please help me

I am a 37 yr old female. I am a single mother of a 13 yr old boy. My parents died (murder,suicide) when I was just 14. I have no extended family. My son's father is in a different state and has no contact with us at all. I couldn't even find him if I tried. My problem is that I have borederline personality disorder, I am bipolar, and I have lupus. I have prided myself on relying solely upon myself and I must say that I have done quite well for the most part. 9 years ago I made the worst mistake of my life by getting involved in a relationship with a man who owns a few well established businesses with a very well to do income. He got me into cocaine...BAD MOVE on my part...we were married 2 years later. We have been married for 7 years. I do cocaine every day of my life. He still lives with the mother of his kids whom he was never married to because he says his 21 year old daughter, who at 12, didn't get along with my, then 4 yr old son, will run away if he moves in with me..so he comes every morning and leaves cocaine at my bedside....he feeds me when I wake then gives me cocaine til he leaves at 7pm, then he leaves me a pile of cocaine to get through the night. I am in no physical condition to work, I can no longer care for myself and I have gone over the edge many times......I have LITERALLY BEGGED HIM....not to give me anymore cocaine....I have BEGGED to go to REHAB.....We have no medical insurance, so I have been dealing with my lupus and mental illnesses on my own.......I don't know what to do...If I was handed a miracle of being able to get medical attention and rehabilitation..I am faced with another dilemma...no one to care for my son while I recover....I do not want him in foster care....I refuse that as an option.....HELP ME PLEASE..............I have lost my independence, my confidence, my beauty, and my will to live...... ALL OF MY CRIES HAVE FALLEN UPON DEAF EARS............................

[lonote]

So lets talk

[allaboutmary]

I'm am so sorry for your situation my heart is breaking for you. I think what you need is a complete plan. One that is set up so when you tell this man to get out of your life you will be alright. I have a friend that has lupus and had to stop working also. Your are most definatley eligble for disability. Also you are legally married to this man ?  He has been your sole provider ? See an attorney on the sly , you could actually come out of this a wealthy women. Divorce laws are different state to state so check into this.  Start stock piling any money you can get your hands on. I am asuming that you are willing to end your relationship with him to get clean and free of that lifestyle. Doesnt sound like a very healthy one if he lives with his xwife. Do you have any friends that could help?  Because once you know you can make it without this man, you will need to detox and thats the hard part. I dont know what coke addiction is like . I am a pain pill addict , but i'm sure someone here will be able to tell you about detox from coke.  Hang in there, and write me back. I'm sure all the wonderful people here will come up with some good plans for you.  Keep reading and stay with this site.  My thoughts are with you.

[hillary5]

hey there ... i read your post and your situation is f*cked up! ... as you are well aware.  Does he also do coke?  Can you find somewhere else to stay to get away from this?  there are shelters you can go to ... what state do you live in?  YOu need to get online and find out what kind of assistance you can get as far as medical and substance abuse ... how serious are you about getting help?  are you willing to leave him?  if you're married to him and he does not live w/you - that is just not right ... makes no sense ... sounds kinda fishy too ...
pls come back on here and respond so we can try to help you some .. or at least guide you in the right direction .. take care of yourself and your son ..you need to put him first and think about what this is doing to him ... i know you wouldn't want him to be an addict as i wouldn't want my kids to be ... thats why i got help and you need to get help too ... please ... traci

[jenny8575309]

Listen.....  You need to be locked up, I see it as the only way.  Are you strong enough not to reach for the straw or flush the cocaine down the toilet, and tell this guy to leave you alone?  If not then you need to be locked up for a little while.  You are hooked and your son will suffer if/when your cocaine addiction kills you.  this man doesn't love or respect you.  Get some help, Go to rehab,  you could even put your son in foster care if you needed to, unless you have other family that will take care of him.    It is possible for you and your son to live a happy, beautiful drug free life.  there is a light at the end of the tunnel, you just need to look way down deep inside of yourself, and grab that person that used to be strong, jerk her up and let her tell you what to do.  If not now WHEN?????????????????????

[liscamdave]

Are you serious?????

[jenny8575309]

If she's in a lock-down facility, she can't get any coke....

[liscamdave]

So would you say that all addicts need to be in a "lock-down" facility in order to get help?

[NautyOne]

some things just need be left to the professionals...........

[NautyOne]

In the words of the Great MC Hammer.............."Can't touch this"  I think is was MC or tone loc?

nauty...............

[liscamdave]

So let me get this straight, I am the only one that thinks locking this girl up is not appropriate? This girl obviously is in desperate need of help, and locking her up is what is going to help her? And what will become of her son? She has deep issues. The mere fact that she thinks it is ok for her husband to live with another woman is proof enough that she is severely depressed. What kind of environmental could this little boy be living in. Yes, she needs professional help, but no, she doesn't need to be locked up. It seems she has no one to turn to or she would have already. I can't even begin to think how to help this woman. But it seems as though she isn't going to get the help she so desperately needs from us.

