powerlesness/ and the higher power thing

the 12 step programs , say we are powerlss over our reactions
to people ,places and things, we are not pwerless over people
places and things, for instance they say we are powerless over addiction, where is addiction ? it is inside of us, thus we are powerless over our reactions.
ir a peron called you an *******  very loudly at the acme
and there we a lot of people around, our  instant reaction
is probley anger or we are hurt by it.
but we are not poweless to the point of not being able to do
any thing about it, this happened to me many years ago and i
was  stunned and embarrassed, those feelings i had no controll over,
but i looked around to see how many people heard him say it,
and then i went over to him and punched him right in the mouth and knocked him out.so i was not powerless over him. just my reaction inside. and that is where addiction is inside me.
when my kids were small they would do things that would get me upset, i was powerless over those feeling , but i was not powerless over my children, the got punished and learned not to do those things that upset me.

if i drink coffee at night  i am powerless over my reaction to it
because it will keep me up all night, but i am not powerless over  coffee , i just stoped drinking it at night.

as far as the higher power thing. we should set aside our differences in this area . and just deal with addiction.
allow people there beleifs, what ever they are.

albert einstine said ther are 2 ways to lok at the universe
either everything is a miricle, or nothing is a miricle

[groovygirl]

i wonder what albert meant by that...i usually like deep stuff like that, but i really don't understand that particular one.  i don't think everything is a miracle, but i don't think everything is not a miracle...i mean some things seem to be, but not everything.  is it an all or nothing type of thing that he meant?  hmmm...just gives me one more thing to fill up the already soaked sponge of a brain i have.  i think your brain is like a sponge...when you are young, it is so ready to start filling up with knowledge, and as you get older and it get's more and more full, drops of knowledge start to drip out of it...drip, drip drip....there goes something else i used to know.  do you think opiate abuse worsens this process tremendously?

[GOD]

Hippy...

I liked your post! deep, man.

Groovy,
I liked what you said about the brain being like a sponge, and as we get older it's leaking... But I look at the "leaking" as the spreading of knowlede around, rather than you actually losing it.

As to whether Opiate use "Hurts" our brains, I tend to think that it is not "Damaging" like Alcohol is...

Frank

[Sean5110]

Before I head home from an incredibly unproductive day at the bank, I just wanted to touch on your post from above, or really, your comments regarding Hippy's. I am amused only because I was just having a conversation with the most egg-headed friend I have (he is incredibly honest, intellectually; you know, the kind who is willing to change his idea should a more logical one be proven). Well, he really is smart and has toyed endless with that concept of Einstein's, "Either everything is a miracle or nothing is a miracle". My friend puts it this way, "An atheist is forced to concede there is no such thing as free will and that the universe has always existed" (believe it or not, these must be the underlying assumptions of one who asserts there is no God. I am convinced of this because my friend has painfully dragged me over the several step equation that leads there (let's not forget, if there is a God, He's very logical)).

Simply put I think, the miracle quote would go something like this: If the universe and we are created by a someone, than that someone authored the laws of physics and all of science out of thin air! A miracle! If there is no God, then there is no real purpose to anything, we're all just the bi-product of accidental and random causation. If we interject that we still can try to love eachother and at least bear this accidental existence in the best possible way, we're making tons of assumptions. Like, where did this "love" thing come from? and if all is caused accidentally than I am part of that accident and am therfore powerless to start arranging things in a non-accidental way, and, what is there in all of my experience that indicates result without causation (ie something coming from nothing, or just always existing in its own unintentional way)?

You see, it's like it's all or nothing.

I have the sneaking suspicion that I'm starting to get people looking at me the same way that I sometime look at my friend.

OK Sean, don't eat a pill tonight. Try not to eat a pill tommorow...

