Does anyone get those "butterflies" in your stomach even when you pick up the phone to call in your new refill? Then the drive to the pharmacy is like a kid on their way to Disneyland? I wont even mention the feeling you get (i get) once the bottle is actually in my little hand.
I remember that feeling but even getting that feeling made me feel like such a loser. I'm so glad those days are over for me and I now get that feeling when my kids come home from school and my wife gets home from work. I now get excited about the things I should be excited about and the things that truly matter.
You know what's better???? Having an empty script bottle, was full but did the flush and jig (ask lostmarbles about that), with one refill left that will expire in 22 days and just smiling as the time runs out. I don't want to refill and don't plan too either.
That was beautiful. I sat here feeling sorry for that person. Everyone of you really did a great job at diverting that negative post.
I, too, am proud not to get any more refills. I almost WELCOME these occasional swells of anxiety and WD feelings I have. It means I'm doing the right thing. I can be honest with my family and friends. With the most precious people in my life, my children. I have to look to the future and hope that they don't become addicts. I can now watch their patterns of thinking and doing things and am able to catch any hint that they will be addicted to ANYTHING. Coffee, alcohol, etc.
That was a nasty post....I have just had an awful day fighting to not go get pills...this is the first time that I almost did it....I called my friend who has been quit for a year or so....I just kept on reasoning about what good a couple of pills would do me...a few hours then feel like ****....and what then? craving....but I am going to get thru today and hopefully I will feel better tomorrow
i agree with you, i don't think no one was harsh in the comments at all. maybe we did read it wrong, but i don't think so. you have come to far worried to break now and i know you won't, you are too strong and you know these feelings won't last, but like i always say, you can never let your guard down cause that's when it will get you. your doing great and i hope you are feeling better soon.
This is the first time I have to say that I DO NOT like a post what so ever. I am a firm believer in speaking your mind/opinion but this information I really wish they would have kept to themselves. This really sucks!
I you r truly trying to quit and want or need help...please do post again and let us know what you meant.....perhaps it was just how you were feeling at the moment......just have to be careful with posts as they can be taken wrong....
I thought it was an interesting post that we can all relate too. Nothing to react negatively to ......its a reality. There are people using and not using on this forum. I hope he stays and maybe get something out of this place.......I think he was just stating a thought. But, he didn't find this forum by chance. Most of us did not find this site by accident.
None of this changes what was said.
None of this changes our decisions to get and stay free.
Hopefully Lasherlaugh will realize that there are some things that trigger others, and we all need to be careful.
Lasherlaugh, I took this at face value. It sounded clear to me you were filling an Rx. If I'm wrong, I do apologize. Otherwise, we all are trying to get or stay clean. We don't need strong visual images that could tempt. I don't believe that was your intention at all.
We all want to see each other through to being clean, including you.
She was just expressing her feelings. She didn't say it was a good thing.Shes here trying to get clean.You know you all felt that way before you all got clean. Read her journals before you comment. We don't judge people here.Most of you didn't just judge her. You bashed her. I think you all owe her an apology.
you're probably right...although my comment (that was somehow deleted) earlier was just a little excerpt on how that has made me feel all today, but you're absolutely correct. It was probably just a cry for help, and for that I apologize what I said earlier Lasher. But as someone goingtomakeit said, from here on out lets not use visual images, b/c I think for nearly everyone on this board (including myself) that is a giant trigger.
you were all blogging on here last night while you were watching intervention. THATS not a trigger? I just think it is best.Please, if you don't like someones post. Skip over it. Don't judge them. The hockey post made me feel like eating one big pill puck, I didn't say anything.
I cannot believe you people think you have a ticket to be rude because you felt a trigger! Grow up and take responsibility for yourselves! If reading a blog on here is making you feel like using, your in for a really rough road in the real world! What if she was getting her meds during a taper? What if she is trying to quit and is struggling? What if she is in cronic pain and needs her meds and has developed an addiction? Not everyone who comes on this board is sober. There are people at all different stages of life on here. Why would you treat someone that way over describing what every single one of us addicts feels when we got or get our hands on our DOC!?!
why people think they have the right to banish someone is beyond me. If you don't like it don't bloody read it.. reading the words is not going to make you use. The only person capable of doing that is you... unbelievable sometimes... and yes... some people here are still using...
