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question

by Trig, Mar 16, 2001 12:00AM
i have been a big drinker for more than twenty years, and have had fatty liver for the last fifteen. i have lately started to get a swollen left leg and have been sweating profusely in hot weather.  i had to have a blood test recently and was told i had 5 times the normal level of ggt.  not sure what ggt is. does this mean that i am an alcoholic?
Member Comments (43)

by J.B. to Brian and Vicky, Mar 17, 2001 12:00AM
To: Trig
I looked at one of my blood tests from last August and there is no ggt. However, there is SGOT and SGPT on my test and they are three to five times higher than the average.  I might mention that I have a chronic liver disease and was a heavy drinker as well.  

As to whether a blood test might indicate that you are an alcholic, I don't know.  Do you think that you are?  That's the main point here. My liver function tests were abnormal for years before I got really concerned enough to cut out alcohol.  But by that time I was in serious trouble physically.  J.B.

by spook, Mar 17, 2001 12:00AM
To: Trig
ABSTRACT
Gamma glutamyl transpeptidase or GGT is an enzyme produced in the bile ducts. Measurement of the GGT is an extremely sensitive test and may be elevated in many types of liver disease. Many drugs, including alcohol, cause an elevation of the GGT, and its activity may be increased in heavy drinkers even in the absence of liver damage or inflammation. An important feature of GGT is that it can detect the presence of alcohol, even after a small amount of alcohol is ingested. Thus, the GGT test is important in the evaluation and management of alcoholism.

Because GGT is not increased in bone disease or bone growth, it can help differentiate liver disease from skeletal disease when the ALP is elevated. Both the ALP and the GGT are increased in a number of diseases that affect bile drainage, such as gallstones, tumors blocking the common bile duct, alcoholic liver disease, or drug induced hepatitis that blocks the flow of bile in smaller channels within the liver. However, the ALP is found in other organs and tissues, such as the bone, the placenta, and the intestinal tract. Therefore, the GGT is used as supplementary test to verify that an elevated ALP is due to disease or injury to the liver or biliary tract, rather than disease affecting other organs.

by spook, Mar 17, 2001 12:00AM
Do you still drink?,despite the damage you have done,of course you are an alcoholic,I cannot see why they specifically mentioned your GGT result to you.
I do not know about the relevance of the swollen leg and sweating and GGT.I think they should look into that and if you have not already STOP drinking.

by Trig, Mar 18, 2001 12:00AM
thanks spook and JB for your comments.  I guess i lead a kind of a double life because I hold down my job and am well respected for what I do.  At the same time, at the end of the day I come home or go to the pub and get as drunk as a skunk and have done for years.  Various doctors have told me to take it easy on the grog over the years, but I haven't changed my ways.  I love drinking as I love smoking, and it seems to me that either the drink or the smokes will get me in the end earlier than I might otherwise shuffle off this mortal coil, but it seem to worry me.  Does it change as you get older?  

Part of the reason why I don't worry about whether I cark it or not is that I think there are just too many people.  We are buggering up the environment at a hell of a rate- what will it be like for your kids and grandkids with heaps of pollution, loss of land through sea rises, a vast divide between our fellows in Africa or China in terms of wealth and education - these things seem to me disastrous and something I do not want to be part of.  Does this seem intelligible or not?  I am sorry if they are not, but they are sincerely held views.

cheers
trig

by J.B. to Brian and Vicky, Mar 18, 2001 12:00AM
To: Trig
I can relate to what you are thinking.  I get thoughts like that, too, when I'm drinking.  My closest friends have been concerned at times with my preoccupation with matters that I have absolutely no control over and the accompaning feelings of wanting to "not be a part of it".  Maybe the continued drinking is a symptom of a "death wish".  I've been in and out of AA for many years and have seen many with this problem.  It's so frustrating to watch people who are so intelligent and capable of so much better in life, go out and "play in traffic" time and again.  Alcohol like all drugs is cunning, baffeling and powerful and has the ability to make fools of us!  Complete abstinence is the answer but requires a lot of work to maintain.

