pregnant, scared and fighting addiction

I am so incredibly lost right now. I am 38 weeks pregnant and have been taking percocet on and off throughout this pregnancy...It is not prescribed by a doctor, just started out as a habit that I couldn't quit. Since I've been pregnant, I've taken no more than 20-22 mg a day. (I know this is wrong, selfish, and horrible, believe me, i know). I quit once in January, but began gradually taking them again until I was taking 15-20mg a day. In the past week, I weaned myself off of them completely with absolutely no withdrawals. All I wanted was to be clean for the rest of my pregnancy, and not risk my baby being born with withdrawals. I never came clean to my doctor because I was scared of her reaction. Today, I took 10mg...then about an hour later I took another 5mg. I am so sick with myself, I dont know why I did it. I regretted it immediately. I am not taking anything else for the rest of this pregnancy. I am just hoping and praying my baby doesn't go through any withdrawals. I know everyone is different and I can't really get a definite answer. But I am hoping since I was able to wean pretty quickly with no withdrawals, she should be fine. If anyone can share any experiences with this, I would appreciate it. I know what I need to do, or should have done, is come clean with my doctor but I am terrified.  I am trying to look at today's incident as a bump in the road and move on. I can't even begin to describe how horrible I feel.
I need professional help badly. My boyfriend (who also takes percocet) does not understand addiction. He does not think either one of us have a problem so I can hardly talk to him about the way I feel. I want help but I dont know where to go. I wont have insurance after the baby is born, and I dont know how I'll be able to get help when I am taking care of a newborn and a 3 year old. It just all seems impossible and overwhelming when I think of it, I just dont know what to do. I have never felt so helpless and powerless over something in my life.

[taperme]

Come clean with your doctor. That is the best advice I can give you. I remember when my first was born...I was taking nothing stronger than an occasional Starbucks Latte throughout the pregnancy. My daughter (and my second as well), happened to be tiny (as was I when born). She was born full term at 5 pounds 13 ounces. They wanted to test her for drugs and withdrawal. The only reason they didn't was because my doctors knew me so well. It wouldn't have been a big deal to me if they had, I knew I never took any drugs. BUT my point to you is...they know what they are looking for when a baby is born. And if there is ANY chance that your baby is going to be born with any issues at all, you should come clean with your doctor first.

[LeaAnn807]

It's going to be ok.  Don't take another one.  They can help your baby if she needs it.  I was taking pills when I found out I was pregnant with my last baby, and I stopped and she was fine, but I know your fear.  You DO need to look at it as a mistake and move on....period.  You may need professional help, but the best thing is to tell your OB-GYN. That would be the right thing to do so that they can be prepared to help your baby if needed!

[taperme]

Taking pills when you first find out that you are pregnant and stopping is totally different than taking them throughout a pregnancy. She is 38 weeks pg and just took two today.
Livelife4them, you could have your baby any day now, it is considered full term at this point. Please tell your doctor so that they can make sure to do everything possible to help your baby if need be.

[avisg]

TELL YOU DOCTOR ASAP I see it a lot people waiting until they are a few weeks before there babay is born wanting help. Doctors well help you they don't want to take children away for there parents .you were on low amounts but i would still be honest with your Doctor either you or your baby test positive then dss will be contacted,

[vicki595]

Yes,listen to Avis.  Tell your doctor.   Also,most hospitals routinely do a tox screen on Mom and baby. Mom is tested first as standard procedure. They don't tell you...you just get your blood drawn for a CBC and HCT and from that they test for drugs.  Every woman is tested.

Flush those pills.
Good luck~
Vicki

[livelife4them]

Do you all think I could call my doctor's office and maybe talk to my doctor's nurse and tell her about it? I dont know if I have the nerve to do it face to face, but I really want them to know. It's all I can think about.

[vicki595]

Yes...call the nurse. That's the smartest thing you could possibly do. They will appreciate your honesty,I'm sure,and YOU will feel a lot better.
Please let us know what was said and try not to worry.

All the best~
Vicki

[livelife4them]

I just did it. I just called and talked to the nurse.. It was the hardest thing I've ever done. She was very nice and said to make sure not to take anything else and make sure there aren't any more in the house. She asked if it was an addiction or if I was taking them prescribed. I told her it was pretty much an addiction and that I'd gotten myself off of them throughout the pregnancy, but began taking them again here and there. She was very nice and said she was going to talk to my doctor and call me back tomorrow. She said my doctor might want to do a level 2 ultrasound. Whats that? That makes me feel awful. She also said I'll probably want to discuss this at my next appt. I dont know how I'm going to do this. That was really really hard but I'm glad they know.