This is so crazy.

[NautyOne]

I am with you 100%  I'm  never afraid to answer a post.......this one is very disturbing to me ......but, i so agree with you.......

Nauty...........

[eliminnopee]

     I don't want to be out of line at all, but considering all angles I have to ask.  Has anyone considered that this story is at all fabricated and everyone's getting all pissy at each other for no real reason.  I have yet to see Unheard70 post a reply and that in itself seems a bit suspicious for someone who is so desperate that they post the same thing 7-8 times.  I do not in anyway mean to undermind the problems this person is having, just thought that maybe we should consider this before we eat each others lunch.

[liscamdave]

I just think this woman is bad and in desperate need of a BOAT LOAD of help. And this is her reaching out for some sort of help. I'd hate to see her turn away because she is being told she may need to be locked up??? I mean, come on....

Hope you are good my dear!!!

xo, Lisa

[liscamdave]

Actually, to be honest, I too thought something was a little fishy about the story. I am not at all saying it is a lie, but it seemed odd to me that it was posted so many times. Maybe she really wanted to be heard (read) and answered, but maybe she didn't know how to work the forum. It can be a little confusing at first. But you are right, she didn't respond. But either way, we have to treat every post as being honest and real. We can't turn anyone away who is asking for help. So real or fake, I am going to try and help.

xo

[Shattered]

Yes ! lock her up and throw away the key!...Better yet I need to diet so lock me up so I won't be able to over eat!!


Sounds ridiuclous doesn't it

[eliminnopee]

   I understand... I just hate to see people anywhere getting on each other when it deviates from the goal of helping this person... I was just trying to put everything in perspective.

[liscamdave]

Shattered....lol....THANK YOU....


lmnop....Honey, not at all did I mean to come off mean to you. I totally understand what you meant and I agree to an extent....It is pathetic that you never know with this forum.....

xo, hope all is well...

xo

[liscamdave]

Ya see, this is what really  chapps my ***, why do some people come here and put their two cents into things and then not back it up. Now, this girl is on obvious, desperate need of serious help on many different levels. She knows she needs help and wants help or wouldn't have come here and asked for it. If one of us were told we needed to be locked up when we first came here, would you keep coming on and posting? I know that when I came here I was accepted, no questions asked. ANd I have made many friends over the last 8 months and if not for some of these people I wouldn't be where I am now. I don't see how hurting or scaring this woman more is going to help her. Yes, she needs to leave the guy, but we are not relationship counselors and yes, she needs to get professional help for her mental state, but we are not psychiatrists and she DEFINITELY needs professional help for her serious addiction, and although we are not N/A or addiction counselors, we are educated enough as a "COLLECTIVE GROUP", to friggin help this woman a little....A LITTLE.... if nothing at all.....I mean, my goodness. Has the demeanor of this forum changed so much that we can't look past all the bickering to help this woman.....

[IBKleen]

Is anyone paying attention? What? Like 17 posts here...NO response from the person who posted...let's move on folks..what do you say?

Imagine if you were the person who posted, and you walked away for a day, then came back, and you saw this???? This is sad........

Who the hell are we to judge if this is real or not? Let's pretend it is....

When I came here..I was lost, confused..it was YOU folks who guided me..

Where are you now???????

I am disgusted.

[jenny8575309]

What is so bad about suggesting rehab?  OMG!

[jenny8575309]

just used the wrong word that's all

[wickedwanderer]

no, you suggested she should be "locked up."  that's not the same as suggesting "rehab."

[jenny8575309]

And if you guys read what I wrote, i also asked her if she was stong enough to do it w/out rehab... Is she strong enough to flush it and tell him to quit giving it to her?  some of you guys are too hard on people that just want to help.  It's called tough love.  I hope she is strong enough w/out rehab, but the story didn't seem like it to me, and her post led me to suggest a more drastic option.  She even said she wanted to go to rehab!  but if you guys are going to shun me, maybe I'll just take my *** outta here.  Thanks for all the help guys

[liscamdave]

I agree with you, she does not sound strong enough to flush anything away to turn her husband away. But she came here for help. Regardless of how bad her situation is, she didn't need to be told that she should be locked up. And if it was Rehab you were suggesting, and WE got it mixed up, why on earth would you refer to it as being "Locked up"??????? The woman is scared as it is, so referring to rehab as being locked up is supposed to help her??? That is far beyond touch love. Spare me the pity party....no one is shunning you.....

[jenny8575309]

I know you guys didn't think i meant for her to turn herself in to jail?  REHAB, **** you guys!

[liscamdave]

No, I knew you meant Rehab the first time you posted it. I just didn't understand why you would refer to it as being locked up?????

[jenny8575309]

locked away from cocaine..... no access to it because there is a LOCKED door between you and it, I posted out of love, not out of hate.  