Have you thought about attending some AA meetings?  J.B.

by Trig, Mar 19, 2001 12:00AM
To: J.B.
JB - I could never get seriously involved with AA as I really don't like anything much about it.  I know it works for a whole heap of people, and that's great, but it just doesn't work for me.  I am not quite the health disaster that I could be, but I have given some thought to going to the local clinic to have a holiday, as it were, from my usual lifestyle.  Maybe I'll do that, but.....on the other hand, I am still struggling with enjoying the way I am, notwithstanding all the potential difficulties it causes.  Thanks for you wise suggestions.
cheers
trig

by J.B. to Brian and Vicky, Mar 19, 2001 12:00AM
To: trig
If you are still enjoying your alcohol and it's not causing any physical, economical or emotional problems...why quit?  Unless you really want to, that is.  Many who end up in AA are so broken down in these areas that they are literally at rock bottom.  Many are also ordered by the courts to attend after getting DUI's or because of domestic violence.  I just got to the point where I didn't enjoy alcohol or life in general anymore and had to do something about it.  If you ever need help, trig, there's plenty available. Cheers to you, too!  J.B.

by Dee, Mar 19, 2001 12:00AM
To: Everyone/sorry to interupt
what happened to my post that I wrote about coming back from vacation? I don't even know if anyone ever responded to it!
why do they do this? take care all
Dee

by CHAD FROM PHILLY!!!, Mar 19, 2001 12:00AM
To: dee
I replyed to you as soon as you posted. I wrote for like 20 minutes. I never seen it posted. WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON???

by J.B. to Brian and Vicky, Mar 19, 2001 12:00AM
To: Med Help
Yeah, what is this all about?  Why are certain threads deleted while others stay on for ever?  Are we not allowed to delve into certain areas?  J.B.

by cindi, Mar 19, 2001 12:00AM
I have posted several in the past few days and they are gone as well,  The thread re: the phentermine is gone and there was some info I would have like to read again.   Yet, I see questions etc dating back to last year....go figure

by Thomas02, Mar 20, 2001 12:00AM
To: dee, jb, chad for tom
I also welcomed you back in the disappearing thread. Welcome back, dee, hope this message finds you well ... same to my friends JB and, of course, chad from philly. I think this forum reveals that our similarities are more numerous than our differences. We're all confronted with the great puzzle of life. I think we all believe that, among other things, we were given the gift of life to experience joy. It gets so complicated when the source of one's joy brings with it destruction and sometimes death. It's hard to know how to live a lot of the time. It's hard to tell the right road from the wrong.

Peace and good fortune to all.

by J.B. to Brian and Vicky, Mar 21, 2001 12:00AM
To: Pat/tom
Thanks!  Life is something else isn't it?  We are all about 95% of one another.  Marty starts chemo again tomorrow.  Please keep her in your prayers.  I just keep hanging around to see what happens next in this wonderful life of ours.  There's never a dull moment as long as you stay involved and keep moving!  J.B.

by Dee, Mar 21, 2001 12:00AM
To: thanks everyone!
Thank You for the welcome back wagon! even though I did not get to read any of them, Chad, so sorry I missed the 20 minute post! lol, have to laugh or I'll get mad, and lord knows there much more to get angry about!Tom/Pat hope your doing well, how's the searching going for the detox? Cindi and anyone else I miss,(brain is fried when it comes to names)JB, my thoughts and prayers are with you and Marty, the strength you two have is unwritable,I hope that makes sense to you..just know that my heart is with you..Brighty, how's things going? didn't an anniversary come up or coming up soon? YAHOO! we never did hear anything ever again about Brian did we? I'm sorry to say that while I was in florida I was able to wean myself down to 5-6 (20mg)oxy's a day, but now that I'm back home I'm right back up there again! down in florida I was able to keep myself busy walking the beach, window shopping ect, of course it didn't hurt going with my sister who does not take any drugs at all and was unaware that I was on anything besides all my other meds..I'm so disappointed in myself, now knowing that I can do it, I will have to wait till the warm weather gets here so that I will be able to wean again and do a 'normal' amount..sound like an excuse? it really isn't, with warm weather I will be able to get out and walk and do things..oh well, no help in beating myself up over it..take care all
Dee