Any words of encouragement would be great!

[whiskywmj]

You just did a wonderful thing for yourself and your baby..

[vicki595]

You don't know how you're going to do this???   Oh,Sweetie, you already did it!!
You were honest and brave. It was the right thing. Don't you feel better?

The ultrasound is precautionary...it's also the right thing to do from the Dr.'s perspective. It's his job to make sure you are both okay.

Did you flush those pills?  It's very empowering!!

All the best~Stay strong

Vicki

[livelife4them]

I know, I mean I don't know how I'm going to actually face my doctor and discuss this with her. I'm going to cry, I know it. I just feel ashamed and embarrassed. I do feel better that I told them, but now I'm thinking about my next appt, that ultrasound, and having to talk to my doctor about this. I am realizing just how big of coward I really am!

Ye, the pills are gone.

[kris123]

OMG - you are me.  I am 30weeks preggo and have a 3 year old also and I have no idea how I am going to take care of the two either.  I was taking percocet too but I was taking 12-16 5/325 on an off my pregnacy also.  i took it because of the fact that I was stressed about this baby. I am going to pm you.  Me and you are the same trust me

[kris123]

They are right just stop, i was taking so much more then you were and I just hope my baby is ok - i got 8 weeks to go, trust me I got a 3 year old and I hope I can handle it :(  You will be ok, you did do a good thing by calling the dr.

[livelife4them]

thanks..have u stopped taking them too? you can PM if you'd like. I'd love to talk to someone going through this same thing!

[vicki595]

Don't worry about speaking with the doctor. She'll be happy you came forward with this.And,go ahead and cry...it's okay.    Believe me,they've heard much worse than this...more than you can imagine. Actually,I wouldn't be surprised if your doctor called you!

Try to relax,you did the right thing.  Also,do what the nurse told you in spite of what you may hear on the forum.

Vicki

[livelife4them]

thank you so much...that makes me feel better. i just feel guilty for not telling her all this time. my doctor is the nicest, sweetest lady and i just don't want to disappoint her. I know that sounds silly, but you know what i mean? I just feel like she's going to look at me different, like, "wow, this girl is a liar..and a druggie." Ugh. I am thinking way too much about it. But I still feel better that they know now.

[vicki595]

Sweetie...lying goes hand in hand with drug addiction. She knows that.  The important thing is that she knows now and it's uphill from here.  We worry so much about being labeled and judged but it's the smart person who sees beyond that and recognizes our disease. Medical professionals know this...and should always treat you respect.  Tell her all these feelings...and try not to worry,keep that baby calm. :)

Vicki

[livelife4them]

thank you again. I do feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I am going to just remain calm now :) thank you so much!

[vicki595]

Sure...no problem.  Don't forget to eat.   :)

[taperme]

Good for you. I am incredibly proud of you and know how hard that phone call was. You should be so proud of yourself for doing the right thing. I will keep you and your baby in my thoughts.

[PixieNana]

Are you kidding me? who are you people to advise her to stop taking the pills cold turkey? Do you guys have medical degrees? Seriously.

I'm sitting in the NICU right now with my 3 day old granddaughter who is withdrawing from Oxycodone that my daughter HAD to take throughout her pregnancy as treatment for fibro and pain. She was told as soon as she found out she was pregnant that to stop cold turkey could have caused a miscarriage. NEONATOLOGISTS told her this. Not forum people.

Seriously folks. Please stop practicing medicine without a license. Talk to the professionals. Get fetal medicine advice from the doctors.

My daughter had to go to fetal medicine doctors throughout her pregancy and have ultrasoounds and non-stress tests. Baby is healthy other than this. It is hard.

If you have an addiction, please get help before getting pregnant. If you have a surprise pregnancy, please, please, please let the doctors help you and your baby. No baby should have to purposely go through what my granddaughter is going through.

[vicki595]

So sorry to read about your grandaughter. It's tough to watch a baby go through this...

Please know,we were only supporting this young woman. We urged her to call her doctor. She did call and was told to stop the pills immediately. She is now in the hospital having tests.    Cold turkey withdrawal in early pregnancy can cause miscarriage; this woman is 38 weeks pregnant.

I hope your new one does great and your daughter gets the treatment she needs.

All the best~
Vicki

[PixieNana]

Totally understand. I'm defensive because I've experienced so many good hearted people offering up bad advice, such as people in recovery tellling other recovering addicts to stop their anti-depressants because they thought they were mind altering and "pills" were "bad". In one case, the person committed suicide. It's scary. I never pretend to know medically what someone else should do. I'm speaking only from experience as the primary support person to my daughter and granddaughter.

