relapsed. shameful....

well, it happened. I took 2 norcos... I can't believe I did it. I feel so crappy and guilty now.. 33 days into this and I broke. I really believed I was stronger than that! Sooooo, now I don't know if I should reset my tracker.. I'm upset about it and I don't want my fiance to see the tracker if I change it. what do I do? I already called my friend who goes to NA meeting and tomorrow will be my first meeting, I thought I could do this without it, obviously I couldn't. I feel so awful for letting myself and everyone else down...ugh!!!!!!

[SFgirll853]

Omg... you are OK!  I know how you feel but you will be OK!!  Just get back on the wagon girl.  My heart goes out to you and I am giving you a BIG hug.  You are a good person and a strong person.  Put it behind you.  Hang in there.  xo

[122 Tactical Fighter Group]

A) Dont swaet the small stuff.
B) 2 Norcos is small stuff
C) Live and learn - we all did that
D) Breathe in......Breathe out......move on

A month is really quite good. Dont beat yourself up and dont obsess over just two of those little pills. You will put them down for konger than 1 month the next time..you have done quite well and you may continue to do so ---

[Mandapanda17]

thanks hun, I feel horrible. i'm not screwing this up again... I can't do it to myself anymore. big hugs back, we gotta do this!! :) xoxo

[Mandapanda17]

thank you. I should've posted when I was craving sooo bad the last couple days. I didn't, now I know better. I'm going to post here when I get those AWFUL cravings again, instead of giving in like I did. I need to tell my neighbor not to give me pills NO MATTER WHAT from now on.. I didn't know I was even tempted knowing she had them, until today! well, back on track for me now!

[122 Tactical Fighter Group]

Exactly - back on track and lessons learned!!!

[johnnykelly]

Sorry to hear about your minor=lapse Why did you havw the drugs in your home.IF i may say,its not the taking,its the reason behind why we feel the need to alter our reality?  Stay strong from now and on Good Luck John

[avisg]

Start over make sure there are not an pills that can get a hold of.Make sure to follow threw the the recovery care its so important.Brush yourself start again.

[SFgirll853]

Maybe you were just feeling bad for being so far ahead of me!  :-)  YES we can do it!  I am on the phone looking for aftercare counseling as I type.  

As far as your fiance goes, it would probably be best if you told him.  If you hide it and tell him later that might just make more problems.  Hes seems super supportive and he knows you are going to a meeting tomorrow right?

Go to your meeting tomorrow and move on.  I am around tonight if you need to talk and remember you are NOT alone!!

[Mandapanda17]

thank you guys. johnny, I didn't have them in my house, my neighbor did.. now I know I need to have a BIG talk with her too... I'm not screwing this up again. I've done so well so far!!

[K Todd]

KEEP MOVING FORWARD ~ SERIOUSLY !!!!

I have been there and done that....In my past attempts, wish I would have stopped taking after the first 2...but I found myself compromising and waiting for the next day or two to quit..never worked.

I am on Day 25 myself...and had a battle yesterday...it was won.

Just pick up right where you left off.!!!!  YOU HAVE BEEN SOBER FOR OVER A MONTH...AND IF YOU STOP AT JUST THE 2...YOU STILL ARE !!!

Keep going from your Day 33, and keep moving forward...into your 2 month mark!  2 pills did NOT take you sobriety away......What will...is if you continue to take them, and you already know the story from there...you wont hold it at just 2 a day, and before you know it...you'll be right back where you started....BUT RIGHT NOW...YOUR STILL SOBER...JUST KEEP GOING, AND LEARN FROM IT...!!!!

If I was on a road trip, and ran out of gas 33 miles into it.....I would get some gas, and keep going..right?
Would I turn around, and go back 33 miles to the place I started driving from...or would I get in the car at my 33 mile mark with gas....and hit 34, 35 miles etc....
The ONLY way you would end up back at your starting point...is if you just gave up, and left you car at the 33 mile point (out of gas), and in a week...it was towed back..

KEEP GOING !!! - YOU ARE STILL 100% SOBER, AND HAVE BEEN FOR OVER A MONTH...JUST LEARN FROM WHAT 2 PILLS DID TO YOU, AND WHAT MADE YOU FINALLY GIVE INTO THE COMPROMISE...Learn from it...and keep posting your 30 Days Plus !!