by spook, Mar 23, 2001 12:00AM
To: Trigg
You are not having Suicidal ideation,nor are you depressed,YOUR Society is not designed(actually it is more like chinese wispers in its Evolution) for intelligent and Emotionally sensitive people like you,Around the 1950`s Psychiatric Hospitals became so overcrowded that our,-oh` so-wise_(well when it comes to money anyway) governments decided to lock up the Sane People and let the Egocentric,character disorded,neurotic,Priapic, Macho Hedonists roam the streets in our NEW Extended MENTAL HOSPITAL,welcome to Planet Earth Stardate 0002001.Hope you have a nice RIDE,but Hold on Tight!!!as the more you CARE the more they will control you,do not want to care anymore? try Drugs,actually Alcohol is a GOOD LEGAL DRUG of ABUSE and addiction,although you have probably noticed that even when drunk you still CARE.My Organisation is going to give a VOICE and eventually POWER(without corruption)to The rare and Kind souls such as you.Now back to Reality,I think you should find an alternative drug other than alcohol to make this Society  and "YOUR LIFE" Tolerable,to you emotionally,physicaly,morally,and spiritually,I suggest Morphine,as It will not destroy your Brain and Liver like LEGAL ALCOHOL,otherwise,Find a nice tropical island somewhere and relax for a while,try to find a lover,look I know it is not easy,I just discussed the whole issue of our RIGHT to take MIND ALTERING chemicals with somebody and we agreed on everything,although as she drove off in her new RollsRoyce said calmly"I do not need such chemicals",well goody for you I do not either,but I enjoy my Life more with the occassional Chemical Holiday.Try to think of you liver please.

by Trig, Mar 23, 2001 12:00AM
To: spook
thankyou my friend - you're response really touched me and I am very grateful for your view - I don't really no what to say beyond that.
cheers
trig

by CHAD FROM PHILLY!!!, Mar 23, 2001 12:00AM
To: patrick, Dee, everyone!
It is so nice to know that there are people out there who care. Today is day 14 without Oxycontin! Finally I am starting to come back to life. I am so damm excited to see what life is going to be like off of everything. Can I just make a statement? People like Tom and I think maybe JB use to tell me about NA. I was like man, that **** is just not me! Tell you what! I love going to these meeting nightly. My girlfriend and I have already met some nice people our age. I already got a sponcer and I am about to start working on the steps. I am so glad I gave myself a chance to get over this.

Dee,
Just remember you can get off of the oxy's. It's very scary but it can work. I went from 300mg a day straight into detox. I don't think anyone should try to detox at home. You will be in alot of pain and you will be tempted to take a 20. Give it a shot! You never know, you may like it.

Patrick,
Thanks for saying "wuzz uppp!" I look forward to hearing from you!

Everyone,
Did any of you see the NBC nightly news last night? They are talking about weaning everone down off the oxy's by October. They (perdue) are trying to fight it. They also said that no new patients will be issued oxycontin scripts. What the hell are all these people who really need this medication going to do?