sometimes beer commercials trigger me. Seeing everyone having such great fun and a cooler ful of ice cold Coors Light! Yummo ~ I have to remember its only a trigger. That isnt the way it really is! Its not fun drinking until you feel bloated, waking up hung over and gaining extra weight for a few beers!!! I know what you mean about House, too!! He even crushed and snorted. I thought about that but didnt do it! Crazy!!
look at the posters profile obviously she has had problems and wanted help, i cant imagine why she would intentianly (sp) post that as a negitive for us trying to beat the habbit...if so she that is pretty weak you cant defend that action
Just a comment as a new person posting on this forum... After reading the way so many of you bashed lasherslaugh's post, I will not be posting on here. (If anyone cares anyway.) Some of us are just now beginning the journey of quiting and are struggling with giving up the good feelings that the pills (or whatever) give us. I doubt that lasherslaugh meant that they think it's a GOOD thing to feel so excited about getting a refill! If they are anything like me, they are just stating their feelings - bad or good - and how absurd it is to feel so good about pills that do us so much bad!
I'd hate to come out of my comfort zone to express how I'm feeling about my addiction only to have responses like some of you posted here. There are plenty of kind people here, but I'm in too fragile of a state of mind to post and risk people jumping on me for being honest about how I feel. So thanks to those of you have encouraged me in my few posts, and to the rest of you....
please don't go away... this is exactly why I posted about this on a new post... if you scroll down a little further from this post you will see what I wrote plus I have had some really positive private messages about this... so please stay... there IS alot of support here...
OMG !! thank you. I can't believe some of these posts. I'm just laughing my butt off right now............if that post was a threat or a trigger to anyone who read it.........you need a serious reality check. I actually got a chuckle out of the post. It made me think back to those days myself and thank goodness. I don't have to feel that way anymore. In a way it was a reality check for me. Some triggers are not necessarily bad one's.....but great reminders of past. nothing like a good old flashback to keep me in check.
You know I really didn't look at the original post in a bad light. Do you remenber when you were in high school and you went on a date got to first base? It was fun then and can be a fond memory, right? Would you want to be that age and do it all over? NOT ME!!!! I am much happier being old, fat and with the woman I love, everynight! One was fun and exciting and well the other is too!
Hun please keep posting....unfortuneately people often times take things in the wrong way and dont investigate further..(i.e.journals) hence neglecting to understand you better and THAN place a comment. I personally have never felt the excitement you described in your post but I encourage you on your journey and apologize....i imagine you must feel pretty awful...whatever stage your at, thinking about quitting, or not sure....keep us updated....remember...we can't please everyon anyhow..
i agree with all you guys .....but however if by chance it was ment to be negitive and to cause bad thoughts to people is that a good thing...ohh i forgot it's a free nation and freedom of speech ...but i do remember refill day hahaha
Well, as some of you may know I've been on Methadone (only),. since 1999 and I've tried tapering 2 other times and failed because I walked away when I got down to 11mg. I thought I could handle it, I was wrong. Now I'm on my 3rd. tapper and since I found this site a couple of months ago the tapper has been going better than ever before. You see, before I found this site I had no support at all. I've read some advice on here some people gave out (detox recipes).And not to mention the kindness & support I found here made me feel as if I actually had people who cared about me.You see, I am following a certain recipe I found on this site. It said to soak in baths as much as possible, use aromatherapy soaps, eat well & healthy foods which I have been doing this all, religiously.And on of the recommendations in this recipe was to try to get a prescription of Valium for muscle cramps,anxiety & insomnia. So.I asked the doctor at a family health clinic here in Carson City,NV. & I explained my entire history and current situation with Methadone & that I'm tapering off by myself, and I asked him if he would prescribe 10mg. Diazepam (generic Valium) and he did. So, to make them last I only take 1/2 tab. each day IF I need it.I also suffer from a slight case of Scoliosis (curvature of the lower lumbar spine) which is extreamely painful every morning and it takes me about 6-7 minutes just to roll over and stand up out of bed.That same doctor offered me some vicodan to help with the pain; can you imagine that?! I turned it down, I feel 200mg of over the counter Motrin works just fine. Now, I have never had a problem (addiction) with Valium. But it helps my anxiety and even my muscle spasms in my lower back because of the Scoliosis, and I can finally leave my house which I couldn't do before from Agorophobia.I am starting to have a life now & see that light at the end of the tunnel. A long time ago I loved going to pick up my refills for vics. that was 20 years ago! However I do feel happy knowing I have Valium to fall back on IF i need it. The first prescription I got was 1 month ago and it was 15 tabs.And I know I'm doing well with my taper and doing it correctly!!! So, if any of you don't understand my post from earlier, All I was trying to say is that I don't miss those days . But when I do and I WILL get another refill I may feel like that again,but only because it's getting me closer to getting clean once & for all!!! Seriously though I didn't think I'd be called a jerk among other choice names & phrases from other people. You see "Flutterby"............. I said other people & their choice phrases, I wouldn't want other people thinking I would ever be that vicious to someone on this site who was only tying to make contact with other people going through maybe the same thing as I,or you. The rest of you all know who you are, I think I'll refer to you as the"All Saints Clique". People like you wont scare me away from this forum, because hypocrites like you make this site seem just ........mean......somebody must get it. Or else we are all in big trouble.Oh, To the one guy who kept calling me a man.................OH,SO VERY WRONG, HA, very wrong. LASHERSLAUGH. aka jerk, etc.