You have and are doing such an AWESOME JOB....AND DONT STOP HERE,...GET MORE GAS, AND REACH YOUR DESTINATION !!!

Dont forget to ask God for His help also.....I cant do this alone...just like you. None of us can...

May God Bless You with His Strength and Giudance!
Love,
Todd




  

[SFgirll853]

Damn... your good!  Awesome post!

[mimi170]

Todd is right, try to learn and understand why you gave in. write it down and talk about it in your group tomorrow. this may help you in future.  i think u should tell your fiance. the truth will set you free. u will be okay, don't beat yourself up, pick yourself up!! and you are right and if it the crving gets bad you post it here, i am having craving right now, and am sad but i have to keep talking you all of- everyone is wonderful, this is helping me so much!! thank God for all of you!!and best to you.

[Coolio Hernendez]

Well i think this happens to alot of people...I know it happened to me last time....

Now the restarting your ticker...thats a hard one. I would say no because you didnt go hard on em for a bunch of days. Just hold strong and put it behind you.

When this happened to me for some reason it made it easier to slip up the next time. I thought " well i did two last month and that didnt really start me over.....so i can do it one more time".  So becareful.

You are deff the type to move right on because you want this so bad.

[Mandapanda17]

todd- thank you SO much. That means a lot to me, I will keep moving forward, no looking back and I will definitely keep praying, for myself and everyone else here!! i've read so many of your posts and it really is motivating!!! :) So happy you're doing so good too!

mimi- thank you and I will be posting here next time it gets that bad for me. gotta replace the craving with something else besides the pills. :) I wish the best for you too!!

coolio-you're right about the ticker..I'm NOT taking any more pills. and there isn't going to be a next time for me. the guilt is overwhelming and the pills didn't even help my pain anyway, just made me feel worse! I know better now. gotta stay strong and keep moving on!

thanks you guys, I'm glad I posted this, I almost didn't because I felt too guilty but I'm really glad I did! xoxoxo

[bobby139]

Iam so sorry to hear of your relapse but it happens to almost all of us..we got here by lieing to loved ones and others. you should be proud of the 33days that you made it work..cuz that did take alot of work to get there. My advise from experiance is to get up brush yourself off and be honest to your loved one and the tracker and yourself.. I had to go back on pills for my broken ribs and i put it on my tracker. Ive learned though all this that it is important to be honest....

You can do this hon try not to let this get ya down to bad. brush yourself off and keep going and doing the good work that you have been.
god bless
bobby

[Vicotram]

Don't give up now girl we have gone to far to go back now. Forget about it keep going it happens I done it so many times you can do it.

[Mandapanda17]

thank you for the kind words :) i'm going to do my best to stay on track from here on out!!

[Mandapanda17]

I'm not giving up. or giving in again.. we HAVE done so well!! gotta keep going right along with you, you're doing awesome by the way! thank you :)

[sadinmichigan]

I agree girl!..You have done awesome and 2 pills can't take the month without them away from you. However as stated above..if you keep doing thats a different story. This is a learning process for everyone. And in my opinion necessary if you want permanet change. Like everyone else said..learn from it, move on. And your doing great by the way..sending you a big hug..~Lisa

about ticker..leave it be

[dominosarah]

Get back up and start again.  Be careful of the neighbor.  Be honest with your fiance.  He is very supportive.   Stay strong         sara

[joangy]

You have done a great job and been so positive thru the last month- just be honest with your fiance and yourself. It's normal to get cravings- just stay on here and post when the cravings get real bad! We all go thru it and it suc%s! Just move forward from here and don't look back- when I took my doc after being clean for 2 weeks it ended up being a good thing because my cravings subsided for a while- so maybe you needed it to move on. I don't think you need to change your ticker - it's a minor slip up!

[Jacqui805]

In my opinion, you relapsed....The "clean" days have a definition, they mean something....and by their definition, you were not clean when you took those two pills.  I believe if the days are to have a purpose, and you are honest about it, you will reset your tracker.  It is entirely up to you of course.  The bottom line, is that if one takes a narcotic for the purpose of getting high, it is a relapse.  I am not being unsupportive by telling you this, and this does not mean it's all over....it simply means, you messed up, you evaluated the situation, learned from it, and now it's time to move on, start over, and keep on track again.  

