scared pregnant gf

[scared_girlfriend]

I'm 3 months pregnant. My boyfriend has a past history with painpill addiction, he had stopped completely. But he ended up having a back surgery that brought the pills back into his life. He did well getting himself back off of them while he was off work recovering. However once he went back to work (heavy equipment mechanic) he "needed" the pills again, I have slowly watched it get worse since then. Now I'm pregnant. He begged me to get an abortion because he never wanted kids, he can't afford kids, and so on many reasons. I'm not willing to get an abortion, I offered to walk away and never connect him to this baby. That wasn't what he wanted. So now he "pretends" to be excited... until he gets too messed up from the pills (and alcohol). The pretending is messing with my head. This should be a happy time, but I spend my days crying and worrying. I don't think I can trust him around the baby when he's on pills like he is. I love him and do want want to leave him, but I'm at the point where it seems like that's the only option I have. His parents know about his past problems, so I brought them in letting them know it was an issue again... that got me nowhere, just got me a pissed off bf. I just need some advice, I don't know how to handle addiction and the lies and problems that come with it.

[marycarmel]

I agree with Vic.  My ex-husband was an alcoholic and addict.  In the early days he usually stuck to the same routine.  So I though I was safe when I went to work on a Saturday morning.  I had a 2-year old and a 4-week old.  My 2-year old was out to breakfast with my dad. When they were done, he was bringing her home.  When he went in the house my month old son was in the baby swing with my husband nowhere to be found.  A few minutes later my husband walked in without a care in the world.

He decided to walk a block to the corner store to get the paper.  My father was furious and so was I.  It could have turned into a terrible tragedy.  Anything could have happened.  My son could have slipped and been strangled.  My husband could have been hit by a car crossing the street, leaving my son alone for who knows how long.

I was never able to leave any of our children with him.  He just couldn't be trusted  and he had no judgment.  I learned all I could about addiction.  I supported him every way I could.  I stayed with him through 12 detoxes/rehabs.to no avail.

In addition to the physical danger, there's also the disappointments and embarrassment that your child will be subjected to.

Your unborn baby feels all the stress that you are feeling.  Protect yourself and your baby.  If he decides to get clean and sober, then you can reevaluate the situation.  

[jifmoc]

Scared. As Vickie said- go to an alanon meeting asap. In PERSON help is vital. Everyone there will understand you.

For now, I'm sorry to say, you need to look at your life as a single mom. Someone on pills/alcohol is not going to be a parent. Don't expect him to be. I say this all the time: words are utterly meaningless. If his ACTIONS show change, that's a different story. Right now, though, he is still using. For your sake, drop the need/desire/ focus on him. You are just banging your head against the wall. The focus needs to be on you and your baby. Keep yourselves safe, that's the only important issue. Good luck to you.

[VICourageous]

Hi & Welcome to our forum.

This is so sad. he is a Addict and until he keeps getting Support for this disease he will only continue to get worse. I would just leave and tell him to get help..He has to be the one to admit this. I am so sorry, but you do not want to be under this stress while PG..Also, your baby will be in danger if he is to messed up and does something bad. Maybe try to educate yourself more about Addiction. You can also hit some of those Al-anon meetings that will help you understand..However, do not put You or the Baby in arms way right now.
Keep checking your post..we have many members that will come & go..Stick with this one for awhile if you can. I will send a Prayer out to You & baby..Think of the Baby right now!!
Bless
Vickie