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186166 tn?1385259382

question

just what in the hell is "hitting rock bottom"???????????

christian has been addicted to meth for around 10 years now.  he has been in and out of jail too many times to count.  he has nothing...not one thing to show for his thirty years "except" hiv and a wife who has left him for good this time.

i started writing this post about 30 minutes ago...but was interupted by him calling on the phone telling me that he wants to die...that he has nothing to live for.  of course his life sucks...it is the one thing that he is wanting to do RIGHT NOW...that has brought him to this place in his life.  i know he is reaching out for help...why else would he "call me" to tell me that he is going to do drugs...that it is the only thing that makes him happy?

being the natural born "fixer" of this fam damily...it was very hard for me to just sit and listen.  i wanted soooo bad to try and fix it for him.  when he told me that he was going to do drugs...when he said that he has no friends...when he said that his wife has left him...my answer was to go to a NA meeting where he would find comfort and a fellowship with others who understood how he felt.

i am not really looking for any answers, responses or sympathy from you.  just as you need to tell your story...it helps me to write mine down too.  i will ask you to say a prayer...that he decides to take control of his life...that instead of self medicating his pain, that he will have the courage to fight like hell.

hugs to all of you fighting the battle...
kim

23 Responses
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502050 tn?1243602535
My prayers are with you and your son. May God truly bless you with the miracle you so dearly seek.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
J----Very good post.....Congrats on being clean..It is so good to hear a success story, u can help many here....THANKS

lonote---Where have you been girl?? It is so nice seeing u here.....
Helpful - 0
498385 tn?1362449404
j34
I was addicted to crack and meth . I lived on the streets and as long as i had somebody to blame or shame(my family) i had no desire to quit. Once they turned their backs on me WELL, quess what! I had to look at myself and what I had become.The lonliness and emptyness of having nobody to turn to gets to be to much to bear(cause addicts sure don't love you like your family) and then I sought recovery.I might add I really hated them too. Tonight I just spent dinner with my mom, aunt and step dad and we are laughing.. God Bless.We are all clean and sober we all had addiction or were alcholicsI was the last one to clean up.Miricles do happen, being Christin too I believe in prayer. I will pray for some mental relief for you and your son.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Kim- I am so very sorry that you have to endure this heart wrenching pain that I am sure is mixed with anger as well..lots of feelings..You have done all you can do. Please know that..I know it doesn't help your pain, but like everyone tells me..you have to let him go now..You know frome being here..that addiction is something we all personally have to want to recover from, doesn't matter if it's meth, booze,heroin,pills,etc..maybe some good jail time will help him and if his wife left for good this time ...maybe that will finally be his rock bottom..I will keep you and your family in my prayes..My heart is breaking for you..
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Or is it a kitten? I think a kitty. oops sorry.  I'll also be praying for soe peace of mind for you.     Cathy
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Avatar universal
I was just readng some of the stories, and came across your sitution.I know
you aren't looking for sympathy, but my heart was bleeding for your son caught
up in the mix, and for you also as his mother in a powerless spot. I'll be praying
hard for you both.. I'm soo sorry this is happening in your life. You look like such
a nice lady in your picture. Pretty too. cute doggie. I'll pray for the miricle that your
son finds recovery.   Cathy/lonote
Helpful - 0
186166 tn?1385259382
he is hell bent on destruction TONIGHT!!!!!!!  it has become obvious that he is geeked up on meth as i am writing this.  i am pretty sure that he will be in jail before the night is over, as he is out riding the streets looking for his wife.  she called to say that she is calling the police if he comes.  i told her to do it and to stop calling me.  right now...having him in jail would be a relief ! ! !

isnt that sad?  a 52 year old mother using the term "geeked up"...wtf has my life become?

i also think that "i" am the one that wants him clean...he likes meth and doesnt want to stop.  if he did...he would take the steps to end it.  

so here i sit...at a time in my life when i should be happy and fulfilled...waiting for my phone to ring telling me that he is either in jail or dead.  i am no longer strong...i feel i am loosing it

merry f''ing christmas
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
hi there kim
I have not talked to you in a while. I have tears running down my face now.
My heart is breaking... You have been such a strong person for me and I am sure many others.
Of course I do not know what to say... I just can feel your pain,
I am reading a book right now called "beautiful boy" It was written by a father whos son was a meth addict. The son also wrote a book called "Tweaked"
I dont think we will ever understand WHY?
and even with all the support and people we meet along our journey with our sons, we never let go.... It is not natural to let go. If you have not let go by now,,,after all you have been through,... I can't be the one who trys to convince you to let go....

This book I am reading IS helping me only in the sense that I am feeling this fathers pain, if that makes any sense. It is something that so many mothers,fathers, and those who love addicts are feeling. We are ALL the same.. WE ARE ALL THE SAME.

Your son needs something inspirational, and motivational. All the boo hoo 'ing gets depressing. I am looking into motivational speakers for my son now. He says it is one of the one of the best things that helps him right now.
My son is in rehab now, 9 days. He is doing well,


I am scared to death.....