[hippy]

good to here from ya , alway like reading your post.
one thing about alberts little quote ther tell me
something about him , that is in  looking at things
in one extreem ot he other , he might have been an addict,
because  addicts are extreemist, not saying that he was a drug user or anything like that but i think he had an addictive presonalty , i know he medatated for 4 or 5 hours a day.
which is another extreem, he also was the best at what he did.
but when he looked at the unuverse and how it appered to him
he thought , there was probley no was it was random.
that was just his take.
on the loss of memorey i think opaite use has negitive effects
on our memory.i personally have gone out of my way to free my mind of all the clutter in there.my best freind has a head
that is always raceing and full of all kinds of meaningless
facts and info.
when i 1st got clean i had a head that would race and never shut off. the quieting of the mind , i find to be a very peacefull
thing, and i will alway strive for that.
i just have to keep notes, so i don't forget the things i need to rember. i think taking notes in genral is a good idea,
just think of all the good jokes you have heard over the years
how many can you rember , i can only rember a few , but if i
wrote them all down over the years  i could be a comidian,
i have heard so many good ones.

i hope all is well with the famly , and the little kitty, and
the new house, by the way have you heard from our good freind gwh.
i really miss that son of gun, he has so much to offer,
it would be nice to see him involved  with the fourm right
now with all the people getting clean and doin so well.
his input is missed, i will keep him in my prayers.
talk to ya later groov
michael

[mrstracy777]

I've gone 10 days now without hydros, my new family doc put me on ultram for disc herniation L4-L5. They seem to work some but not alot. I have an appointment to see a pain management anesthesiologist. But my question was, about a month ago I went to an emergency room for back pain and waited about 20 minutes before the Dr. came in and proceeded to chew me out about going to emergency rooms and told me how many times and what pharmacy I used and what I took. How in the world do they get all that info if you don't tell them. I don't want to use anymore , I have been totally honest with my new Dr. but I don't want to be labeled for the rest of my life if I have a legit injury also. Has this happened to anyone else with your medical records. I'd like to know if it's legal for them to get that kind of info.

Thanks for being there, I read your posts daily, but sometimes I'm too afraid to post back.

[mrstracy777]

let me clarify that last statement. I'm not afraid of you all or writing, I just don't want my hubby to know I'm "chatting" with anyone. He's the extremely jealous type and would be really ticked off. You all are great!!!

[bmac]

Yes they know everything.These days the medical and Rx records are kept so they all have a data base and can pull up your SS
NUMBER and find out anything they want to about the doctors you see and the RX's where you fill the scripts.When you go into an
office and sign that form giving them the right to all your records and you have to sign it,They can get into that data base and everything is there.That's how they catch so many people doc shopping and going to different Rx's.If you don't use your insurance and use a certain Rx sometimes you can get away with it.But basically they have your records under your SS number on a nation wide data base.Good Luck
                           bmac

[Sean5110]

Bill and all, thank you for your greeting! I'm glad to be putting more distance between me and those pills. I'm incredibly grateful to be given another opportunity to succeed and that I did not succeed in completely destroying my family, as could have been so possible over ther previous months of drug abuse and prescription forgery. I can't believe it; I feel like Jimmy Stewart at the end of It's A Wonderful Life! Accepting of course, my days are just filled with vacillating emotions all scrambled and intense.

I have this enlivened appreciation and intense longing for my wife and kids. It's like I can't tell them enough that I love them and my heart hurts to give each one a huge dose of attention and affection. And that's hard in my case because they're a pretty big crew already and we're adding another to the mix. But man, I'll die trying.

Today is my last buprenorphine dosage, so I guess I'll see tommorow what the residual of all of this is. I have a feeling that lethary will only increase, but that is better than the alternative by a long shot.

Thanks all!
Sean

[GOD]

Hi guys!
I had 2 questions aimed at the administration at this forum--

1.) Could you please POST the address and PAY TO THE ORDER OF for this website to make a VOLENTARY monetary contribution? I know that it takes time and effort to run a site like this, and this site has helped me more than any shrink has! (Psychologists cost a LOT more by the way...)

2.) This current string is/was about peoples belief or disbelief in a "Higher Power", Physics (especially the Unification theory), and 12 step programs in general... I posted an answer or statement to Groovy concerning her First comment on this string. My post has seemingly disappeared. I would like to know "Why" it was removed. It did not contain profanity, personal info, or insulting language. Is there another rule that I am not aware of that has caused the removal? If so, could you post a refresher concerning what is allowed on this forum and what is inappropriate?

Thanks for your reply!
Jess P.

[puma]

Jessearpy,

I have noticed many of my posts missing too especially from the initial boards thread headers.

Then while re-reading the entire thread, my comment will be there along with others not listed either. Than later my commment is back on the thread list, only for the next day, it to be gone again. I also do not use profanity. I think it is a computer glitch of some sort due to memory capacity and/or compression of files at the server, especially the longer posts so as to fit more data in. Just my opinion.