Thanks for reading......If any of you would like to chat one-on-one you can e-mail me at ***@****
I look forward to hearing from you..............CHAD

by spook, Mar 25, 2001 12:00AM
To: CHAD FROM PHILLY!!!
Your current girlfriend,is going to be the deciding factor as to whether you become a recidivist or not,beware!!!!!

by CHAD FROM PHILLY!!!, Mar 25, 2001 12:00AM
To: spook
How do you figure? We have been helping each other out. There are times this past week when I just wanted to go out and drink but she stoped me. We both attend the same meeting nightly. Who knows, maybe this will work.

by cindi, Mar 25, 2001 12:00AM
To: Chad from Philly
I married a guy I met in rocovery, while it was great and we helped each other, we made sure if we went to a discussion meeting we went in different groups and it can be a ***** if one of you decides to go and use.  Sometimes once a person is clean they decide that a relationship is not what they need right at this time in their life.  I am not saying that your girlfriend is not a good thing, she may be the best thing in the world for you and to break it off with her would be devastating to you and her, that is another problem with relationships, when they end sometimes the person that has been dumped goes out again.  I don't know you or your girlfreind, so I can't possibly be judge and jury, follow your heart and stick close to your sponsor and remember, please encourage her to keep in touch with other females and you do the same, (not with other females of course) I guess what I am trying to say,   in a nutshell, work your own program and let her work hers, that compromise is the best way..... and let your higher power do the rest.  good luck to you both  cindi

by CHAD FROM PHILLY!!!, Mar 25, 2001 12:00AM
To: Cindi
Wow! It is no nice to hear from someone who is familiar with the program. Your words were very helpful! We both understand that this recovery thing is very personal. I have my own sponser (she has yet to find one)and I am very proud to say that we have 14 days clean. I need my girlfriend and am very glad that she is here to guide me. We do however understand the importance of going to seperate meetings. We just haven't done that yet. We go everywhere together. I haven't figured out the whole higher power thing yet. Something got us into that detox program though!?! Thanks for taking the time to respond Cindi, Chad

by spook, Mar 26, 2001 12:00AM
To: CHAD FROM PHILLY!!!
Basic `figures` come from statistics,usually a person stops taking drugs to improve "their" life,like say getting a girlfriend ,job,friends etc,so their motivation is strong.If they already have all those things then relapse is easier.Because it is easier to lose things you have already got than to acquire things you do not already have.
I am saying that your addiction is your addiction and whoever or whatever resolves that problem becomes your next dependence.
If I am so wrong how did such a happy couple as you two come to NEED drugs in the first place?.
The pillars of a stable relationship stand apart,yet share a common temple.

by J.B. to Brian and Vicky, Mar 26, 2001 12:00AM
To: CHAD FROM PHILLY
I guess that I did blast you some months ago for not getting into a 12 step program.  I'm very happy that you have been doing so well.  I think that most of us end up in either AA or NA eventually.  The best thing is that we finally admit that we have a serious problem with drugs and living in general.

As you learn and grow, things will start to change for you.  We addicts hate changes so just try to be open minded and as patient as you can be.  It's a selfish program if you are willing to go to any lengths to stay sober/clean.  Just do the work at hand and keep continued sobriety as your #1 goal each day!  J.B.

by CHAD FROM PHILLY!!!, Mar 26, 2001 12:00AM
To: J.B.
Hey man,great to hear from you! YES you did blast me about NA awhile back. Guess what? It turns out your right! I enjoy every minute of the meetings. I am involved with a bunch of really cool guys. We go out and there is no pressure or desire to use.I have a kick ass sponcer who really knows his ****. I am glad there are people out there like you who can guide lost souls like myself towards a better life. THANKS J.B.!!


Chad

by J.B. to Brian and Vicky, Mar 26, 2001 12:00AM
To: CHAD FROM PHILLY
I appreciate the thanks from you Chad!  But pat yourself on the back a little,too.  You are the one who made the decision and look where you are today.  It's a big adventure, my friend and you are in the front seat now.  Just listen and learn and try not to get too big headed by all that you are so enthusiastic about right now.  More will come every day if you are willing to work for it. You will always need a sponsor in my opinion.  I've gone through many over the years.  One of life's greatest rewards is to be chosen as a sponsor as I have been.  Be humble and always remember all the little things that we have passed on to you about living clean.  J.B.

