scared

[newlife52]

suicidal thoughts going thru my head.....

[jifmoc]

I agree w/ bama. You have suicidal ideation. That's what I had (before my addiction) and I was hospitalized for a week. It helped a lot.

Also, if 6 months ago you quit opiates and have only been doing online meetings, that is not enough. Gotta have IN PERSON contact (preferably daily.) We need more help than we realize after we quit. That's why everyone screams AFTERCARE so often on here.

[bama88]

Then you need to consider going to an er at a hospital that has a mental health ward...the reason I'm suggesting this is most mental health wards don't keep you that long, maybe a day or two for an observation.  And you'll get to see a doctor on call right away that most likely will follow up with you at his office in a few days after...you get to jump ahead of referrals because it's an emergency and the best part is while your inpatient you'll get so,e much needed rest and some counseling to point you in the right direction.

Please consider this

[newlife52]

Right now.....on line N/A....depression is so bad I don't move

[jifmoc]

New...what is your aftercare?

[newlife52]

I've been on the phone trying to get a doctor for 2 days.  All of them are a 2 to 3 month wait.

Getting very frustrated.

[PurrfectlyKrazy]

Please call this number....even if your friend is with you.  You need to talk to someone who is trained to help those who are feeling the way you do.
1-800-273-8255  National Suicide Hotline

Please call them!

[Jinx_777]

i would see a psychiatrist, preferably an addiction one and let them figure out what to do with your med.

your brain chemistry was altered by the opiates and could have tolerated that anti depressant and now that the opiates are gone it is not agreeing with you.

the way you are feeling right now is exactly why i cannot take any anti depressant that is not tricyclic.  don't know why, they put suicidal thoughts in my head.  i become obsessed with dying.  it is weird and dangerous

pay no mind to your husband's words.  he doesn't understand.  'forgive them, for they know not what they do' is my mantra

[lulu747]

I second Connie's motion-
Better to have someone that understands and SPECIALIZES in addiction.  The doctor that can understand the way your brain is wired is the doctor for you.
Just an aside-
every time I have EVER taken an AD med it has made me suicidally depressed.  Maybe because I was not chemically depressed, but in pain and suffering and it was completely situational.
I am in pain and suffering now but do not feel depressed.  EVER.  I feel sad...lonely sometimes because pain is so isolating.  But not depressed.  I also feel I am being balanced by the high dose of tryptophan I take to sleep.  It is a natural seratonin booster and mood stabilizer.  And when my pain is not crazy, I sleep almost as good as I did as a child.
It's worth a look-see IMO.
Love to you Laurie...You WILL get through this.  One step at a time.
xoxoxo
Lu

[clean_in_ks]

An addiction dr would be my choice~

[newlife52]

I will.....thoughts.....should I try to switch AD's or go off the,  Is an addiction shrink better to go to then a normal shrink who doesn't listen and just says take these because I say so

[Ejm7263]

My husband says the same thing. If he's not like us don't try to explain it, just do what you need to do to live. Ifs like us he's just in denial then do exactly what you need to do for yourself.

[newlife52]

You have nothing to be sorry about. You have been so sweet to me. I will beat this depression.  

Thank you Lu.....I am doing the things you suggested

Thank you all for posting during a really bad day.  Tomorrow is a new day and I will get the help I need

[Amandag78]

Hey beautiful Laurie, i agree with Connie about changing your a/d !!!
Can you get a referal for the psychiatric ward, maybe a break away from home and re-evaluate your meds...
Girl, i know you have been trying harder than anyone i know to beat this.
Suicidal thoughts is a nightmare to deal with.
Please keep fighting ok ???  Because god forbid you give up....
Its not your fault your feeling this way, i said you should feel much better at 6 months and im so sorry i was wrong : (
Put your faith in god and prey Laurie....go to a church and just sit or talk to one of the father's.... Being in the house of god may keep your faith.
Please hang in there my sweet friend, you know im so fond of you and you certainly know i love you !!!!!
                   xoxoxoxoxo

[lulu747]

