post acute withdrawl - alcohol and poly substance

[magot2014]

hello   I was sober for 10 years made the mistake of slowly moving away from the program as I had gotten so busy.  eventually didn't go at all.  took 6 months but eventually had no mental defense and someone handed me an excstacy and it sounded like a great idea.  stayed out for a year and a half.  lost everything.  went to 7 detoxes.  finally I have about 6 weeks sober but have had 3 seizures in the last two weeks, from injuring my brain from overdoses and triggered by high stress im under (according to nuerologist) need an MRI but only have Medical so have to wait.  cant seem to get a job, which had never been a problem, about to lose car, etc.  just trying to stay in faith and when I get paniced I loo at everything and focus on the things outside of myself and breathe.  stress is too dangerous...fear is too painful.  I never want to go down that road again.  anyone else have seizures this far into the process, from drug use and benzo withdrawl>?  used to laugh at the commercial "this is your brain on drugs" but I guess they weren't kidding"

[EvolverU]

Margot,

It sounds like we have a couple of things in common. I was never an Olympic sleeper myself. It's been really rough since my detox 1 yr. & 7 mos. ago. I'm also a big meditation/contemplative prayer fan. It really helps but it definitely takes practice & discipline to build on it. I cut out coffee back in Feb. of this year but was still smoking cigarettes. I stopped smoking cigs 10 days ago but ironically have been drinking coffee in the morning for those ten days @ the place I've been staying! (Someday, I'll get it right. ;)

Also, in response to your surprise about the 'Maggot' thing..some people feel so badly about themselves & their situations -- you'd be surprised @ the usernames they choose!

Suggestion: If you're into it, please go to the Addiction: Social Community forum (go to the general listing of all MH forums & click on the link). You'll see a post by lulu747 re: meditation. It's a Yoga Nidra & it works pretty well. :))

[magot2014]

wreckage of the past....all kinds....ive always had trouble sleeping, hence the pill popping.....the best thing is meditation though im not there yet this time round.  I know coffee is bad it stays in your system for 9 hours...

[EvolverU]

How long have you been sleepless? (I too went a very long time -- as did a few others here). Do you attribute it to the benzos? Are you managing to eat, exercise & hydrate well? When you say wreckage, do you mean general medical & psychological damage from sleeplessness or an actual vehicular accident?

Glad to hear that you're working the steps & are excited about it!

[magot2014]

everything is ok in the realm of being sober, albeit not sleeping and kind of worried about wreckage.  on 3rd step and cant wait to do 4th perhaps doors will open after that happens....?  Maggot?  who would say that lol.  thank you everyone who replied.  Sobriety is not for wimps for sure, but it beats the alternative.....

M

[EvolverU]

(Well, that IS good news, Margot! In that case, I change the above to an 'atta girl. The Maggot thing sounded really 'male' somehow :)

Please, keep in touch & let us know how it's going, Okay?

[magot2014]

thank you for your kind words and .....oh no that is a typo it is margot lol I hope I can fix that!  :)

[EvolverU]

Hi there & Congrats on your 6 weeks!

I personally believe that alcohol & benzos represent a particularly difficult challenge to heal from neurally (as well as barbituates). Please, stick w/ it & think long term b/c 6 weeks is actually a pretty short amount of time when it comes to healing particularly with the sort of issues you mentioned. I'd take heart from Spider's story above. You can do this & you WILL heal. It just takes time, faith in the process, vigilance over your sobriety & 'eye-on-the-prizeness'. (Yeah, I know ..so simple, eh?;))

I just wanted to applaud what you're doing. (Give you an 'atta boy) & tell you that all you've been through & what you're going through now are not for nought! What you're doing is possibly the bravest, wisest & most life-affirming thing that a person can do for themselves & their nearest & dearest. So..Please, Hold Fast!

Also, perhaps I'm reading/understanding your 'handle' incorrectly (you don't mean 'maggot' do you?) If so,-- you deserve better. Maybe we could work on a new one. If I've misunderstood..this paragraph will self-destruct in 7 secs.. :))

[lulu747]

Welcome back to the clean life and so glad you made it to tell your story.
I discovered the following today- sent by my yoga teacher as I am bed bound and unable to attend class in person.  It is Yoga Nidra and focuses on pain, addiction, and insomnia.  Hope it helps you find peace.

Time to get back into making your recovery your #1 priority.  Everything else will fall into place.

Lu
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YUtbkEGv5NU&list=UUo6uPgM3J-n69u6iRPro5lw

[Czezcky]

Most important post in the forum, you remind us all what can happen if you pick up. Sorry you paid such a heavy price for your lesson. Prayers.

[Gettingalifeagain]

Welcome...I too had a chunk of sobriety, over 5 years, and I got my hands o Percocet.  I went back out for 2 years.  Only sober now 48 days.  Currently on Suboxone for withdrawal.  So I'm not 100% clean yet.  My thinking is not the same ... forgetful, no concentration, like you, I stay in the faith.
I too used to think that commercial was over rated, didn't get it, do now...blessings on your journey...

[spider6]

Hi, welcome.   I jumped from a very large dose of Xanax years ago....very large....near the end it was upwards of 40 .5mgs most days, sometimes more.  I was very lucky......no seizures but my "reality" was f*cked for months!  It was the most surreal thing I've ever gone through and it took well over a year to get over it.......but I did.....

I pray for your success friend.  The thoughts of what I went through make me shudder and I'm sending prayers of strength that you will fly through this as unscathed as possible but just enough to remind you of hell if you ever want to visit again.  

Bless your soul and peace out to you.  Hugs