by CHAD FROM PHILLY!!!, Mar 26, 2001 12:00AM
To: spook
First of all I did not need to do drugs to make my relationship better,or to cover up an underlieing problem!!I did however do the drugs because I wanted to feel high. Chad and I have a wonderful relationship maybe your just jealous?.I'm not coming off of a 25 year drug spree..I did oxycontin on and off for about nine months,yes we did get hooked on them,but we have a wonderful 31/2 years together, Which out weighs the times we did do drugs.Maybe you should take a look at your own life instead of passing judgement on others.And coming from someone who does pharmacutical grade cocaine has the ability to judge others on their recovery!How long ago did you recieve your PHD????

Thanks for letting me share!!! I'm an addict called debra

by CHAD FROM PHILLY!!!, Mar 26, 2001 12:00AM
To: J.B.
You are right about not thinking that I am further along than I really am. I am just so damm proud of the fact that this is the longest we have been clean in the past nine months. Do you ever hear from Tom? He use to write me alot also. Ok I will go read your post up above...see ya , Chad

by J.B. to Brian and Vicky, Mar 26, 2001 12:00AM
To: Chad and debra
Don't come down so hard on Spook for his input here.  If you remember, I posted long ago that you and Debra might have to go your own ways to find what you are looking for in life.  I also told you that you may be able to find eachother again, God willing!  Spook has made you aware that being co-dependant is a tough row to hoe.  We are really like little children playing in the sun and have to grow up sometime.  I trully hope that you will grow up together and stay together, always!  J.B.

by cindi, Mar 26, 2001 12:00AM
To: to Debra and chad from philly
like JB said, please don't be so hard on Spook,  actually, he is a psychiatrist.  His input here is invaluable, I have already given my input re: relationships in early recovery, they are difficult when you are not in recovery, Debra, if you read my post above you'll see what I meant.  I met my husband in recovery and like I told chad, while we were good for each other, we did work our own programs.  Spook means no harm, he genuinely cares for people and is a good person himself.  Sometimes as addicts, and even if we are not addicts, it is really hard to listen to what people have to say re: things that we feel they know nothing about,  when I got involved with my husband, my sponsor and everyone else was livid and i heard it from all around me,  bit I did sit and listen because they were speaking from their hearts and looking out for my own well being,  Please, for your sake be open minded and accept advice and opinions, you don't have to act on anything, you will do what you want to anyway, just be open to suggestions that's all and try not to be so defensive, I do understand how you feel, I was in your shoes ten years ago,  You have 3 1/2 years together, that's a good thing and from what I hear you say, you have agood relationship, I hope it remains good, but the main thing is keep your programs seperate, talk with other females, allow him to talk with other men, and utilize your sponsors.  alot of relationships work, alot don't it is just more difficult to accept negative outcomes in early recovery...if you ever need to talk you can e-mail me at cin91860.  Remember debra, i have been in your shoes...take care and good luck   cindi

by CHAD FROM PHILLY!!!, Mar 26, 2001 12:00AM
To: cindi
Thanks Cindi! What is your full e-mail address? Debra

by cindi, Mar 26, 2001 12:00AM
To: Chad from philly for debra
Hi Debra,  Sorry, ***@****.  I didn't mean to sound like I was preaching, I just know what a tough position you are in just remember  Open mindedness be open to any form of criticism  good luck

by CHAD FROM PHILLY!!!, Mar 26, 2001 12:00AM
To: Cindi
I will give her the address. I think it will be good for her to talk to you. Thanks for caring Cin. Today is day 18. We are doing alot better but for some reason I have been sweating like a pig for the past two nights. I mean I wake up soaked! What's up with that? Talk soon, Chad