Hey Honey-

I am very concerned about you and have been for some time.  I'm not going to reveal anything on here that we talked about privately, but I DO want to tell you that I think this depression has A LOT to do with your situation of living right now.  I don't know, but have you done anything about really reaching out for support for yourself?
You've been in a downward spiral for awhile now.  You need to do anything and everything you can to STOP this.  Your life is so worth it.  You are so worth it.
I know that you are a caring, kind, compassionate woman.  A giver.  You need to turn some of that compassion towards yourself.
I have been in dark places.
I have attempted suicide twice in my life.
It is only by the grace of fate intervening that I am alive today.  I think about how wonderful my life is now....How much love and support and joy I have....And the ONLY way I got here was by completely humbling myself and admitting to everyone in my life that I was NOT OKAY.
It was a shock, to most people.
On the outside I appeared to have it all together....To be so strong.  I'm a good actress, but there came a time that I could not fake it anymore.
I watched the horror and pain on my dad's face when he came to me in the hospital after my second attempt.
I knew I never wanted him to feel that way again.
I saw the hopelessness and helplessness on my best friend's face when she came to see me and I knew I never wanted to make her feel that way again.
But that wasn't what made me fight for my life.  It was a tiny, quiet voice inside of me that told me I was worth it.  And that if I just humbled myself and asked for help, that beautiful things were in store.
So I did.
And here I am.
It wasn't easy.  I had to face myself head on in therapy.  I had to work through years of pain and grief and fu*ked up thinking.  It was very painful and exhausting.  But in the end....In the end I got ME back.
And not a woman who had to fake joy, but a woman who felt TRUE joy.  Not a woman who pretended confidence and strength, but a woman that felt TRUE confidence and strength.
I fought for myself and I won.

I want this for you....I really do.  Taking an AD med is not enough.  You need to do the work.  Please consider what I said.
Your life matters.  YOU matter.
Sending you love and support....I am here if you want to talk.
xoxox
Lu

[newlife52]

Tapering off Klonopin and need a new doc....mine wants me to stay on Cymbalta.  

I'll be ok......

[clean_in_ks]

Clarification/correction:  Cymbalta does NOT have Lyrica in it.

They are both used to treat fibromyalgia, yes, but Cymbalta is an SNRI antidepressant and Lyrica is a patented pregabalin.

Newlife?  Are you going to see your dr soon to discuss the possibility of changing your AD from Cymbalta to something else?  And are you still taking Klonopin?

[Yesidid]

Your husband may need some time away. Please don't take it personally - it's difficult for people who haven't been through this to understand. "Just pull youself out of it" "mind over matter" all that stuff - we know it's not that simple and you need to give youself permission to be temporarily depressed. I'm sorry that your husband is not able to give you that support at the moment but it doesn't mean he's right - he is not. Also, I am not a medical professional but I am pretty sure that Cymbalta and Lyrica are two distinct and separate medications.

[newlife52]

My husband is very angry with me......he says I just need to motivate myself to do things and I will feel better

[Ejm7263]

Hi, I'm an ER nurse. If your feelings don't change you need to be willing to go to the ER. I've done it.
Everyone here is right your brain is changing & your medication will also have to. Remember cymbalta has lyrica in it. Please get to your doctor & tell them everything, every little things. Some times we expect our doctors just to know how were feeling. I've gone to many a doctors appointment took whatever they fave me & just nodded my head, got home & wondered what did I just do.
I'm glad you posted. Do what is suggested. WE CARE!!!

[vicki595]

Let us know when your friend gets there and keep checking in-

Just know that it's your brain and messed up chemicals doing this to you.

[newlife52]

I just layed down for a bit - a friend is on the way over

[Jinx_777]

hopefully she went to the ER.  pray she did.  please check in often. a lot of people care

[Yesidid]

Yeah Definitely not cool NewLife. I have been there - your thinking too much. You need to check in with us and somebody close to you. It's important to kind of bounce your thoughts off other people who can give you feedback and maybe a few alternative points of view that you cannot think of on your own right now.

[vicki595]

Check in here-  It's not fair to post about suicidal feelings and then disappear for an hour...don't do that.  Check in-