[jenny8575309]

If it were my daughter spiraling out of control, I'd beg her to go to rehab it I thought it best.  this is a forum you take the good with the bad, I apologize to all who took offense to the words i used.  My intentions were good, but anyway, sorry, I seemed to upset alot of people.  Especially to you unheard...... I'm sorry, I just said it cos I care about you, and I want you to get better, for you and your son. I'm not quite sure what i said so wrong, i mean you said you begged to go to rehab. I was just trying to give you a little push if you think that's best for you.  Sorry for being so vocal about it.  I just write, and what comes out comes out.  Anyway, unheard, I love you, and i know that inside your a great funny person, that's tons of fun to be around, and that you have the ability inside of you to change.  If your not strong enough to do it on your own, then be strong enought to let someone (re-hab) help you.  You will not be the worst case they've seen, I can promise you that, and you will not be alone, another promise, and I can a promise that you'll make some people proud of you.

[Nat12]

God Bless you and may He give you the EYES to see your beautiful little boy, whose been thru so much already, and may He give you the STRENGTH to get yourself better medically/emotionally/physically to give your child a beautiful drugfree life while he's still a teenager so that he doesn't resent you the rest of your life when he's an adult. May He give you the HEART to see what's right.

You will be in my prayers. This is so saddening.
Natasha
Mississippi

[dessss]

Agree with you 100%

This is ashame. The whole dang thread!

[imanaddict]

I agree with IBKleen...the person that is starting this post isn't responding to ANY of the MANY she has started, so moving on is probably a good idea.

[Pill Popper in AL]

I TOTALLY AGREE!!!!

[unheard70]

[addictedme]

If the only reason you got married was so you couldnt testify against him then you made a BIG mistake. The law doesnt say that you CANT testify against your husband,,it says that you cant be FORCED to testify against your husband. So put his azz in jail. You also said your child has never seen you in an inappropriate state of mind but you say your husband keeps you using cocaine 24/7. A BIG reason to put him away if you mean your not seeing your child. Your 1st step is definantly to get hubby out of the picture. gl and keep posting

[eliminnopee]

     I aplologize for insinuating you weren't telling the truth.  I only read the post and saw how people were on edge with each other .  I was only trying to defuse that a bit so they could focus on suggesting some appropriate advice.  I really don't know how to deal with a situation like that, but I do feel empathy for you.  Good luck and I hope that you can find something here, or anywhere that will ease your dillema.

[liscamdave]

Do us all a favor and only respond to a post that involves you if you are going to be negative and call us names. I was trying to help this poor girl out and nothing else.

[faith2]

My thought is that Unheard needs professional help, and that posting here isn't going to solve her problem. She's in WAY to deep and beyond the help of us.  the focus is being taken off of Unheard as this continues and everyone is startiing to point the finger at each other.   I'm not trying to take anyone's inventory because I don't want anyone taking mine.  I also believe that Unheard is sitting at her computer snorting cocaine, getting toasted, and not making much sense.  The bottom line is she needs to pick up a phone and have someone come get her and bring her, even involuntarily, to a detox, because the ending to this story is not going to be pretty.  

[unheard70]

No. I am not sitting here snorting....you also have obviously not read......i am here when i can safely be here.......and i WANT IN REHAB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[tobybear]

Some way, one day, you will find a way out.  Things may look hopeless now, but if you try to stop using, and try to keep a clear head, you will find that you may have overlooked  a way out.  I know from experience that using messes up your thinking.  Things will get better when you are able to think with a clear head.  I am keeping you in my prayers.

God Bless
Tobybear

[wait2long]

after reading her most recent post "TAHELL WITH YA'LL"... she is in need of professional help...i agree with you totally...she needs to take the first step herself to get help, no one here can rescue her or take that first step...she also did mention her numerous mental illnesses, maybe she is in need of more than just rehab...the term locked up could also mean a mental help facility (hospital).. which i am familiar with all to well...(no offense liscamdave)  i have a few mentally ill relatives who are also addicts... rehab isnt always approriate in these types of situations, my father-in-law has just been committed to an institution for life...hence the term "locked up", not sure if the term is appropriate, but it is used in some of these situations i described...

i am just at a loss of where to start or what to say, so i will keep my distance... but remember all...we all had to take that first step ourselves...with guidance...but the first step was up to us...

[faith2]

If you want to go to rehab you should pick up the phone RIGHT NOW. You keep saying you want to, but you don't do anything about it.  NOTHING CHANGES IF NOTHING CHANGES - take my word for it.  You're talking to addicts here, some of whom have a lot of recovery and know what they're talking about.  I've been clean twice before, two years each time, I know what the word DESPERATION means!!!  I know you're worried about your child, that would be the first thing on my mind too, but if you keep doing what you're doing, you won't have him either, you will have nothing, you will be bankrupct mentally and spiritually.  You're on this site being angry at people who are trying to help you, and the question you have to ask yourself is...............................why??????????

[TimH2]

What does this pig of a man want in return for giving you all this cocoaine?