by Thomas02, Mar 27, 2001 12:00AM
To: jB,,Chad,trigg,spook for tom
amen about spook's contribution to this forum. I hope he hangs around a while. His persepective, sense of humor and erudition make this site an order of magnitude more intereresting. I'm still reading his manuscript, some of which I understand, some of which I don't understand (not qualified, you see), but his participation gives the forum something special it didn't have before. I find spooks's knowledge and point of view fascinating and don't want him to stop. I also find him likable and fun to converse with. Spook, you are wecome and appreciated here. I have learned a lot from reading your posts and sense that you have a lot more to offer. Reading your posts is a kick in the ass and look forward to reading them. In short, stick around! You're appreciated here. I think I speak for a lot of the forum members. I only hope the rest of us don't bore you -- we certainly can't compare in terms of academic background. So, hang around, man. In fact, let's all hang around. We all have our own unique points of view that gives this forum variety and color.
JB: Please let Marty know that she is in our prayers as she undergoes her latest challenge. JB, I know if you love her like I love my Bobbie and that you must be sick with worry. I wish I could do something to relieve your concern but I know her well being is always in the forefront of your mind. Please tell her that her name is in our prayers and we won't be satisfied until we hear that she has gotten through the treatment OK.
Marty and JB, Bobbie and I send you both our best wishes for a happy outcome. I feel I have come to know you over the months, and know you to be kind and decent people. JB, I know how important Marty is to you. Your are both in our hearts and we pray for both your recoveries. God bless you both, my friend. Let us know how she comes through the chemo. We care about you.

by Hope, Mar 27, 2001 12:00AM
To: Everyone discussing the whole AA/NA topic
I know this may be long, and it may very well be deleted, but I just have to get this off my chest because it's been a problem that I haven't been able to figure out an answer to for some time.  Please bear with me and I apologize ahead of time for writing too much.

I know AA and the twelve steps have saved many, many lives.  I personally know many people who have embraced 'the program' and it has literally saved their lives if they were honest and worked the program. I think AA and NA works for the people that AA and NA works for. I think humans are so complex that not any one approach is going to work for everyone.  I know that AA and the 12 steps and getting a sponsor, etc. have definitley been the most effective, as far as numbers, as compared to other things such as therapy, white knuckling it, psychiatry, aversion programs, attempts at moderation, etc.  I live in a community of about 100,000 people.  Because of the field that I am in and the position that I hold in this field, it is VERY, VERY important that my anonymity and confidentiality be honored.  I began trying to get sober about 6 years ago (drug of choice was alcohol until about 2 years ago when I changed to prescription pain-killers) I could never get more than 6 months sober before relapsing.  When I first started trying to get clean and sober after having reached my rock bottom, I went through treatment and then into AA...and then treatment again, back into AA....and so on.  You get the picture.  After so many relapses, I had such an absolute level of self-loathing and shame that I attempted suicide several times.  More hospitalizations. Treatment for depression pharmacologically as well as counseling.  More AA. I got to a point where I was actually really opening up and spilling my guts in these meetings.  Then my confidentiality was broken on two seperate occasions which almost cost me my job at the time.  I just can't trust, in my community anyway, that my anonymity will be honored.  And I simply cannot take the chance of losing my job.  I know the ADA laws and that supposedly you can't lose your job because you are an alcoholic/addict if you seek professional help.  But things can certainly happen to one's credibility at work which can lead to a glass ceiling and people making your job so miserable that you are "run off" so to speak.  I just don't know if I can face that.  Again, I am in a field that most definitely should, but isn't sensitive to addiction (in my particular agency anyway).  Therefore, I feel so isolated.  I do believe in my Higher Power and the 12 steps make perfect sense to me.  It's just that, one of the most important, if not THE most important aspect of 'the program' is the fellowship. That is something I feel is impossible to attain in my current community.  These breaches of confidentiality came out of "closed" meetings by the way.  That's why it is so helpful to at least be able to come here and have contact with you folks.  I hope I don't sound whiney and like I'm just coming up with excuses and rationalizations as to why I don't embrace AA or NA like I should.  I don't know.  Any feedback, ideas, even criticism would be appreciated.  I'm just so tired and sick and alone. Okay, yuck, that sounded pathetic. Just some feedback please?