I do hope this woman is okay and her baby is okay too. However, I know by watching my daughter with her pain meds that even at 38 weeks going cold turkey is extremely painful for the person taking the pills. Plus, now the baby will be detoxing as well.

Granddaughter is now barely 4 days old and it's painful to watch the withdrawal symptoms. My daughter, once baby is home and stable, is planning to get off the oxycodone herself, but it's physically painful - and that's what keeps people addicted to it.

I do know that I understand the stigma attached to addiction as well. My daughter is by definition addicted, therefore could be considered an addict. But she's not the addict that goes out scouting for a fix. She followed doctors prescribed orders. Even so, there is still judgment around that and people who don't know her story assume that she's a pill popping addict looking for a high. Not the case.

She's a good mama, and never planned on getting pregnant, just made a mistake. Now she's using this life changing event to give her life focus and meaning. And we have a blessed addition to our family.

[vicki595]

I knew you were defensive immediately.  Who could blame you??  I just wanted to reassure you that THIS forum is pretty careful about giving medical advice.  It is closely monitored. We are very supportive of one another,usually, and many have become great "friends" here.  If you read other posts on this forum,you'll see the trend of love and compassion.

I know what you're saying about judgments. It's just the way it is. Most of here are not what one would ever imagine an addict to be.  Many are professionals in medicine,law,business,engineering etc.. Many mothers and fathers who just slipped into addiction while on pain meds for legitimate problems.   Actually,once your daughter gets home she may want to come on the forum and share her story. It would be a great adjunct to her recovery.  Many,many wonderful folks here!
Also,you can post on the forum and get much needed support from others. Just something to think about...

The original poster on this thread is in the hospital now. I'm about to send her a msg.
I'm sure many are wondering how she's doing.  She did the right thing by calling her Dr. It was hard for her. She was so ashamed. But now she's in good hands.

Post whenever you'd like. Prayers to you and your family...

Vicki  xo

[taperme]

I totally understand how you feel. Having had a baby in the NICU (NOT due to anything drug related), I can relate to how helpless you must feel. I think if you look at the replies again we were really urging her to come clean with her doctor so that her doctor would know what to do about the baby. Using recreationally is different than under the supervision of a doctor as I am sure you know. I would never presume to give medical advice especially where a pregnancy is concerned, yet I could also not in good conscience recommend a pregnant woman continue abusing drugs. Also, I urged to her be upfront with her doctor to help avoid having her child taken from her when he/she showed signs of withdrawal. Or tested positive for drugs.
I hope your grandbaby continues to improve and that your daughter gets the care she needs. I very much understand where she is right now as my drug issues were all dr. prescribed for pain management. This website has been a lifesaver for me...I hope you daughter will check it out. My thoughts are with you and your family.

[Trying_hard19]

Every post I read urged her to call her doctor.. That is decent advice..  

Livelife.. I remember telling the first doctor that I was going through detox.. I was expecting her to be disgusted.. rather, she said " Good for you" ..

She helped and asked me to come back everyday ...

Doctors see this often..

[martikadragoon]

I was on oxycodone during my pregnancy to treat severe back pain. 80mg a day at one point. I was under care of pain mgmt and high risk OB. they were lowering my doseage weekly from 80 to 60 to 40 to 20...etc. When I went into labor with my son at 37w5d I had the feeling that labor was coming and over a 2 day period lowered and stopped the dose. When my son was born I'd had no pain meds in my system for 2 days and he had no withdrawals.

Doctors don't know why some babies have w/d and some dont even if the moms took the same amt of the same med. it *****.  I'm sorry your granddaughter is in the NICU dealing with W/d.... I know of a similar heartache. my firstborn spent 1 month in the NICU because he was preemature and also has down syndrome. He's healthy now but it was really hard to handle at the time.

I too speak from experience> I will be going into the medical field at the end of the year (working towards an RN degree for the NICU my son was in)  but if I ever offer advice it's almost always what i've been told by a doctor.  I also try to do my research thoroughly. I noticed that everyone told this woman to go ask her doctor. it seems she just relapsed for a day after already going through the w/d already. She'd been off it a week and relapsed so I wouldn't think she'd be suffering withdrawals if she went back to not taking them.

[avisg]

level two sonos just look closer at the baby they are not scary or painful i was on a med for my skin when i had i first that was known to cause very bad birth defects lucky i a ran out about week three into my pg so the did a level two sono everything was fine try not to worry yourself sick.i commend you for telling you doctor you would be surprised how many dont .its very sad and scary,