relapse??? is it shamful?

Hello again
   Back in March I self detoxed for 2 days and failed. I had found this forum and asked about slowly coming off lortabs. I got great advice, but I failed at that too. I have become better eduacted on addiction and now realize I am an opiate addict. On May 4th I took 200mgs of Lortab and layed in bed and prayed I would not die. I didnt. Not a sole knew I was takeing even one pain pill a day. So the next morning I decided to tell my husband, my dad, my kids and my friends and ask for help. On May 6th I was in rehab and scared to death. I made it through that. Detox in rehab is so much easer. Something called Soboxone and other meds really helped me. 8 days in rehab full of AA meetings, group meetings, and other people just like me really helped me too. Since I came home I have been in an AA meeting every day. It scares me because I keep hearing that I only have a %10 chance of staying clean. Why? I know when I go to bed I am one more day sobor and I pray that tomorrow I will stay sobor also. I am taking Clonidine now for blood pressure and all the other side effects that I still have 16 days latter. I am still friends with some of the people I left behind in rehab, but they went on to sobor houses... I came home. I have the best support here at home. My husband wont go to his classes though, so still he does not understand addiction. Personaly" I got it figured out... Addiction is the rest of my life. I just pray I can add recovering to the begining of that word and keep it there.

[mellie4]

Congratulations!!!  Shameful?  No way.  If anything, you're braver for trying again.  I give you loads of credit for letting your family know and going to detox.  I'm crying thinking of what you could have lost.  Thankfully you are on your way to a better life with your family.  Stay strong!  You should be really proud of yourself.

[Htownnofrown]

Addiction is a disease. Would a cancer patient feel shame if they were in remission and then the cancer came back? I'd hope not.

I hated hearing that damn statistic when I was in treatment. Here's the thing about that statistic. There is a variable they cannot take into account when they do those studies. It's actually the biggest factor in sobriety. They cannot decipher between a person who works the AA program to the best of their ability and ones that don't. They see only numbers. The way AA is designed, if a relapse was to occur, it's a failure to practice the 1st and 3rd steps. I feel like if everyone worked the program as hard as they could, everyone would stay sober. Some people just aren't ready or willing.

You can already add "recovering" to your title. It's obvious that you have the right state of mind and know what it will take to stay sober, keep up the good work! Good Luck!

[gnarly_1]

HI and welcome back...im happy to here you made it rehab works for most who try it and if you apply what you learned you will stand a great chance of keeping your addiction in check congads on your hard earned clean time...set up your tracker so you can keep track of it....keep going to your meeting it works if you work it and stay true to yourself
its great your family is involved to help support you good luck and God bless..Gnarly  

[banana911]

that sounds like a great story - - not shameful at all.

[lsakds]

Im not in denial, but I do have moments when I feel like it would be ok to just have one pill. I think that must be the cravings I am told I will have. Also I sit there and think why dont I feel the effects of the pill, and I remember its because I did not take one. And I wont. I have a long way to go yet. Support is what I need and will keep getting. Thanks to ya"ll and my AA meetings and my family... I will make it another day with out them pills.
Sandy