hope

by Trig, Mar 27, 2001 12:00AM
To: hope
well I was very moved by your comments.  It is a great pity that your confidentiality was not respected. That is something that everybody ought to respect I think.  I do not really see why alcoholism or drug addicition should automatically disqualify a person from doing a job if there is no issue with their ability to carry out the job - if they have done it succesfully, then there is a sort of "morality" involved in criticism directed at matters which do not affect job performance - as perhaps Bill Clinton found out.
For my own part, I have had the odd criticism here and there for being drunk or very drunk at "camp in conferences" organised for work purposes - I am only required to work from say 9am to 6pm each day and if I choose to get full at the end of that day, I am inclined to regard that as my choice and nobody else's business, although that is sometimes not the way they see it.  I suspect that spook disagrees - and I should say I guess that spook has good reaon to - with the approach that I take, but I love the booze.  I think AA is a bit like the television evangelist programs like Jimmy Swaggert - I just can't handle it - it just seems to me like absolute bullshit.  The human being is a complex animal and I think we are a long way off from having even the remotest understanding of the various nuances/idiosyncracies/eccentricities that it involves - one thing I am sure of though is that condemnation of a person on the basis of their perceived failings isn't the track that we should be moving down - there has to be a better way of harnessing positive energy, which I believe that everybody posesses - that is a serious problem with AA in my opinion - the problem is that the philosophy starts from the basis that there is disease and sin...probably completely irrelevant to what you were after hope, but a contribution nonetheless.
luv
trig

by Trig, Mar 27, 2001 12:00AM
oh - one thing that is worhty of mention that I haven't referred to is the chat link on this page - some of us might usefully get together and have a talk to thrash out some of the issues we are concerned about.  Anyone interested?
cheers
trig

by CHAD FROM PHILLY!!!, Mar 27, 2001 12:00AM
To: Trig
Hey Trig, I don't know why nobody uses the chat feature of this board. I myself would love to "get together" to chat. Let me know what happends....Chad

by J.B. to Brian and Vicky, Mar 27, 2001 12:00AM
To: Hope
Geez, don't be so hard on yourself!  It's all about choices in the end.  Hopefully you still have the ability to make decisions for your own well being.  AA and NA can be a crock of sh*t at times only because we still have to deal with the personalities involved in the programs.  The principles of the programs are far more important for us.  Presently, I choose to be alone and try to live up to the good words of the Big Book.  When I do get lonely, I seek the fellowship.  Sure, my anonymity has been broken a few times, but so what?  Let he who is without sin cast the first stone!  It's been my experience that there are far more people for me than against me.  You get a certain amount of respect from being honest and open about your problems with life.  Just open the door and come out!  J.B.

by spook, Mar 27, 2001 12:00AM
To: Debra ©
Quote:_"First of all I did not need to do drugs to make my relationship better,or to cover up an underlieing problem!!I did however do the drugs because I wanted to feel high. Chad and I have a wonderful relationship maybe your just jealous?.I'm not coming off of a 25 year drug spree..I did oxycontin on and off for about nine months,yes we did get hooked on them,but we have a wonderful 31/2 years together, Which out weighs the times we did do drugs.Maybe you should take a look at your own life instead of passing judgement on others.And coming from someone who does pharmacutical grade cocaine has the ability to judge others on their recovery!How long ago did you recieve your PHD????"

Thanks for letting me share!!! I'm an addict called debra

Q:10 minutes or 30 years,whats the difference .PLEASE EXPLAIN,I am totally lost on this one?.Does it maybe take you a long time to learn to love somebody?.

Ans: I have done cocaine 17 times since 15 years of age and am now 37

Ans:of course I am not jealous; my last lover(about 12 months ago) incredibly beautiful,sexy caring and a drug addict,like you,drained every last drop of semen from me and "I" left her,because I did not want to have children with a woman with an IQ under 160.even though I loved her unconditionally,my children(future)cannot choose ,so I must!.(genetic reasons),I know it sounds selfish But If I ever do have children ,I want them to have a BRAIN.  