Chatahan

[bmac]

What happened to all the post on this thread.I swear it wasn't me this time.They are gone.I read Jesse' post about them and looked and yes they are gone.I noticed several others missing from other threads,what's going on?Anyone know?
                                 bmac

[athena]

Good morning.Are you having a dreary rainy day too?I hope not,it doesn't help my pathetic attitude at all....lol You are a day ahead of me gb so I kinda look up to you..OOOOH the pressure of that lol Cin is one day behind me so I have to be a good influence lol I hope the empty feelings are getting a little better.I am having them also.It will get better though.You have that prescious little boy to think of and the little goldens.Oh yeah,and your wife lol Have a great day.

pix

[groovygirl]

the buprenex that i take has helped my migraines SO much, however, i feel as tho it has robbed me of my emotions.  i used to be very emotional and sensitive.  AND, i used to be very motivated and enthusiastic...now i feel like i am a robot...i go thru my day with the least amount of effort necessary.  i don't get excited about things that used to thrill me.  i don't understand it...i am taking small amounts, and it still has this effect.  do you have any insight into this?  

[athena]

Good morning to all.I hope everyone is having a peaceful,painfree day.Ok,maybe some will never be painfree,but you know what I mean lol I just have to put my 2 cents in about a higher power.Yes there is obviously something to the theory of evolution,but there is just as much scientific evidence that the events in the bible have actually taken place.I kind of subscribe to both theories in a way.I think that evolution has triggered the creation to of some things,but I also believe that God created modern man in his own image.Anyway,the bottom line is FAITH.I dont think I could get through a day on this earth without the belief in a power higher than myself.What would be the point of our struggles if this is all there is?I am not trying to influence anyone one way or another.For me though,there is no alternative but faith in something far greater than myself.Sorry that was 5 cents lol

pixi

[bmac]

How are you today?I really enjoyed your posts yesterday,sounded like you are taking back your life.I hope so!You will find as each day passes it will get better and better.I never thought I would get to day 51!This is a small miracle in my life.I feel
like a human being again.Even had a real massage yesterday from a massage therapist and I just about could not roll out of bed the AM.Man I hurt all over but it's one of those good hurts.Like I have been working out all night.Well Sean let us know about today.          
                            bmac

[bmac]

You are welcome to put your 5 cents in anytime.I hope this dreary
day clers up.I am so tired of rain.Maybe it will clear for this weekend and we can get back to football!lol.I hope you have a better day today!
                            bmac

[CinCee]

Good morning.

[deva]

have you ever heard of the unified field?its the science behind the claim that we all come from one conected space or feils.not to get to sciency with you because as much science supports it,also spiritualality supports it too.i personally think that the quote you use all miracle or none has to do with the reality that all is inner connected depending on how you view life.you may think ,all is is amazing,no matter what you may feel,that in fact there is a larger design at work.for instance:i never used drugs before,now im addicted...because of my pain...nonetheless,im an addict.i would have before looked upon those using meds to get high as those without intelligence.or maybe i might have thought they less than me.but as the design would have it,i became an adict to experience these emotions,this struggle,this turmoil...to lend my hand to those in need that i have suddenly realized are everywhere in society.my becoming an addict has made me a better person,and ive opened my mind and heart to those outside of the "righteous world".ive a best friend who has fibromyalgia,and it struck her after her c-section.if id never been here,where i am,addicted to pain meds,because my back is agony,then id not be able to see her struggle with her mentality or her depression that shes addicted.it just so happens,she told me that shes always seen me as her big sister,and she couldnt make it through another day without someone understanding her pain and guilt and various emotions associated with being in chronic pain.THIS IS THE MIRACLE THEORY,EVERY THING HAS A GREATER DESIGN THAN VISABLE TO THE EYE AT FIRST GLANCE,THE UNIFIED FIELD WHERE WE ALL MELD INTO ONE ANOTHER AND ALL ARE ONE ...UNIFIED.the "not miracle" outlook,has to do with the opposite view,which is still unified.without darkness,how can you compare the strength of the light?you cant see light or dark without one or the other.yin-yan,black-white,miracle-science.i personally have studied this theory and havce come to conclude that everything has an origin..in and of itself.the knower,the known,and the process of knowing.in this we all have the ability to be someplace and noplace at the same time.we are evolving together at the risk of no-one and everyone,at once.all love ..deva

[bmac]

Good morning to you right back.How are you today? I hope things have settled down for you a bit.It must be hard to deal with
others problem when you have problems yourself.I hope today will
be better for you.
                           bmac

[CinCee]

We went to another meeting (AA), I think it's helped tremendously.  She's pretty much stopped talking about finding the meds.  At least she wasn't going that way last night.  We were talking more about how and why AA works.