I am so glad you answered. It sounds like you are doing pretty well. I am glad for you.
Every once in a while posts get out of hand. I am sorry that is was yours this time. Look for the good and head for the prize.
i sent you a pm and i am so sorry that i was insensitive to your post. how awful was that? i am such a caring and nurturing person by nature that i am really appalled at not responding more compasionately. and i am really glad you are back. let me know if i can help you.
I think your post was just very misunderstood. You have to remember that not everyone on here knows your story. I'm not saying that some of the comments should have been said. The one bad thing about forums is it can be hard to get out exactly what we mean without going into great detail. Even still things can be taken the wrong way. The best thing to do is take the advice you need and totally ignore what you don't. I don't take anything negative to heart and just tell myself to look at both sides. Most of the time people mean well, it just doesn't come out that way. Not all the time, but most of the time. It sounds like you have a great plan to overcome your addiction. I feel for you for having the pain and hope you can find something that helps with that. I myself have been dealing with chronic pain and know how difficult it can be. Best of luck to you!
We hoped you would be back!! im so glad you have put your point across... sometimes its sooooooo needed... I for one and several others are glad you are here!! well done and good luck!! xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
I'm sorry for calling you a jerk....I realize I reacted based on my OWN feelings....my feelings are still fresh and raw....really, I was mad at myself for getting caught up in the mess I did, and what you posted did get my engine revved up a little....but that's because of my own weakness...sorry, I truly hope the best for you....I never mean any ill will here....I misinterpreted yours.
Please stay with us....I am almost 6 months clean----And i did not take your post in any way bad...but then again that is just me...And i took it as "REMEBER WHEN"
and yes that was me...
I had read enough of your post to know you were trying to taper..
that doesn't matter, just stay with us, as we need you, and you need us...
let this be over, and you don't have to explain yourself anymore
just keep doing the right thing, and that is all that counts.
good luck and god bless
most likely...if your an addict, triggers may be a part of your everyday life, may as well get used to it and learn to deal with it NOW....
it wont just "magically" disappear on its own...if thats what we are expecting, we may be in for a shocker at some point...
just a thought...
take care of yourself lasher...your doing just fine hun...stay strong, methadone is the beast of all opiates. you can do this....
Yep, some people were less than kind with their replies (that's okay-they were justified in their mind ) everyone's entitled to an opinion and I don't think they were out of line. Some people were like 'right on' to the post.....once again-their interpretation made good sense to them and they are entitled. Lasher-you 'gave' just as good as you 'got'----Hopefully we all can now shake hands and continue on.
I didn't get butterflies when I used to get my refills. I actually got physically sick (to my stomach) I would start to retch. It was really weird. I don't miss that feeling at all.
I have read your "other" post and now understand the "first" one. I guess it was me who called you a man, but, then again I just happen to say that alot, so no gender punt intended! Like exmple: Hey man... did you see that? I am a gal too!!!
Anyway, sorry for the rough comment I made I guess your post just sounded like you were enjoying refilling the pills? How else would you take it?
Well, regardless of the intention behind lashers original post, it actually did ONE thing for me- made me realize that I *may* just actually be addicted to my Phentermine.
I get giddy every month when my doc says "You've lost another few pounds, good job. What pharmacy was that again that you are using?"
When I leave his office, I hit the pharmacy before his nurse hits "send" on that script... and I for sure have the butterflies! No matter what kind of day I'm having, knowing my good ole' doc is gonna keep me going with the energy pills always puts a spring in my step!
After 6 months, perhaps it's time to decline his generosity...
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