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pleeeeeeaseeeeeee help me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

MY BOYFRIEND OF FOUR YEARS HAS BEEN OFF OF COCAINE NOW FOR ABOUT 3 YEARS HE STOPPED COLD TURKEY AND I THINK HE HAS SLIPPED AND I AM WORRIED ABOUT THE INTIAL ADDICTION MAKING IT HARD TO GET THROUGH TO HIM I AM WORRIED SICK, HE HASEN'T EATEN IN A WEEK , HE HAS NO APPITITE, HE SHAKES AND TWITCHES AND HE IS CRONICALLY UPSET AND RUN DOWN LOOKING. PLEEEEEEEEEEASE SOME ADVICE. I KNOW I MAY NOT HAVE THE RIGHT TO POST HERE SINCE I AM NOT AN ADDICT MYSELF, BUT I AM SICK WITH WORRY, SOMEONE, ANYONE, PLEASE, SOME ADVICE.
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Avatar universal
pjn
I'm sorry to say that until he does get clean it will never be any easier. Just tell him, with all the love in your heart, that if he loves you he will clean up. Let him know that you will be there for him. Only for a shoulder to cry on, nothing else. That would enable him.  If he doesn's sweetheart run for the hills. Why do you think I got on vicodin at age 40 and never been addicted to anything my whole life except cigaretts?  It's almost unbearable.  But give him the chance of helping him first if you love him. If he doesn't then at least you did all you could.  Who knows, losing you may be his "rock bottom"
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Thanks for your response.  Until very recently, I was 100% committed to stick through this with him for the long haul.  Now, he is making that difficult.  I've always tried to make it very clear that I don't want to move forward to marriage until he's clean, but that I'm willing to wait.  I've always had hope.  Recently though (these past couple months) it seems like he's trying to push me away one minute then pull me back the next.  He's broken up with me so many times I've lost count.  It has hurt, of course, but I've just sortof attributed it to moodiness due to the the drugs and waited for him to calm back down.  Now he says he's really committed to quitting (again).  I want with all my heart to believe him.  I've been honest about being willing to wait until he has some "clean" time.  Then, I'll be willing to try to rebuild our relationship.  To me, it seems like this could be a GREAT thing in our relationship.  

But, to him, this seems to be the end of the relationship.  He just keeps saying that I don't love him and that I'm not supporting him.  He's saying very unkind things to me -- even suggested that I was seeing someone else which is absolutely crazy!  

In my mind, it makes sense for me to "protect" myself from the dangers of his active drug abuse.  You, as addicts, know better than anyone how destructive that can be in a person's life.  I love this man VERY much and I would like to have a future with him.  I do not, however, see how it would help us in any way for me to allow him to spend all of my savings along with his own on drugs.  And, I do not want to subject myself to the dangers that come with associating with drug dealers.  I've heard over and over that an addict has to hit "rock bottom" before quitting.  As much as I love him, I do not want my life to be totally destroyed along with his if he continues this downward spiral.  I would love to have his children someday... but I do not want to do that with him today as I feel that the drugs may potentially cause birth defects.  All of these things are not attacks against him.  Rather, they are just facts as I see them.  

I'm sorry for going on and on... I'm just very hurt and confused right now.  I love this man.  It is VERY difficult to watch him slowly die and it is equally painful to hear him say over and over how I'm hurting him.  He is constantly "pushing" me to end our relationship once and for all or to commit today to marrying him.  I do not want to end it, but do not feel that I can make any promises about the rest of my life when his behavior is erratic due to drug abuse.