I am just not doing well with my own pain.  Prednizone is doing nothing for it.  My mood is in the basement.  I'm telling myself to hold on until my family leaves, because the pain may get better without the stress.  If I go onto to meds now... well, I just can't.

[Sean5110]

So glad to hear your voice! I'm relieved that the chinese fire drill has abated somewhat and even more relieved that you and your sis are getting to meetings. How long, pray tell, does the blessed visitation last?

My brother-in-law was on prednizone for years (I'm assuming) and he got off it a few months ago. I really am not aware of the details of his circumstance but his mom told me that it was a very difficult time for him.

I just want to let you know I'm thinking about you and your circumstances today. Please be very good to yourself.

Sean

[CinCee]

Thanks for your reply.
It lasts until Tuesday morning.  One good thing is that my husband came home from a trip late last night.  Having him home for the next 3 days will help a lot.

The pred. is only for 5 days, but the very fact that it's not working is discouraging because of what that indicates - that my disc problems may not be inflammatory and are mechanical instead.  The only way out of that may be surgery, altho the way I feel right now, i would do surgery in a heartbeat.

Trying to be patient.  And enjoy all the children around here.  And thank God that my own child is stable at the moment.

Sean, you don't write like a banker.

[suzieneedshelp]

Heya ya'll.  I'm from the south so hence the ya'll.  Any way...Cincee...take care of your self. Sorry about yur pain.  Man we all have it here dont we?
mmmm... this cappochino is grrreat!
(p.s. people I'm a terrible speller so please forgive)  
Sean...you too buddy.  U seem like a really cool guy.  Take care
Hippy n Groovey...Hmmm...interesting conversation.  Einstein was dyslexic they say as well.  My daughter is too.  The universe is such a mystery.  (aww..my cat is racing rouund the house..having a blast!)  And yes I tend to think if its all or nothing then it all is a miracle..either way you look at it.  If it is a grand plan ( which I believe it is) or if it is just haphazzard circumstance.  Pretty amazing..the stars, the planets, life on earth, the balance of nature, photosynthesis, human emotions, the mind, falling in love, sex!, the pure joy and innocense of a child...man..its all pretty awesome when you think about it.  I mean how can the tiniest thing like an atom make a humongous explosion that destroys a city?
We just get so wrapped up in ourselves that we lose sight of the miracles aroudn us every day.    
Well ya'll.. I have a pretty stressful day ahead.  Meeting my x to help him at one of our apartments.  Not fun!
Take care of your deep selves.
Life can be so fab...Make this day your day..its all we have!
Suzie

[Chezz]

Sean, I am so glad to see you doing well with your detox. I am sure it has to be a relief after the preceding 3 weeks of craziness you had. I am also glad to see your family has played an important role in keeping your spirits up. The stories of your kids really made me smile for you.

Cincee, I hope things will ease up for you. I am sure you are right about the stress and your family being there contributing to your pain and stiffness. Hopefully things will get better as the days move forward. Does it take prednizone a few days to catch up and work? That is the way I remember it last time I took it. Also, its only for 5 days? I hope it will at least help some through the weekend.
Chezz

[athena]

Hi sean,I have been reading all your posts and am so happy to see how far you have come this week.You must be a fantastic person.You can hear the caring and compassion in your words.Your love for your family is so touching.Where are all the guys like you?Not around here lol I wish you the best.Keep up the good work,your life is waiting.

pixi

[athena]

I sure do know what you mean about missing the warm fuzzies.I still dream about those damn pills.Maybe they are actually nightmares lol I know how stressful a major change can be(back to work)It is probably really scarey,especially without that boost of confidence the hydro gave us.You will be just fine though.I have said a special prayer just for you tonight.After you get back into the swing of things,your mind will be so occupied with other things that maybe it will give you a break from thinking about whats missing.I really do understand that feeling that something just isn't right.I know it will get better in time though.Hope you have a peaceful night.

