this, I am going to do all i can to help others going thru this hell on earth, that i got myself into.

[attagirl1]

I was on a small amount too for a short amount of time, and the w/d were the hardest thing I've ever done.  Take time off from work, hire a babysitter, or have friends watch kids for a couple of days and just do it.  The creepy crawlies were the worst for me, but by the end of day 3, I could function again. And on day 4, I was taking care of my kids myself.  After one week,  much better.  We think we take the drugs to be in a better mood for our kids, but we're not in a better mood, we're just high.  And to kids, mommy is acting weird again.  You can do it and we will help you.  

[helpme101107]

You sound like a very caring person and a great nurse. I am addicted to lortab 7.5 & 10's and still have not been able to stop. Its sounds like your only taking a small amount, I wish I could get down to that many each day. I am so afraid of w/d's, ive tried ct 4x and always go back.  Someone here told me that I was building it up to be much worse than it really is, because Im always dwelling on how much Im going to suffer. I dont think that you will have bad w/d due to the small amount your on. Anyway, God Bless You & Good luck.

[njfla]

I was takn norco lortab lorcet percocet prolly 10 to 15 a day. this is my 3rd day without anything. U should look up whats called the thomas recipe. its doin excellent for me n its cheap. its vitamins u can get from any gnc store probably anywhere else also. look the thomas recipe up or let me know if u want me to give it to u. u can do it ive done the pills for 5 years this my 3rd day its rough but like i said the recipe works. Good Luck

[avik7]

yeah it was waaaay to easy for me with the rx pads...i had one in my pocket or desk at all times to write the rx for the doc to sign. i was so trusted. i tapered off in 8 days and have been clean for 10. i started to feel better by day 5 or 6.

[mr.lucky66]

You are very close to breaking free of the withdrawls with half a pill. You need to take 2 days off and just take the benzo and catepres you have. I wouldn't take them any longer than a few days. You are in a tough situation and I hope you can avoid diversion if possible. Don't let anyone talk you into sub as they can be a nightmare in itself. all the best

[nurseneedshelp]

i have to go to town to pick up the remainder of the augmentin at the drug store to help this infection. i will be back asap. Thank you all so very much

[nurseneedshelp]

You are so right, I am making excuses b/c  i am scared. I"m scared i won't be able to take the wtihdrawals. I got through til 3pm yesterday and gave in. Gav e in today. I desperately want to quit. I'm just s scared. I'm separated. I kicked my husband out b/c i found out he's snorting cocaine and i think heroin too, though i don't know if you snort that I thought you just shot up heroin.  But I know that sounds like the pot calling the kettle black, but he got so meanand was stealing from me, and he hit my daughter with a belt and left a bruise, so he had to go.. I was ignorant we were separated until i bought this house in Feb, and i think he had picked it up while we were seperated before, (I had to leave him to get through nursing school and live with my parents b/c I couldn't focus while i was wih him for the cheating and he was selling weed and i wouldn't allow my child (one at the time) to be put in danger, but I put them in danger myself. Not that i take so much I can't take care of them, I take just enogh that i can take care of them. but i know any is toomuch.

The only time I asked a Dr. (a PA) was when I had the sider bite that landed me in the hospital.. I tried to work, but my inner thigh was the size of a grapefruit, so he wrote for augmentin, and Lortab 7.5. as awful as it is, they look down on "drug seekers." They've never dealt with this, or they have the power to feed their own addictions, whichever, who knows. There are prescription pads floating all over the hospital, but I've never gone that far. I'm so scared of any reprecussions. I should have been so scared to start taking them to begin with.

I had a patient Monday, she was taking 20 10mg perc, oxy, vicodin, whatever she could get her hands on, she saaid. She was trying to detox at home, but came to the er on day 3 with fever, chills, etc. She was only admtted (tho she was totally honest) for pyleonephritis. Well, I had a fall out with the md, b/c he would only treat her for the pyleonephritis, blessed me out for tying to get her ativan to help her, then precscribedd her ultam for pain, and I told her be careful b/c that could set her w/d back, I was hert broken, but powerless, I still want to call up there and tell her everything i know to help her, but am also scared it will bite me in the ***, and I need my jo too. It so hard and so wrong. But first i am a patient advocate. I'm going to call up there and talk to her bofriend today if she's still there.  

Can ya'll help me make a plan please, I truly want to help. I got God, ya'll and my kids.
Thank you for you help. It means so much.

[britney1663]

Hi and welcome to the forum! This is a great place for support...
First of all you have taken a very big step by admitting you have a problem...thats huge!
Now its a matter of making a plan to quit. You arent taking very much and I would guess that the withdrawals wouldnt be too terribly bad for you, but it is scary nonetheless. As a nurse I would think you might have access to a doctor who would help you through the wd. Im not an expert on any of this, but I really wanted to welcome you and tell you that you're going to make it!

Oh yeah! AA and NA are all about anonimity. You can be assured that if you go to a meeting your identity will be safe.

[cathy5841]

goingtomakeit always says you will quit when your desire to quit is stronger than your desire to use.  we have beent here.  it is never a good time to quit.  there is always another excuse to take another 1/2....but, dont.  you can quit.  i was snorting a ton of oxy everyday and have been clean for 7 months. (almost 8) it was not easy...actually it was hell...you have to stay focused and not give in to the urge to use.  sure i wanted to and lots of excuses to use...i had to work...the house needed cleaning ...but i didnt give in and i am a much better mother, mimi, wife and person today.  you can do this.  you just gotta do it.  good luck..if you need help let me know.

[avik7]

hi im a medical assisant that cant work in the field anymore bc of my addiction to lortabs. i had a supply of 180 every two weeks and more. ur lucky ur strong enough to work in the field bc its my passion..im not strong enough tho. if you want to quit bad enough you can do it. you will have tons of support on here. and u dont want it to get too outta control where u are writing rx for ur self or coning the drs. for yoyr families sake quit quit quit. its way too easy to get caught doing this esp working in a hosp...drs arent stupid. you can do this. let me know if i can help

[nurseneedshelp]

thank you for responding. i'm trying to do this. but i took another 1/2 just now, b/c i can't stand the creepy crawlies. i just want to smack my arms til they fall off. I wonder why i wanted to take them to start with. this is no life. like i've read before, looking for them, and the cost associated, not to mention the guilt, and the anxiety when none are to be found, but somehow, and i think its the devil, just when i make up my mind not to look anymore, the pills come to me and i can't say no. I'm scared to join a meeting, b/c of my career. i haven't resorted to drug diversion, but its an evil lurking in the back of my mind. i know i probably could, but would eventually get caught and i dont want to chance that, for m family's sake.what do i do. this is the most miserable i've ever been and all my life, i've been the rock to hold things together and now i can't even hold myself together.

[marcatj]

hi there..

listen hun, it's late, and i don't think alot of peeps are still on...

and honestly, i am half asleep myself, and don't want to give you half-a**ed advice.

so PLEASE PLEASE repost in the morning. myself and others will give you lots of info, support, and as well, you will see you are so not alone in this fight.

many - and i mean MANY - of us have either been in your shoes, or are still in your shoes. and many of us have gotten THRU this.

and know haven't done anything WRONG. now, you just need a little help. and a little strength. and there's alot of that here!

so hang on sister... help is on the way!  it's just late, so know that the cavalry will be here in the a.m.! with lots of info, and lots of support.... (and again, i'm sorry i don't have much left in me tonight - i am typing with one eye closed..)

it's gonna be ok.  i promise.  it just takes a little work is all... (I also am a Christian btw, and if you listen to that silent voice inside - when you are as "clear" as possible - you know this to be true...)

with luv,
mj