ANS:I have 3 PHD`s the last obtained 2 years ago.

Q:Who said(not implied,like I did?!)that you did not do drugs for feeling High?,you did!,implication,you feel LOW and need drugs even in such a Heavenly blissfull relationship(oh and of course your have absolute access to your Subconscious and know ALL the underlying motivations for everything you do in life,Doubt it!).

Ok fine,if indeed you are really the /a perfect Woman like Cindy---IS?>(cindy makes a perfect Cindy)maybe you will not leave Chad from Philly/crack,etc/cheeseburgers and all, for whatever takes your fancy,(one day in many years time,maybe sooner or later),remember a Women does what she want`s to do and no man will stop her,already you are trying to CONTROL him,by preventing him going out and getting drunk,if you were so `perfect` I know were I would be staying,in your arms,comforted by "OUR" embrace.
Unconditional love is usually the constructive or Psychological product of a subjectively and objectively emotively satiated woman(great kids), that they have with their offspring and since you are not Chads mother but try to play the part I forsee problems,for YOU ,not him,you have to suffer the guilt of `using`(care to ellaborate) somebody rather than accepting them as they are,he will learn to love unconditionally(the only REAL Love)but first he will start with himself,he will succeed and make a good Father.As for you, well is it not time you defended yourself again?.

How are your Children?

By the way I am not coming of a 25 year drug spree,I am my own God and you Dear Debbie are Dependent on CHAD and OXYCODONE,
good luck and God forbid only a fool would be envious of that predicament.............
ABSTRACTED:QUOTE
"Maybe YOU should take a look at CHADS own life instead of your own without passing judgement on others".

by Hope, Mar 27, 2001 12:00AM
To: Trig § J.B.
Thank you both for your comments.  I'm really glad I found this place where we can say what we feel even if we disagree.  Trig, I also had/have problems with certain aspects of AA. At first, it seemed like a southern baptist church meeting or something. But not all AA groups are alike and I'm sure there are some small groups out there somewhere, where there are bright, relatively emotionally healthy people, who can be trusted.  Like I said, it's not for everybody, because everybody's different.  I think there are more positives than negatives about it, but I refuse to take a chance at this point in my life on trusting a group like that again. I simply can't afford to loose my job right now.  I know it probably sounds like I'm exaggerating when I mention that as a consequence of my confidentiality being broken, but in a relatively small community such as mine, that is a very real possibility.  I like what J.B. said about using the principals and steps on his own.  I try to do that, along with other spiritual and emotional guides.  But it's really the fellowship and talking to someone about my addiction that I feel I need.  I think the idea of a chat room would be great.  Thanks guys.  Spook, you crack me up.  Reading what you have to say brightens my day....even if I sometimes can only interpret about half of it!  Too bad you live half way across the world and I fall short of your IQ standard by about 30 points! Ha!

by Trig, Mar 28, 2001 12:00AM
To: Everyone esp Chad via Philly, Hope, JB and spook
well the chat facility is here on the page - if you scroll up youll find it - there is never anybody in there however.  Perhaps if we could agree on a time to meet there and go hammer and tongs at it, we might all derive some benefit.  Posting the messages here is good of course, but actually thrashing out a few points over the keyboard may be better for us.  Setting up a good time is what matters.  My best time is between 7 and 10pm eastern US standard time on a Saturday night.
cheers
trig

by CHAD FROM PHILLY!!!, Mar 28, 2001 12:00AM
To: trig
Saturday is bad for me. That is when crack sales are way up! I need to be out there on the cornor. Just kidding, I'll check in around 9:00 pm eastern time on Sat. Chad

by Trig, Mar 29, 2001 12:00AM
To: chad from philly
yep - ok i'll catch you Saturday nite at 9 then.
cheers
trig
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