PS
Im going to try a few puffs and see if it helps.

pix

[athena]

You do know I was teasing you right?We all have our own beliefs,nothing wrong with that.We do have to believe in ourselves also.Im soooo jealous of your weather.It's gloomy around here.Oh yeah,I never have mentioned the lupus.I feel like an old broken down old hag sometimes so I try to pretend (in my own mind) that Im happy,healthy and RICH lol By the way,I dont care what your beliefs are.you are a good person and I love chatting with you.Too mushy?Ok you old windbag,get back to me and make me laugh!lol

PS
Im a Tennessee hillbilly.......No accent though,I was born in Ohio.

pix

[mrstracy777]

Thanks for the info. I have no insurance so I haven't been using any. I basically just went to the ER when I had pain or a problem. That's what confused me so much when the Dr. came back with even my gynecologists name. I feel that is pretty intrusive. I wasn't aware that going to different ER's was a crime til the emergency room doc told me I was goin to jail. You know what they say though.

It'll take you further than you wanna go
Keep you longer than you wanna stay
And cost you more than you could ever pay!!!

[Sean5110]

Thanks so much for you kindness and encouragement. It's so ironic that, while it is so true that it is the people in my life who are my reason for living, I still take the bait (or, took the bait, I should say) and allow darkness to whisper and lure me into its corner where all forms of anti-social germs fester.

And I am not naive at all to the fact that I was making it quite clear whom I put first when I was out committing felonies to obtain pills to give me a certain feeling that I wanted. My wife and four + 1 children have absolutely zero capacity to provide for their own material needs. They depend completely on me and I am keenly aware of that 'me' that casts even the closest and innocent lives aside in pursuit of ruthless want.

But the supreme act of exerting my will in favor of what is good and right is all that separates me from that demon. And when that happens, as is has, and I'll add, in no small part due to you folks (!!), life returns and I'm left blinking in the new daylight and I'm hungry to share real love with those entrusted to my care.

Pixi, thank you again for your post. I pray a wonderful day on you and yours!

Sean

[OxyDout]

I haven't been posting, I just don't have fun posting anymore, I feel like Im surrounding myself with the talk of drugs..... I don't like it, I actually hate it, I'm sick of it, I don't even want to get high anymore. Its been an up and down struggle for a long while.  I finally got methadone last week but only 30mg, which didn't cut it.  so I got 80mg(2 40mg wafers) at the beginning of the week. I took 15 the first 2 days, then 10 yesterday and will take 7.5 today.  It works wonders, well only at these low doses, if I had been taking more I would become addicted to methadone as well.........  

Anyway, long story short, I feel like i have connected mentally and spiritually....... I can see the road ahead of me know, and I WANT TO BE SOBER, I have not felt like this in over 3 years and I know this is it.  You know how some people say it will just kind of click......... Well it took a good year and a half of slip ups but I'm finally where I need to be.  I know it will be tough but I also know that I have reached my limit......  I don't think about drugs anymore, literally.  All I think about is work. I work from 8am till about 6:30 everyday now, not because I have to, but because I'm more focused.  

I just wanted to catch you up and tell you thanks for asking about me, I'm doing well and  hope the same for you.

GWH

[percsnomas]

Great to read your update !!
I'm happy for you.
GOOD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Take Care

[bmac]

It is ashamed the way they can collect your personal info but that is just the way it is.All the illegal drug use and doc chasing has made the medical community paraniod.The fact is that
they have a legal right to collect medical data on anyone that comes their way,it's sad.
                      bmac

[mrstracy777]

I can see where the medical community would be paranoid and they should also be told that they are part of the reason some people are addicted. I mean their first answer to any problem was to throw a script at you and send you on your way. I went in for an ingrown toenail and got percocets!! Now that is crazy. I have noticed when I had my hysterectomy and told my doc that I use to have an addiction problem and was completely honest with him from the beginning, he acted like I had two heads and refused to give me any medication for very severe pain. What am I to do? If I'm honest, it might cause me to get treated like an alien, and if I'm not honest, they might find out from doing a medical check and get myself in trouble! I really don't know which way to go now! Has anyone been as confused on what to do before?