Does this get any easier?
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
pjn
I know what you mean. My husband is a crack addict. He's been clean from it for about 2 years, but he uses weed to stay off.  He's been in 4 rehabs, and left me 4 times for other women that he thought was more understanding of him. Is this unbelievable or what? Then he begs to come because he made as addicts usually do.  I've been fight this for 20 years. I'll bet that discourages you. But don't let it. We have 3 wonderful children. I've always heard the saying, "By the grace of God there goes I". When he left the last time I couldn't handle it and started using vicodin. I've used it for 2 years and only on day 4 of withdrawal. I now know what he's going through and will never judge him about the drugs again. As for the women, that's a whole other story. Just remember if you love him, help and have compassion, but don't enable him. Tell him you are keeping your distance until he wants real help but you will never desert him. Your always there. Remember love is unconditional. Soon he will want what you have. Peace. Hope this helps. Maybe God sent him to you. Maybe you are his guardian angel.
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Avatar universal
lme
I'm so sorry.  I've been where you are and it's a nightmare.  Worrying and tiptoing around, hoping and holding your breath.
The most important (and hardest) thing I learned was: Let go and let God.
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Avatar universal
Sorry to hijack a post, but my questions is sortof along the same lines...  Have you, as addicts, found that you resent those around you who are supportive in your efforts to stop?

I'm in a serious relationship with someone who has been trying to stop abusing oxycontin for a couple of years now.  I know that he really wants to stop and I've tried to be supportive in all of his efforts.  BUT, I recently had to stand firm on my position that the relationship cannot progress any further (marriage) until he gets some serious clean time under his belt... way more than a month - preferably 6 months to a year.  I do believe that we could have a wonderful future w/out the drugs.  Lately, I've started to withdraw from him to try to let him battle this addiction on his own since experience has taught me that there isn't really anything I can to to help but that does NOT mean I don't care.. just that I will not play an active role in this seemingly never-ending saga any longer.

His point of view is that I'm not supportive of him and that I no longer love him.  He seems to be interpreting everything I do or don't do as a reason to end the relationship.

Have you found that it is possible to maintain relationships while fighting addiction?
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Avatar universal
hi and welcome.  you have just as much of a right to post here as anyone else, and friends/family of addicts need just as much support as the addict themselves - in my humble opinion.

i have heard that w/d from coke isn't life threatening - only feels miserable.  i agree with whoever said it that you need to confront him.  maybe you could confront him with some other people who care about him...like an intervention of sorts.

however, it always comes down to the addict and whether or not they are ready/willing to do what they need to do - good luck.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Thanks for responding..  I've been right there through many withdrawls (terrible things!), treatment, 12-step meetings, and anything else positive he did.  It is just so draining for me to get so involved then see him go out an use again.  Now I'm beginning to wonder if I helped, made it worse, or made no difference at all..  know what I mean?
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
hi and welcome.  my husband has stuck with me during my battle with addiction.  there have been times i've wondered if i could have handled it as well as he did (and is).  it will never really be over, but he stuck by me thru all the times i went thru withdrawl, all the different doc's visits, two inpatient detox hospitals and even paid the bill for my visit to a clinic in florida (i live in boston).  so, yes it is possible.  however, i have heard and read (here) about many failed relationships because of addiction.  you are a good person to stick by him, but if he isn't serious, you need to do what is right for you.  if you give an ultimatum, you have to stick by it, ya know?  good luck:)
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Cocaine withdrawal will make you feel shitty, but is mostly mental, as I understand it. The cravings are intense. This is something your boyfriend has to do himself, but let him know you are here and willing to help. He's lucky he has that. Tell him to please be honest with you, that you're not here to judge but to help. And welcome here! You can, of course, post anytime. This forum is for everyone to discuss addiction and its problems.
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Avatar universal
Welcome to the forum!  A lot of people here are dealing with those kinds of problems, including myself.  I was addicted to another drug (not cocaine) but  just to let you know... things will graually get better.  I've been clean  going on 10 days now.  It's still rough but the worst of the withdrawls are gone.  Your boyfriend has a lot of make up time to deal with, especially considering the length of time he took the drug.  Let him know he doesn't have to do it alone, there is help out there for people like us and it REALLY helps to get through these rough times.  Keep posting and let us know how things are going.  Best of luck and God Bless.

~kell
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
been thru hell myself with drugs period. and if you want to help him confront him ask him whats going on and you show that you will support him to go get help.  Tell him you know by his behaviors and from what you wrote you do know
Helpful - 0
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