I will prayer hard for you kim. I want you to know I think of you often.

momojoe  
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
You have every right to feel like you are DONE!!!  U have went way and beyond what some mothers do for their kids....I know with mine being in rehab right now , that this has been one of the hardest things i have ever went through...Then to think i had no idea how bad she really was until about 2 weeks ago...They extended her stay for a while...Financially it has put me and my hubby back SO much....But how can u put a price tag on your child?  I would see my soul for my kids....
But now i can see that the struggle starts when she gets out, and i am scared to death....I don't want to have to follow her, worry every nite, look at her pupils, wait for that dreaded call, etc.....My mind is full of all these thoughts...
You have been through this so many times that I am not sure i can do it....Not because i don't want too, because i think it would be detramental to myself and my health...

U have been a wonderfull mom, he doesn't hate your guts,  he hates his.....He just needs to put the blame or shame on someone else....
I have no words except that i look up to you so much, and i have learned so much from you, that will help me with my own child...And i thank you for this.....
I will pray for christan and you to get through this..
love u
r2r
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I agree with Gizzy, He doesn't hate your guts. I was saying the same thing to my parents. He hates himself, and because he doesn't want to he's blaming everyone else for his faults. It takes strength and courage to be there for someone who says they dont want you there, but to tell you the truth he DOES want you there. Otherwise why would he call you. If you think he will be a danger on his life then you need to try to get him into detox or a rehab. If you cannot force him to do it by himself, then maybe more extreme measures need to be taken. I cannot say that I understand what you are going through, but I have seen it from the other side. I am wishing you all the luck in the world, and I am here to listen. Everyone is here to listen and are here to help you in any way they can.
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Avatar universal
We are all here to listen and support you everything except what oxygirl volunteered for a smack. I have been smacked around enough through this so I don't want to be smacked but I am listening and praying. Michael
Helpful - 0
199177 tn?1490498534
You know I am here hear for you. Vent scream,yell,swear,whatever you need.prayers for all of you .
A
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Avatar universal
there's nothing i can say that will make u feel any better but ur posts always make me think about things from a different perspective..the things i have done to my poor mom...i need to be shot.....i love u hun...if u need to vent or cuss or even smack someone i volunteer....praying for u and ur son .....god bless u
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
lizzie, first of all you know he does not hate your guts. he is battling a deadly drug and most of all he is battling himself. calling you was a call for help, but i understand that you must be so tired of trying to help only to see him fail again. i said some things to my mother i would rather not speak of, but i truly never meant them, i was ill and fighting for my life. i have read your posts and i know you have done everything in your power to help your son, even tough love and im so sorry for your pain right now. i will pray god will open your sons eyes and help him see the light. if christian truly wants this, than he will succeed. hang in there please, im sorry you have to see this
Helpful - 0
482220 tn?1238122251
I have a brother with a similar situation and my mother was drained from his various problems, addiction being one of them. I kept tell my mother to let go but she wouldn't listen. This after having drug dealers break into my mothers home at 3am looking for my brother and the money he owed them. He lived with my mother up until she passed. He's in his 50's! I can't imagine the pain you're going through but its your baby and I hope you can find some comfort soon with your situation.
david
Helpful - 0
186166 tn?1385259382
tell me...please tell me...how do you NOT give up on someone who has given up on themselves?  how do you continue to "be there" for someone who tells you that he hates your f'ing guts?  how do i continue to watch my son kill himself?

i want out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
OH and my prayers are with him and you. Good luck.
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502050 tn?1243602535
Hitting rock bottom is when you finally figuire out the only way left to go is up. Everybodies bottom is different I hit bottom many years ago the just wallowed around there for quite awhile you gotta want it worse than anything in your life the you can get clean.
Helpful - 0
340590 tn?1290952141
ohh lizzie you are both in my prayers.  
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Meth is a horrible drug. I was addicted for 5 years. And the thing about it is... the very VERY first time I did it, so many things were so wrong in my life my abusive father had just left us my mom was addicted to pain killers and my sister was psycho... I did that first line and honestly I had never been so happy in my entire life. All that was wrong just dissapeared. Gone. It seemed like a dream that I could only live for a little while... which hence is the reason why I spent 5 more years trying to stay that happy. Truth is, you never really get to that point that you felt the first time. You keep trying and trying and honestly meth makes you forget about things that are bothering you. It makes you FORGET. Which is why its so horrible when you DONT have any and you DONT do it because then you remember why you did it in the first place, and trust me its not a pretty feeling when all of a sudden all your life experiences that you've been hiding for so long come crashing down on you all at once. Its hard. And its a tough tough battle. The number one thing you have to do to quit is get AWAY from all of your friends who do it, all the people you know who do it. change your phone number, throw away any trace of phone numbers from dealers you had... just stuff like that helps out alot. If you really want to help him, I would start there.

I lost many friends and family because they kept trying to get me to quit and I would tell them, yes yes ill quit i'd lie about being on it and eventually i got caught and they knew i was a liar and they didn't want anything to do with me. But those friends who stuck by me meant the most and helped me the most. If you stick by him and atleast let him know you're there then it will make this road so much easier to walk on. I hope this information helps. [= Good luck and dont give up on him.
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Avatar universal
My thoughts and heart felt prayers are with you.
Helpful - 0
502050 tn?1243602535
My heart goes out to you and My prayers are with you. Remember if God be for you who can be against you.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I'm sorry.  Not much else to say but please know I am praying for him and you!
Marcie
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