[bmac]

First off you will learn to stop telling doctors you have an addiction problem.Seriously,don't tell them that.They will treat you like you are a street junkie looking for drugs.Most everyone here will tell you when it comes to most docs out there honesty isn't the best policy.As for the getting scripts for about everything.I went to a new pain doc this past monday and he ask me what kind of meds did I want.I jokenly said what is the closes thing to herion,he said diludid.He started writing out the script and I had to stop him and tell him I was just joking.
Man some people.Well do what you can and stop telling them you are addicted to opiates.
                              bmac

[Goldenbear]

Thanks for the earlier post, I've been out most of the day getting ready to go back to work Monday after being out on disability since May 25... I don't know if my Back injury even came close to my Lorcet addiction and getting clean. You know I'm rounding day 14. Still wake up in the middle of the night just wanting that warm fuzzy feeling from the Hydro. Still really miss it and don't even care to know how I'm going to replace that feeling. Love, Sex, friendship, fear. elation, sleep, anger, happiness... something is missing. I.m happy being clean its just I'm uncomfortable in my own shoes. Hopefully my job will help me round the next corner. My wife says I'm bored after being home for 6 months. She always says that with a sparkle in her beautiful blue eyes. Thanks again Pixi for the thought.
I'm always lurking around here.
Goldenbear

[mrstracy777]

Thanks for the suggestion. You are so right about the treatment you get from docs. My primary dr referred me to an anesthesiologist/pain doc. I guess what I'm wondering is if I'm not honest with him and he goes to whatever database they have to check your medical history, and he finds out I didn't tell him, he would turn me in or something. But since this is not insurance cause I have none, it's all self pay, maybe he won't check. Any way thanks for the advice!! it'sgood to talk to someone who understands this merry go round.!

[peaz]

Hey girl; Just to clarify--in my post above I addressed neither the existence (nor lack of) God or how the universe evolved.  I simply wanted to say that a Higher Power isn't running this entire recovery show.  I know you were dying to know that, weren't you??!  It's difficult to discuss an existential philosophy (or not) in this forum...I think I'll let it go.....
I liked reading your comments, though.  Later--Peaz

[DIRTBAG]

Know what I think, I think God is it, I know so many people who have made it on Jesus Christ, I'm not kidding, Knowing Jesus is just like a drug but better, but you've got to really get down on your knees and pray it will work but I'm only able to pray so much and then my higher power turns into dope again but people do really get healed with Christ, when I'm done using that is where I'm going.

[hippy]

na has a chapter in there basic text called recovery and relapse
when i got clean it was the only thing i could relate to /
you might want to read it, i read it every day for months]
when i got clean.

check it out

peace!!!!!!!!!

[bmac]

Tell him about your pain and what has worked in the past,med wise.Don't go into detail about addiction.A pain doc doesn't have to check your medical records.By the time most people are referred to them it is to control narcotic used anyway.Just tell him about your pain and what you would like to do about it.
                              bmac

[hippy]

religion is a good thing, but like you said get clean 1st.
it was suggested to me when i 1st got clean to put my religion on the back burner,  and i  try not to bring it up when dealing with addicts because i don't want to seperate my self from them.
i do mention prayer , because i have seen it work. and if something works im all for it.
a lot of new people getting clean jump right back into there
religion, but that is like getting into a boxing ring with no training ,you wind up getting beat up.
we beat ourselves up because we don't live up to our own
unrealistic expectations.
so many people of religion  ,are performance orienated,
there beleif is based on  thier performance, and when they do good they pat themselves on the back. and when they do bad they beat them selves up, and suffer the guilt trip that goes with it.

guilt is the gasoline that fuels addiction, and a lot of our guolt come's from us stepping outside our own boundry lines.
we need to learn what those boundry lines are.
working the 12 steps is learning to live a life based on the awaking of the spirit.
there is evil in the world, and most addicts have seen it up close, i have read where ever there is an out pouring of the spirit the is a double effort put forth by the diabolic.

this fourm is for addicts and people in cronic (chronic) pain,
and we have to keep it on that , we have to keep it simple.
by learning about getting a day free from abusing drugs and
learning to avoid guilt trips,and how to deal with our pian
in a resposable way.
we need to take the focous off our selves and start to be aware of others and how we can be of support, by sharing positve experences ,with each other.
most of us have grown up with some kind of religion, but that
never stopped us from useing and abuseing ourselves,
i have a lot of jewish, and moslem , and hindu freinds in recovery and they don't beleive what i beleive what we beleive.
so i set that aside, and consntrate on our simalarities
regarding pain, and addiction , and recovery and prayer and how to help each other and all the things we have in common.
that what the awaking of the spirit is , setting aside our difference, and coming together as equal's

[DIRTBAG]

