rough day

[Addicted2long]

Hey guys just checking in having a really tough day my grandma passed away last night and feeling pretty down. This is the times when I used to use drugs to numb the pain I feel and it's really hard to deal with on my own. Went to a meeting tonight but didn't seem to help much. Not really wanting to use just feeling depressed and alone. I'm so sick of feeling like this I just want to be back to normal. I hate watching others wake up energized and excited for the day and i struggle to get out of bed sore tired and depressed. I'm going to my therapist next week after i get back from the funeral and going to talk to him about antidepressants because I am at my boiling point of feeling like this. I want to be rewarded for being clean not feel like s hit! Please keep me and my grandma in your prayers this week. Thanks

[rmrobbie11]

I've never been on Prozac, but I've read a lot of posts where people said that was a very common side effect of it. I neve had any side effects that I noticed when I was a teenager. I'll let you know if I have any this time. The only thing that ***** is that it takes a couple of weeks for it to build up in your system for you to notice any real improvement so until then my doc gave me Ativan again. I haven't taken any yet and will hold out as long as it takes. But once the zoloft kicks in she says it will take care if the anxiety too. I hated the fact that my doc wanted to put me back on pills again. I wanted to really do this without resorting to more pills, but like I said before you need to know when to stop and ask for help. My doc also said I may have to stay on zoloft for a long time. But like you said it sure as hell beats what we were putting in our body's before.

[all_alone1]

I am sorry for your loss.....I know it isn't an easy thing to go through I have been through it...I lost my brother and it can be mentally draining....although I want detoxing heck I wasn't even on pills but I am sure it is even more difficult to bare while detoxing so I commend you for not taking anything to relieve you grief and pain

[Addicted2long]

Thanks for the post..I am interested in zoloft because I have.both.anxiety and depression and anxiety I had before opiates but now it's just Much worse. I tried prozac many years ago and ot worked at first but after a few months I felt like a zombie and i was noticing that in the.morning when I woke up I had the same yucky stomach and crawling skin feeling as with pain Meds until I took my prozac. And that scared me becuz I realized how addicting it was and some days I would skip a day just to see how bad i was hooked but little did I realise u don't really even hit wd from ADs til many days after. But im willing to try one again in a low dose and if it covers both my depression and anxiety because I don't want to take a benzos again either. I came off 2mg Xanax a day for a year and that was hell too. Haven't taken a benzo in years tho. Well ill talk to my doc nest week and see what we can try. I'm not worried about being addicted to a AD if it helps. Shi t it beats putting a needle in my arm to feel good!

[rmrobbie11]

I'm sorry for your loss. I myself had a bad day as well. I had a complete meltdown and finally went to see a therapist. I have suffered with depression in the past, when I was a teenager, for about 5 years and have been fine ever since. My therapist tells me today that my past experience with depression may have been "awakened" somehow by the vicodin abuse. It has altered my brain in a way that it might not heal itself on it's own. So she put me back on zoloft again, which is a antidepressant and anti anxiety med rolled into one. It works really well for my kind of depression or it did back when I used it. The point being, I had one of the worst days I've had since quitting 12 days ago and not only did I not give in and take a pill, but I learned a lot from it. I learned how strong I am and how, even when I don't want to, I need to know when to ask for help. Continue to eat right and take supplements which I know is really hard right now. But most of all know when to ask for help. It really makes all the difference. You'll have days that will test you, but the important thing is to not give in. You should be proud of yourself for not using today. I know your grandmother is proud of you right now. Keep posting and talking. It really does help.

[Addicted2long]

Thanks Lulu ya i am still taking a whole bunch of supplements and i do walk alot and sometimes ride my bike. But I just don't have the energy to get back into the gym yet I am still lethargic. Its sad becuz I'm only 25 too and should be able to run 10 miles but I feel like I'm 90! I think I need to push myself a little harder. I know my body can handle it because I'm about 35 days clean but my mind can't. Many people have noticed a difference in Me since I quit and its not a good one! They think I look down nd sad and not very happy. But those who really knew me know I'm much better because I'm no longer tien my shoelaces with my teeth nodding out on the coach. Oh geez

[lulu747]

Hi-
I am so sorry for your loss...And proud of you that this very profound 'trigger' had you going to a meeting and posting on here instead of using.  Be proud of yourself too...

I know the lack of energy and painful feelings are difficult.  it sounds like you are doing right by yourself with aftercare...The energy needs to be worked on a bit..Forcing yourself up and out and getting your heart pumping and oxygen circulating...Your brain needs 'feel good' serotonin and endorphins and exercise is a great way to stimulate these naturally...Also vitamins and supplements...
Be gentle with yourself and take good care...I'm sure your grandmother is very proud of you and your positive steps towards reclaiming your life.....Lu