[MJIthewriter]

I'm just a lurker with these kind of stories not having the personal experience. It seems though that relapse is part of the process of recovery. It seems people have to learn about what their triggers are and their ability or lack of ability to face those triggers (the hard way) before they can have long-term sobriety.

So rather than thinking of crashing, think of it as taking a step ahead, even if depending on your views if that means resetting your counter...

As far as the counter goes I think Ibizian on the alcoholism forum is right. She doesn't bother with those. She seems to think the focus on day counting takes away and can become a distraction of itself.

[K Todd]

You just take your shower....get that dust off, and look forward to waking up in the morning!

Be happy and rejoice to add another..drug-free day to your life,....and the many more happy drug free weeks, months, and years that lay right ahead of you!

I am SO PROUD of you...for thinking all this through, and making a very hard decision....to be honest with yourself and others, to drop the drugs, and to have made your mind up to keep going, and...... to still not look back, just as you started.!!  

Your decision today, was the best...I admire your;  true courage and honesty!

You are doing what, I myself ( and others ) couldn't do!....And your doing it !!!

So proud of you again, and may God Bless You with all His Grace,
Love,
Todd

Just Keep running the race, and fight the good fight !!

PS:  Who can change their past? ...No One!....However, decisions that are made today will change and dictate the future for living life.

[enemy48]

Hi Manda~

I just wanted to ask if you took the norco for pain, or for fun?

And I would not reset my tracker.  You kicked a 20 pill a day habit.  You didn't go back to that.

[joann1975]

I agree w/enemy on this...I know your shoulder has been bothering you ALOT. So did you take them for that? Or did you take them to be taking them? My opinion is to not reset your tracker...even if it wasn't for pain it was a bump in the road. Don't beat yourself up over this....you can't change anything that's been done already!
Love ya,
JoAnn

[Mandapanda17]

hey y'all, I took them because I couldn't stand the pain anymore. i'd been in bed for two days and felt like I couldn't take it anymore! however, they didn't even give me the relief I was looking for. thats a GOOD thing, if they would've taken away my pain, i probably would think twice about taking more! I'm NOT taking any more and I'm moving forward not backwards! I've done well so far, and no I didn't go back to taking 20 pills a day, THANK GOD! :):) love you all and thank you so much for being so supportive!!

[pam5198]

hey it goin 2 be ok i feel better since you wrote me i was takin 15 aday now in the past 3 1/2 day i took 2  keep your head up u should be proud i am for you

[Mandapanda17]

omg, I'm soooo proud of YOU. that is awesome that you've only taken 2 for a few days!! you're a STRONG person to be able to do that, many people don't have it in them to taper! I am still proud of me too, and thanking god that 2 pills didn't turn into calling the doctor or the pharmacy and trying to get refills. I am still staying strong!! you are too, I wish you the best! If you ever need to chat you know where to find me! :)

[gizzy32]

Well manda, it takes a lot of courage to come on here right away and admit your mistake. that is what may save you. picking yourself up so quick and not continuing to use makes this nothing more than a little bump, but this bump can't happen again. you have done fantastic and jumped in your recovery with a lot of ambition and helping others. before i knew you i remember reading you decided to end the taper and just quitm august 24th i think?,  and that shows how dedicated you are. hold your head up, let it go, but it will not happen again. keep going, you are doing great

[Mandapanda17]

thank you :) I am going to let it go and stay on track. I HAVE to, I want this so much for myself! I came on here probably about 1 hour after I took the pills. I couldn't handle the way I felt afterward, needed to be honest w/ everyone and myself! you are doing so good as well, hang in there :)

[worried878]

dont sweat the small stuff   taking 2 pills in 33 days is not a federal offense!,,u have done great...not encouraging u to keep doing this as we know where it leads...meetings are the place to go when we feel weak....and feel whole again

[Mandapanda17]

I know, imagine what that would've been like 33 days ago.. 2 pills wouldn't have even kept me from going through withdrawals! lol, thank god that has passed! :) thanks for the post and hope you're doing well!!

[122 Tactical Fighter Group]

You got it Manda -