You sound nice and you sound clean.  I'm sorry if I sound mean, I am fighting such a battle and I keep making excuses to myself and putting it off another day another week, I'm sure you know the drill. I just want a magic pill or a magic personality change. Your right about setting boundaries and the guilt, its awful, my life is so painful and such a secret and I play my part oh so well.  My marriage of 20 years is failing right in front of me and I can't stop using or talk to my husband about anything and if he knew he would kick me out anyway he hates me clean and he hates me using he is so stupid he doesn't know the difference.  It's so complicated, I can't tell sometimes if its me that makes it that way.  Are you a hippy, I used to be. Thank you for the post, I need alot of attention.

[hippy]

hey lots of attention, sounds like your
near the end of thr road,
1st get clean
start by thinkg about it.
then taper, if you can.
you know the drill.
you can't make any decesion untill you let go of the pills
we can really screw up a life, us counter culture ,rebels
waht happened to the love.
we need to get better so we can love, because that is the answer
peace

[athena]

Just hang around here and you'll probably realize that if we can get clean,you can too.You will have to truly want it though.Everyone knows when they are ready,and if your not ready yet,thats ok.I kinda want to quit smoking,but Im not quite ready for that yet.I love to smoke more than I loved hydros and just dont want to stop yet.Were all here for ya,using or not.Take care.

pixi

[DIRTBAG]

Hey if anyone out here believes in a higher power and it is God and his son Jesus Christ today is the day to put Chezz at the top of your prayer requests,  Dear God thank you for your son and I know that you are awesome and all knowing please bless our friend Chezz and watch over his surgery and let the recovery be swift and the pain minimal, he is trying Lord protect him.  If you don't pray yourself read this and use it Chezz needs prayer now and our positive posts to keep going

[DIRTBAG]

I want to quit everything, I quit smoking last year and I lasted six weeks and quit drinking and quit using and I fell into this huge suicidal depression and started back to smoking then drinking then using and now i do all three.  Be careful baby steps are so important.  How long have you been clean?  I love my marlboros too.  I getting alot of wrinkles now though, I'm thinking about botox.  what a dork huh?  I should probably be worried about my liver not looking good in a casket!

[LuvGod]

Hi everyone.  I am a grateful recovering alcoholic/addict with over 10 years of sobriety.  My suggestion to everyone here is to "KEEP IT SIMPLE" and try not to complicate things.  There are thousands of us who have, one day at a time, maintained a drug-free and alcohol free life.  There is hope.  You have to want it.

[DIRTBAG]

That was the nicest thing that any one has ever said to me since I've posted thanks, I'm sorry about your parents health isn't weird how you can know someone and see them so sick from smoking drinking drugs and still no relate that it could be you.  I've always wondered why my health doen'st really seem to matter to me and I do all these terribe things to my body and it just keeps on going. I guess its the old life isn't fair deal See Ya

[athena]

I keep finding your posts at the bottom.lol Yeah,the cigarrettes are the hardest things to quit.my dad died at 59 from emphysema and my mom is in bad shape from the same.i dont know why i continue to deny that it could happen to me.i guess im not being too bright.lol i cant drink because of the hepatitis,alcohol literally makes me very sick.Thank God or that would be my new addiction!As I said earlier,you will know when your ready to quit using.Your off to a good start just finding this place and talking about quitting.my thoughts are with you.

pixi

[DIRTBAG]

I need to hide my posts I think that one of my kids is snooping around, I read how on here somewhere can someone help me find it thank you for the kind words again pixie I am pretty good today but I a little high you know

[athena]

Good morning to ya db,
I hope you are feeling good this morning.I am still hanging in there.Still want hydro.lol Will it ever go away?You know,i was thinking last night that I lived my whole life without those pills and was pretty happy.Now I am always afraid that life just wont be fun without them.What kind of thinking is that?I do know that it gets better though.I hope things will get easier for you too.I know that you want to quit,but it is a real scary thing.It's like giving up your best friend.We will all be here to support you in whatever decisions you make about using.When I first found this place,I had NO intention of giving up the hydro,but felt inspired by the stories from others.I ran out one day and decided to just GO FOR IT! Your day will come when your ready to do the same so hang in there and keep posting to us.I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

pixi

[athena]

Can you get a password for your screename that the kids dont have?man db,those hydro never really made me high,just normal.lol Or what I thought was normal.

pixi